Despite the previous heated conversation, nothing has changed much between you and Erwin on a professional basis. You're both level-headed enough to not bring personal matters into work and both deceitful about the emotions you show towards others. But certainly not when you're left alone. It's never about the exchange you had that seething day but rather the moment when he brought you to that house. After all, you really looked forward to being fond of that memory because then you felt the comfort of grieving collectively– as if the huge chunks of pain were being shared so even if your brother is gone, you still have your comrades to turn to. Back in your house, your heart was swelling at the thought of it, but comfort among other positive emotions, are all fleeting in war. After the confrontation, you felt alone again; too alienated from your comrades and too disconnected from the cause. Even the fact that Erwin might really be unaffected by the loss of your brother hurt you more than you thought it would, because if that's the case then your brother risked his life for nothing but an empty man.

When the nightfall regrets became the most unbearable, you wrote a resignation letter addressed to him. Maybe it'd be better to just go back to the Military Police after all that had happened. You doubt you'd get blacklisted in transferring because you made it clear, albeit emotionally, that you're not involved with the faction in question.

You also didn't see Vander again after the commotion. He completely disappeared from your sight, even the person who overlooks the infirmary is a new one. You figured if his presence here is now unnecessary for the said faction and your hunches were confirmed upon the arrival of three new soldiers; no cadet training diploma, no military experience, no connections to anyone prominent in the field, just former underground thugs that apparently have exceptional skills fit for a soldier. When they stood atop the wooden stage and introduced themselves as Levi, Furlan, and Isabel, you just knew they were the spies Vander and Erwin had talked about. Despite Erwin having a complete idea about the premise of spies infiltrating the Scouts, he still let them enter. And from what you've heard, it was actually Erwin himself who sought and brought them here. Vander is right when he said he underestimated Erwin. He's sly as a fox, and it somehow piqued your interest.

That led you to investigate the said faction and thereby discovered that the leader is no other than the nobleman Nicholas Lobov. He's a very familiar figure because he's the last one you had handled before your brother decided to transfer to the Scouting Regiment. Looking back, you really had a hard time handling him because he's involved with tons of corruption and what you're supposed to do is to cover it all up. You thought the silly job was the last straw for your brother until you discovered it was Erwin who pulled the trigger. Not only the job was tormenting for him, Erwin actually offered a way out as gratitude for the leads he had given. You had no idea it was Lobov, and things finally made sense to you now that you're aware of it.

So you hid the resignation letter down the room's drawer to see things unfold. Luckily, one of the spies, Isabel Magnolia, was assigned to be your roommate. Every single soldier seemed to hate her because she screams a lot whenever she wasn't with the other two. She's extremely hot-headed as well and refuses to do anything she's supposed to do. You're lucky enough to hold unwavering patience after experiences with countless scums from the noble world. You were totally immuned by her raspiness and dares to keep up with her instead, keeping in mind all her responses and what she likes to hear.

"You don't seem sleepy tonight," You remarked randomly as another attempt to get her favor on that weary night.

"Shut up, it's not any of your business,"

"Indeed." You hummed. "But you want to go to those two, don't you?" She perked up and so you raised your eyebrows at her playfully.

"You'll help me sneak out? Really?" Bingo.

"I mean, I don't mind. I'm also too bored to stay here."

Furthermore, you already memorized this place by heart so it wasn't difficult at all. Isabel being flexible as heck helped a lot as well.

"Don't ever think I'd return the favor, shorty." She huffed as she stepped on the stool that would finally bring her smoothly to her two comrades. You nodded your head with a smile and a little confusion. You don't think she's any taller, let alone observed which one of you tops in height.

"I saw you give your food to the cats I'd been taking care of since I entered here. Thought that's enough reason to help you." You beamed a lie. Your adoration for cats outside the barracks was only developed a week before she came.

Isabel glimmered her eyes at you. "Really? You like cats too!" She shouted and you quickly hushed her down. "They're so fluffy and cute, aren't they?" She whispered, grinning.

"They are, I worked hard to get them like that."

"Good for them, then! All the cats in the underground are thin as fuck and they easily die and rot into bones!" She replied, still with a large grin as if she hadn't said anything disturbing.

A few mornings after, you asked what she'd like to eat for lunch and dinner. She snit again and remarked, "Why do you care? You really can't mind your own business huh, nosy shorty?" You snorted. She must love throwing nickname banters out of nowhere.

With a nod and sheepish smile, you replied. "Well, I'm assigned to cook for a month and I don't know what to put. It's not like I have anyone close to ask here." Well, that's quite true.

"So you're not just nosy and short, you're a loner as well." You nodded your head in mindless concurrence. "Okay then. I would like uh– what was that called?" She pondered for a while. "You know the yummy beef with some fluid?"

You also thought about it for a while but ended up looking at her dumbly. "Fluid?"

"You know! The yummy slimy fluid that's the same color as poop. I think I tasted something like potatoes with it when I ate them with Levi and Furlan. It was my first time eating nicely seasoned meat and t'was fucking good!"

"Beef stew?"

"Yeah, whatever that's called." She remarked, suddenly all flat again, then turned her back at you.

Hard work surely paid off when you saw her beam at the mess hall, shouting in glory with her mouth frothing at the dish. You intentionally made her bowl serving twice as many so she quickly moved her head to find you. Upon spotting you, she flashed, finally, her brightest smile with a thumbs up.

You finally gained her favor, but it seems like she got yours as well.

Isabel was your brief comfort after intense training and tensed conversations with Erwin. She still spent most of her time with Furlan and Levi, especially at night, but sometimes she sneaks out with you during lunchtime to share leftovers with cats and birds. With the growing affection, you can't help but feel afraid of the things Isabel has to face once Erwin pulls his strings around the three of them. In rare times you can also see Erwin watch the two of you very intently, it tied a knot in your stomach because it's a reminder that whatever Isabel, Furlan, and Levi are doing here will be short-lived and bound to trouble. A month before the expedition, Isabel talked to you about the regiment itself.

"You know what? I don't get the thrill of the mission you stupid Scouts take at expense of your lives. Y'all babbling about freedom outside the walls when you already have enough food to eat here. I wasn't even able to have the yummy food that you have back in the Underground."

"Well, I may be part of the stupid Scouts but I don't get the gist of it as well, at least not yet." Isabel then looked at you in slight surprise.

"Really? So, like, you ain't interested at all?"

"I suppose?"

"Then why are you here?" She shot you a dead stare.

"My brother was eaten by a titan during my first expedition so I'm trying to figure out what's with that dumb shit he decided to die for. I'm too bored to do anything else after all!" You beamed but then remembered Erwin's remark about your inability to be sincere with the cause, and that you'd most likely end up dead if this persists. It left a bitter taste in your mouth and so you chuckled wryly.

"Woh, that's rough."

"But I think I kinda understand even if I'm not that passionate about it. You know the feeling when you're stuck in one tight place and you're just desperate to get out of it so you'd rather die than stay like that forever?"

Isabel's mouth was agape. "I felt that a lot back then!" She answered as she rocked herself back and forth with her usual Indian sit. "But then again, the place above the underground is wide enough so why bother finding lands further?"

"Not everyone can settle for a life where threat exists. If there's a way to have change then people would surely cling to it. " Especially when it's only a wall that keeps humanity from sure extinction. "But to make it simple, tell me: when I served you beef stew for a whole month, are you fine on eating nothing but that, like, forever?" She scowled at the mention of the dish.

"No fucking way. I'm so sick of it."

"That's what passionate Scouts feel, I suppose."

"If you understand then why aren't you as drawn to it as they are?"

"I still can't come to terms with my brother dying so easily for something so unsure." You muttered darkly.

"Hm, true. I'd rather stay here than get my brothers killed as well." She answered. "But well! It's not like it's any of my worries, they're so strong after all! Especially Levi!" She exclaimed with pride.

"Yeah, I saw how strong he was! I'm sure the three of you would be able to protect each other." You beamed a lie again. It made Isabel gush harder and so she stuck on you for the rest of the day, talking about nothing but their silly adventures. You felt nothing but worry and sadness at the exchange. You sure hope it's as easy as that. You hope protecting each other from death could really be done with strength alone.

And just like that, you're set on another expedition again. The Long Distance Scouting Formation that was previously rejected by Shadis will finally be implemented for a test run. Learning the premise of it and training your minds off to get it right really gave you hope in reducing the casualties. It's just very bitter to think about the possibility of your brother making it alive had it been implemented that day.

Well, I could still hope it would work for Isabel and his brothers. You're sharp enough to overhear their plans of going around Erwin's office and you can easily notice them spying around to do so. It wasn't easy to put your ears to it though because of how alert Levi was, but you're still able to know their main plan after sneaking Isabel towards them.

You also realized how skilled the three of them are and that maybe Erwin let them here because of that aside from making Lobov nearer to his grasp. Much to your surprise, it was quickly proven on the first day of the expedition. You saw how the trio manhandled a titan who killed their squadmates. It was their unwavering trust and coordination that proved they could possibly be undefeatable with the titans. Erwin stopped in his tracks with a smile so wide and eyes so bright upon seeing them. That's when you knew he had already noticed their potential even before letting them in, and he swells in pride upon knowing how right he was.

Nighttime came and the plan to spend the night inside the castle ruins went smoothly. While walking back from tending the horses and towards fixing supplies, you heard Hange's voice from the common room. "Everyone saw the three of you defeat that titan! You've given them hope that we don't have to lose to them if we fight correctly! God, t'was so outstanding!" They beamed. "That's why I insist–" They were completely cut off with Isabel suddenly getting all hyper. She released a laugh full of pride. "We're amazing, right? Now you see it, right?"

You already reached the common area and then noticed the resting soldiers silently on full ears to the conversation, mainly to gather some strategies and fighting techniques. You can't help but find Isabel amusing instead so you sat in the corner of the room to humor yourself for a while. Hange hyped her further. "That's right! That's why I insist on hearing the trick from Levi! He's the one to lead you after all!"

Isabel nodded with pride. "I know, right! Levi's the strongest! Even in the underground, he's number one!"

"Is that so!" Hange beamed as they didn't let their energy falter at the more energetic redhead. "I'd like to hear the secret of that strength, then!"

"Levi's… um…" Isabel started with sheer haughtiness only to get lost in between and have everyone silent with anticipation. When she realized she couldn't answer, she just shouted back. "Anyway! He's strong!" Everyone was stunned for a while and you released a loud snort. Isabel quickly shot you a glare.

To console the poor girl, Hange just gave her a treat you had made and asked Levi directly instead only for the indifferent man to pass on the question because he's tired. In acknowledgment, they ruffled Isabel's head and patted Furlan's shoulder. "If all of you come back alive, I'll treat you to a meal!"

When you're about to walk away from the common room to do the rest of your tasks, you saw Erwin standing right beside you. He seemed to be watching the small talk as well. Before you could walk past him without acknowledging his presence, he called out your name. "I was able to clarify your innocence regarding the anti-expedition faction but you still seem to glue yourself to them even if you know why they're here."

"Just wanted to see how they'd be able to kill you, a man shielded from death even with titans, if they really have come to do so."

"I hope sharing a bond with one of them would finally bring you the purpose of being a soldier here." He remarked about your previous conversation.

"I don't think that's anything of your concern, Squad Leader. You're able to use me with strength alone, so whether I learn my purpose here or end up dying because of failure, it should be a trivial matter to you."

Erwin took time to respond, and when he finally turned his back on you he indifferently replied. "I suppose you're right," Then walked away. It was that small gesture that ruined your night.

The second morning of the expedition came and your formation was quickly implemented. It was working brilliantly so far and you were able to avoid fourteen titans along the way through the smoke signals. However, things were back to disaster when the rain came. The flares became mere smokes and no signals. The rain poured harsher and got the fog uncontrollable. That's when Erwin finally announced the horror you are all afraid to admit. "Commander," He said, darkly. "Unfortunately, we can no longer scout ahead. We should expect to encounter a titan at any moment." You gulped in horror.

Amid the rain and struggling to hear other squads blow grenades to signal wherever they are, you were stopped by the big steam formed just beside you. There's no mistaking that this steam came from the fallen titans. Nothing but shock crept into your faces upon the realization that steam as big as this signifies a large number of titans killed at once. What daunted you was the aftermath: crushed bodies and a man standing in the middle of it.

"Levi!" Erwin called out. "Are you the only one left?" He then attempted to find another living figure beside him and you did the same. What you saw further, however, churned your stomach out of sheer terror— Furlan and Isabel's bodies, terrifyingly cut into pieces. You gripped the lead rope until it bruised your palms, while the rest of your body was just hard and numb. The lump in your throat became extremely heavy that you almost threw up. It happened again. You might've spurred a lot of lies to her, concealed your true colors in her presence, what you've shared for a short time might be nothing but a sham— but it feels like your brother died on you all over again. The feeling of someone special crushed into pulp in front of you, again.

What followed suit was you shakingly dialing Isabel's number with hard sobs, awake in your real word but still very disoriented. Sweat was all over your body and it even made your screen harder to swipe on. Your breaths are raggedy.

"Hello! The fuck are you calling me for–" She suddenly stopped her happy talk upon hearing you crying badly. Panic rose in her voice. "Where are you?"

"I just—just want to know if you're alive and—"

"Where are you!" She pressed further with a shout. You heard Levi's voice from afar asking Isabel what was happening.

"She's crying hard. Like, really hard." She muttered away from the phone but still enough for you to hear despite the wailing.

"Put it on loudspeaker."

"Okay," Isabel pressed, then called your name. "Where are you? Are you home?" Still unable to form a coherent response, you let yourself cry in despair instead. If you won't let this out by loud wailing, your body would vomit my organs out instead.

It really happened. The closest people in my life had finally shown up as well.

You woke up again, calmer this time, with a cold towel on your forehead and blanket tucked nicely. Upon remembering everything, you huffed cries again.

"Where the fuck is her mother," You heard Levi's voice getting nearer along his footsteps towards your bed and when he finally looked down and realized you're awake, he quickly changed his annoyed demeanor into the usual one.

"You," He started. "Do we need to bring you to the hospital?" He grabbed the towel away from your head and so you replaced it with your arms to cover your eyes instead.

"No, sorry." You sniffed emptily. "Just dreamt of Isabel and Furlan dying horribly." Then pursed your lips tight. "I just can't take seeing them like that, not even in a dream."

It took a while for Levi to reply. "This nightmare's been here for a long time, right," You nodded.

"And this is the first time this happened," You nodded again.

"But you know it's not real." He continued. "Not when I'm here."

"But you were there. You're a bloody mess. Beside you was Furlan's body, cut in half, his intestines gushing out. On the other there's Isabel with eyes shot open, decapitated. Not even you who were so strong can save them from that."

Levi wasn't able to come up with a response and the weight of your words struck you as well. You removed your forearm to see him and mutter an apology only to be cut off by the look on his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say something so disturbing."

"So you really have those dreams as well?" He mumbled and then it was your turn to make that face. When you're about to press on what he meant by that, the two ran to you in panic.

When the episode finally subsided, you made sure the three would go on with their plans for the day. Isabel, however, never left you alone throughout. She even forbade you to attend your classes; not that you mind it though. Her presence is just what you needed so you won't go down towards further insanity. When the night came, Isabel commenced her last attempt to brighten your day and brought you to a bar. You went for it as you figured the noise might counter the stomps of titan inside you, as well as your screams on her decapitated figure.

She stuffed both of your cheeks with cold drinks, "Here, it ain't swollen anymore but I want to make sure all those ugly crying won't leave a mark on your adorable face."

"I don't think that'd help," But shot her a smile regardless. "Thank you." You made sure to study the intricacies of her features. She's very much alive. Her bright green eyes brought you relief as they were sparkling as bright as they always have and always should, very much different from the dark dead eyes on her decapitated figure.

"See me? I'm so beautiful, right? Look at me in my lovely glory."

"Yeah, you're very much alive and beautiful like that."

She sat on the barstool beside you. "You know, I'd be scared shitless at you softly agreeing with my narcissistic remarks, but at least I know you're hearing and seeing me well." Then gave you the can of beer she opened. "Do you want to talk about it again?"

"No, let's forget it for a while." You gulped down my beer. After learning the lesson of not drinking into oblivion in public, you decided to munch on snacks instead. Isabel repeated her plans of sneaking away from her family tonight and flashed you her brightest grin for giving her the opportunity. You remembered the Scout Isabel who made you sneak her out many times so she could go to Levi and Furlan. It amused you to think that she's now sneaking away from them instead. You talked about a lot of things you missed out on each other while she was away. Just like the inseparable friends that you are since you met— the fast click when you chased away the bully who bantered that she's adopted only to realize she could fight back to the point of getting herself into detention, the time you had to stop her as she shamelessly stormed into the principal's office; angry that you had been placed in the same batch as her and that you cried about it; she made sure you'd remember every single bit of these moments as the ones that really happened.

The mood was cut off when Isabel noticed Erwin drinking just meters away from you. You instinctively panicked but ended up rather confused at Isabel acting worse. She faced the opposite way from his direction and tried very hard to hide her face. You continuously pressed on her why until Erwin finally noticed you. He squinted his eyes carefully at first as if confirming if he saw the right thing.

"He's walking towards here now," You reported.

"Ah, shit shit shit. We shouldn't have come here."

"Why? Oh my–" As swift as ever, Erwin's already on the barstool beside Isabel's, holding his glass of wine without any hint of bother.

"So here you are," He pointed out very casually and so Isabel screamed.

She turned to him as she held his arm for dear life. "You've been kind to me all your life. We grew up together. I saw you as someone even greater than Levi." You snorted quite loudly at the lie but she continued begging regardless. "So please, please just let me be. Just this once, okay?" Erwin remained unmoved with his face lacing with slight amusement. He then glanced at you. The look on his face softened upon seeing you stifle a laugh.

"You shouldn't have let yourself be seen by me then." He pointed out.

"I tried!"

"And failed, so you have to go with me now. Levi won't forgive me if I let you be." He then turned to you. "You better come up with an explanation as well. He knew you sneaked her out and specifically instructed me to collect the two of you together if I ever saw you nearby."

You noted how grateful you are for having a comical Isabel who can tone down even the seemingly primal fear you've got for this man.

Isabel was throwing tantrums throughout the ride while you sat silently in the passenger seat. No hint of nervousness rattled your being, despite being close to him, as you're deeply engrossed grounding yourself that your redhead is alive and literally kicking as you sit. But then again, you must admit that your survival for this one is at risk from hereon. This is the worst nightmare that's ever happened to you after all.

You reached Levi's house with Isabel clinging to you for dear life. You tried keeping a straight face nonetheless to console the poor girl until Levi opened the door with a glare that might be scarier than Erwin himself.

"If you're gonna leave without letting anyone know, you should've done so properly," He scowled as Isabel's eyes closed tightly on your shoulder. He then flashed a ticket.

"Oh," You flatly pointed at it. "Your bus ticket." Then nudged Isabel. "I can't believe you left your ticket."

"Huh?" She looked up dumb, then started laughing after a moment. When no one laughed with her, she just mumbled sorry.

"I told you you're not going anywhere until you fix all of your mess in this house. I'm not gonna clean it for you." Levi berated, then he glared at you. "And you, why are you even tolerating her bullshit?"

After Levi's continuous acts of consolation during your recent struggles, you're finally able to lower your guard on him somehow. "Told me she'd raise my mood in exchange. I got a bad day after all."

Levi shook his head in disbelief, "Fucking unbelievable. I didn't sign up for this." He stomped back inside the house. Isabel was about to cry.

Dinner went with everyone mocking the redhead and you doing the same despite being her accomplice. It was the most peaceful moment ever since you opened your eyes so you realized that if you got them to remind you constantly of how peaceful your lives actually are, you might end up outliving this predicament. Erwin also ended up having dinner there as well despite not having any plans to.

"How're you feeling now?" Furlan asked and then everyone at the table was waiting for your answer.

When you looked at Levi and were reminded of your arising suspicion, you acted upon it impulsively. Levi has always been so calm despite your very unusual fear for his friend. When he subtly nudged Erwin upon seeing you enter the cafe during that night out, it also bothered you to no end. Most especially, when he looked at you earlier with wide eyes and said you really got those dreams after all as if he's been aware of the same premise way before hearing you wail, you decided you can't sit still with it anymore.

"It's the first time my nightmare included very relevant people in my life. I'm too scared to sleep and I'm losing grasp of my reality. Is it a bad thing to say I'd rather die than have this persist?" You muttered indifferently as you focused on nothing but his reaction. When he exchanged stares at Erwin, with both of their eyes getting wide, fear ran down your spine at the realization. The thought of anyone being aware of that world was thereby established.

"I'm kidding. Stop making that face." You added dully and then munched on your food. You feel like shutting down on that very dinner.