A/N: I'm back with a two-shot based on the BTS video we've gotten for episode 10. We know the shows probably won't give us Elliot being protective and taking care of Olivia even though they SHOULD. I'm preparing to be disappointed, and this idea wouldn't leave me alone, and I shared it with my best friend who talked me into writing it. Happy birthday Purpleomaddy! 3 I hope you like this, and that your day is as fabulous as you! Also, happy early birthday (a couple of weeks at that) to TurquoiseTerrier! This is dedicated to you too. Have a wonderful day, my friend. Thank you to LivEinziger for beta reading :)

Trigger warnings for assault/violence, PTSD, and discussions of the Lewis arc apply. Please proceed with caution.

Everything fucking hurt.

Her ribs were at least cracked, if not broken. Her head was killing her, and she was about ninety percent sure the animals that had done this to her had broken her ankle…again.

It was thirty-eight degrees outside, and the asphalt beneath her made her feel even colder. She wanted to scream for help, or cry, but both things would make the pain in her ribs and eye explode, so she tried to hold it in.

They had taken her gun, she was in too much pain to run or even stand, and she was terrified they'd come back.

Light rain had started to fall, which made it difficult to tell whether that was what was soaking her clothes or blood — maybe it was both.

There was no one around. They'd left her here to die, and she wondered how long she'd have to lay here before the darkness would claim her.

She closed her eyes, whimpering when the movement made her face sting, wondering if she might have internal injuries, if they might be deadly. If help would come in time. She wasn't a believer, but she started praying anyway, that God might spare her life, if not for her, at least for her son.

X

"He knows something. Did you see that nervous look in his eye? He's hiding something. I'm gonna call Jet when we get back to the truck. I'll have her look into his finances." Elliot paused as he and Jamie Whelan walked out of the bar they'd just interviewed a witness in. "Do you hear something, Whelan?"

"Like what?"

Elliot shook his head. "I thought I heard a scream. It's gone now." Still, his heart was pounding, and hairs on the back of his neck stood up. His gut twisted. Something was wrong.

"Are you hungry? I could go for a sandwich," Whelan said casually.

A terrified, pained wail pierced the air when they turned the corner, and Jamie watched something in Elliot snap.

"Call a bus!" he roared without another look behind him.

He didn't care how crazy the younger man thought he was. Elliot knew that voice. He knew that cry. He'd heard that voice for twelve years. It was his partner's plea for backup, and he took off sprinting through the streets. Nothing would've stopped him from being beside her then, and nothing would now.

"What do you want me to tell them?" Whelan yelled, staying behind.

Another cry of pain, laughter from male voices, some low whimpering. Each sound told him they were getting closer, but filled him with intense fear and rage: someone was hurting the woman he loved. What they were doing to her he didn't know, but they'd be dead if they were still there and he got his hands on them.

"I don't know yet," was his mindless response.

Jamie was running too now, wanting to keep up with the man he saw as his mentor. They didn't hear any more screams, but they heard a crunching sound, a whimper, and saw a few motorcycles drive off. They didn't look too closely, because their focus was drawn to the woman lying in the street. He couldn't see her face because he was still a few steps behind Elliot, but the other man instantly ran to her, and it looked like his entire universe had crumbled beneath him.

"Dear God, no. Livia, Liv, can you hear me?" Elliot's hands cradled her face, careful not to jostle her too much. "Wake up for me, please. Please wake up. Whelan!" He motioned for the detective to come over to where he was now kneeled down beside Olivia, sheltering her from the rain. His Olivia. His beautiful, brave, badass partner who looked like someone had tossed her through a meat grinder — he wanted to find and slaughter them, but he couldn't leave her side. "Call in a 10-13, Jamie!"

He was trying to hold it together and not break down in front of a colleague, but he was petrified. She wasn't waking up or responding. She was shivering and bruised and bloody, and her hair was matted, and Jesus, why hadn't he gotten to her sooner?

"What's your location, Detective?" the radio crackled to life, and Jamie did as he was asked, providing the dispatcher the street they were on.

Elliot had stripped off his jacket and laid it over Olivia's shaking form. "Tell them it's Captain Olivia Benson! Get Manhattan SVU down here too. That's her squad." he continued trying to rouse her. "Dammit. Her badge number is 4015. She was attacked. We don't know what all was done to her, but she-" he took a shaky breath. "Just get a fucking bus."

Now Jamie understood why Elliot was so frantic. He'd heard stories of Benson and Stabler. How close they were, how they were the best partnership in the NYPD back in the day. This was Stabler's girl, his other half lying broken and unresponsive on the street.

"The bus is on its way."

"Thank God." Elliot ran his thumb over Olivia's forehead. "Help is coming, Liv. Just hold on."

The rain was coming down harder now, and while his jacket over the top of her may be helping some, Elliot wanted to get her off the dirty street. He didn't know where all she was hurt, but the hard surface had to be uncomfortable.

He felt her neck, and breathed in relief when he found her pulse. "She's alive. She's-" a loud moan of pain filled the air then, and sent a dagger through his heart. "Shh, I know. I know. We're gonna help, alright? Jamie, give me your jacket. I wanna try and get her warm."

"That might be hard with the rain."

"I know, but I gotta try," he was interrupted by a strangled sob. "She's waking up. Come over here slowly, but don't get too close. I don't wanna scare her."

"El-mm-"

"She's mumbling something." Jamie observed, and Elliot fought back tears when he realized it was his name.

"Elliot," she mumbled.

The man in question took her hand and squeezed. "Shh, I'm right here. I'm right here. I've got you."

She grew more agitated the more conscious she became. He knew that was likely from the pain being more intense, but he could also hear the fear.

"Elliot. Elliot."

She hadn't said anything besides his name, and the more she called out for him, the more he wanted her wrapped safely in his arms.

"Here, help me move her. Be gentle," he warned Jamie as they slowly lifted her off the pavement. "We'll put your jacket behind her and keep mine in front."

Their plans were stopped when she opened her eyes and shook her head vigorously.

"Liv, it's ok."

"No, no no no please don't. Not again."

"Shhh," Elliot murmured softly in her ear. "We're not gonna hurt you. We're not gonna hurt you, it's ok. Jamie works with me."

"Elliot?"

He gave her a soft, reassuring smile. "That's right. It's just me. No one's gonna hurt you anymore. You're safe now."

"I'm cold."

"I know. We're gonna try and help with that, ok?"

Jamie was frozen, unsure what to say, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment.

"You should say something to reassure her, Whelan. She doesn't know you. She's scared."

"She just wants you. I can go-"

"No," his voice was firm. "Listen, I know OC isn't like SVU, but SVU is still in my blood, and the one thing you need to know about working with me is we don't turn our backs on victims. Ever. Especially not because they're scared. Got it?"

Especially not the love of my life, was what he didn't say.

Jamie gulped. "Got it. What do you want me to do?"

"I'll be able to get a better look at her injuries if I'm holding her in my lap. I think she'll be warmer that way too, but it's important to keep her in the present, to make sure she feels safe. If you touch her you gotta tell her exactly what you're doing."

"Ok."

"Elliot, it hurts," she whimpered.

"I know it does. I know. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, Captain?" Jamie didn't know her like Elliot did. He didn't think it would be right to call her Liv, as Elliot had affectionately been calling her. "I'm Elliot's friend." He didn't know if they could be considered friends yet or not, but the other man had an approving expression on his face, so he continued. "Can I help get you off this street?"

"Hurts too much to move."

"I know. I'm really sorry about that. We're gonna make sure you don't have to move at all. We will do all the work. The ambulance is almost here. Can you hear the sirens in the distance?"

"Yeah."

"Your squad is coming too, but Elliot is gonna hold you until they come. We thought that might help. Is that ok? I think it'll feel better than lying on the ground.

"Mmhmm."

Elliot moved to a sitting position on the sidewalk, stretching his legs out. He tried to be as gentle as possible when he wrapped his arms around Olivia's shoulders, hooking his hands under her arms to lift her while Jamie helped move her legs, and slowly, delicately, helped lay Elliot's fractured world into his protective embrace.

Olivia's breaths came out in short, ragged bursts against Elliot's neck, and it broke his heart to know she was in this much pain.

"Shh, it's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright."

He was able to see her face better from this position. Her left eye was swollen, her nose and lip were bloody like she'd been kicked, which made his blood boil. Tears streamed down her face, and he could feel her tremors against his chest. He knew she was trying not to sob because it would make everything hurt worse, and also because she was trying to be brave as always.

The rain had let up a little, but she kept her face tucked into his neck to shield herself from it. He kissed her head and ran a hand through her hair, trying to calm her so that maybe she'd be able to breathe easier.

"Should we check and make sure she's not bleeding anywhere else?" Jamie hesitantly spoke for the first time in what seemed like hours, but was really only a couple of minutes.

Elliot wiped away the tears and blood that he could with his hand, swallowing a lump in his throat when she flinched the first time he touched her.

"Yeah, I wanted to check her stomach and ribs. We gotta be careful though," he warned. "I don't-I don't know what all those bastards did to her."

What he didn't say was he didn't know if sexual assault or rape had been part of the attack. He didn't want to trigger anything by lifting her shirt. Her clothes didn't appear torn though, so he prayed that she'd been spared that fate.

"Livia?" he asked cautiously. "Is it ok if I look? I just wanna make sure I stop any bleeding."

She whimpered but nodded, and Jamie turned on the flashlight on his phone so they could see while Elliot lifted her shirt.

"I don't see any open wounds or blood, but she's pretty bruised."

"They probably broke a couple of ribs. Sons of bitches."

"Elliot?"

"Hmm?" he covered her back up with his jacket, and returned his attention to her face, caressing her cheek, wiping her tears, trying to keep any blood from her nose from getting into her mouth.

"They left me here to die. They tried to kill me, and all I could think about was who would take care of Noah if I was gone?"

Jesus Christ.

"You're not gonna die. You're pretty banged up, and it'll take time to heal, but we're gonna get you patched up and you're gonna be ok."

"I don't know how bad my injuries are," she protested weakly.

"No, listen to me. I'm right here. You're not alone, and I'm not gonna let you die."

Her head snapped to the right, then left, as though looking for something.

"They might come back. W-what if they come back?"

"I will guard you with my life, Olivia. I'm gonna keep you safe. No matter what."

"T-they came out of nowhere. I couldn't fight them off. There were too many. A gang. They jumped me. They got my gun, knocked me to the ground. One of them had a knife. Everything hurts."

Before he could respond, an ambulance pulled up to them, followed closely by several police cruisers. Elliot had never felt more relieved, but didn't release his hold on Olivia, who continued to cry silently in his arms as he watched the paramedics hop out and move fast to the back of the bus to get their supplies.

"Liv! Stabler!" Fin reached them first, with Velasco and Muncy not far behind. "What the hell happened?"

"It was BX9," Olivia's voice was hoarse, and she didn't move her face from Elliot's neck. "They wanted to-to send a message."

"How bad did they hurt you, Cap?"

She didn't respond to Velasco's question, groaning in pain instead, and Elliot wondered if she'd pass out again.

"She was unconscious when Whelan and I found her," he informed "I think they broke at least a couple of her ribs, kicked her in the face. I don't know what else." The last part was muttered under his breath. "God, I wanna kill them."

"I wouldn't stop you," Fin agreed, and then stepped back when the EMTs came over to them.

They medics started talking to her, wanting to see if she had a concussion

It was about then that all hell broke loose.

McGgrath charged over to them, clearly pissed off, yelling about what the fuck Olivia was thinking. There'd been several threats made against the SVU squad by the gang lately. How could she be so stupid, letting her guard down and being alone at night? Then he got even more irritated that the perps must have taken her gun, because she didn't have it with her.

"Goddamnit Benson!" he barked at her, then turned to the rest of the squad. "Why is she so damn stubborn? Why did you guys let her refuse the protective detail? Shouldn't she have learned not to gamble with her safety after being kidnapped twice?

Elliot didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, but he wanted to murder the chief for having the audacity to yell at her when she was the victim. He didn't get the chance to say anything, though, because his attention was focused on Olivia as the paramedics continued their preliminary exam and carefully placed a cervical collar around her neck with her still pretty much lying on his lap.

Fin turned on McGgrath, telling him he had a lot of nerve to bring that up again. Elliot was beyond terrified about whatever that was, but did his best to keep his focus on Olivia.

McGrath seemed to ignore Fin's comment and continued muttering things as he paced with clear frustration and maybe even some anxiety. "God, this is a fucking disaster. To think that I was actually having a relaxing evening for once."

"You make it sound like I asked for this," Olivia snapped through gritted teeth as the paramedics lowered the gurney next to her.

"You certainly didn't do yourself any favors," the man said, as though to himself.

Elliot was ready to shoot the chief or at the very least yell at him, but he didn't want to let go of Olivia or contribute to her angst in any way. She was shivering against him, and he rubbed his hands up and down her arms, trying to share some of his body heat in the last few moments he had her in his arms.

"Get her to the hospital!" McGrath barked at the paramedics. "Don't even bother doing a rape kit. She'll probably refuse. Again."

The thought of Olivia having to have a rape kit done made bile rise in Elliot's throat as the paramedics removed her from his grip. The loss of her, especially in that particular moment, might have hurt him more than it did her.

He watched it as the paramedics rolled her toward the vehicle, the lights of all the sirens bouncing off of her mauled skin.

The minute he was out of her sight, Olivia panicked. She was surrounded by medics and unis she didn't know, and she was feeling cornered. She didn't want them near her. She didn't want her squad either, even Fin. She wanted her partner. The man who promised to protect her with his life. The one whose embrace felt secure, and whose eyes held her steady. He may not have been able to do much to help with the pain, and the jacket he'd covered her with for warmth was now soaked from the rain, but she hadn't felt afraid in his arms. She hadn't felt lonely. She hadn't been fighting as hard to stay in the present. She had felt loved, and she needed to feel that again.

She couldn't stifle the frantic gasp when they loaded her onto the ambulance. "Where's Elliot? Elliot!"

"I'm right here, Liv." he jumped inside the bus and grabbed her hand. "I'm here. I was just letting them know I would ride with you, and answering a couple of questions. I'm not leaving you." He smoothed her hair back out of her face. She winced as she tried to get comfortable. "I know it hurts. Squeeze my hand, ok? As hard as you need to."

She nodded and squeezed as she sat up a little further on the gurney. Elliot knelt down next to her. His knees would no doubt be sore, but he didn't care. He wanted to be close to her.

When the doors to the ambulance closed behind them, all of a sudden, she gripped his hand harder, and her silent tears turned into strangled sobs that he heard over the sound of the loud sirens as they started moving quickly through the streets.

"They didn't," she rushed to clarify now that they were alone, her glance darting from Elliot to the paramedics and back. "I swear, El. They didn't rape me. They beat me. They said they were going to kill me, but they didn't rape me. I'm not lying. Please don't make me go through that again."

That being the kit. The second comment of the night that had Elliot wondering with horror what the hell had happened to her while he was gone.

"Ok. No kit. I promise." He kissed her forehead, hoping she knew that even if they had gone that far he still wouldn't have made her have a kit done. It was her choice.

"He's right," she whimpered. "I should've learned. I should've fought harder. I shouldn't have been alone."

"No, no he's a piece of shit!" Elliot assured her through clenched teeth. "It's not your fault, you hear me? None of this is your fault."

"They threatened Noah, El- I couldn't-" she winced in pain when the force of her sobs made her ribs feel like they were stabbing and ripping her to shreds.

"Shhh, don't try to talk. We'll talk at the hospital when they can do something about the pain." he rested his hand on her stomach, hoping to soothe her enough that she could breathe normally and avoid worsening her injuries. "I want you to just focus on breathing, ok? I know it's hard. I'm gonna help. Just focus on me and breathe with me. Slowly. Just like that. In and out. Suck in and blow out."

Olivia gripped his shirt, trying to allow his presence to calm her, taking shaky but slow breaths in sync with his own.

"Captain, I need you to try and cough, ok?" said one of the medics, walking to the other side of her so Elliot wouldn't have to move. "Clear up any mucus that may have built up in your lungs."

Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulders, helping her sit up a little more so she could do so.

She squeezed Elliot's hand so hard he wondered if some of his bones would crack. "Oh God it hurts. Everything hurts." She coughed a few times before collapsing back down, still gripping Elliot's hand.

Elliot felt tears prick his own vision at how much pain she was in. He watched helplessly as the paramedics checked her over, examining her injuries. The only thing he could do was hold her hand and reassure her he was there.

"Can you guys give her anything?" he asked them, but kept his focus on her, wiping sweat from her brow when she closed her eyes to try to block out the pain.

"We've got some morphine we can try if you want it, Captain. We'll have to push it through an IV."

"No! No I can't-Elliot please," she pleaded. "I don't like being knocked out. Please-"

"Hey, Liv, it's just medicine. They're not gonna hurt you. I promise. I wouldn't let them hurt you," he attempted to soothe her, but she gripped him by his shirt collar and spoke through gritted teeth.

"Elliot, I swear to God, if you let them sedate me, I will never speak to you again."

There was a haunted look in her eyes, and he wondered if this was another hint towards what McGrath had been alluding to a few minutes earlier. She had PTSD. He didn't know from what yet, but something had happened to her, and this whole night was a trigger. That knowledge shattered his heart.

"Alright, you heard her. Can you give her some ice instead?"

"Captain," the older medic matched Elliot's understanding tone, addressing Olivia. "I really think giving you medicine is the best option to relieve the pain and keep you calm so your ribs don't get worse. Your muscles are very tense right now, and it will help if they can relax. This isn't like whatever happened back then. We are doing this to help you."

"You don't understand! I c-can't feel like that again."

"Feel like what?" Elliot wiped her tears while he spoke to her tenderly. "Help us understand, Liv. Please?"

She shuddered. "I don't like being…unconscious around strangers. I don't like feeling like I can't defend myself."

Elliot moved closer, leaning his forehead against hers. "I'm not a stranger." He gave her a soft smile, and stroked her hair. "I'm your partner, and I'll be right here the whole time. I won't let anything bad happen, ok?"

She sniffled, but the inches he'd cut between them brought a sense of security she suddenly wanted to give in to. "I'm scared," she warned in a faint voice.

"I know, baby. I'm right here. Just keep squeezing my hand. I'll watch over you. No one's gonna hurt you while I'm with you." The term of endearment slipped out before he could stop it, but she was too distressed to comment on it. He moved his head to the crook of her neck, trying to comfort her with his presence, letting her tears fall on his cheek. "Please? I don't want you to be in pain."

She took a shaky breath before responding. "Swear you won't leave?"

He kissed her cheek and wrapped the arm that wasn't holding her hand around her waist. "Never again."

"Ok, I'll take the medicine."

Elliot didn't move from his position until they got to the hospital, hoping to protect her from whatever demons were haunting her.

X

He had to let go of her hand once they got to the hospital to allow the doctors to examine her. They did let him stay in the room with her though, not that he'd offered them much of an option. When they started asking about her medical history it became clear once again how much of her life he had missed, and that pang of guilt that had been squeezing his chest all night intensified.

Her ribs and eye would heal, although she'd be bruised for a while. She had a mild concussion, a fractured nose and cheekbone, and a busted lip. All consistent with being kicked in the face. No external signs of sexual assault that could be seen without doing a rape kit, but she swore they hadn't done that, and he believed her.

The thing that gave him pause was when the doctor was looking at her ribs and asked her how old the scar she had on her right side was because they wanted to ensure it wouldn't get infected. Olivia looked away from Elliot, and told the doctor it was from 2013.

Two years after he left.

He knew about the scar on her neck from Gitano and the scar on her eyebrow from her mother throwing a vodka bottle at her. She knew about his scars from Stuckey, Bushido, and Dana.

This one though? He had no idea, and it made him angry that someone had dared to put their hands on her and mark her body in such a vile way. He'd thought she'd be better off after he left. He'd thought she'd be happier without him. He'd thought he'd been the one holding her back from truly being happy, but this? A decade of new scars on her beautiful body. A decade of pain he hadn't been there for her through.

He technically hadn't protected her from Gitano either, but he'd run to her in the aftermath. He had collapsed to his knees beside her in the bus terminal.

"Olivia no!"

"Elliot, I'm fine! Go!"

Who had protected her from whatever the fuck had happened in 2013? Who had dressed her wounds, held her after a nightmare, and made the bastard who'd harmed her pay?

It should've been him. That's who.

After talking to her for a couple more minutes, the doctor took her for an x-ray. They told Elliot he couldn't go with her, so he stayed put, waiting. After a few moments of unbearable silence, he dared sit on her bed, telling himself he was just watching the bed and the room until she returned.

"You've never asked me a single question about anything that happened to me after you left."

Jesus, he was an asshole. He didn't know what had happened, but he already hated himself.

Fin entering the room interrupted his spiraling thoughts. "Hey man, how's she doing?"

Elliot sighed. "They gave her some morphine in the ambulance for the pain. These animals did a number on her."

"Velasco and Muncy are checking security footage at nearby businesses, trying to see if they can find these guys, figure out where they went." Fin sighed and shook his head, sitting in the chair next to him. "We should've insisted on putting a detail on her and made sure she wouldn't slip this one."

There it was again. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the subtle hints that something had happened while he was gone, but he was afraid to ask.

"It's not your fault. I'm gonna see if I can talk her into staying with me until they're caught, or at least until she can get a detail. I don't wanna leave her alone. We need to put one on Noah too."

Fin nodded. "McGrath is arranging a safehouse for him."

Elliot was quiet for a minute, contemplating whether he should approach the subject. "Fin, can I ask you something? The things McGrath said back there? What he was alluding to-"

"I wanted to smack him for having the gall to say that to her."

Elliot lowered his voice. "She's got PTSD….doesn't she?"

"She hasn't told you?"

"We haven't…I haven't been a very good friend lately. We haven't really talked."

"Listen, Stabler, I'm not gonna tell you what all happened to her. That's her story to tell, and you gotta let her tell you when she's ready."

"Of course."

"But yeah, it was bad. I know you had reasons for not knowing about it, and not being here, but she really needed you. I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty. I'm sure you already do. I'm saying that because if and when she does talk about it, she may still be feeling angry with you. You gotta let her feel that."

Elliot swallowed a lump in his throat."I know."

"You can't change the past, but you can be here for her now. If she can forgive you I will too, but if you fuck up again I'll shoot you, and I've got good aim."

His former colleague was laughing, but there was definite truth to that threat.

"Noted. I'm glad she had you. She should've had me too, but I'm glad she had you."

They turned around when they heard the door open and saw Olivia being wheeled back into the room.

"Well, my wrist isn't broken this time. They checked my ankle too and it's just a sprain.," she managed a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Everything else feels like it is broken, though," she brushed off the nurse who tried to help her into the hospital bed. "I got it." Elliot was sitting on the edge of the bed, and she grabbed onto his shoulder when she stumbled, trying to balance on her uninjured ankle. "Shit, no I don't. I'm dizzy. That light is too bright."

Fin got up to dim the light while Elliot helped her onto the bed.

"Thanks guys," she closed her eyes, but opened them just as quickly. "Bad idea."

Elliot was still standing by her head. "I'll see if I can get some ice for your eye."

She grabbed his wrist. "It's not that. I've been fighting flashbacks off and on since the attack. They're worse when I close my eyes."

Elliot brushed her hair back from her forehead. "You're safe now. You're here with us, and we're gonna catch the pricks who did this." He felt her shiver under his touch and saw it as she exchanged a haunted look with Fin.

"Not just flashbacks from tonight," she clarified, avoiding his stare for a moment.

Elliot looked at Fin helplessly, unsure how to comfort her, because she was talking about a ghost he'd never witnessed.

"Lewis is dead, babygirl," Fin supplied, pulling up a chair on the other side of her.

Elliot felt her tighten her grip on his wrist as she spoke in a dark tone. "He's not dead enough."

"Whoever the hell he is, he doesn't stand a chance. Not while I'm here." He meant for it to be comforting, he meant for her to be reassured that he would keep her safe, but she immediately let go of his hand and turned away from him.

"Yeah? Well, you weren't here when it mattered," she muttered with a weird smile.

"I-" Elliot mumbled, but there were no words that he could say. And she interrupted him anyway.

She grinned, shaking her head, and Elliot had no idea what part of any of it could be funny. "'Whoever the hell he was'. Seriously?" her voice trembled, and it rose in volume as she spoke. "He was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me, that's who he was. And you weren't there, so spare me the knight in shining armor act. You're nine years too late!"

Guilt clogged Elliot's throat, and Fin tried to intervene. "Liv-"

"Whoever the hell he was!?" she spat, continuing her fit of rage. Her justified fit of rage, he told himself. "He was a serial rapist who kidnapped and tortured me for four days while you were fucking sipping Italian wine and visiting basilicas with your perfect little family! I was going through hell, Elliot, and you were in Heaven. Having the time of your life on your stupid, fifteenth-century palazzo. I was praying to your God that William Lewis, that's whoever the hell he was by the way, wouldn't climb on top of me again, and you were cozy in your bed praying to the same God that your life would keep being great."

She winced as she sat up and looked at him again. His heart broke at the tears on her cheeks. "You were miles away, finding ways to give your family everything they wanted, and all I wanted-" A hard sob ripped through her, the only one she accidentally allowed to escape. "All I wanted was for you to be who you were tonight. I wanted you to find me, and hold me, and-God you would've killed him, 'cause you're right. He wouldn't have fucking stood a chance. For you to say that now? That's fucking cruel, Elliot."

She wasn't sure what had sparked this sudden anger she felt towards him. His touch had felt so loving as he'd held her on the sidewalk, wiped her tears, kissed her head, shushed her cries. His cheek had been warm against hers, and he had covered her up to shelter her from the rain. He'd held her hand in the ambulance and called her baby like she was precious to him. It was so confusing, the way he was reverting back to the Elliot she used to know, and not the one who'd left her for a decade like she was nothing.

Somewhere in her mind, she felt guilt for unloading on him, but she couldn't stop, and he hadn't said a word, but the way his face crumbled, the horror in his features, the bone-crushing guilt she saw in his eyes made her wonder if he really could simply not have known about the days she'd spent in hell without him.

Maybe he hadn't known, but she couldn't do this with him right now. She couldn't stand to look at him, and her head was killing her.

"Olivia-"

"Get out."

"I'm so sorry," he broke down as he knelt down on the floor by her bed, trying to steady his shaky voice as tears started streaming down his face. "Liv, I swear I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"Please just leave. I can't-Please go."

"I-"

"Leave, El. It's what you're good at."

"I love you," he whispered, so low that it made both her and himself wonder if he'd really said it. "I'll go out to the waiting room, I'm not leaving this hospital."

"Elliot-"

"You have every right to be angry-"

"Give her some space, Stabler." Fin gave him a protective, warning look, and it made a lump form on top of the one he'd had forming in his throat all night.

"I'm sorry."

He went straight to the bathroom, emptied whatever was in his stomach as images of the love of his life being tortured invaded his mind. Then, he headed to the chapel and sobbed, hating himself more in that moment than he ever had in his life, even the last time he'd cried in this same hospital chapel.

A/N: Listen…if you murder me you don't get chapter 2 right? And you want me to fix it right? So kindly put down the pitchforks.