I tapped my finger against the notepad in front of me. The closer we got to Christmas, the more agitated I became. The therapist I started seeing after the transplant said that it was what they called the anniversary effect. Like Mason said, it was common for people to experience anxiety and other symptoms at the approaching of the anniversary of a traumatic event.

Because I now knew the name of my donor, he suggested that I write a letter. He said that the practice was often used to help someone come to terms with death. It was usually used to healthily express emotions, and he felt that this may help as well.

I had expressed that I felt a little bit of guilt when I found out that Ivan was Dimitri's best friend, knowing that I had in fact seen him in the hospital that night. He said that even writing a letter to Dimitri, but not giving it to him, may help.

So here I was sitting at the counter two days before Christmas with a pad of paper. I cleared my throat and uncapped the pen, taking a slow breath.

Dear Ivan.

Last Christmas you gave me your heart. Literally. It wasn't in the same aspect of the corny Christmas song but in the manner of life and death.

You gave me life in your death. And I want to say thank you.

I sealed the envelope and set it on the table, Ivan's name written on the front. I felt a large weight lift off my chest. I stood up and scratched Meeko's head as I passed, but he started howling and ran for the door. I followed and gently pushed him out of the way and opened the door, angling my body to fill the gap.

"Hi," I said happily.

"Hi, how are you?" Dimitri asked.

"I'm good. Did we have plans I forgot?"

Dimitri shook his head with a smile. "Yes. But it's okay."

I looked at him apologetically and stepped back so he could come in. Dimitri smiled and greeted Meeko, kneeling down and letting Meeko kiss him and lean against him, all while telling him how much he missed him.

If the dog could talk, I think I'd get a headache.

"Please tell me I didn't forget something important," I pleaded. Dimitri smirked.

"No. But you might want to dress warmer. We are going to the Christmas market."

I nodded. "Right. I remember now."

Dimitri smiled and I stepped closer and kissed him chastely.

"I'll be right back," I said and ran up the stairs to get dressed. I tossed on the first things I found that would keep me warm. I slipped on thick socks and came back down, smiling at Dimitri and meeting him for a quick kiss.

Dimitri plucked my coat off the end of the banister, holding my coat open for me to slip on. I shrugged my coat on and wound my scarf around my neck. As I zipped my coat up I heard a whine and looked down at Meeko, frowning at the leash in his mouth.

"I'll take you in a little while, baby," I said quietly and patted the top of his head, "I don't think Dimitri will appreciate fur in his car."

"I don't mind," Dimitri piped up, "If you want to bring him, I'd love it. I'm sure we won't be the only ones with a dog."

I smiled at him and looked down at Meeko. I would mind taking him on the outing, but I didn't want to assume.

"We're gonna go for a car ride!" I said as I clipped the leash to Meeko's collar and grabbed my hat and mitts out of the basket. I smiled at Dimitri again and he took the leash, talking to Meeko as he opened the door and led us outside. I got in the passenger seat as Dimitri let Meeko into the backseat and sighed when he got in beside me.

"How have you been? I know that tomorrow is making you nervous," Dimitri asked gently, resting his hand on my thigh as he drove. I looked at his hand and felt my heart flutter. I liked how it felt, it wasn't the same as it was with Adrian. When Dimitri put his hand on my leg, it didn't feel possessive, it felt comforting. I felt safe and secure.

"I'm okay. I have therapy yesterday and what he suggested seems to have helped a bit," I said softly. Dimitri smiled and nodded as he drove. He didn't pry and a part of me was happy that he didn't, but a part of me also wanted him to.

I slipped my fingers around the ones on my leg and he squeezed softly, humming Christmas music quietly under his breath. I hummed too and reached back with my other hand to scratch Meeko's head when I felt him panting next to my ear.

I fed Meeko a small piece of turkey, smiling to myself at how quickly he ate it and looked at me expectantly.

"He's very…excitable," Dimitri chuckled as he scratched behind Meeko's ears. I snorted a laugh and winked at Meeko. He had been more than excited to see all the people at the market; sniffing people, whining and crying for attention, screaming in excitement. Eventually, he calmed down, but I was sure that Dimitri's stomach hurt from laughing so hard.

"I warned you on the drive over," I said plainly and went back to eating my hot sandwich, brushing snow off the deck we were sitting on with my foot.

"I thought you were exaggerating," Dimitri chuckled as he finished the last of his sandwich. I had to say, these were the best toasted turkey sandwiches I had had in a long time.

"There is no such thing as exaggeration with this one," I smirked and leaned back on my hands, sighing quietly. Meeko was now laying at my feet and huffed every few minutes, but other than that, we sat in happy silence.

"What was something that you and Ivan liked to do?" I asked casually as I lifted my hot chocolate.

Dimitri glanced at me and cocked a brow at me. "Not that we ever told anyone out loud, we both like watching symphonies. Ivan was a real sucker for it, but was embarrassed by it. I don't know why, but he was. We would go see one every Christmas. We used to do a lot of rock climbing too,
Dimitri explained with a soft look.

"The symphony? Like live orchestra music?"

"Yeah. It's how Ivan met Marissa," Dimitri laughed, "He tried to act like he didn't care when she was talking about it at a coffee shop after a showing, but he eventually cracked."

I laughed a shook my head. "He looked like a symphony guy. It was the hair," I snickered.

Dimitri sputters on his hot chocolate and nodded. "You're completely right."

I smirked and bit on the rim of my cup. "How are you doing? I mean, with the one-year passing coming up?"

Dimitri pressed tight into a line. "I'm okay. It hurts but not as much as it did in the beginning," Dimitri said candidly.

"Does knowing help? Or make it worse?" I asked quietly.

Dimitri's lips loosened. "In a way, both. In a way, it feels like I have another part of him back, but at the same time, I feel guilty for thinking that. You're your own person, and I don't want you to think that I'm in interested because of the connection," Dimitri said with a hint of sadness, his lips turning down at the corners.

I reached over and rested my hand on his knee, smiling softly when he gripped my hand softly.

"I never think that. I know that you aren't that kind of person. If I thought you were, we wouldn't be out here tonight."

Dimitri smiled at me softly and leaned towards me. I leaned into him and kissed him softly, smiling against his lips when he cupped my cheek.

"You're amazing," Dimitri whispered, his breath clouding around me in the cold. I smiled and rested my forehead against his, my smile still on my face.

"You're pretty amazing too," I said softly, grunting when Meeko ruined the moment and jumped up between us, mashing his nose against my cheek.

I scowled but rubbed his chin anyways. "Jealous."

"I can't say I blame him," Dimitri snickered as he leaned back into me, pressing his lips to mine. I hummed and leaned into him while simultaneously scratching Meeko's head.

2 Years Later

My fingers bounced nervously on my knee, the snow that was falling making it hard to see. I had never overcome my extreme uneasiness of driving in the heavy snow, but it had just worsened over the last few weeks.

The first Christmas after the accident was emotional. I remember laying in bed when I woke up and felt fear in my chest. I knew that it was irrational to a degree, but I almost felt frozen. A little while after someone climbed into bed beside me. It wasn't Meeko, but a person. When they wrapped their arm around me, I knew that it was my mom.

"I know you aren't ready to get out of bed yet, so I thought I'd come here and keep you company," she said quietly, brushing my hair back from my face. I sighed shakily and nodded, scooting back so I could cuddle into her.

"Thank you."

Mom nodded and kissed the back of my head. "You're welcome."

"I know that today is hard for you too," I whispered, gripping her hand that rested on my arm. "I don't give you enough slack."

"I'm just worried for you, that's all. No mother wants to go through what we did, and part of me is scared that I'll wake up and you won't be here."

I squeezed my mother's hand. "I know."

I had seen Dimitri later that day. I was purely out of anxiety for both of us. It was almost like we were a balm for each other.

But today, I was a bundle of nerves.

"Deep breath," Dimitri soothed as he drove, squeezing my knee, "Remember, just breath."

I breathed deeply through my nose and out through my mouth, gripping my fingers together over my stomach. We were heading to the annual Christmas party with Dimitri's family, and I was nervous to the point of being nauseous, but I was nauseous a lot lately.

"We're almost there. Just close your eyes, love," Dimitri whispered softly, trying to help keep me calm. I nodded and closed my eyes, gripping his hand tightly as we drove. He made soothing noises until we pulled into the driveway of the Zeklos residence, and he whispered that we were there. I opened my eyes and let go of his hand slowly, flexing it.

"Sorry," I said with a slight laugh. Dimitri smirked and kissed the corner of my mouth.

"It's okay," Dimitri said softly, "Just remember, we don't have to say anything if you aren't ready."

I nodded. "I know. But I think we should. Your mother isn't going to be able to keep it secret forever," I said with a smile.

A happy oops so to speak. Dimitri and I had a healthy relationship and an even healthier sex life, but we were both drunk one night and forgot protection. It was a shock since we had only been together for a year and a half, but we were both happy. Our respective parents knew, but that was about it. Tonight, if all went well, we would tell our friends and Dimitri's sisters.

I climbed out of the car and Dimitri grabbed the bags of gifts out of the backseat. I offered to take one but Dimitri shook his head. He never let me carry things lately. Maybe he was just a little too overprotective right now. We had spoken to my cardiologist at length, and we had some things we needed to be cautious of, but I think he was anxious about it all.

I knocked on the door and was quickly greeted by Anya, pulled into a strong hug. I returned it and was ushered in from the cold, toeing my shoes and wandering into the living room. Olena hugged me first, whispering in my ear that I was glowing and kissed my cheek.

I sat down on the couch next to Marissa with a smile and tucked my feet underneath. Marissa was getting better, and even confided in me that she went on a date a few weeks ago. It wasn't going to lead anywhere, but she said that she enjoyed herself until the guy was rude to the waiter because he complimented her bracelet.

"How are you? The snow looked a little gross."

"I'm okay, pretty sure I almost crushed Dimitri's hand," I chuckled with a smile.

"I'm sure he could handle it," Marissa laughed and smiled at Dimitri, "He's got strong hands."

Dimitri rolled his eyes and sat down beside me, resting his arm along the back of the couch. Anya came back into the living room and asked us what we would like to drink. I opened my mouth to say red wine but stopped myself and asked for a pop. Anya's brows cocked for a second before asking Dimitri. He asked for the same, stating that we were both on edge because of the weather.

The food Anya made for dinner was outstanding, and I couldn't help but fill my plate again. I was a sucker for stuffing, so nobody batted an eye that I had more to eat. Dimitri just smiled as he watched me eat, happy to see that food was agreeing with me for the first time today.

After dinner, we did the gifts and I was content to see how happy everyone was. Over the last year, I started to love Christmas again.

"You know, I was hoping that I would have another sister by now," Viktoria said slyly while giving her brother the eye. I smirked and nudged him. It was something Vika had badgered him about lately. She thought he would have proposed by now, but we both enjoyed the pace we were going. I raised my brows at him, silently saying that it was time.

"We do have some news to share," Dimitri said with a smile. Karolina perked up and grinned at us.

"Did you propose!?"

I laughed. "No, but I'm sure that will happen eventually. However, we are expecting a baby in June," I supplied, resting my hands on my stomach. The room erupted in excitement and Marissa's arms were wrapped around my neck as she squealed.

"Oh my God!" Marissa exclaimed as she kissed my cheek, "When did you find out?!"

"A couple of weeks. And because of the transplant, we've been doing a lot of blood work and tests to make sure that my body can sustain the pregnancy because my medication may not be absorbed properly. We found out that we are having a boy," I explained as I looked around the room and my eyes fell on Sergey, "And we're going to name him Ivan. Because without him, this wouldn't have happened."

The commotion got even louder, and we were embraced, tears of happiness coming from many people. Anya's smile was so large that I thought her lips were going to split.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. We both want to honour Ivan this way," I said softly.

Anya tsked quietly and hugged us both, kissing my cheek and then Dimitri's. When we found out we were having a boy, the name Ivan was the very first name to pop into my mind. It only seemed fitting that the man who saved my life be the namesake of our son.

Short but sweet!

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