When Erwin noticed you were finally attending his classes continuously, despite it being a very trivial matter, you were sure you saw the satisfaction on his face. He's got that subtle wry smile he's shown you back at the balcony whenever he spots you in the room before the lesson. It's as if reminding you through his own silent ways that he won the bargain. You noticed it the most during your third one, the only time you could be allowed to drop but decided to not push for it anyway.
The extra class sessions that were supposedly by group became one-on-one instead due to your absences and he indeed made sure to not go easy on you so you could realize the consequences of ghosting it. During these times, he never bothered to hide his amusement whenever you got too absorbed with it, perhaps making fun of you brightens up his mood. With all the huffs you kept to yourself during your sessions so he wouldn't get too humored at the situation at hand, you finally got to keep up with your classmates. Still not enough to not need the extra sessions at all but fast and remarkable progress regardless after being dead set on leaving his class.
"Here," He returned your papers which you examined with confusion because of how many notes he had written on them, all telling you to revise. This is the third time he's given it to you like this.
"But this version was perfectly scored by my classmates," You mumbled to yourself.
"Not all of your classmates are writing majors." He remarked.
"I used this piece on another major as well and got a perfect score." You weakly replied, still dejected.
"Not all of your professors are on my standards." Your mouth hung open in repulsion while he released a small chuckle at your disappointment. Arrogance aside, Historia indeed did her research on how good this man is. Now you completely understand your classmates' frustration because they genuinely thought this course would be easy.
"I might as well publish it if you keep on bringing this back to me."
"I'd like to see how it turns out."
"Completely bad not until you mark it perfect." You deadpanned.
"Right." He concurred wryly. "Though I gotta admit you're slightly better than people in your college."
"As I should. I'm delayed and quite older than everyone after all."
"Not your batchmates, but all of the students taking the same degree as you. Including your seniors." He pondered. "I completely understand now why the faculty is so serious in considering you."
"Well, you don't seem to believe it that much after mercilessly bringing back this poor project for the third time."
"Which is lucky. Half of your classmates have been revising it for the fifth time." You looked at him in disbelief. When he says he has high standards, just how high? "Such excellence when you're that half-hearted. You'd be able to survive college with skills alone."
"That's why when I transfer you, I expect you to understand my lack of tolerance for your half-heartedness. As I said, strength alone won't make you out alive." As if an echo, the same voice throbbed in your head, ringing almost painfully.
It's a completely harmless banter and you're a hundred percent sure every part of your consciousness believes so. You came to terms with the halfheartedness when he went to you that day, right?
Still, you swiftly felt your whole body drift towards the office of your squad leader, with him berating you for your lack of passion for the task. The way your muscles tensed and your breathing held back with his anger, alarming all of your senses at how awfully real it was. You can smell the moist wooden floor and the faint gas lamp. You can feel the drop of sweat from your neck towards the collar of your leather uniform. The clear but dead air, the tension, the trembling culpability – it's as if it's completely happening at this moment.
"I'm sincerely trying to put my heart into it," You shakily responded to your squad leader in guilt.
However, the glare from him softened. Suddenly it wasn't rage, not even authority. It was gentle, frighteningly so. "Well, it's not like you need to if you don't feel like it. I remember telling it to you last time." He answered. Upon your confusion at the sudden toning down, the environment transitioned back to the office. You looked at him wide-eyed, utterly horrified, and released a breath quite loudly as if you'd been holding it for a while.
"Are you okay?" He remarked instant concern lacing his voice. You tried shifting your eyes away from him to quickly ground yourself, begging your muscles to conceal any tremble and extremely uncomfortable feeling.
Perhaps it isn't linear. They have the same face and voice after all.
"I forgot to… eat before coming here, I guess."
"Really? You should've told me sooner."
"It's okay, not too hungry yet."
"You're pale," He stood up and went to his shelf. "I am about to dismiss you now but you have to have something first. I only have tea here, is that fine for now? When's the last time you ate?"
"Yeah, it's fine. Breakfast." I was munching a sandwich on the way here.
"Here," He gave you a hot cup of black tea, and the scent of it finally eased the tensions in your body.
"Seems like we're both suckers for Levi's tea," You replied.
"That man deserves a patent."
"Very much so," You sipped. "What time is it?"
"7:30."
You shot him a confused look. "I didn't notice we went that long."
"I was surprised as well. Had no idea." He replied, very flatly, not even a glint of surprise or bother.
You squinted your eyes at him, high in doubt. He didn't even look on his watch to check. "You have every idea what time it was,"
He looked at you and slightly raised his brows, concealing the smile forming on his face. "Really, I didn't."
"Explain."
He released a small chuckle, giving in. "You looked so serious in our sessions, how could I not extend my helping hand?"
"Yeah, I know. I am stupid for being adamant about dropping and very much deserved this. Humor yourself with my suffering."
"Yeah, I'm doing that quite well."
Your panic at that sudden scenario subsided, to say the least. You just need to realize from time to time that he's different. Even though the reminder needs to be constant because you're still highly anxious about it deep inside, it's an improvement nonetheless. After the session, it seemed like you were the only student left so Erwin told you to wait for him as he stopped by the faculty to get his things and to inform other professors of his leave. When he went out the faculty door, he tossed a pack of bread at you, the one that always gets sold out at the cafeteria during lunch.
You nodded in gratitude. "This one's my favorite."
"I know. I often see you holding that whenever we cross each other."
You looked at him with confusion and a hint of fluster. "You're quite a sharp one. Not everyone would notice something as trivial as that."
He didn't respond with that, though, and upon examining his features, there's an almost unnoticeable hint of surprise as well. As if he wasn't supposed to let that observation out. Both of you halted at the exit door upon seeing how hard the rain was. It seems like you'd be stuck with this man longer. You sighed in lament. The desire to have some time alone and reflect on your unaddressed anxiety was shattered by the noisy drops.
Ah, I just hope he won't ask to drive me home.
"I'll drive you home." He didn't even bother to ask. "It's my fault you stayed this long after all."
Staying with him longer would make you too flustered to even reflect on it and so you came up with a lie. "No, it's fine. I'm planning to go visit a friend tonight."
"Really? Who?"
"Isabel." I don't even know where she is right now.
"Is that so? We're just on the same route then. Hop in." Before you could come up with other excuses, he walked himself to the parking lot, telling you to wait. You ended up entering the car with a frown.
You, 7:55pm.
where are you
if you're not home pls go home
Isabel, 7:56pm.
oh naw why
[sent a selfie]
sorry (≧ڡ≦)
"Ah fuck," You huffed as soon as you saw the picture. She seemed to be in a place very far away from here, with pretty city lights below her. You never thought she'd be back outdoors this early.
"Why?" Erwin remarked, his eyes shifted to you.
"Nothing important." You bit your lip in panic. It's not like you can just jump yourself out of here. You also can't point to a stop because the rain's too hard and you don't think he'd let you out like that. You fumbled on your phone for another option.
You, 7:57pm.
hello help where are you
on my way to your house
Furlan, 7:57pm.
What happened? I'm walking back
You, 7:57pm.
how long til u get there
Furlan,7:58pm.
In 10 I guess
You, 7:59pm.
god im ssorry but can u make it in 5 it"s an emergency
Furlan, 7:59pm.
Why? Where are you? Should I just meet you halfway? Rain's quite hard
You, 8:00pm.
no im on the car :(
Furlan, 8:01pm.
Ok I'll try. Hang in there
Their place isn't too far away from here and yet the ride felt tormentingly slow. When Erwin pulled up and you rang the doorbell, you could only think of nothing but endless hoping that Furlan arrived before you. So when Levi opened the door, you moved your head everywhere to spot him.
"Yo, Levi." Erwin greeted, and you saw Furlan in the living room, a towel atop his hair and a panting mess, you weren't able to hide your relief and perked up at him.
Levi shot a flat glare at Erwin and you, a silent question at why you're here at the same time.
"She said she's seeing Isabel so I brought her with me." Oh no. You glanced at Erwin, horrified that you let him say it.
"Isabel's out since Monday. She won't be coming home for a while."
"I switched up the names," You chuckled nervously. "I'm meeting Furlan."
"Really," Levi raised his eyebrows in doubt.
Of course, they won't buy it so you shot Furlan a stare asking for help, only for him to raise his brows at you as well. It was a sure quiet moment as they all waited for an explanation with your face flushed hot in shame; so you broke it off by begrudgingly walking towards Furlan, grabbing his hand, and walking upstairs without a word. He tried to keep silent until you were past Levi and Erwin but since you never thought of anything but withdrawing from their sight, you mindlessly entered his room which he rarely lets people in.
"You!" Furlan exclaimed as soon as you closed the door, his face in deep red. "The heck are you doing, grabbing me and entering my room like that?"
"Oh god. I'm so sorry." You heaved a defeated sigh and finally let yourself falter at the door, your knees dropped to the ground like jelly. "Erwin and I had an extra class session today and when he offered me a ride home, I tried to turn him down by lying."
"That's all?" Furlan remarked in aghast. "I thought something bad happened to you." I am in disbelief, too.
"Ugh," You curled yourself up and hugged your knees. "Sorry for being such a bother. I even let you run like that with the rain too hard."
Furlan didn't respond immediately, he just threw a blanket at your head after a while. "Don't look yet, I'll clean up first." He said, still flustered.
You maintained your position underneath until Furlan gently removed it from you. He's now sitting on the floor as well, facing your curled-up figure. "I know that's not all of it. You were terribly frightened when I first mentioned him to you. I thought you just find him intimidating but you've never been this clumsy before. Now I need to know why,"
You looked at him with your eyebrows furrowed in worry. You really don't want to be as specific as possible to him regarding this. However, if you'd put Furlan into such inconvenience, he at least deserves to know why.
"Erwin, that man— he's been living in my nightmares even before we met." Furlan didn't move, his face laced with nothing but confusion so you continued. "I know this is hard to believe so I don't want to tell anyone about it as much as possible. I thought I could just get myself used to his presence and I've been working hard to do so, but there are frequent instances where snippets of my nightmares flash while we're together. It makes me very bothered and confused." He didn't respond again, his face not changing at all, so you inquired, "You don't believe me, do you?"
"Yeah, it's very unlikely to believe but," The look of disbelief slowly turned into worry. "You're not the type to lie about something so serious."
You looked down in lamen, "Isabel said the same thing."
"She knew about this?"
"She knows everything about this ever since so it wasn't that hard explaining it to her. Besides, people like her and Historia are usually thrilled at the premise that they'd want to know more."
"So why didn't you tell me this," Furlan muttered in disappointment.
"Sorry." You might have a less chaotic relationship with Furlan than Isabel but you've been together for so long, too. "Sometimes I just tell it to some people if it's too heavy to keep for myself. Talking about it all the time is hard."
"Wel, it's not like you're at fault. You don't need to apologize." He clarified. "But is it okay for you to tell me this now?"
"You should be the one I'm asking that. Everything about this would sound really ridiculous. Are you fine hearing it?"
Furlan gave you a subtle smile in assurance. "You've been in a dark place all your life because of this. Whether the reason Erwin appeared was pure coincidence or not, I just want to know about it. I mean, I'm just waiting for you to tell me about it."
So you told him everything, from the nature of the nightmares before Erwin came up to the situation right now. It was quite a long talk. When you get to the part where they appeared and died before you, you had to pause for a while. Furlan, as the understanding man that he is, assured you that you could stop if it's too heavy but you insisted.
"So that's the reason why you look very tormented all these years. It must've been so hard. You've been doing so well." He ruffled your hair.
You sniffed to avoid the small tears from slipping and laughed, "I sure am."
"A part of me thinks that maybe you just saw Erwin's face in coincidence before dreaming about him. He went to our house before."
"Isabel said the same. Erwin's quite famous as well but I didn't know he ever existed apart from his face in my nightmares. I thought he was just nothing but a fragment of my imagination. I thought it was nothing but fiction. That's what I get by all my life to survive it."
"So when you saw the three of us there…"
"Struggling to not let the nightmares eat my consciousness has never been this hard." you fumbled mindlessly on the blanket. "Do you remember the time when I suddenly ignored Levi in high school?"
"Of course. You never became close again after all. I remember him telling us back then to stick with you more because he thought something bad happened to you." He said. Thinking about it fills you with guilt. You've been so close to Levi as a child, less doting than Isabel but still as close. Levi always treated you as part of their family so when you suddenly set a distance with him for reasons you don't know back then, you're sure he'd noticed it the most. People kept on pressing you about it as well but you weren't able to give them any answers. Even Kuchel asked you about it because she thought her very stoic son picked a fight with you.
"It's just that back then, there was a day I woke up feeling extremely bad and when I went to your house and saw Levi, I felt very negative towards him. I don't even know where it came from, I just felt like he did something and I hated his presence for it. Since then I had no idea how to bring back the usual me with him." You lamented.
"Do you think it has something to do with your nightmares?"
You nodded. "I think these dreams may have appeared before, not as vivid and subsequent as the recent ones but enough to exude unusual emotions. It was completely absurd to feel as if he did something bad because when that dream came clear to me recently, I just realized the version of me in my nightmare can't face him properly without thinking of Isabel's death and yours." You paused for a while to think about how regretful it was to cut a bond like that because of something so uncertain. You let out a bitter laugh, "I will feel bad about this for the rest of my life."
"It's not like he ever hated you for it. Actually, since we noticed how scared you were of Erwin, he became more attentive towards ensuring your welfare. He usually just passes us the job of looking out for you but now he keeps involving himself. When we saw you passed out on Erwin at the night out, you had no idea how pissed Levi was until he explained himself. When you called Isabel while crying so hard, it was him who initiated to go to your house. Levi hasn't changed. He's still that grumpy old man who looks out for everyone in his own ways."
Your stomach churned in further remorse. Your recent dilemma really worried a lot of people that they had to disrupt their daily work to ensure your safety. As much as you appreciate the kindest gestures, nothing comes out from that but absolute bother. If you're really ending up like this, there has to be some progress. "Now that we talk about it, have you noticed something about Levi and Erwin recently? Like, since Erwin settled here?"
"I don't think I noticed something unusual. Since Erwin came and worked here they always come for a drink. They seem to talk a lot, but I thought it's just because they haven't met for so long."
"I see." You lamented that maybe your arising suspicion towards Levi is just you seeing things.
He pondered for a while, "Ah! I think it's quite trivial but Levi seems to be drinking a lot recently. Like, a lot. Well of course with Erwin, but apart from that he looks stressed about something and he seemed to need it to relax." You curled your eyebrows at him. Levi is really calm-headed. If his siblings get to notice that something's wrong with him, it must be that bad. "Erwin looks heavier than usual too. Last time Isabel asked Erwin why he's smoking a lot because it stinks on the balcony. Erwin laughed and apologized, he said something has been bothering him for a while so he's trying to destress."
"Furlan, what would you feel if…" You trembled at your own thoughts. "...if my nightmares were real?"
Furlan's eyes widened, perturbed. He looked down and gulped. "I would really feel bad for Levi. He doesn't deserve any of it, whether it's real or not. Witnessing something like that would ruin him."
"It did," You gripped hard on the blanket in sheer dread but Furlan interrupted your spiraling thoughts by putting his palm on your forehead.
"Eyes here," And so you looked at him. "My hands may be quite cold from the rain, but it's warm enough to feel alive, right?" It is; your heart swelled in relief. You took glances at his features as well so you could differentiate them from his lifeless figure in that place. His grey eyes are gleaming and studying you the same way. You can see his tiny and unnoticeable freckles that you and Isabel once darkened with permanent markers back in childhood. His lips, despite being pale and straight, are as full of life as ever. He may not be smiling a lot, could be mistaken as someone similar to the grumpy Levi from afar, and he might be too serious to put up with Isabel's rowdiness — but he's a human of his own. He's alive, very much so. There are no walls, no titans even. All the people dear to you are kept safe and free, and not even your life-long nightmare can ever change that.
"It is warm, as it always should."
He replied with a small smile, "Yeah, as it always should."
Levi called the both of you downstairs to eat. Furlan let you regain your composure first before going down for dinner. It's not as noisy as the previous one because the redhead is not present, but peaceful nonetheless.
"So," Levi started. "What did the two of you do upstairs?"
"Don't make it sound so weird." Furlan shot back.
"We caught up on a lot of things." You beamed.
"Well, Furlan rushed all the way here and got himself wet. Must be an important planned talk isn't it?" His voice was full of sarcasm. It quickly brought all your consciousness and embarrassment back that you stopped chewing your food and denied everyone eye contact. He damn knew it wasn't planned at all.
"Yeah, it is." Furlan annoyingly replied. "I forgot about it so I ended up rushing home. Stop making it a big deal." You finally gulped down your food in relief for the backup. The two ended up bantering for the rest of the dinner.
"Now," Levi shot Erwin and you a tired scowl. "Enough dilly-dallying in this house. It's almost ten. Go home." Guilty as you are, you slowly picked your things up.
Furlan called your name, though. "What we had earlier must've tired you a lot. Can't you just spend the night here? Isabel brought her entire bedding with her but you can have one in my room." You were about to smile and assure him it was no big deal but when the two gentlemen flashed him a look of horror, you realized how weird it might have sounded.
You tried to clarify. "I don't think he meant–"
"The what?" Levi grimaced at Furlan.
"No, he just meant–" You tried again but was cut off by Furlan quickly realizing it and losing his composure.
He shouted in retaliation. "I don't mean that—"
"Don't mean what? Tiring her down in your bedroom and inviting her to sleep in front of us? Really? I thought you've grown enough to know such matters should be asked in private."
"Seriously, no—"
"And when I thought highly of you, Furlan." This time, Erwin was the one to cut you off.
"He didn't mean anything bad!" You finally cut them off yourself. "I had a hard a hard time earlier and—"
"He gave you a hard time?" Levi was almost too surprised then turned to Furlan. "But you've been so gentle to her all this time."
Furlan can't even look at you anymore.
Even before you could say anything in his defense, Erwin called your name as he picked his things up. "It's getting late. I have early morning classes. Come on now."
They said their goodbyes when the two of you settled inside the car. Furlan was waving sadly, feeling bad at making things awkward, so you pushed the car window button and let your head out. "Thank you, Furlan, really." You beamed at him. "You genuinely helped me tonight."
"As I always should." He referenced your exchange of assurances earlier.
You flashed him a grin. "Yeah, as you always should!" and pushed the window close again.
Erwin and you remained silent afterward. You tried not to look at him at first but the silence got quite unnerving. You almost flinched in your seat upon turning your head because his stare was fixated on you all this time.
"What," You muttered with wide eyes.
"Seatbelt."
"Ah, yeah, sorry." You panicky moved your hands. "I'm sorry we ended up so late. I shouldn't have bothered you like this— oh," you realized you cannot move the belt at all, and so slowly turned your head towards him again with furrowed brows. "I think it's stuck."
"Really," He didn't waste any time and moved towards you to fix it, causing the side of his face in proximity more than comfortable to handle. You ended up holding your breath at the sudden distance and since staring directly at his face was too overwhelming, you just looked down.
"It really is." He remarked as he fumbled on the belt.
"Oh?" You replied. "I'm sorry, did I get it stuck?"
His eyes shifted towards you as he continued moving his hands on it. "Did you?" He asked, the baritone, the very close distance, and his hot breath had you frozen on the spot.
"I did? Sorry if I did?"
He hummed, still not breaking eye contact but not stopping his fumble on the belt either. "You're sorry?"
"Yeah? For getting the belt stuck?"
"Just that?"
"Uh—" You curled your eyebrows and held your breath further despite feeling it run out. "Sorry for getting us this late?"
"And?" He prompted. And what?
You couldn't hold it further so you inhaled, only to get way more flustered not because of this position but because he smelled really good. Every protest your mind is trying to come up with this position was all replaced by shame.
"And for all the things I should be sorry for tonight…?" You mumbled slowly.
The way he stopped fumbling the belt but maintained the distance and eye contact flustered you to no end. Your thought process has completely thrown off, nothing but pathetic admittance that his scent was the sweetest thing you have smelled in a while and it's making you want to indulge in it until you sleep shamelessly in this car.
"Are there more…?" You inquired weakly. He shot you a sweet smile before withdrawing the distance, with his hand swiftly fastening your belt along the way.
"I'm kidding. It's not stuck." He started the engine.
"It's not?" You almost shrieked. His smile turned wry. "It's seriously not stuck?" You repeated as you glared at him in disbelief.
"At least you can take your sorry back."
Your thought process knocking itself off, the mind ruffling distance, the breath you held back, all of those for what? "You brought me in so much worry only to bring my sorry back?"
"You could bring my gratitude as well for humoring me tonight."
"You have no idea how much I held myself from saying how extremely annoying you are tonight."
He released a small laugh. "I'm glad for you finally letting that out."
"You're unbelievable." You puffed and turned your head on the windows instead to hide how flustered you're being at this conversation. You're thankful it got silent after that. You almost ask if he knew where he's going until you remembered this isn't the first time he's bringing you home.
After a few turns, he spoke again, "You lied about meeting Isabel tonight." and he said it so casually. You tensed in your seat.
"I didn't. I just got the name wrong."
"You discovered Isabel's not around so you asked for Furlan's help instead." He ignored your answer. "And he saved you at the last minute."
"Wrong. Furlan clarified this already."
"I figured the reason you lied to me was to turn me down nicely from bringing you home, but we ended up here instead." You gulped down, getting uncomfortable with this talk. "Am I right?"
"Stop teasing me now." You retorted in annoyance.
He heaved a small chuckle. "But you know I'm not teasing you. I don't mind if it's true."
"Where is this conversation going?" You faced him with a slight glare. You know you don't have to be annoyed but he shouldn't linger around if he aims to reprimand you for lying.
"I don't intend to step on your boundaries but I'm fully aware of your measures to avoid me since I set foot here." He answered gently and your glare was replaced with shock. "That said, you don't have any responsibility to clarify yourself or answer my questions. I can acknowledge this conversation didn't happen if you want me to."
You straightened yourself and turned on the window again. "Go on."
"Was your avoidance related to the time when you fainted during our first class?"
You clenched a hand then, wondering how much this man knows about the matter. You also thought if this is the moment you'll be getting your answers as well. You haven't prepared yourself for this, not at all, but if things are going this way, playing games and feigning ignorance would be tiring.
"It may be hard to believe but," you gulped down in an attempt to hide every fear that might seep from you. "After passing out like that, the nightmares had become horrifyingly vivid. It got more understandable, subsequent even. All those after you came so when I'm with you I always struggle in keeping myself sane." You said, saving the part where he's a prominent figure of the nightmare itself. You figured you don't have much strength to say that yet.
"Hm," Erwin acknowledged. "When did your nightmares start?"
"Since childhood."
"What were the nightmares like?"
"Violent. The setting's not changing at all."
"At all? You've been dreaming of nothing but that?"
"I have other dreams from time to time but it's rare. There are also instances when I don't remember what I dreamt of, I just know it's about that because I woke up feeling horrible and nauseous."
"Would you mind expounding about the nightmares? What's it all about?"
"I—" You tried, you really did but a lump in your throat suddenly stopped you. You tried to calm yourself down by heaving a sigh but to no avail. You tried swallowing down only to have it back with more intensity. You can almost feel your body going on full alert as if this is a life and death moment. The breaths are getting ragged, and your heart is beating faster.
"Hm?" He hummed, encouraging you to answer. When he glanced at you, though, he finally realized what was up. "You don't have to force yourself if you can't."
"No," You shakily said, eyes down the ground. "I-I could."
"Breathe properly first then think again."
And so you pondered on it. You feel like if you tell this man beside you about this, everything in this world would crumble down into nothingness. The dust, the air, the people, their desires, and their fears – all of it are going to be replaced with a life entrapped with walls and giants. And this gentle, gentle man whose scent can be deemed intoxicating, his playful and subtle smiles, his sly remarks and actions, his hair sided neatly, and the glasses that he wears on a few occasions standing as the final touch to his nobleness — all of him would be replaced with grim emptiness, with death, and with utter desperation to change your lives — and you don't want that. You want him to stay as someone whose smile can be easily reached and even if it can be terribly annoying, you want him to continue being the person who can be humored with simple and stupid things. You can say all of this to anyone if you want to, to a stranger even, but saying it to him would mean the most because his counterpart, the Scouting Regiment soldier Erwin Smith, was the center of your life in that world. He's the one you hated the most, the one you're forcibly drawn to, the one who introduced you to a literal hell, and the one you had to understand the most so you could embody the will of your brother.
"I'm not ready to say everything yet." You trembled. "I'm afraid I'd finally lose myself and that world would take over me. It would replace the world I'm in."
"But it won't. It can never replace this world."
You finally sighed down, "As annoying as you can be and as worse my life can ever be, I want everyone to stay this way; humored and indulged with the simplest things."
You turned to him again and saw a small smile as he turned into another road. Despite the subtlety of his expression, his eyes were wistful and poignant. It's the very same face that flashed in your dream as he apologized for what happened, how he won't hesitate to pay for his sins — that dream you wish to have again.
"Erwin," You absentmindedly remarked. He raised his brows at the loss of honorifics, and you were quite surprised as well that you released a snort, "Oh no. Spare me on this one."
"As if I heard you address me properly since I came here." He tutted wryly. "Continue."
In an attempt to brush away the heavy thoughts, you asked. "If there's another world existing than this one, would you believe it?"
"I believe there is."
"How so?"
He looked at you then. "If a world constantly shows itself before you, don't you think it's just like any other being begging to be recognized?"
You widened your eyes and stiffened in your seat. "How do you know…"
"Just a story prompt." He cut you off. "Can you write it for me?"
"Oh," Your body untensed and a sigh followed. "I'm not sure I can do that."
"But you already did with your dream about the three."
"It's just a small fragment, not enough for that story prompt."
"That's why I'm asking you to do it on a wider premise. Remember when you told me you felt better writing it? That's because you're setting that nightmare free by acknowledging its existence."
"I don't remember acknowledging its existence."
"You already did. To write how that nightmare affected you is one part." You raised your brows at him, asking to expound. He pushed the gear lever before continuing. "Affection, positive or not, is always evoked by something existent. Whether you see it as a real thing or not, the fact that it made you feel something means that it exists."
You weren't able to reply and pondered how he was right. You were able to live with these nightmares by denying their existence. Your objective was to disregard and deem it as nothing. That's what everyone tells you to do as well and now that you think of it, it's the same reason why you end up terribly ruined whenever it comes in its full form.
But Erwin, the very man heavily present in that world, is telling you to acknowledge its being. With that realization and the way he agreed to your question earlier, you confirmed that he knows something. You're not ready to know how much and are so thankful he's not pressing it on you, but the way you're having a logical person say that there's something beyond this world so easily encourages you to do the same.
"So, can you write it?"
"I don't–" You were about to say you don't want to but halted yourself as he made sense and it'd be a waste to just disregard it. You've been looking for a way to move forward after all. "I don't know yet, but I'll think about it."
"Make sure to think about it seriously since I'm the one who asked for it."
You huffed at the remark. "Yeah, you can be quiet now. Don't make me think otherwise."
He really did and so you subtly smiled in satisfaction. Upon looking out the window, you realized that this is the time of the day when you get afraid to death because sleep might be another day outside the walls. Erwin made another turn and you realized you'll be reaching your house soon.
He called your name again so you turned your head at him quickly. "What about this," He started as he pulled on the gear lever. "Tell me all about your dreams," He made the last turn on your street. "And I'll tell you mine."
As if it's a terrifying spell, time stopped before you. The only ones that continued to move were you and him. It's as if a primal fear struck you right after he dropped the last syllable of his remark. You thought he could bring this to you slowly, and deep inside you still genuinely hope he wasn't having the exact same thing happening to you. He had it. Oh god. He really had it, a voice in your head screamed. Coming to terms with whatever he knows went back to square one just like that.
He turned at you casually, gently, as if he didn't say something so horrifying. "We're here," Erwin said, and with his ever tranquil voice and figure, he called your name again. "I wish you a good sleep without nightmares tonight,"