Chapter 2: Not Me

"Good morning, sir," a youthful male voice said, dragging Ichigo out of a sound sleep and making him grunt warningly at the offender as he set a tray down on the nightstand.

It suddenly occurred to the drowsy Shiba heir that his bed seemed much softer and smelled incredibly better.

Flowers.

Smells really good.

Smells like Byakuya.

"Sir?"

Ichigo scowled, lifted his head and glanced at the clock.

"F-fuck, Toshi, you do know it's like five in the morning, right? Come back at noon. I'm not moving until then."

"Um...?"

Ichigo started to sink back into sleep, then made a sudden realization.

That wasn't my clock!

"S-sir?"

Ichigo's eyes flew open and he found himself lying in Byakuya's bed, in Byakuya's bedroom and looking up through startled eyes at Byakuya's very confused looking attendant.

"B-byakuya-sama," Torio said uncertainly, "are you all right?"

Ichigo looked back over his shoulder to locate the noble, but found he was the only one in the bed. He turned his head back, to look at Torio, then gave a surprised yelp as a fall of raven-colored and sakura scented hair slid across his shoulder.

"Wh-what the hell is going on here?" he exclaimed, watching as Torio backed away slightly and observed him with growing fear.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"What is this? Some weird, crazy horror dream?" Ichigo yelled, "I'm not Byakuya! I'm...!"

He jumped out of the bed, forgetting to close his yukata, and ran into the dressing area, where he skidded to a stop, staring at the reflection in the mirror.

"Byakuya-sama, I am going to get the healer!" Torio cried, flash stepping away.

"N-no, wait!" Ichigo shouted, "Torio, come back!"

He panted hard, his grey eyes wide and disbelieving as they took in Byakuya's lovely, mostly naked body.

"This has got to be a dream," Ichigo whimpered, realizing that the voice that said the words wasn't his either, but the Kuchiki heir's, "This is just...a really weird, insane dream!"

"Good morning, Nii-sama," said Rukia's voice, making him turn and howl in surprise and embarrassment.

He grabbed the sides of his yukata and pulled it shut, then tied the ends as he glared at Byakuya's surprised and deeply blushing sister.

"Rukia, what the HELL! What are you doing, walking into my bedroom like that? Get out!"

"I'm...I'm v-very sorry, Nii-sama!" she apologized profusely, "I was just here like always to take our morning walk together through the gardens. I can come back, and I'm sorry, I'll knock. I'm sorry, Nii-sama. I'm very sorry!"

She backed out of the bedroom, bowing and continuing to apologize as more steps sounded on the walkway.

"He's not himself at all!" Torio's voice exclaimed, "I don't know what's wrong. I just woke him up like always. But he spoke to me so rudely and he yelled and swore at me!"

"Oh, I'm sure it was just he was dreaming or some such," the old healer's voice answered, "You stay here, my boy, and I will go in and have a look at him."

Oh kami, they think I'm Byakuya!

His frightened grey eyes looked back at the mirror.

Shit! I am Byakuya...sort of. I have my own mind.

He swallowed hard and opened his yukata, freezing and staring raptly down at Byakuya's pale, muscular chest, soft, flat belly and pretty, blushing genitals.

"Oh my god!" he gasped, "What do I do? What the hell do I do? These guys'll think I'm crazy!"

"Byakuya-sama?" the kind old healer's voice called ahead as Michio moved to enter the dressing area.

They're gonna have me commmitted! I have to do something. I have to...

"Byakuya-sama?" Michio called, stepping into the dressing area as Ichigo cleared his throat, calmed his expression and removed his yukata completely.

He steeled himself and did his best impression of Byakuya's voice.

"Good morning, Michio. Is there a problem?"

The old healer smiled as Ichigo picked up the fresh clothing his attendant had laid out and began to dress.

"Well, young Torio said that it seemed you were having a bad dream as you woke, and you weren't yourself. I just came to make sure that you were awake now and all right."

"As you can see, I am fine," he said, doing his best to use Byakuya's more formal tone and inflection, "I was just not all of the way awake when Torio came in...eh, arrived with my meal."

"Ah, I see," Michio said warmly, "Your reiatsu does seem a bit rebellious this morning...a bit unlike you. But you seem fine now, ne? I will have Torio come in to finish dressing you."

"Oh, no, you don't have to..." Ichigo began.

He sighed resignedly as the healer disappeared, and tried to look more calm and regal as Torio entered the dressing area and regarded him cautiously in the mirror.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"It is all right," Ichigo assured the spooked attendant, "It was just that I wasn't all of the way awake when you entered the room. I am fine now. I'm s...my apologies for unnerving you."

"Oh, it's all right, sir. It happens to all of us. I was only surprised because you've never done that before," Torio answered, his good-natured smile returning as his master resumed a more normal demeanor, "You did seemed to have drunk more than usual last night at the wedding. I should have let you sleep later this morning."

"It's fine," Ichigo assured him, "I wouldn't want to miss my morning walk with Rukia."

"Right," Torio agreed, swiftly setting Byakuya's uniform in place and fastening the decorative ornaments in his hair.

"Ow! Damn, that hurts!" Ichigo complained, "Do I have to wear these things?"

Torio blinked and gave him a surprised look, then shook his head to clear it.

"You always wear them, sir. You had them specially made and they are a lot lighter than the kenseiken was.

"Oh, right," Ichigo said, blushing as he realized he had nearly given himself away again.

He watched wordlessly as Torio finished dressing him, then stood, quietly waiting.

"Um..."

Ichigo strained his mind to think of what to do next, then finally sighed resignedly.

"Torio, why do I get up this early?" he complained.

The attendant chuckled.

You're being funny today, sir," he observed, "Rukia-chan is waiting outside for you and after that, you will be meeting Renji-san for training at your division."

"Oh, right," Ichigo mused, turning out of the dressing area and walking out into the room. He passed through the doors that led out onto the wooden walkway and found Rukia standing a few steps from the door and staring at him curiously.

"G-good morning, Nii-sama," she greeted him, "I am sorry for before."

"It's fine," he assured her, "I was half asleep this morning. I must have had too much wine last night."

"I think so," Rukia giggled, "You really acted strangely before, Nii-sama. Maybe it's a good thing you don't drink very much too often."

"Yes," he agreed, suddenly grateful that Byakuya was a more reserved person, so that he could keep his talking to a minimum as they circled the gardens together.

I have to figure out what the hell is going on. I thought this was a dream, but I'm not waking up. It feels real. I guess it is really happening. I just wonder, if I'm in Byakuya's body, then...is he...? Oh man, that's bad!

He finished his walk with Rukia, then watched her leave and ducked into a quiet area of the gardens. He summoned a hell butterfly and spoke a message into it.

Renji, I...have a sudden appointment and can't-er, cannot meet you for training this morning. I will not be in today. Please take care of things for me.

He escaped Kuchiki Manor and moved at flash step speed towards Shiba Manor.

I'd better get there fast and hope that I'm...Byakuya's not up yet! If Toshi and the others see me acting like him, they're gonna have me committed!

Ichigo's feet stopped suddenly.

Wait a minute! What's wrong with my flash step?

He tried again and found once again that his flash step failed to engage.

"What the hell?"

He set off again towards Shiba Manor at the fastest run he could manage.

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya woke feeling dull and still too sleepy. He turned his head slightly and glanced at the time, noticing that the clock seemed different, but quickly dismissing it as a second realization occurred to him. He felt something warm and rumbling in the middle of his back.

Is that...a cat?

He blinked in confusion and looked over his shoulder to indeed, find a large black cat curled up on his back and purring.

Is that...?

"Senpai?" he inquired sleepily, "Is that you?"

"Senpai?" the cat repeated in a male voice, "Ichigo, are you all right?"

"Ichigo?" Byakuya repeated in a confused tone, sitting up, then realizing suddenly that, not only did his voice sound wrong to him, he was sitting in Shiba Ichigo's bed, in the Shiba heir's room.

Yoruichi hissed and jumped off the bed, shifting to her human form and, thankfully, dressed.

"What is going on here?" Byakuya mused, his breath quickening as he studied his surroundings, then the women staring at him in confusion.

"Huh," the cat woman huffed, running her fingers through her hair, "You must have gotten drunker than I thought at that party. No wonder you had me up half the night, complaining about Byakuya."

"C-complaining about...Byakuya?" the noble repeated, frowning in confusion.

"Look, I'll say it again and you're sober, so you should remember this time. You need to smarten up and just go ask Byakuya out."

"B-but...!"

"I heard what you said about the two of you being too different and I know he's not the most expressive person..."

"I beg your pardon!"

"But if you really find him attractive, when you've never felt attracted like that to anyone, you shouldn't be so stubborn about it. Sometimes opposites attract, and even if you're different, you'll find a middle ground."

"What in kami's name are you talking about, Demon cat!" Byakuya snapped.

Yoruichi frowned and looked at him more closely.

"Sheesh, you're even starting to sound like him," she mused, shaking her head dismissively, "you're not so different after all."

"Will you get out of here!" Byakuya shouted, hurling a pillow at the purple-haired woman and watching as she flash stepped out the window.

"This is insane! What is going on here?" the noble mused breathlessly.

"Ichigo-sama?" a youthful male voice inquired.

"No, it is me," Byakuya said, turning to face the attendant, "I do not know how I got here or what kind of poor joke this is, but it needs to stop!"

Byakuya paused at the confused, wide-eyed look the attendant gave him in return. Turning his head, he caught his reflection in the mirror above the dresser.

"Wh-what?" he managed in a stunned voice.

"Eh...I'm sorry, Ichigo-sama, I will...I will come back!"

He watched the attendant flash step out of the room and moved closer to the mirror, blinking and staring raptly.

"What is happening? Is this a dream?" he whispered, touching his face.

"If it's a dream, then we're both having it," someone said in his voice from the doorway.

Byakuya turned and found himself face to face with his own regal form. His eyes rounded and his jaw dropped, then he collapsed into what looked to be his own arms in a dead faint.

"Byakuya!" Ichigo hissed, "Come on!"

He lifted the collapsed form he held and carried it back to the bed. He laid his body in the bed and leaned over it, patting it on the face and watching as the golden-brown eyes blinked and slowly focused on him.

"What is this?" Byakuya asked in Ichigo's bewildered voice, "Why is my body there, but I am..."

"In mine?" Ichigo finished, "The hell if I know! But we have to do something! I can't be stuck in your body! I'll go crazy!"

"And you think I will fare better in yours?" Byakuya hissed furiously, shaking his head as he began to recover.

"But what do we do?" Ichigo pleaded, "Should we got to the infirmary?"

"Are you insane?" Byakuya asked, "We will be locked up in psych ward!"

"Well, we have to think of something!" Ichigo exclaimed, "What about Urahara-san? He can usually figure these things out?"

"There is no way that I am going to reveal this travesty to that man!" Byakuya said hotly, "He and that demon cat would have a field day, not letting me forget this for the rest of my life!"

"Okay, fine, then who do we go to? Don't even suggest that psychotic Kurotsuchi bastard!"

"You have my agreement on that. That man is beyond reprehensible."

"You know, you shouldn't be talking that way while you're in my body," Ichigo said, smirking.

"I shouldn't be in your body at all!" Byakuya huffed, scowling, "I fail to see how this happened, but I promise you if this is some kind of joke you are playing...!"

"Hey, I'm just as much in your body as you are in mine!" Ichigo complained, "Don't think of blaming this on me!"

"Well, I don't know who else besides someone from your insane clan would do something like this!"

"Heh, and we were kinda surrounded by a whole bunch of them last night," Ichigo remembered.

Byakuya went silent for a moment, his mind going back to the wedding.

We were both drinking...

"Ichigo, what did you have to drink last night at the wedding?" the Kuchiki heir asked.

"A lot of tequila, oh, and champagne for the toasts."

"I had mostly just wine, but also champagne for the toasts," Byakuya added.

"You think someone spiked it?" Ichigo asked.

"I am not sure, but if we want to find out if that's the case, then we need to see if anyone else who drank the toasts with us is acting strangely."

"Rukia seemed fine," Ichigo reported, "except it freaked her out when she walked in and saw me...you...naked."

"Rukia saw me naked?" Byakuya gasped, "Ichigo!"

"I covered up fast!" the Shiba heir assured him, "I was just surprised when I found myself in your body instead of mine and I was looking in the mirror."

"You were looking at me naked?" the Kuchiki heir fumed, his eyes narrowing and steam practically issuing from his ears, "You better not have touched me, you perverted bastard! I'll kill you!"

"Whoa! Wait a sec!" Ichigo objected, holding out his hands to ward off his own charging body, "In case you forgot, we have a bigger problem than Rukia and me having seen you naked! And I didn't touch you! I swear!"

"You'd better not have," the Kuchiki warned him in a deadly voice.

"I didn't! Now, just calm down. We're going to have everyone in here thinking we're out of our heads if we don't try to keep a lid on things."

"I suppose you're right," Byakuya agreed, still panting softly as his body calmed, "But I am warning you, Ichigo, you had better not abuse my body in any way!"

"What about mine?" Ichigo countered, crossing his arms, "You've probably been looking at mine. Renji said you liked me. And Tetsuya said that you are fond of me."

"You're delusional!" Byakuya snapped, turning away.

"Am I?" Ichigo challenged him, moving closer and capturing the other man's hand, "Well, it might interest you to know that, being around my body is making yours aroused."

Byakuya glared back at him and opened his yukata, baring the Shiba heir's prominent erection. Ichigo blushed brightly and closed the yukata, chuckling nervously.

"Eh, this is really awkward," he mused, "Tell you what, maybe we should get to the bottom of this and worry about who aroused who more later."

"Fine," Byakuya huffed angrily, "but don't touch me again!"

"I wasn't touching you. I was touching me," Ichigo said, smirking, "And I only touched my hand."

"You know what I meant!"

"Yeah, sorry, but, where do we start? Who do we talk to who isn't going to laugh at us or put us in a psych ward?"

Byakuya considered the question silently for a moment.

"Maybe we should go back to where we were most likely given whatever made this happen," he suggested.

"So, back to Kuri-Kuri's place?"

"Yes, but...you need to act like nothing happened," Byakuya warned him, "We want to catch the surprised look on the culprit's face at seeing that their trick didn't work."

"Except it really did."

"We don't want them to figure that out," Byakuya reasoned, "I think we can eliminate Rukia as a suspect."

"Yeah, she was too freaked out to have known what was going on."

"Your cousin, Kurushimi is a suspect."

"Yeah, he'd do something like this all right."

"Tetsuya would not dare, and would have stopped his ridiculous husband if he had known."

"Probably, yeah," Ichigo agreed, "Renji plays a lot of pranks."

"But he wouldn't dare do something like this to me," Byakuya said firmly.

"Unless he was drunk," Ichigo suggested, "And he was hitting the tequila pretty hard last night."

"Do you think your father would?"

"Dad? Maybe. He's a little twisted and he was drunk too."

"Just about everyone was drunk, Ichigo."

"Yeah, even you," the Shiba heir remembered.

"I drank wine," Byakuya insisted.

"You drank a lot of wine. I woke up in your body, and I had a pretty big headache."

"Not as big as yours, fool!" Byakuya snapped.

"Okay, okay, it's not going to help to argue about who has the biggest headache or anything else. Let's just get to Shima Adobe and see what we can find out."

"Very well, but you must speak like me."

"And you have to talk like me."

"That's right," Byakuya said, using Ichigo's own intonation.

"That is correct," Ichigo said primly, giving Byakuya a pleased smirk.

"I never wear that expression," Byakuya chided him.

"Erm, sorry," Ichigo apologized, adjusting to a more calm expression, "Is that better?"

"Yes...I mean, yeah, that's better."

"You shouldn't stand so straight," Ichigo suggested, "It looks like there's a pole up my..eh..back."

"Hmm," Byakuya said, slouching slightly.

"That's better. Now, let's go."

Byakuya engaged his flash step, then evinced a surprised look and crashed to the floor.

"Oh crap," Ichigo mused, "are you okay? I meant to tell you. This stuff seems to have affected our powers too."

Byakuya picked himself up and brushed off his clothes.

"Now, you tell me."

"Sorry."

"Let's just go!" Byakuya snapped, limping slightly as he walked away.