Warning: Suicidal thoughts

For Levi, Erwin was never in good shape ever since they met each other up until they graduated. It's as if his body encapsulates every forlorn this world could ever have and everyone in their circle of friends just knew he's barely keeping his facade. This man's clearly seen better days, they always thought. Despite that, Erwin seemed to have unusual getaways from everything and Levi is the one to keep up with it; one of which involves Erwin dumping unsolicited story ideas on the man. It went to a point where Levi badly berated him because hearing someone say very tragic things involving everyone they knew – constantly at that – was just plain disturbing, whether they are just pure silly stories or not. Erwin apologized for it but repeated the gesture when he got drunk again, leaving Levi extremely defeated.

However, the time Erwin decided to meet each one in their circle separately and when he sounded like he was bidding his farewells to them, a red alarm sparked and they knew something must be done to keep Erwin from slipping away.

"Levi," Hange mumbled worriedly on the phone. "I met Erwin just now and it's true. He's alarming, you know? I jokingly told him he better treat me to lots of drinks but he immediately agreed without contentions!" They started shouting. "Isn't that strange? Erwin didn't mumble a single banter! He didn't mock me all throughout our hangout! He acted so kindly! How am I supposed to react to that!"

"Maybe I'd understand if you stop screaming for once." Levi gruffed. After he massaged his temples he spoke again, "So, what did he say?"

"Miche's right, he ended up telling us the same; that he needed to go far away so he could pay the rest of his debt."

Levi was beyond weirded out. "Did he tell you what the debt was?" Erwin came from a well-off family so he's certain it's not a literal debt he has to pay.

"He kept on getting vague to me as well. Just exactly what he said to others."

"Any other signs to look at?"

"He doesn't look that angsty city boy anymore. He looked happy and calm instead. He's really giving away his possessions, had put his house on sale, and literally set everything in order."

"Maybe his over-the-top brain finally kept up to him." He was getting really pissed at the thought.

"When I asked him who he was supposed to meet next, he said he's just certain to make you the last one." Hange paused for a while then spoke again with a low and serious tone. "Levi, you're the only one left to do this. He definitely can't go away like this."

That was something Levi doesn't need to be told. He's certain he'd do anything to knock some sense off Erwin no matter how cruel or sappy it could be. So when Erwin finally asked him to drink, he made sure he was all prepared. Before the meetup, he tried to recall everything Erwin said to him. He never really got anything unusual in mind. When he pondered further, however, he remembered Erwin spurring unusual nuances whenever he's dead drunk.

"All my story prompts are bullshit. They're not prompts at all." Erwin mumbled with dead tired eyes and a swaying drunk voice. "They're real. Why are they real?"

"Are you asking me why? Go outside and have some air. You're wasted."

"No, Levi. You don't understand." He mumbled under his breath, all whining. "I didn't say it to you for nothing. It's true, I'm wicked whenever I'm asleep. And I just want…" His voice was barely audible this time around. "I just want someone to judge me." There, he finally closed his eyes.

Whenever he's like that, they always end up carrying him back home while unconscious. Despite it being plainly ridiculous for him, he's keen enough to at least have an idea about his mumbles. He's not at all unfamiliar with someone getting repeated nightmares as well. That's why on a random day, he pressed Isabel regarding yours; what was it all about, how often, and more relevant inquiries. Despite Isabel being reluctant about it at first, she still ended up spilling everything. By the time she was done, Levi was in a completely foul mood already.

"I'm not joking here."

She shot him a confused look, "Yeah, I'm not joking too."

"Have Erwin told you this then asked you to play around me as well?"

"What do you even mean by that? Have you ever seen us talk?" She gruffed as if cringing. "You brought him here for the second time already but I'm still afraid of him! Ugh, I still shudder whenever I'm reminded of his build."

Isabel was never a good liar when she's pressed on it so her reaction was more than enough to make Levi utterly shocked. They had the same dreams. Despite how ridiculous it sounded and even if he's dead sure he won't believe it, he decided to keep it in his cards regardless.

"Yo, Levi." Erwin greeted upon seeing him; he was already with a glass of wine and settled nicely on the barstool.

"I'll get straight to the point with you here, Erwin." He started and squinted his eyes at the man. "I went here so I could stop your leaving shenanigans. We're no fools here. There's no way you'd be paying anyone's debt." He dropped his coat on the counter and settled himself on the seat as well.

"Come on, now," Erwin flatly remarked. "I just wanted to wind out tonight." Erwin had a lot to say so Levi needs to get in the mood to hear it.

"Why? Your silly coping strategy of making up stories to make me suffer got you bored now?"

Erwin let out a sarcastic smile as he chugged the wine down, "I suppose."

"Erwin," Levi said in a low voice. "Are you planning to do something irreversible? Is that why you're bidding us farewell?"

That sudden inquiry made him wide-eyed and Levi watched him intently. After a while, Erwin regained his composure. "Why would I do that?"

"What debts are you aiming to pay for exactly?"

"From an old acquaintance."

"You're not fooling anyone here but yourself," He scowled. "The others might be tolerant of your silly vagueness but I certainly have no patience for this. Be straight on now or I'll be the one to knock you off instead of the wine you're drinking."

"Sorry," Erwin mumbled in a low voice and with a wistful smile. "But I don't want to talk about it."

"I'll spare you on that if this was some usual hangout but we both know it isn't." Levi's not drinking at all. He just sat quite tensely, trying to hide the unwarranted anger that Erwin certainly doesn't need right now.

"Right," The man in question replied. "As expected, you really won't let me win this one."

"Yeah, if you're now aware then stop stalling me on this talk now."

"The story prompts are real."

Levi just shut his eyes close in frustration, asking himself what he did to deserve everyone conspiring to break his sanity. However, Erwin might not be sober already so he needs to jive in with this. "Okay. What do you mean by that?"

"Just like what I said. All the nonsense I spilled out is something real."

He doesn't sound drunk. Was he trying to change the topic so Levi wouldn't stop him? Or was Erwin waiting for him to actually believe it before he let out a dad joke laugh? Levi doesn't know. He can't figure out Erwin's eccentricities. Still, he tried to play along thinking he might get something from it. "How so?"

"All the things I said to you," Erwin poured his glass of wine again. "I dreamt of it even before meeting you guys."

"Expound."

"That's it."

Levi shot him a dead stare, "What the fuck, Erwin. For fuck's sake. Be clear at once."

"Sorry." Erwin concealed a sneer as he realized Levi was already barely keeping his patience to cater to his nonsense. "Since the time I got conscious enough to recognize things, I've been having a fair share of very vivid nightmares."

"Please don't tell me you're sharing a story prompt again."

"No, idiot." He finally let out the laugh he held down. "I didn't tell you all of those prompts for nothing. They were real to me because I see them whenever I'm asleep."

Finally, Levi chugged down the wine. He can't deal with this soberly. "Well, the nightmare part I can believe. I know someone who had that dilemma as well. Constant nightmares in one setting. Although she's not clear about what's happening around it just yet." Levi apparently glued his eyes randomly on some wine displays while waiting for his reply. However, Erwin stayed awfully silent so he just turned to the man.

Levi's eyes widened, "What the fuck is up with that face?"

"Who is that someone?"

"A close family friend."

"Do you know what their dreams are about?"

"I swear to god, you better be pulling off some kind of joke."

"What? No. Why?"

Levi brushed his hair through his hands frustratingly, "The dreams she's been having are quite similar to yours."

"What's her name?" Erwin quickly pressed.

Despite being completely clueless at the reaction, Levi just thought of going with whatever Erwin wanted if that meant prolonging this conversation. That way he could still figure out how to convince him to not push whatever his plans were. With that, he casually said your name to the curious man. It made Erwin abruptly drop his glass on the table, making a loud clank.

"Why? Rang a bell? What now? Are you gonna tell me she showed up in those silly nightmares too?" Erwin looked completely horrified and it made Levi shudder internally; he started to doubt whether he really wanted to push through this talk or not. "Those damned walls, fighting giants, getting chewed by them. That's the gist. My brat told me about it because she's close to her." Still, Erwin heaved no response. "Seriously? Isabel wasn't fucking around?"

"How…" Erwin mumbled and paused for a while. When he realized he was too taken aback to come up with a response, he chugged down the whole glass then continued, "How's that girl doing?"

"Well, as worse as you are if not more." A sudden idea flashed on Levi. "I won't be able to tell you much, though. Maybe get your ass to her then see it for yourself instead of bidding everyone farewell to pay for nonexistent debts." If he managed to get Erwin near their household then maybe he could have a turnaround towards the betterment of his well-being.

Erwin was extremely sullen at the suggestion so Levi just let the man register it the way he could. After a while, he finally replied, "I don't think I could. She was haunted by the fact that I made her life miserable and instead of taking accountability, I left her blaming herself for feeling broken about it."

What the fuck was that? I doubt I'll be able to figure that out even if I'm dead drunk. How am I supposed to respond? Levi's head was throbbing. He just tried to come up with whatever he could think of at this point. "If that's the case then she might be someone you're really indebted to. She's been in rough shape since childhood as well. I think she's getting worse day by day." As if Erwin's face couldn't be worse, it got way darker after his remark. "You may have dumped this on me randomly but now that I think of it, this might be the reason why you're in a rough shape as well. If that's really the case and not even the mighty Erwin Smith could easily survive that shit hole, how bad would it do to her?"

"Fuck," Erwin muttered under his breath. "I can't stress enough how frustrated I am with that." He kind of let that out grimly but his voice was laced with sheer displeasure. He can't even chug down another glass again because that alone already left a very bitter taste in his mouth. Erwin vehemently hoped your mind would be at ease just like Levi and the others, at least in this one. Out of all the people he struggled to find in those nightmares just so he could ensure they were living their greatest lives, it was you he couldn't get to see.

However, he tried clinging to the little hope left. He just needs to know you're in a relatively better place now, that way the guilt won't strike him too hard. "Does she smile a lot?"

"You made her cry in your dreams?"

"Just answer the question."

"Rarely, but she still does."

"Hm," Erwin clicked his tongue as he drank the last bits of his wine. He called for the bartender to serve him another. "She looked really good when smiling. You must be fortunate to see that."

"Huh," Levi was deeply defeated at this point, "I have so many questions but I beg you to shut up for now. Just go to her and prove to me you're not fooling around. I'll knock you down otherwise."

"It's not like I have a choice. I can't leave her like that."

"Right," Levi, despite the sheer confusion, was slightly satisfied. He had no idea how it worked but at least he managed to change Erwin's mind. That's what matters to him for now.

He pulled some strings so Erwin could manage to live around the area. However, despite his clear agenda of just making Erwin not lose himself, he really got curious as to what was up with the nightmare itself. If you're not having the same situation, he definitely wouldn't be able to get to Erwin and he might disappear just like that. Above everything, however, the thought of everyone challenging his level-headedness still persisted. When Erwin finally settled, they hung out again.

"She fainted. Right after she saw me." Erwin casually said.

Levi turned to him in disbelief. "You better be joking."

"I sure hope I am." He deadpanned.

Levi tried to calm down somehow. "To be fair, that girl doesn't get enough sleep. Maybe that came up to her."

"She doesn't look like she fainted out of exhaustion. I carried her to the infirmary myself. Stayed for a while and even tried to wake her up."

Levi heaved a sigh. "So how does that make you feel?"

"You wouldn't want to know."

"No shit. I really don't. Just answer the question."

"I thought it would be better to just run away again." With that, Levi suddenly got worried that all his effort would be for naught. However, Erwin added. "But I was also happy, and that feeling disgusted me."

"Huh? You're happy she fainted?"

"No. I'm happy I was able to confirm she's really having the same thing."

"I thought you were frustrated about that?"

"Yeah, I got too happy knowing someone could see me in that world and judge me the way I wanted to, all the while having the potential to answer my questions." He lamented. "I was also delighted to see her again despite how bad she's dealing with this predicament. How foul could that be."

Erwin looked extremely pitiful and that sight was uncomfortable for Levi. It might be a piece of common knowledge now but he still can't get used to the feeling. Regardless, he tried to weigh his priorities for now. "Seriously, Erwin. I brought you here just because of how you reacted. If she really was stressed upon seeing you that she fainted then I don't think I would be able to bat an eye on that. This is the time you should explain properly."

Erwin didn't feel like messing around anymore. He was extremely tired and he hadn't thought of getting this far. That's why he told Levi everything about it without letting any details slip and not enclosing it in dumb stories. At first, Erwin was quite surprised Levi took it quietly and didn't freak out, but deep inside Levi was seriously obliterated. Despite not having any plans to, he stood up, grabbed his stock of champagne, and ended up drinking too much again because hearing that was extremely heavy and he started doubting his sanity.

"Erwin, if you're really fucking around here I beg you to drop it now. This is seriously creeping me out."

"I really hope I have the will to fuck around."

"Fine." Levi gave up. "So what do you think is up with that?"

"I had a hard time deciphering it at first but after all the years I spent having those I realized it's indeed something separate from this world. I'm not sure how that worked nor why only the two of us have it as far as I'm aware, but my hunch is that the nightmares might be events that happened first."

"So the two dying miserably, me who tried to kill you, and you being the bad man you're very eager to make me known, all of them are real?"

"Yeah." Erwin tapped mindlessly on the glass. He sensed how restless he was getting, "Can I smoke?"

"Go on."

The conversation was too heavy in the middle of a hectic week, even the stoic Levi was immensely sullen at the realization. He just doesn't have any idea how he would survive that much tragedy. They weren't able to know how long the silence was and how much they spaced out, so when Levi went back from it he continued lowly, "I don't know how it happened nor do I want to witness that unfold but you better take her easy. I know how curious you could be but at least tone it down until she's ready. She's been through a lot."

"That doesn't need to be told." Erwin pressed his cig on the ashtray. "The last thing I want to be is another burden."

Levi knew that he could trust whatever Erwin vouched to do but at the same time, he's too bothered at how you were reacting to everything. He rarely saw you lose your cool and if ever you did, only Isabel gets to see and inform him of that. That's why he was beyond annoyed at the sight when the night out came.

"What did you do?" He glowered at the man holding your unconscious figure so you wouldn't end up on the ground.

"She went up to me and cried."

"Yeah? And what made her cry?" Levi's voice was rising up. He thought he might just be too frustrated at the possibilities regarding the nightmares and he's just trying to lash out. He really doesn't know. "We already talked about this and I trusted you would stick to your word so what the fuck is–"

"Hey, what's up?" Furlan cut him off, worriedly putting a hand on Levi's shoulder to calm him down. "She only looked like she drank a lot."

When Kuchel carefully handled your body so Erwin could stand up, he walked into the bushes and picked some bottles up. When he's back, Isabel and Furlan let out a surprised huff. "The heck? That's a lot!" Isabel exclaimed. That sight made Levi ground himself somehow but that's not enough to erase his already foul mood. He walked away to get the car without a word, leaving his siblings worried for him.

After the small commotion, despite the topic being almost too heavy to bear, he let Erwin tell him all relevant updates, silly conspiracies, and how they could possibly alleviate the situation and your worsening stress. The last straw for him, however, was when they stormed into your house and heard straight from you something he heard from Erwin first. A part of him thought that maybe it would be better if he hadn't convinced Erwin to go here as he felt guilty at the sight of you getting worse than he could ever imagine. He knew he used your situation to his benefit after all. The feeling made Levi want to either spill everything to you all at once or just have Erwin go back from where he came from.

That's why he was really relieved when you finally came up to him right before he made a wrong call. Now, he's finally facing you as he told you everything he knew, along with his ringing selfish favor despite the guilt.

"Recently, I actually just dumped Erwin the burden of ensuring you won't end up completely insane. I know I don't have the right to make more requests to you after what I did but–"

"No." You cut him off flatly. "What did you do? It's not your fault."

"I was the one who brought him here–"

"Still, it's not your fault."

Levi almost let out a small laugh in amusement. He's not the one who needs consoling right now. "Fine. So here's my request," He gave you your free drink, clasped his hands on the bar table, then shot you an intent look, "Save Erwin. I'm sure you could do it better than we ever could."

The remark made you utterly confused. "Where does he need to be saved from?"

"From himself." That made your eyes wide. "We're not too sure about this but it seems like Erwin was about to kill himself had I not told him about your nightmares. I'm not asking you to be some sort of caretaker but the thing you have with him is something no one ever has as far as I know. Do you get where I'm coming from?"

"So he was badly affected by this as well," You barely whispered. I thought he had a better life here.

"Yeah, he does. I'm actually really thankful I don't suffer the same and I thought I should apologize for that as well."

You let out a tired laugh. "I don't get why you should but I appreciate the gesture, I guess."

"Though the change he had after bringing him here was almost alarming. He only smiles like that when he's wasted. I'm at loss on the way he acts towards you now."

"I'm completely annoyed when he smiles that I thought he's born for that." You chugged half of the drink down. "Tell me more."

"He gets along with everyone easily but he's dead serious most of the time. So now that he smiles randomly and even laughs at the simplest things, I'm too appalled to even point it out." Levi almost looked terrified.

"Really? I told Isabel that the commander was horrifying and cold but he said Erwin's far from it."

"Because he's not horrifying and cold. It's just that he can handle conversation so well that he doesn't need to let out a positive mood to register his interest."

"That's weird." You tried to hide how sullen you were at Levi's remark. Maybe being at ease despite the burden of remembering that world was too good to be true. "I hope he could show me that as well."

"I doubt he would considering how cautious he is on bothering you." Levi pondered for a while as he stared outside the cafe to watch people do their business. "Also, it was never a good sight to see." He muttered.

"But how could I save him with what I have? What do you think I should do?"

"I don't know exactly. I just thought you could and you'd be smart enough to know how."

"Shut up." You released a chuckle in disbelief. "I can't believe the almighty Levi is facing me without any strategies at hand."

"It's because I'm done figuring out what's on that fucker's mind." Levi can't believe he could be this clueless as well. "His thought process is out of the world. I'm quite lucky you didn't end up the same because having another Erwin will make me lose my head."

"Oh. Yeah, I suppose I understand that."

Levi pondered for a while, "I think your presence will be more than enough to get him grounded. After all, I told him to pay whatever debt he has towards you instead. He can't just cut you off when he feels like it and he doesn't look like he had plans to."

"And he better not plan for it. I was beyond happy when I realized he has the same."

"You're happy he ended up that way? Strange. He said the same thing."

"No. I'm happy I saw him again." He shot you a confused look because still, you said the same thing. "If you were the ones to show up in my nightmares first, I'd be genuinely happy to be able to have you guys in this world. Despite me getting scared upon seeing him, he became some sort of solace to me when I discovered he has the same. That alone was already a deep companionship I think."

Levi noticed your drink was already empty so he grabbed it for a refill. "He might get too curious at the situation at hand, though. He can be very annoying on that so just hope you could handle it well. Regardless, tell me if he gets too much. I won't hesitate to kick him back to where he came from if you asked me to." He gave your cup back.

You shot him a sheepish smile. "Being the overprotective old man again, huh." You looked down at the cup and tapped it mindlessly, your smile turning wistful. "Thanks. And sorry. For avoiding you since then."

"Took you so long." You quickly turned to him at the remark and he flatly squinted his eyes at you. "I actually forgot you owe me an apology for that."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would bother you a lot so–"

"Of course, it would. I thought it was a temporary thing but you went on for years." Levi cut you off. "But yeah, forget it. Erwin was able to explain that we're not on good terms in whatever world you've been seeing."

"No, it's not that." You furrowed your brows. "I just felt guilty. You were aware that I befriended Isabel with ulterior motives and that made you very angry."

"Was that really the case for you? Did you not hold Isabel with importance at all?"

"No!" You quickly interjected. "Of course, I treasured her a lot. I think it's tormenting how I never got to genuinely show it."

"Were you able to convey that to the Levi there?"

You nodded hesitantly; Levi patted your shoulder. "Then that's enough. I'm sure he was able to appreciate it."

"But you were so angry." You puffed.

"I'm not whoever that man was." He flatly replied and it got you silent. "But you were able to treasure my family even in a completely different world. I might not know everything about it but if I was really him then I'm sure I would be thankful for what you had with her, given that brat wasn't able to have a genuine companion besides us as Erwin said." Your eyes widened again. Somehow the thought of that Levi finally accepting your apology through this was more than enough to exude heavy emotions.

"Right. I suppose you would." You mumbled. After setting the emotions aside, for now, you prompted again. "Do you think I could get along with Erwin this time around? I feel like the commander needs to be more cruel in the future nightmares."

Levi rested his elbow on the table and slouched his head on his palm. "What are you worrying about?"

"That I wouldn't help but hold the Erwin we have in disdain. I know I shouldn't worry about that and he already proved that to me many times. I just know this feeling isn't linear."

"That man," Levi hesitated for quite a while. "He admitted that what he felt towards you on that world kinda sticks to him even though the circumstances here are completely different."

"Really? So he's angry at me?"

"He was angry at you there?" You immediately nodded.

Levi almost let out a chuckle but held it and shook his head in amusement instead. "Do whatever you feel about the situation then, but be sure to convey it to him." He pondered for a while. "That poor man. Ask him if he really was angry. You can't save each other when one of you would be kept in the dark regarding your feelings. You understand?"

"That's quite challenging, but I'll try my best."

He then rested his palm on top of your head and ruffled it messily. You shot him a glare, "I'm not a kid."

Levi didn't budge, "Really? I was sure Erwin told me you seemed to like it."

That garnered a flush on your face, "No!" and you quickly tried to swat his hand away but he gripped it. I can never figure out why this man is awfully strong, you thought to yourself. But you stopped resisting when he flashed you a small poignant smile, "No matter what's up in that world and regardless of the reason why only the two of you remember it, both of you have to make it right this time around."