Not long after the 57th Expedition, plans to capture the then titan who's apparently working under the Military Police pushed through. You were primarily tasked to gather intel around your former regiment, the girl's background, and other relevant information. When you realized the leadership was dead set on being clueless about it, you all concluded that no one from the MPs should ever know about what you're all about to do.

That's why when things went loose and the catastrophe happened in Stohess District, the whole leadership of the Scout Regiment was summoned by the Military Police. The ride towards the office was silent but immensely heavy. And despite Erwin not turning to you and just watching on the carriage window, he spoke. "I apologize for what happened in Stohess. Your house was ruined to sheds, and it's the only thing left by your brother."

"It's not like I didn't participate in the plan at all. And we only envision that happening if worse comes to worst, which apparently did." You can't even snort or sneer, or at the very least, be sarcastic to make such a dreadful event lighter.

"But I'm sure how bad it affected you, not only your house but seeing the people deal with it," Erwin interjected flatly. "I know you're having second thoughts about what I ordered everyone to do as well; a plan to have Eren fight the female titan in a place full of citizens. You don't have to be composed. Only the two of us are here at the moment. Express your disdain if need be."

You gripped your knees and gulped; you might've preferred keeping this to yourself but you're not the one to deny something completely right. "My neighbor, a family of six, four of which are children," You paused for a while, "I saw them screaming under the pile of carcasses from their house, with both of their parents' bloody remains above them."

Erwin remained silent, still not turning to you. His left elbow was resting on the window sill and his head slouched on his palm. If this was another person who's not with him all the time, he'd look extremely unappalled and apathetic on such a grave remark. His face looked empty and his eyes were deeply expressionless. However, even if his right hand was covered by the cloak placed on his lap, you can see how hard he's gripping on it. You were sure a grip that hard would tear the cloth or at least mark on it. Along with that, you also noticed him gulp down, blinked his eyes to avoid it crunching any reaction, tightened his jaw, and many subtle details barely noticeable.

So, you clarified. "Don't get me wrong. My involvement in the catastrophe stained my hands with blood as well. I don't have the gall to lay blame on anyone."

"Don't try to downplay my accountability on the matter. I don't need that."

You smiled wryly at the remark, "Stop assuming I'm attempting to give you consolation. I'm just saying that despite how bad it affected me, I'm not in the position to falter."

"Those kids, when I came across your neighborhood randomly, I saw them play on your balcony as you gave them treats." Your eyes widened at that. "It's been a while, but the youngest one seemed to be two years old. Was she able to live?"

That inquiry made your eyes squint in grief. You ended up averting your gaze on the window next to you. "She died with her eyes open. Her brother was shrieking in pain and screaming her name. I was able to get them out somehow but it was too late. The news came to me that they're all dead."

"I see." Both of you went silent again.

You don't want to make that the end of the conversation, definitely not those kids. "Well, we don't have the time to fret now. Let's just pay for it once we're dead." You said and brought your composure back. In a poignant voice, you continued. "If the church bastards were right and hell exists, I just hope it's worse than this world. That way the guilt could be quenched."

Erwin sneered, "As if you'd go to hell."

You huffed and joked, "Why not when I'm serving a devil? Maybe I'd end up arranging your meetings with the fellow devils or whatever. Or you could do a motivational speech about why they should transfer the leadership of hell to you." You shrugged. "I don't mind it at all. Just give me a higher pay and a relevant position."

"Shut up." He ended up chuckling. And when you look at him again despite his composure not faltering, he's still gripping his cloak, with both of his hands this time around.

You thought the series of dire events would at least die down for a while, but the meeting was cut off when a soldier stormed in panic with a piece of grave news at hand: Wall Rose was breached. You rushed to the area where drunk Pyxis sat but another report came in, much worse this time around: there were three titans, including the armored titan and the colossal titan, under Survey Corps' command, and Eren was seized by them. At that very moment, you realized there's no hope for you anymore. But unlike before, you're almost unfazed about it now.

Along with huge forces from the Military Police and Garrison, you set foot on the walls where affected Scouts rest. As you prepared the lifts that'd carry everyone up, he called your name. "Remember the time when you told me how much you value the lives of your comrades and they're the ones you swore to protect instead of your commander?"

You grimaced at the memory, "What's the point of bringing that up?"

"Just thought of our conversation earlier. That oath severed your ties with hell, and I deny you coming with me there."

"Figures." The level pulled up, you ushered Erwin and a few soldiers to get up first. "Of course, you'd be sick on my face by then. Hell lasts forever after all."

"Now that we're set on an abrupt expedition without any preparation at hand, see to it that you won't falter on that resolve." He added then commanded the lever to be pulled upwards, leaving you frozen for a while.

Your whole squad was knocked down and Hange was the only one who was awake, barely at that. "The map! Give me the map," Hange groaned, unable to get up but still agitated nonetheless. When it was brought to them, they beckoned everyone to listen, "Here, the titan forest. I don't think the armored titan will be able to hide its footsteps but I'm sure they'd most likely go here."

"Why?" You asked.

"I'm not sure about this but even if they could transform into titans themselves, outside the walls they're still prone to mindless ones. Given how intense the fight was earlier, I'm sure they're all exhausted. Titan transformation can be hella tiring after all. If they don't have enough stamina and they're planning to reach the other side of Wall Maria, the thing they'd opt to do was to find a place to rest until night, don't you think?"

"So the only time we have is until dusk," Erwin concluded as he turned to every soldier. "We still have a chance to make it in time if we arrived at the forest as soon as possible. Now, along with the forces of all military regiments, we're set on an expedition to bring Eren back. All units, get ready!"

Despite the numbness to the worsening situation, seeing Erwin stand and shout like that made you tremble again – not in admiration, not even in disapproval, but in fear – that out of all people standing here, if the turn of events gets extremely bad, he'll be the one to put himself towards death without pulling strings to anyone. That daunted you. You might despise the situation he's put you in for many years, but now that things are like this, the dynamic he established on you – to protect and be protected – just won't work anymore. You never thought the potential of such change along with Erwin's high chance of death, would make your stomach churn in intense terror. You have no idea where it came from or if you could ever figure it out before dying in this one, but one thing is for sure; without a rational basis at hand, you're finally admitting how bad you want to protect this man. You will not go back here without him.

When you were able to get your distance nearer to the forest, Erwin dropped a command for everyone to spread out and take formation to locate the enemies. Just right after, however, a flash of light strike inside the forest, signifying a titan transforming. "So we're just in time, huh." He remarked. "Soldiers, disperse! We believe the enemy has already transformed. Locate and recover Eren!" The dispersal alone already killed a lot of Military Police with which Erwin clarified that engaging in battle is not the objective, rather prioritizing recovery and retreat.

With the soldiers keep on dying one after the other, you saw the Armored titan running outside, "Commander! Eren's spotted on the armored titan's shoulder!"

Erwin quickly changed direction, "All squads! I don't care if you've got titans stalling you. Follow me!"

"What!" A Military Police shouted back, "You spawn of a devil, are you planning to use us as bait?"

"That's not my intention! And the garrison is just fighting well, stop faltering and do your duty as soldiers!" He shot back. "The armored titan is trying to carry Eren away and we need to stop it in any way possible!" And as you pushed through you finally realized why; the reroute Erwin made everyone take would confront the armored titan right in front.

You heard Hannes scream from afar as he's running just behind the armor, "All of you kids, get down from there! What are you even thinking!" You noticed Eren's batchmates standing on the armored titan's shoulder and you turned cold feet. Still, Hannes continued. "Erwin has titans with him and he's coming this way! Jump off! Now!"

When the lured titans finally got to reach them, Erwin let out a scornful laugh. And when a number of mindless ones came jumping towards the shifters, he commanded, "Disperse! Get away from the titans!"

When you got much farther from the scene, you saw how it quickly became another titan feast again. "Fuck," You muttered.

"Is this hell?" Jean asked.

"No, we're just getting started," Erwin interjected and with a shout, he continued. "All units, charge towards the armored titan!"

"What?" A lot behind you were on cold feet.

"This moment shall decide the fate of humanity! If we lose Eren, humans will never again inhabit this land! Take Eren back and retreat immediately!" You let out a loud huff in horror upon realizing how Erwin really went do-or-die in this. "My soldiers, dedicate your hearts!"

And so everyone immediately shouted in conviction and ran towards the hellish sight, except some Military Police soldiers. However, the highest peak of everything tends to be short-lived most of the time because a few seconds after the command was dropped, a titan dragged Erwin away by chomping on his arm.

"Erwin! No!" You cried in terror.

"Advance!" Still, he shouted, "Eren's right there! Advance!" You released a ragged breath in sheer panic and what you had said right before charging to this hell rang in your head; Even if I don't have a rational basis at hand, I will not go back the walls without this man. You quickly maneuvered towards the titan to immediately kill it, no other thoughts but pure rage.

After slashing its nape, you maneuvered below to catch Erwin dropping down from the titan's mouth and the soldier assisting you quickly brought his horse back. He's still alive, bleeding bad, but still alive. You tried to rationalize. And as messy as your cries are, you quickly removed your uniform to wrap his arm up and asked the soldier to hand you a rope in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Stop crying! The fight is not finished yet!" Erwin shouted.

"I know! Shut up! I'm just tying the knot!" You shot back in panic. When you're finished you quickly scooted him back on the horse with the soldier assisting you. "We better get you to the safe zone for now so your wounds would be attended properly. All the titans are busy ruining the armor." You fastened Erwin to your back so he wouldn't fall; his head slouched on your shoulders. The other soldier continued to assist behind.

But before you turned your horse away from the commotion, Erwin tried to get up. He heavily rested his hand on your shoulder instead. "No," He panted. "Go there. To Eren."

"Erwin! You're fucking dying!" You screamed.

"Obey! This is an order!" He didn't stop gripping on you until you did. You ended up biting your lower lip to stop the tears from messily pooling down and followed suit.

As you get closer to it, you quickly reported. "Their batchmates are urging them out as of the moment."

"When I tell you go, assist me as I maneuver up towards them. After that, run back to the safe zone," Why the fuck would I run back? You thought. It never came to you that you're the one who'd end up throwing him towards death and not the other way around. But even so, not his command can stop your resolve to bring him back to the walls. When the colossal shifter finally went out the armored hand with Eren and Erwin shouted go, you did as you're told.

But you waited. You don't care about the titans for a while. You waited for him to go back down and caught him quickly as he did. Erwin was surprised he landed down the horse instead of on the hard ground. He was sure to just drop down and die. The last thing he ought to do was to release Eren from their grasp, "What–"

"I'm not like you, Erwin." You cut him off, maneuvered him on the extra horse you brought with you, and to ensure he won't fall bad if his balance faltered, you loosely tied him to you. "I can never charge you to death." You wiped your face to stop the tears from blurring your vision and quickly charged back. "Are you fine?" However, Erwin didn't reply. His eyes were getting half-lidded already and panic rushed your mind at the sight. You grabbed his hair hard to shoot him up, to hell if he gets angry. "Don't you dare close your eyes. We're not finished yet!"

Luckily, it worked. As soon as Erwin brought himself back he commanded, "Eren's released! All units, retreat!" As you kept running, however, two titans went towards you from both sides; the mindless one on the left and the small titan shifter on the right. You tried to dodge both but instead of the titan shifter clocking you down, it clapped the mindless titan instead which saved you both. "Ymir! Great job!" The new recruit near you shouted. The impact, however, made the two of you lose balance and fell down. Erwin's horse ended up terribly injured. Yours was able to dodge.

At this point, there's no way out. The armored shifter keeps on throwing titans all around the area. You tried getting up despite the injured ribs so you could get Erwin back. But with ragged breaths and a hard grip on his arm, he muttered. "I'm replaceable. Just go out of here and focus on getting Eren back."

You let out a groan in pain, "No, ah– just wait–" You got up and went to grab him back.

He swatted you away, "You know better than going against my orders." He scowled.

"You're irreplaceable!" You retorted while choking the tears away, "My brother and every soldier here would die for you. But it's not actually about you alone! They all had a reason beyond that!" When you realized he won't move, you just fixed on the horse as you spoke, "You're aiming to let everyone out of this hell. And despite every single one of our soldiers dying on us, you're still fixed on finishing that mission!" You heard the soldiers trying to run towards both of you only to get eaten. However, instead of running back, everyone who saw it decided to act as a shield for him instead. Erwin's eyes were filled with horror watching them, but you cupped his face so he could look at you instead. "So I'm not letting you die here. I have no one in this world anymore and if I get killed today it won't bother the regiment too much. But if you're the one who's gone we might end up faltering. Please don't make it harder as it is."

"I told you earlier that you should not drop your resolve at a time like this. Now, look at your comrades getting eaten as we speak and instead of protecting them you keep on futilely staying here. Desperately saving the evil commander who you swore not to protect."

"Sorry, I can't come up with excuses on that yet but I swore to myself to bring you back with me. So please get up now."

"Two people in one horse would slow us down. Just go away and get this over with." Erwin replied and called your name, "That's an order."

"Then I'll just fasten you on the horse and have it run so you don't fall! Leave me behind here!" You cried.

He didn't answer. You really can't grasp how he's denying a chance to outlive this. Furthermore, reiterating an order is futile now. You're not in the mode to follow through if he'll keep on being irrational like this. Just before you shouted again, however, all the titans went berserk and ran towards a specific area. Everyone got dead frozen at the sight.

They ended up eating the titan beside Eren and when the armored shifter tried to chase him again, he shouted, "Stay back! Do you hear me, bastards? I'll kill each one of you! Go away!" And as if it's a spell, all the titans came running towards the armored.

The realization made you turn to Erwin and unlike the sobbing mess you were, you were smiling wide now. "You're getting back the walls alive." Erwin turned to you as well still wide-eyed. When you tried to usher him, up he followed suit. A soldier came to you with an extra horse as well. "Drop an order now, Erwin." You remarked.

"Right," He muttered. "Don't waste this chance now! Everyone, retreat!"

When everyone actually got the easiest way back to the walls, your heart finally untightened. Every soldier waiting inside ushered everyone who was injured and you quickly handed Erwin over. However, the realization that it might've been too late brought you in horror again. "Commander!" A soldier shouted. "Can you hear me, Commander?" Erwin crumbled down but still attempted to gain balance by resting his fist on the ground.

You panicky crouched down to his level, "Erwin, stay awake. Your wounds will be tended now." He heaved no response, so you finally gave in to the dread urging to come out of you since earlier. You huffed a loud sob. Hearing that made Erwin use his last bits of consciousness. Despite it being half-lidded already, he looked you in the eyes. "Seriously, since earlier…" He muttered to you very weakly. "...what the heck are you," Along with his shallow pants. "...crying for?" And there, as if it was his final words, he crumbles down.

A soldier shrieked, "Catch him!"

As swift as ever, you caught him in your arms, his head slouched on your shoulders again as you held his body tight, trembling in desperate prayers that this would not be the last time you'd stand beside him.

You felt his life was running away from you and you need to keep running as well so you could catch it. As disoriented as you are, you did exactly that; out of the house and beyond the road. Your mind isn't telling you where you should go so your body just went straight ahead.

When you heard a very loud honk, you instantly snapped back to reality and your body pulled you down to the ground. Turning sidewards, you realized; you're in the middle of a highway and a truck almost hit you. Looking down, you noticed that you're not even in slippers, only wearing a thin garment, and carrying nothing but the phone that you seemingly grabbed out of panic. But despite the ability to recognize your surroundings again, you're still set on doing what you ought to do. Sitting on the side of the highway, you emptily dialed his number.

Erwin's greatest peeve, among many other things, is when people fail to have a sense of time. That's why his first thought upon waking up to his phone ringing loudly was to ignore it and cover his head with a pillow. However, it kept on ringing and ringing as his patience just ran dry. Without opening his eyes, he grabbed the phone and groggily hummed. He didn't know who this was but he's certain to give them a day-long lecture about manners. However, when he realized it was actually you on the other line he forgot all of that and shot his eyes open. When he's oriented enough to recognize you're actually crying, he was completely banged awake. "Where are you?"

"Sorry, I just…" You sniffed, "Just trying to check if you're alive."

He immediately got an idea of what was happening but still, he prompted. "Where are you?"

"I'm…" You pondered on it. "Home." But then a car honked loudly in front of you right after. You shut your eyes tight in frustration,

"Where are you. Answer." He pressed in a low voice and you went silent. You tried to consider whether to tell him honestly or just drop the call and walk back but then Erwin spoke again, "If you ought to be stubborn about this then I'll drive to your house." That made you panic.

"I'm on the intersection highway!" Fuck. You're too lightheaded to come up with more lies, so you just sighed and told him straight on. "Dreamt of something bad and the next thing I knew I'm on the road.

"What intersection?" You looked around and immediately read it out loud to him.

"You ran there sleeping?"

"I think."

"Are you awake enough to realize how far that actually was?"

You bit your lip in shame, "Sorry, I'll walk back home now."

"No." You heard some keys dangling on the other line. "Stay there."

"No seriously, you don't need to come here–" But then you heard him open his door. He didn't say anything; you just heard the sound of his car and him starting the engine. "Don't hang up," He flatly remarked then started driving.

You ended up ruffling your hair in frustration and just let your phone rest on the ground beside you, not even putting it on loudspeaker. Aside from the endless shame was the anxiety from hearing his voice. When he kept on asking where you were your mind can't help but flash the image of him a bloody mess and dilapidated arm. Now that you realized these brutal images won't die down anytime soon, you started crying while curling on your knees, desperately hoping that the Erwin who'd come to you had intact arms.

And Erwin heard that. The sound of you bawling out made him grip on the steering wheel hard; and he stepped on the accelerator in a rush.

At the time the car halted near you, you were just looking on at the ground with dead eyes. However, the first thing he did was grab you in the face and study it intently, looking and turning you on every side as he examine whether you garnered a bruise in the span you were disoriented. When it's all cleared, he finally looks at you properly. What he saw was you weeping again, now holding the right hand resting on your cheek.

"Shit," You muttered under your ragged breaths and hugged his arm fully, holding on to it for your dear life. "Still. Your arm's still here." When you felt it long enough to deem it real, you finally let out the loud cries you tried to keep. "I thought I could do this once you came but I can never, ever, get used to this." You tried to brush the tears away messily. "Am I going to see you die next? Tell me, who dies first between us? Is it you? Is it me? Can it just be me?" You heaved a long sob. "I don't even know why I'm seeing it!"

Erwin, who has the reputation for talking out to people, was completely at loss on what to say. He's not all unfamiliar with seeing people cry and giving words of consolation; he actually always does well on that matter. Furthermore, from the time he decided to go to you he had always thought he was doing a great job in giving you comfort or at the very least, in calming you down. However, what he's seeing right now is someone extremely tired of holding everything back, someone who never got genuine and full-on solace on the matter at hand. He wondered if this was actually a usual occurrence whenever you're alone. But most of all, he wondered that if he didn't put you through so much in that world, would you be able to remember your life there as something pleasant? Or would you even remember it? Is the reason why you remember was because of how he tied you under his command?

There's no use pondering on that, Erwin smiled wistfully. So he just did what he could and what he wanted to do. He gently pulled you towards him and let you muffle your cries on his sweater. "I don't think we'll see each other die in this world somehow. Perhaps we could take that instead?"

"I don't think I could when I see you vividly injured all the time. I was never seriously hurt in this lifetime but why do I know how painful cracked ribs are?" You stopped your cries taking over your voice. "How can we ever take whatever this life offers for us when every time we lay rest we just get ourselves tired again? By those crappy walls?" Your tears aren't even in fear anymore; this is you finally having your patience run dry.

"But see, am I actually a bloody mess right now? You clung to my arm just fine."

You tried to feel it again and hugged him back, "No. You're just warm. And intact." You calmly remarked.

"Right. And even if you know how injured ribs feel like, I don't feel yours cracked as we speak."

You withdrew from the tight hug, "As much as I appreciate your acts of consolation, I'm quite taken aback at you being able to feel me enough to confirm my ribs are not cracked."

"No. I just pointed it out." He clarified. "Besides, given your garment right now I don't think it's avoidable."

Ah, shit. Never thought about my clothes again. You tried covering it up. "This might be the reason why I didn't want you to come." But then again, Erwin Smith always comes prepared. You didn't know where it came from but he smoothly draped a thick jacket to wrap you up. You tried to hide your flushed face but as you clung to it, you just became more flustered – this smells awfully good. Before you get too mushy about it, you spoke again. "Thanks, but maybe if you gave this before coming for a hug things won't be too awkward."

"I apologize," He smiled, "I thought I could relish it for a moment."

"Relish what?" You muttered in disbelief but he just shook his head nothing. Before you could huff on the way he's smiling, he spoke. "So for the million-dollar question, who's with you in the house? How come no one stopped you from storming out?"

It made you avert your gaze sideward, "She's… not home for a while now."

"Tell me when's the last time you got a bad nightmare and what happened when you woke up," He's all-serious this time around, "I'm certain this isn't the first time this happened."

You're not comfortable talking about it but you figured he doesn't deserve a lie when he went all the way here, "When I dreamt of Wall Maria falling, I woke up and stayed curled up in the corner of the room without eating or drinking for a whole day, if not more, I think. I only went back to it when my phone alarm rang."

He doesn't look pleased with that, "Given the situation I know based on your records. The thing to ensure, first and foremost, is that you should not be left alone in your residence." He remarked, "Levi gave me a brief context about it and now I completely understand his aversion to that matter."

"Yeah. Levi seems to be always annoyed with her."

"So when you told me earlier that the next thing you knew you're on the road, in which part of the road you were able to realize?"

That is something you don't think you could answer so tried to sway the topic away, "I'm getting quite chilly now. Can I go home?"

"Was it on this exact highway? Which part? Middle? Side?"

You heaved a tired sigh, he won't let you out of this until you answered. You should have figured that much by now. "I was snapped back when I heard a loud honk. In the middle of a highway. It was a truck." You tried smiling it away nonetheless. "But look, I didn't get hit. I dodged it at the last second. Maybe I still got the knack of a soldier in me."

Still, Erwin looked grim. After pondering for a while, he stood up. "Get in the car."

It was a rather quiet ride and you were too uncomfortable that you ended up glued to your phone rather than the road. Looking at the time, you realized how inconvenient this really was for Erwin. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bugged you on this. I didn't realize it was three in the morning when I called."

"To be honest, I'd be really annoyed if you didn't call. What happened tonight was really dangerous." He interjected.

"How were you able to survive this without getting into trouble?"

"That's impossible. With this situation, we'd get into trouble one way or another."

You nodded in acknowledgment, "Still, what's important is that you survived."

"Barely," He remarked, "But that's why I know better than letting you walk back alone. Call me again if something like this happens." You're not sure about that but you nodded nevertheless. The ride stayed silent again.

"About the one who dies first," Erwin hesitated for a while but still continued. "I actually don't know much on that yet."

Huh? You turned to him wide-eyed. "I assumed you already finished living through it. The nightmares are fast-paced timewise after all."

"It got blurry a few years ago, but I have it back vividly recently."

"So what happened now? Did you get past the expedition where you got your arm chopped?"

"I've already known that for a while now."

"What part are you on now?" You looked by the window and your eyebrows curled in confusion. This is not your route home. But then, maybe he's just trying to stroll you around so you could calm down.

"Can't say that." He answered, "The only thing you need to know is that we're both unaware of who's gonna die first."

"I just thought if you're seeing beyond what I see as of the moment then maybe I can prepare myself for it."

"No preparations could ever ready you for that. That world would just keep on getting worse, you should know that by now." But still. You shut your lips tight and looked down. "Also, if I happen to tell you I'm sure you'll try your best not to sleep again."

"It's that bad?"

"Depends on the perspective. But that's why I want your word that you'll come to me if this happens again."

"That's such a bother. I already feel guilty at making you do this." You pondered. "And I'm not quite used to this yet despite how much I liked going to you. I've dealt with this alone for a long time."

Erwin called your name, "Look, this is the only reason why I came here," Your eyes widened with that and you turned to him. "So at least give me that. And I can't share my burden with you if you're very reluctant in sharing yours."

"So you're considering sharing your burden with me?" You smiled.

"I'll try to think about it."

You huffed on your seat and frowned at him, "Here you are again, making me do things first before you."

"We're here," Erwin pulled up and went out of the car. When you raised your head to look, you got extremely confused.

"Why are we in the parking lot? And this is familiar."

"You came here with Levi last time." He said as a matter of fact. Erwin opened the door for you. "Come on,"

The realization daunted you, "Are you asking me to sleep with you?"

"Not yet." He smiled, "But I certainly won't leave you in your house alone. Levi's out so no one's in their home as well. I have a spare room you can settle with for now."

"What do you mean not yet!" You exclaimed.

"Figured I should consider things that might happen in the future." You know Erwin is in his messing around mood again but despite your oath to not admit defeat on that, you can't even say something back. Well, I actually could, you thought.But you're afraid you'd end up being the one flustered again. Remembering how he noticed that last time still brings you intense feelings of shame.

"Point taken," You got out of the car as you tried hiding your legs getting jelly on the conversation. You decided to be honest instead. "But god, you have to be decent sometimes. What if I actually wanted to sleep with you now and you just said not yet? That would be disappointing. You have to keep it subtle on the girl and just strike based on her actions. You should be old enough to know that much."

Erwin raised his eyebrows up in amusement. He was actually really taken aback at that. He's certainly not the one needing tips and he's supposed to be the one making you flustered, not the other way around. "Well, if you actually want–"

"No!" You shot back, "I'm just giving an example!" You let up the hoodie of the jacket he gave you to conceal your fluster. Still, when you looked back at him and saw how wry his smile was, you groaned frustratingly in your mind. That made you really jittery until you entered the unit so when Erwin went to his room to get something, you settled down on the couch, covered your face hard, and let out the squeal of shame as quietly as possible. It went for a while and by the time you brushed your hands away, your face was dead calm again.

But then he's already in front of you, sitting on the couch. "I almost thought you were crying." The squeal of shame was futile. "So do you actually want to–"

"Erwin! It's literally four in the morning!"

"I mean, it can be done whatever time it is–"

"Stop!"

He ended up laughing for a while and when he came down from it, he gave you the towel and a bunch of clothes he's holding, "Given how cold it was outside, I suggest you take a hot shower for now. Your room is already settled." You nodded and walked towards the comfort room but then Erwin hummed again, "Still, if you want to do it then–"

You cut him off with a groan, "I swear to god. If you don't stop I'll just book a ride home!" And banged the bathroom door shut.

When you're finally inside, Erwin's wry face falters and he ends up sighing. Again and again, despite you witnessing how bad he could go in that world, you still ran towards him in this one – mindlessly throwing every rationality away and letting yourself falter. You have every choice to live a different life now and he would never deprive you of that, but he's done so much in holding back as well. He felt like he's been doing this for a lifetime now and he's extremely aware that no normal being can resist that long, not when you constantly push him to his limits.

When you're all clean, Erwin's nowhere to be found. Only a cup of chamomile tea on the dining table and the guest room door flashed open. Taking a glance at the room it seems like it's fixed nicely already. After emptying the cup and washing it, you decided to knock on his room and bid him good night. However, the door suddenly opened and before you could even see him, you were thrown into a futon instead. It was long enough to cover your head up to your knees.

"I forgot your blanket." He remarks. "How familiar this sight is, though."

"And how disrespectful you are," You attempted to unwrap yourself from the blanket but Erwin stopped you from doing so, instead he held on to your shoulders and guided you to the guest room instead.

When he halted, Erwin patted your shoulders, "Seeing you on my shirt would be my last straw." He remarked lowly, and you can actually hear how frustrated he was instead of his usual mocking voice. "Do yourself a favor and sleep here peacefully." He released his hold on your shoulders. "I know nightmares halt for a while after an intense one. I'm sure you'd be able to sleep this time around." He closed the door shut.

You were actually thankful he wrapped you up because if not he'd see how affected you are with that, again. You never got this flustered with a man joking about intimacy, let alone that same man admitting how he's stopping himself from actually getting intimate later on. I thought he's not dense enough to think I could sleep peacefully after saying something like that. You thought to yourself, but still, you ended up smiling. This side of your commander amused you a lot.