Dusk in the Brightest

by drearie

It's always the nightmares, really. Entrapped with walls, human-eating giants, fighting through metal strings and swords—utterly violent and recurrent. But behind the blurry faces is a man with menacing eyes and vivid features; eventually appearing before you as your new reputable professor, Erwin Smith. Since then, the disaster slipped beyond your subconscious. [fem!Reader-Insert]

20. Rekindling

"You're being dumb right now, seriously." She called your name, "You're not the one to deny such an opportunity."

"I'm just comfortable in my line of work now." You smiled back in apology despite the utter indifference on the matter at hand and the annoyance boiling up on you for her continuous taunts on it.

"It's because of your brother, right?" When you didn't respond, she clicked her tongue. "Gosh, he's not a baby. Let him live on his own. Do you have a brother complex or something?"

You don't think it's about your brother, though. You had a lot of aspirations as a child, mostly revolving around questions – what's with the silly underground your parents have grown into? How did it, along with such giant walls, exist? Why are so many children, roughly not even in the age of ten, are thrown down the ground? Why is it normal? What can you do to make it better? You knew you'd become passionate in embarking on such a mission to answer these questions but the need to make both ends meet for the both of you stopped you from doing so. In exchange of the joy from those curiosities, you could protect someone in your grasp instead. That's why you grew up blandly.

"I think if I want to have something I'd be willing to bid my brother our separate ways. It's just that I don't have anything in mind, and that promotion apparently didn't pique me as well."

"But tell me, what if he dies? What would be left of you?" Your eyes were shot wide, "You're basically an empty shell as you are. What if he's gone?"

Her voice became an echo, slowly lowering in pitch but then another voice overlapped on it; it was a scream this time around. Cries in low volume turning up, up, and up to its crescendo until it rang your ears painfully. It was when you realized the groans of your dying comrades and her voice saying you're an empty shell piled around each other, making your head throb. As you propelled to scream so you could wash the overwhelming sensations away, you shot your eyes wide instead. You were having a nightmare, again. This was the fourth night in the hideout room both of you settled into. This time, you won by making him sleep on the bed while you guard the door. The agreement was actually exchanging rounds, two hours to sleep, then two hours to guard. But you didn't wake him up and actually slept beside the door along the way.

However, what's alarming was that even after waking up the voice you've encountered in your dream was still speaking. Just outside the door. The realization made your blood run cold.

"So this whole floor was rented by the Survey Corps? For how many days?" She asked.

The other one she's speaking to sounded like the landlady's son, "I'm not sure in particular because my mom's the one who processed it but, do you have any urgent concern, perhaps? I don't think they'll be awake to accommodate a fellow soldier at this hour though."

"Of course not," She laughed, "But we have a matter to talk about later on and I just dropped by to confirm if this was indeed the right place to go." You heard her footsteps clank away along with her voice, "Thanks! I'll be back later."

Fuck. You immediately fixed on your things so it'd be easy to grab in case things got to worse, then tapped lightly on Erwin who was easy to wake up. "Very well, you can lie down here now." He groggily remarked, sat up to fix his composure until you interjected, "I heard someone speaking just outside the door. It's someone from the Interior."

He quickly got into it and nodded, "What time is it?"

"Three in the morning," He shot you a confused look for a while because he lied down precisely at nine o'clock and expected to be woken up by eleven. However, that's not the issue at hand. "They immediately went full on tonight. Despite their deliberate presence around the Survey Corps Headquarters, they never inquired straight on where we were."

You looked down the window to check, tapping on the sill restlessly, "And apparently they're doubled in number. They also didn't rely on the youngsters to do the job for tonight. The one I heard from the door was an old acquaintance." You grabbed your cloak in a rush, "I'll be checking the situation down. The Scouts from the Reiss' farms might be on their way back as well."

Before you twist the knob open, Erwin called your name. "As soon as you meet them, get the report and usher them on a safe route out. Tell them to catch up to the Scouts resting on the HQ and eventually disperse towards Squad Levi to assist." The realization daunted you and he immediately confirmed it as well, "Something bad might've happened in the plan and they might be here to face us straight on as soon as the sun rises."

Panic coiled down your stomach. You knew this would happen and they'd sought Erwin out as soon as their cards lay bare even if he won't be in the headquarters. Still, you never thought it'd be this quick. Along with his command, you also tried to think of a way out somehow.

It's almost five in the morning when you came back. Much stressed and jittery unlike earlier, you banged the door open, "I'm ba–" You froze on the spot then the sight made you realize your mistake. He was quite taken aback as well. "Sorry, too frantic to remember proper conduct of knocking." You gently moved the door close again so Erwin could put his top garment in peace but Erwin quickly chipped in. "No, it's fine. Enter. The situation's dire." So you did, albeit flushed in shame. "And if it's you, the manner's not a new sight to see." He flatly added but this time it was laced with mock.

"Yeah, I suppose." And you gave your updates in lament. He just hummed through it and right after you spoke, he gave you a cup of tea.

"So," You languidly rolled on the cup to mix the fluid in, "This is another one of our tea parties that precedes unfortunate events, huh."

"With the usual pretty ambience of death." He added, sat on the chair and sipped his own cup. "At least no ugly titans humoring around. Guess you could take it as a good morning."

"Yeah, just ugly humans." You rested your elbow on the table and slouched on your palm, "Humans. My job." You heaved a sigh, "My career's sabotaged."

"Told you. The job I gave you lapsed a long time ago."

"That's a talk outside work, Erwin." You hummed nonchalantly, sipping on the cup.

"It's breakfast. Not work time."

"Then please spare me of your tirades on my emotionality, Commander. I'd rather be doing morning crisis reflections with you instead." You looked at him flatly, the same he's looking at you. You figured both of you are too exhausted to keep the day up, and your back is aching from sitting the night as well. "Sleeping on the chair made me forget the intricate affirmations needed so I could go by subjecting a traumatized teenager to a whole-ass throne. Or something. Please."

He let out a low chuckle, "Quite unusual way to ask for comfort but I suppose I'd get it," He stood up to refill both of your cups, "How about I humor you with a sappy story instead?"

"As long as it's related to my inquiry," You hummed, fully slouching your head this time.

"It is," He gave you your cup again and settled on his seat. "So when I was a child–"

You shot him a glare in disbelief, "Oh my god. We don't have three bottles of wine and a whole night to talk about that."

"I will try to make it short." He smiled. You nodded in doubt but let him regardless, "My father was a history teacher who died after his stupid child spread out his silly theories about walls."

You shot your eyes open, immediately sitting properly, with a small sneer on your reaction he continued. "And apparently, those silly theories came piling up as a reality one after the other. Titans being humans, walls being titans and whatnot."

Your chest clenched. Although these were mere stories you've just heard way back, you're not all unfamiliar with the job of trying to alienate people with the talks outside the walls. You were once alienated by it yourself after all, and you really encountered people who partake in that job to maintain that customary alive.

"That's what I get by so I could subject a traumatized teenage girl towards a throne. Desperation."

"Right, brinkiest brink of the crisis. That's where we are." The situation ran cold your body again, finally getting the much needed urge to partake the heaviness this day would bring. "So, that's the reason why you embarked on such a noble cause." You pondered on it, "You might have your own tendencies but you're not wrong when you say it's for humanity's freedom."

"No. Humanity's freedom is a bluff. You were actually right when you said it was for myself." He quickly clarified, "I'm just pathetically curious and silly hopeful that if I proved my father right, I would be able to atone for my sin of having such a filthy mouth."

You looked down in lament. This might be the only time Erwin laid the particularities of his motivations, but it's not like you didn't figure out the gist of it throughout the years you were tending to him. You knew, and you could still remember your previous anger for his shamelessness, but you've come to terms with his eccentricities now. You actually became shamelessly drawn to him instead as you tried to empathize his struggles further. Recalling your earlier dream of being an empty shell, you were quite relieved now that it wasn't true. You didn't become a goner after your brother died. Erwin rekindled the lost passionate spirit you've long buried in a pile of lies and indifference. You ended up having much more resolve, and another person to protect all your life with.

"You just keep on being painfully honest to me all the time, don't you think? You could've just spurred lies to me as well and I'll become straight up acquiescent. No flailing manners, not even anguish emotional confrontations."

"But that's why I kept you beside me, because you knew it and I have to have someone to remind me how vile I really am from time to time." He looked at you, "See, sometimes my desperation makes me lose myself. My eloquence ends up fooling me as well – that I really am standing to offer my heart in pursuit of humanity's freedom even when it's not."

"Hah," You huffed at the revelation, "So you threatened me out of my job just for this role? Even made me cry out of guilt?"

"Yeah and it's too late to mutter apologies now." He sighed then pondered for a while, "But looking back, I think I was honest with you at some point, though. I really needed you to protect me back then."

"From the titans, Erwin. You did not include yourself. The instruction wasn't clear. Now look at the mess I've become."

"Oh," He thought about it for a while and laughed.

"So many anguish would've been spared had you became honest to me earlier, don't you think? Should've done this the time Wall Maria fell. Then I would've become a much more capable aide."

"You are," He interjected without hesitation, "Even more than anyone could."

"So, all this talk but I can't help but be curious about one thing. If I apparently had the role to keep you in check of who you are and what you really live for, that is so you wouldn't be blinded by your own words," You glanced at him with a hard stare, "Then why are you adamant on dying during that day when I gave you the chance to live?"

Erwin wasn't able to answer and the silence was almost downright annoying. After a while he looked down at the ground, "Maybe the guilt."

"Guilt never fazed you during crises, Erwin. Not when you still have a way out."

"Hm," He smiled sadly. "Right." Then stayed silent again.

Having enough for the lack of response, you continued. "If you're not going to answer that then just give me your word on this." You completely turned to him, "I'll get you out of the Interior's grasp and the mess they're going to make of you anytime today. You could still push through the plan of getting Rod Reiss without the threat of being tortured or killed."

Erwin furrowed his brows on you, "How would you do that?"

"I managed to set a route that you can use to escape anytime soon, at least before late morning. Some soldiers are left standing by. I'll stall the Interior as you escape, then declare you as missing so the Scout soldiers in the vicinity, including me, will be picked up instead."

He was immediately displeased, "You do understand that out of all the Scouts assigned to this very place as we speak, you're the second highest in command. Not to mention you're the commander's escort yourself. You being picked up by them will guarantee immediate torture to squeeze you of my whereabouts. They won't even let you rest in jail for a minute."

"You're right, that's why I need your word that you'll let me out as a pawn."

"You're the one who told us the particularities in the Interior. Unlike me that would be persecuted in public, they'll immediately have you killed behind the curtains."

"Again, I am aware." You looked at him with utter resolve.

"No. That won't work."

"Tell me better options."

"Facing them straight on will lessen the citizen's hostility towards the Scouts. We should not impose risks to our reputation further."

"The Interior's presence as of the moment says otherwise. They're setting up down below as we drink tea and the time they confront us we won't be able to escape their confines. After a day or two state-propaganda will be spread out all over the walls through official news agencies, painting the Survey Corps bad in whatever narrative they see fit."

"That's why we'll lessen the worsening public opinion by–"

"You know that's not what would happen, Erwin. No matter who or how many Scouts they'll capture today, they'll throw all their cards the same."

"Don't attempt to change the chain of commands here. We're standing by my orders. That's final."

You let out a wry sneer at the sight of him failing his rationale, "If you're not giving me your word then answer my question. Why are you adamant on pushing through such threats in your life when I am giving you the chance out of it?"

"Seriously, we're done on this talk." He stood up, took the cups to wash it himself. "I told you that if you'll get that pathetic by my side then just go."

"If there's someone being pathetic here, it's certainly the one failing to have rational reason on this matter."

"I don't believe you have a rational reason yourself."

"If you're speaking of my personal reasons then you might correct. All my motivations are evoked by my own personal feelings hence influencing every proposition and sin I will be making in my life," You spat out. "Still, I stand on my duty and that is to protect the Scouting Regiment, especially the highest chain of command. Now, tell me, Commander, what duty are you holding onto to refuse such a plan?" You pressed further, now gripping harder on the table.

He didn't answer, when he finished washing the cups he settled a spare glass and a pitcher of water on the table. When you realized he isn't going to take whatever you're asking of him now, you added with finality. "If you refuse to convince me otherwise, I'll see to it that this plan will be done. I have nothing to lose here. Muster up your resolve on the role you've put me in and make me do my job."

Erwin had his back on you, one side of his body leaned on the wall. He wasn't saying anything, not even grunts of disapproval, seething anger, or stance akin to disdain. But even before you stood up, the door banged open again; it was Hange this time. "Is Erwin here! Whew, there you are!" They started shouting again, "Eren remembered some vital information about the titans and its bad news! We have to rethink this plan! He said it might've been just a dream so we shouldn't take it seriously, but fuck! If this is true then it would be really bad. We have to deal with this immediatel–"

"Be straight to the point. What's the problem?" He cut them off and gave them a glass of water.

"The Reiss," Hange reached for the glass, coming down from their high, "Wants to eat Eren."

You stood up with a sharp breath, your fists immediately clenching. The only hope for Erwin to come out of this unscathed is to seize the Reiss and squeeze them of all the needed information and convincing. If making them acquiescent will never be in the consideration, then he might really be bound to death this time.

Sensing your upcoming outburst, he gave you a hard stare. "Stop. Guard outside."

You stopped, but you were still seething and you don't know if it's out of anger or fear. You looked at him unfaltering, taunting that you're not hesitating on this. After a while, his look at you softened, "I really don't have enough time to convince you otherwise, and I'm honestly at a loss because it was never rational to begin with." He turned sideways to ponder about it, hesitated, then just ended up heaving a sigh. "The day I asked you to quit and the night after you killed him." He walked towards you, ushering you out of the room as he did, "Skim through that memory, repeatedly if you can. You're smart enough to figure out how irrational those moments were. Whatever comes up in your mind is correct. If you grasp it, then respect my irrationality instead of taunting me for a valid reason." You're now out of the room, "And as you hold on to that, gather as many Scouts as you could out of this place and do the role I've put in you; protect your comrades." He banged the door shut.

You released a ragged breath in sheer panic and a tear messily ran down you as soon as it was closed hardly. You clenched on your fist until nails crept your skin to bruise and bleed. As if you didn't feel powerless already the past few days, now you feel downright inferior. Entering the regiment with heavy reluctance, you still did as you're told – getting sincere to the cause, protecting whoever and whatever, and staying in line with it at the cost of your life. Even when you slipped into an honest mistake you still kept yourself up, so you just don't understand why. You only need one thing from him and that is his resolve. You're not asking him to reciprocate whatever dumb feelings you've garnered towards him. You're just asking him to be himself and let you die.

Still, despite the throbbing urge to go against this one, you decided to follow it. Even though it was quite too late, you were able to spare a lot of Scouts from the arrest including yourself. When Dimo Reeves' body was shown to everyone and publicly cornered Erwin through it, you almost lost your cool in desperation to have him out. The cards they laid was murder. They will not get him out of this alive. No coaxes to the public eye, not even a space for sentiments.

Luckily, you spotted the other Reeves which you remembered as Flegel. Seeing a potential escape from this, you grabbed him instead and fled up, meeting Hange in a surprise along the way. They focused their attention on coaxing Flegel first and as you finally set onto another place to regather and strategize, they turned into you. "You won't let those words be the last thing Erwin will say to you, do you?"

"Huh?"

"Retrieve him from that mess and slap him in the face. That's what he needs to get instead. Got it?" You angrily fought back on your tears for a while then as brought up a new resolve, you successfully gulped it down and nodded.

Just as you expected, state-propagated news scattered immediately. The headline isn't even meant for trial, it's already concluded.

"Our plan is to visit them later on but, well." Hange shrugged, "Guess you're up for a happy sweet reunion right now?"

"I bet it would be sweet. Printing Nifa and the others as coldblooded murderers and painting even my wanted poster." You flatly looked at the publication material and fastened the knife on your waist, "I understand his reasons though. We had a talk about it once. Just hits different now." But then Hange motioned their finger no. "Ah-ah-ah, can't do that. We'll do the knife and you'll do the talk. Fix your face." You sighed and shot them with your constricted smile, the one they're humored to see of you in every diplomatic talk with Erwin. "Perfect! Let's go!"

You were mostly in charge of actually convincing them to publish whatever unfolds the Reeves' corporation so when Hange and Moblit finally arrived with them on the roof, you're the one who stayed with them.

Roy, the director of the Berg's Newspaper that you've been acquainted with, greeted your presence with a shock, "You really are–" The old man stuttered, "Alive?"

"Very much so. You drew my poster just fine, didn't you?" You flatly remarked as you secured the safety of the hideout. "I think my face's the one most accurate, maybe you helped them point it out?"

He looked at you apologetically, "I'm sorry. They knew we had met before. They asked me to… add details." But then he examined you again, "But it seems like it's not that accurate anymore if I'd be honest myself. What happened to you?"

You blandly greeted his friend first, name's Pierre, then turned to Roy, "New apprentice?"

"Yeah. Not as composed as your brother but as eager as he is. Too innocent for this world just yet." He answered, "Anyway, how's your brother–"

"Really?" You turned to Pierre and playfully squinted his eyes on him, "How eager are you for this world?" Your tone interrogating.

"I–" Pierre stuttered with a blush on his face, but Roy coaxed her, "Tell her. She's like me but younger. Show her how silly your aspirations in life are." You nodded as well, encouraging him.

"I actually had a dream to unravel the wonders inside the walls, even beyond where the Scouts travel, if possible. That's why I ventured this job." He then sheepishly laughed, "And I think coming to here was of my own accord, because I still hoped to do it." And gave you a cheeky smile.

You smiled wistfully at Roy, "You're right, Roy. He's really like him. But I'm not who I was before, so I'm really rooting for Pierre this time around. Passionate souls aren't bound to death all the time."

"So, really, where's your brother?"

"Dead. Way before the wall fell." It made his eyes shot wide. He really took a liking to that runt. "Even me who's already like you at such a young age would end up risking it all once everything's lost, see?" With his eyes turning into worry, you continued. "So watch. All these people below think the same as you, even right now."

And they did, they witnessed eyes and ears the worlds of the Military Police themselves, and you're sure this hits close to home for Roy. As the Reeves people mob on the soldiers down, only horror went up Roy's face.

As Hange stepped up on the stairs, they said. "So what do you think? That MPs right, the truth won't spread on its own. You're the only ones who can reach the people."

Pierre urged him to go for it, eager to expose the Military Police and clean up the Survey Corps' name. Eventually, Roy shouted back. "Then try it! Try it and see where it goes! All our colleagues and friends are as good as dead! There was once a miner who disappeared after digging under the wall. When one of my friends looked into it, they disappeared too! That's how things work inside these walls! We live because the king allows us to live. You can see that, right?" Then he turned to every Scout soldier near him, including you.

"And you almost disappeared along with your friend until my brother saved you through it." You replied to him, "And my brother, being the dumb one, begged me to save your family somehow because the MP was very close at including them. Just because your little kid slipped a tiny phrase about it. I was kind of defeatist towards you too, right? That's why you told Pierre we're the same. But see, Roy, my brother, a very dumbly passionate meek man that he is, was the one who saved you from that predicament. And you have that chance too, not only for a single family alone."

Pierre held on to Roy's collar, "These royal government pigs have no intention of saving the people! Do you still not understand? The next time the titans attack, there won't be anything left. Not out company! Not our families!"

Roy looked very confused and he's on the verge of crying. Then his eyes slid towards you as you looked down at him very flatly, "Not even me or my brother, would be left to sneak out and ensure the safety of your family when they get targeted again. And most especially, if the titans are to be the ones doing the targeting."

Your remark made him avert his stare again. Eventually, as the tears welled up his eyes, he heaved a smile. "Never thought a time would come where I would be able to return such a huge favor from you, young girl. I'm sure your brother's proud at you up there." You just nodded, not believeing the notion that there's a scrape of him left even in another world.

With the people finally appeased of Roy's concurrence, you looked at Pierre again and noticed his full smiles at you, the vigor and joy of hope flashing through him. Just like how your brother looked at Erwin. You smiled back endearingly and ruffled his hair, "Good job, Pierre. Humanity needs people who are eager to give them the truth they very much deserved. You have a long path ahead but you're doing very great already." Pierre sheepishly smiled with a flush, "If a humanity's hero like you would say that then I'll surely believe in myself more."

All of you rushed to finish the article as soon as possible in the publishing house. And as soon as Roy had finished the first original copy, he tossed it towards you and Hange beamed in concurrence, "You look like shitting anytime soon, so go where you need to. You wanted to save Erwin, right? The military divisions are being gathered now to discuss the disbanding of the Survey Corps. You can still keep up if you run on it now."

Indeed, you can save him for a while.

So you did. You quickly chased down through it with your horse with ragged pants and beats of your chest ringing loudly in anxiousness. When you came across the execution platform being built just across the public view, a further feeling of rush ravaged your body. Upon reaching the royal castle, you quickly head towards Anka, Pixis' aide, who was waiting for you outside with a spare Garrison uniform along the way.

"You came just on time! Commander Erwin was summoned just now."

"How does he look?" You pressed, fixing on the uniform neatly and gulping your ragged breaths down.

Anka hesitated for a while, "He looked really bad."

"Eyes gone?" She shook her head no. "Still with one limb?" She nodded. "Two feet?" She nodded.

"Then he can do it." You bit down your inner lip, trying to convince yourself, "That bastard."

"You know, not even a shift on uniform can hide you," Zackley called out your name. Both of you immediately saluted. "You think no one would notice? When you're a silly transferee? And when you're practically glued on the man currently being held in trial?"

"Just for precautionary measures, Sir. It might be weird if I entered in casual clothes or black cloak." You gave him the news article published by Berg's. "It's currently being mass produced as we speak, but it's only a matter of time until everyone receives the news."

Zackley smirked upon reading and let out tsks along the way, "As expected of you, Scouts. Always ten steps ahead like your Commander." He turned his back on you. "You can join my men as they work on suppressing the central military police. Anka will set to announce the fake wall breach in a moment. You can shortly tend to Erwin after she gives an update and marks my entrance."

Shortly after she entered and you maintained to guard around with jittery feet, noises from the room erupted. Zackley was insanely excited, however. That's why as soon as Anka ran back with positive signals, Zackley released a snarl and walked proudly. You followed Anka to finalize the command in Military Police suppression, then you joined her inside upon reporting. As the commotion unfolded, you quickly made your way to release Erwin of his confines.

"What–" He flinched upon seeing you appear abruptly. Upon holding on his restraints, you looked at his face with distaste. "Fucking terrible," You spat out to stop the lump forming up on your throat at the sight. "You look repulsive. I told you–" You harshly removed the chains, dropping it down with a yelp. "We could've done this the other way." You grit on your teeth, examine his whole body, then when it's clear his only visible difficulty was with walking, you clung his arm around you and ushered him outside.

Upon entering the room intended to clean him and change his clothes, you scooted him on a chair. "Where are the others?" He asked as you gently removed his top. He hissed along the way as the piece of cloth exposed vast toture marks flattened all over his skin, sorting from lashes, burns, punches, and other detailed marks immediately needed to be checked in the hospital right after cleaning this up. You weren't even able to note he's actually asked something as the sight formed overwhelming rings of pain in your head. As you cleaned on him silently, he asked again. "Where are the others?"

"Doing their wonders in ensuring Squad Levi's safety since they're the ones confronting the Interior. I just ran here with the news. I'm the only Scout in the vicinity right now." You knelt down on him, your head on the same level as his chest.

"Why are you wearing the Garrison uniform?"

"I'll change in a while."

"You teamed up with Pyxis? Were you aware of their decision before coming here?"

"They just gave me their spare garment."

"Answer my questions properly." He sternly directed but you cut him off by glazing quite hardly on a blemish of his chest and a hard glare. He let out a sharp grunt.

"Sorry, I don't intend to press such emotional matters on you when you're clearly unwell but," You went gently again, "I don't sit well sharing my plans to someone who eagerly denied it without even talking it out, spurring pathetic notions of just respecting the irrationality," You cut yourself off with a ragged sigh, "–during a crucial moment where genuine reason is needed."

He was shot silent for a while and you went on with your job, making sure to be swift yet keen on every wound especially since some of it sat for days without getting tended. As you worked on his chest, he spoke, "I'm sorry."

You tried to ignore the remark but the way your hand trembled upon it told him otherwise. "Sorry," He called your name this time around. You realized the tremble in your hands were just heightening so you gently rested your equipment on the medicine toolbox just beside you. With his beaten up figure seated before you, you're curled on your knees on the floor and let out a heavy sigh.

"Are we talking about this now," You lowly asked, your eyes glued to the ground.

"I've been thinking about it for days." He replied.

You bit on your lower lip, "You know, we can talk this out after your wounds are tended properly–"

"No. Sorry."

You sighed, "Okay, give me a moment." He hummed through it. After forming your words, you looked up at him. "To make this quick, regarding the rationality you've tried to–"

"I told you whatever comes up in your mind is correct."

"What's coming up in my mind right now as I see how battered you've got is regret." You shot back, paused for a while, and realized you won't be able to have coherent thoughts over this conversation. "Just tell me what you've thought about the past few days that you can't sit until you're tended properly."

"That I regret the choice of keeping you beside me. I should've just let you quit the time you asked. It was quite more unbearable than the hitting itself."

"Well, you are free to feel all the regret regarding your downright behavior but I'm the only person allowed to ponder if my stay in the Survey Corps was for the better or not." With that, you finally softened up. Regaining your hold on the cleaning kit, you went back to your work again. "I had messy reunions with some people I met before joining the Scouts, either clashing with them in a fight or just dreaming about them on a weary night. Meeting them again was more of relieving rather than regretful. All of them apparently thought I was an empty shell that'll break for good once my brother disappears on me. But I didn't break, nor I think I'm an empty shell," You pondered for a while, curling your eyebrows along the way, "Or am I?"

Erwin slightly chuckled, "You're not."

"Right. I'm not." You sneered, "I actually don't care on the role you've put me in anymore. You're being pathetic over it."

"I suppose I am."

You hummed in concurrence and stayed silent, the atmosphere finally calmed down and comfortable. Finishing up on the clean up, you added. "And I'm glad we were able to get you back alive. I was very desperate on it."

"Because?"

You held on to his uniform and guided him on it, "Because I don't want to hear such a vile remark from you when we part ways."