"Only a month had passed yet the citizens are already seeing the Scouts in a new light. We can never thank you enough for all your efforts." Erwin was seated on his office chair with Roy and Pierre in front of him, and you were standing beside as usual. You noticed he looked tired today but his demeanor was unfaltering so you didn't mind it that much.

"No, Commander Erwin. We are the ones who should thank the Scouts instead. If not for your efforts I'm sure all of us would end up dying. This is the least we can do." Roy smiled at him as he sipped on his tea. "But to be honest, it's your escort who was able to convince us completely."

You gave the man a small smile, "But above anything else, you're the one who decided for it. It's honestly admirable of you. The same goes with Pierre, too."

"Well, this young man here already took a liking to you after all." Roy nudged at him playfully.

"What? No! I mean–" Seeing how taken aback Pierre was at that, Roy laughed and interjected, "Come on, now. Almost everyone had heard it already, you were so confident about it after all! Even Hange was laughing about it!" Well, I certainly did not hear it.

Pierre's face was laced with horror, "So does that mean…?" He looked at you worriedly but when he saw how wide-eyed you were with that he immediately averted his gaze to Roy again, now with a glare. "I told you I'll be the one to talk about it."

"Stupid kid." Roy chuckled, "Even the commander knows about it already." He does? You quickly glanced at Erwin. He doesn't look amused by it, though.

Pierre heaved a sigh. "Fine. But I just regarded this matter lightly because it's quite a given already. I hear the same thing with the other soldiers after all. Given her qualities, of course I would not be the only one." It's been a while since someone blatantly established such sentiments right in front of you and you realized you're almost unfamiliar with how to properly respond to that.

Pierre seemed to be adding something to clarify himself but then Erwin cleared his throat, "Let's get on the agenda of this meeting, shall we?" The tone of his voice unexpectedly doesn't sound friendly anymore and even for a brief moment, you saw an unfamiliar glint in his eyes. What you could comprehend was that he's annoyed to an extent. He usually doesn't show this demeanor when talking to people outside Scout soldiers after all. The sight made you wonder how tired he must be right now.

When the meeting was concluded, you ushered the two out of the office. However, Pierre turned to you. "Are you perhaps available for the rest of the day?" He asked meekly but still audible to everyone inside the room.

"You really went all the way, huh?" Roy sneered. "Never knew you are seriously that brave."

"Uh," You turned your eyes sideways in hesitation. "I have a lot of work for today and Commander Erwin and I–"

"She's free." Erwin interjected to Pierre then looked at you, "I was about to ask Hange to take over your task because we need to talk about something as well. You're dismissed for today."

"But-"

"Thank you, Commander!" Pierre exclaimed then bowed his head eagerly.

You averted your gaze towards Pierre, then to Erwin, then to Roy, then back at Erwin. However, your commander was unmoved. He just stared at you flatly, and so you ended up sighing, "Come on then." You made your way outside the office. You closed the door, albeit slowly, in hopes you could figure out even in the last second what's going on inside his head. And as the door and its sill move closer and closer, you saw his demeanor slip. It was indeed a very brief moment but you were certain; it was the look he gave to you back at the royal castle – utterly weary and mournful. When it was finally shut close, you realized you don't have the energy to accommodate someone for a date.

Reaching outside, you called Pierre out for a brief talk and Roy excused himself with a sneer. He silently walked behind you as you brought him to the back of the building for some privacy. However, upon reaching the place you didn't say any word yet, nothing flashing in your mind but that face. As Pierre figured out you're spacing out, he spoke first, "I'm sorry. It must've been surprising for you." He was looking down on the ground, face flushed with embarrassment.

"I'm quite used to Roy messing around." You remarked, but the eager look Pierre shot at you said otherwise.

"He's not messing around." He hesitated for a while, "It's true. All of it."

"We didn't have much interaction since that moment so I'm having quite a hard time believing that." You replied honestly.

"I know. I thought I could just keep it to myself and be like the people who are contended in admiring you from afar." He gulped down, "But I can't, and I figured if…" His voice went weaker, "–if you'd mind considering my feelings, or something."

There, you're at a loss on what to say. Apart from the fact that you don't have any space for another person when your tragic affection towards Erwin just keeps on making you do things you're not supposed to do, you can't help but think how would the old you respond. Would the old you consider giving it a try? Maybe you would. You were an empty shell after all, and a shell would mindlessly accept anything poured on it.

With your silence, Pierre clarified himself. "No pressure, though! I really just want to let it out. My admiration for you won't falter no matter what decision you make."

Erwin's answer that day resonated in your mind; you're not, definitely not an empty shell. The memory made you smile in lament. "I'm sorry. I already like someone else. I appreciate it though. Thank you so much."

"Is it perhaps…" He was in doubt to go for it again but just gulped it down, "Is it the commander? The one you're holding with affection?"

Your eyes were shot wide, "How did you–"

"Just a hunch." It was Pierre's turn to smile sadly. "To be honest, even if it's quite a shameful thing to say, I don't mind if you like someone else and I would still go for this anyway. So if you ever change your mind, my offer still stands." You didn't respond, just letting the silence convey that you don't know what to say and you're not going to change your stance anytime soon. "I'll excuse myself then!" Pierre exclaimed in shame then turned his back on you so he could run.

But then you called his name, "How did you know? Was it too obvious?" You asked with your voice slightly raising in worry.

"While we're finishing the article, you looked like breaking down already. But as soon as Hange pointed out how you wanted to save the commander, even at the mention of his name alone, your face was immediately laced with conviction." He turned to you again, "It was really just a hunch but it made more sense earlier when I saw how you looked completely benign beside him, very much unlike what we saw when you first came to us." Then he ran his hand on the back of his head with a sheepish smile, "I'm sorry if my observation bothered you in any way."

You shook your head and smiled, "I just thought I was able to hide it well until now."

"You still do. I honestly wouldn't notice had I not watched you from afar all the time."

You hummed in acknowledgment, stayed silent for a while then finally fixed your composure, "I'll be going now. Please take care on your way home. I'm thankful you were able to express that bravely."

"As long as you know I'm not faltering about it, I could wish for nothing more." This time, his smile was resolute. "I know I won't be able to surpass the commander in any way but I'm very much willing to make up for it. See you next time." This time he was able to turn his back completely and walk away, leaving you in your tracks.

When you finally walked back a few steps, however, you saw Erwin already standing behind. The immediate thought of him hearing what Pierre just said washed your body with horror, "Since when are you here?"

"Not too long ago."

"Have you heard–"

"No." He leaned on the wall.

You silently sighed in relief, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm quite tired. Figured having some air would help."

"But this is quite a cluttered area."

He didn't answer anymore, and while it's a complete lie, he really sounded tired. "I can make you coffee if you want–"

"Your company for a moment is enough." He flatly interjected. You kind of wondered how he could say such blunt things with ease but you still tried to conceal the fluster by staying silent and leaning on the wall beside him. "Why didn't you go with him?" He asked.

"I should be the one to decide whether I'm free for that or not."

"Don't you think he could be an opportunity to explore and reconsider your perspectives?"

Knowing this conversation would go to another coaxing of quitting, you rolled your eyes. "This talk holds no bearing, Erwin."

"I heard it."

Your body turned cold, "Heard what?"

"Everything he just said."

Shit. You were seriously about to run out of shame. However, your pent-up frustration on this matter was reverberating inside your head louder than anything. You scooted off from the wall and stood right in front of him instead, your eyebrows furrowed in contempt. "And? What about it?" You taunted.

However, Erwin didn't respond. He just stared at you with the same exhausted look on his face. And as you wait for him to shoot back, you weren't able to help but get distracted with worry. He didn't wear his uniform today; only a black blazer with a long sleeve white polo underneath, along with his emerald bolo tie wrapped around it. The creases on the polo shirt clearly remarked how he struggled to clothe himself this morning. Even the bolo tie wasn't tied properly. Back when things weren't awkward between the two of you, he sometimes relied on you pointing out what's wrong with his attire. Sometimes you're the one to fix it yourself. It's understandable how Erwin's clothing routine would change after he had lost his limb but he's still eager to try nevertheless. Not today, though.

"If you ought to bring this matter up now then speak." You added with derision but he still didn't respond. After a while, your eyes averted to the ground. "Why am I the only one who has to be confronted about this?" You muttered weakly.

Finally, Erwin's expression changed. It was a rueful smile, "I honestly don't know how to talk about it. Perhaps my eloquence has its awful limits."

"Then stop bringing that up. I don't have any plans on acting out my affection towards you and I know you don't want it as well hence we're not up for some sappy talk." You shot back, and the almost too mournful look on his face made you decide to just brush it off, again, because the last thing you want him to see is you faltering. Distracting yourself from annoyance, you decided to act on what your hands were trembling for since earlier instead: fixing his bow tie and some of the creases on his clothes. He was slightly taken aback, even heaved a subtle flinch, but he still let you regardless. "However, the only thing I wish for is when the time comes and we have to part ways, I want it to be a pleasant one. At least the last memory we'd have for each other would be bearable to carry. I don't desire for anything else." You stayed silent for a while, did your thing, then cleared your throat when you're done. "Now tell me, why do you look extremely sullen? You didn't even bother making yourself presentable. Are you seriously letting other–"

Your breath hitched in surprise and you froze on the spot as soon as Erwin laid his head on your shoulder. You were too taken aback to even speak, let alone breathe. Gently, you felt Erwin's hand hold your waist without putting any pressure on it.

"Why…?"

"Is there really nothing I can do to change your mind?" He muttered. It was a calm and gentle question, but you can also hear how defeated his tone was. That remark alone immediately sent waves of heavy emotions. You had to purse your lips tight to avoid slipping them out.

"You're still really desperate for this bargain, is that what you wanted to say?" You tried to respond flatly but then the tremble in your voice but Erwin's too sharp to miss that, and so he concurred. "I am. Deeply."

"Nothing would change my mind, Erwin, but you don't need to hold a grudge with yourself for that. It's not your fault."

"It is."

"I need you to stop making it seem like I've got no prudence for my own actions. I stayed here not just for you and your dumb blackmails back then." You shot back firmly, "And I'd choose this path regardless. Over and over again." Erwin was shut into silence yet he still didn't raise his head up. "But then again, if you want me to go then why are you leaning your head on me?"

"Above anything else and my faltering actions, I really just need you to get out of here. But–" He paused for a while. "My mind's been erratic for a while now. I can't even grasp what I wanted to do anymore."

You're on the precipice of giving into that, really. You were eager to do so. Your mind is thinking for nothing but the want to fully nuzzle his head to your embrace. The desire to just admit defeat and let all of this go loose. Your hands even tremblingly attempted to act on it. But you can't. You shakingly moved your arms to wrap around his figure but you can't because you're awfully aware that as soon as you gave in to him it'd be his last needed push. He would surely do all means necessary to make you quit. No matter how flailing the security of life you all had, he won't hesitate to settle on that just so he wouldn't see you die; and you don't need such selfishness from him.

So you regained your stance of not giving in, begrudgingly so. "Then rest. Let me you with your tasks today."

Erwin withdrew his head from your shoulder, remained the sullen look for a while, then slowly walked away without a word. When he's gone, you started feeling how heavy that was. You tried not to falter regardless, but when you put your hand on the shoulder where he rested his eyes, your knees still ended up limping.

It is quite moist.

You let yourself curl on the ground, gripping it for dear life. Never in your life you had expected to witness such vulnerability.

And so you let yourself weep, much harder than you usually do.

At the time you open your eyes you were still crying. It wasn't a sob nor a wail, just quiet tears slipping down your eyes. You averted your gaze slowly and realized; you're not in your house, beside you was the man who partly made you cry. He was sleeping soundly and you're wearing his clothes. You scooted to fully face him and cupped his cheek mindlessly – grounding yourself at how you could see him up close and touch his face with ease. Without tremors. Not even cries you have to keep for yourself. Even if you're certain you don't need to experience the grief of holding back like that, you really don't want to feel it again; let alone see him do it.

After a while, however, he was shot awake with a ragged gasp. He looked utterly horrified despite his body staying unmoved, and you were the same for a brief moment until you realized what it was about. You brushed your thumb on his cheek, hoping it would help him ground himself back. Erwin averted his eyes to his surroundings at first, then to you, and as he let himself realize you're beside him and you're both in his bed, his face slowly calmed down.

"Nightmares?" You asked quite groggily.

"Yes." His voice was doleful.

"Would you tell me what happened?" He didn't respond so you let him decide onit. He broke the silence by landing a chaste peck on the bridge of your nose and sat up as you remained lying down.

"I'm done seeing that world."

"Done?"

"Yeah. Done." He pondered for a while, "I think I died."

You were instantly shocked by that and you let the panic take over by abruptly sitting down, "How?" He didn't answer so you pressed, both of you hands now holding his tightly. "Tell me how."

"I can't."

"Have I–" You paused, "Have I seen it?" Erwin didn't answer again and you had to withdraw your hands from him so he won't notice it trembling.

After a while, he called your name. "I have to tell you something."

You composed yourself first, "Go on."

Despite his crippling hesitation, he started. "I've been dealing with this vividly ever since I got conscious enough to recognize things. I often get confused on what's the real one and not, so later on I just came to terms that both of them were existent."

You knew about it already because Levi was able to tell you the gist of what Erwin had told him. However, a realization struck you, "But why is it that it only got vivid for me when I saw you?"

"I was initially confused as well but then I realized it's maybe because you managed to see someone you're pretty much tied to in that world. The most relevant person that affected how your life went, perhaps the most important one. After all, it became blurry for me as well since my father died."

"Your father died?" You exclaimed.

"My mother, too. At the same time. In an accident. I think that was before I got into college." You released a ragged breath. You're right, this world might not be meant to be bearable for the both of you. "The matter at hand remained unresolved for me since then. That's why I just went to find every people I know, especially those I was indebted with, and made sure they're pretty much living better lives. And I don't plan to go on with this life after completing that task."

You curled on your knees, "That's why when Levi mentioned I have the same…"

"I already saw you back when I visited Levi's house for the first time. It was purely coincidental yet I decided to not make my presence known. I completely had your life revolve around me in that world and so giving you the chance to live differently was the best thing I thought to do. And I actually don't have the guts to see you. It was a luxury I ought to deny in this world." He paused for a while, "But then Levi told me you remember it as well. And I eventually got too delighted for that despite how bad you were suffering from it. I haven't changed. I still ended up keeping you beside me so I'd be grounded on who I really was. Someone who knew about the things I've done and judge me the way I wanted to."

You scooted from your position so you could be in front of him, "I pretty much know your motives by now and I didn't mind it at all. You've changed. I can even distinguish you differently from who you were in that world."

Now he's on the verge of not pushing through this talk. Just so you'd continue seeing it this way. He knew you have openly decided to go for him and he was utterly gratified for that fact, but deep inside his mind he was pretty scared of you changing your mind.

However, you deserve to know what you're getting into, "I didn't. I can completely own that man as my own. I don't distinguish myself differently from him."

"That's not true. I can tell you all the things I've–"

"It is. I wasn't delighted just because you remembered, but because that world became vivid to me again after seeing you. Apart from ensuring you'd survive that, I clung to you in hopes that I would see it again. Until the very end of it this time around." There, you were frozen in your tracks. "After everything, I was still very curious about that world, and having you beside me would help me quench that curiosity."

Slowly but surely, the bitter feeling of this realization washed over your entirety. Have nothing really changed? Do you still have a role to embody just so you'd stay beside him? You can't brush away the fact that your whole life was tormented with these nightmares and the thought of him getting benefit for your misery gets under your skin. Again.

"So," You emptily prompted, not looking at him straight anymore. "Now that you finished seeing that world, is my job here done?"

"No. I just need you to consider whether you want to push through with what we have despite this. I swore to myself that you'd be able to do whatever you want in this world. I'd respect your choice nonetheless."

"If you're really concerned with what I want then you should've known better than hiding this fact from me."

He didn't respond because you're right. He had been too careless and fearful lately, even drunk by his own greed again. He really wanted to see until the end of his suffering. Most of all, he really wanted to have you by his side in this one.

After a while, you spoke again. "Don't get me wrong. I think I could still understand you for that but I can't come to terms with the possibility that the reason I remembered this is just to answer your questions. Feeling whatever that girl felt was excruciating for me. Watching through her eyes was the reason why I kept on crying upon waking up. At some point, even if I could never be as strong as she was, I can't understand the way she was so drawn of such a miserable man."

You tried to look up at him only to quickly avert your gaze somewhere again. The regretful look on his face would do you more harm than good. "It's not that man I've been holding with affection right now, but the Erwin I met here. That's why I kept on establishing an equal ground with you. I don't want to feel as inferior as she was for loving a wretch who only thought of her welfare when it's already too late. I want to have you as my confidant and not a subordinate who needs to be acquiescent to your wants. The possibility that this situation was picked up from such pathetic feelings is something I can't fathom just yet."

No one spoke after that. Erwin knew better than trying to alleviate the matter at hand. All this time he's been dead set on embodying his mission to pay debts, not to have another one, let alone from you. As you realized you have nothing more to say and you don't want him to talk as well, you stood up and grabbed your things to leave.

The week went that way. Levi asked you about it as well since Erwin looked dreadful again; exactly how he was before. While you were still able to tell him what happened, all you've managed to conclude was an apology. Levi warned you about it after all; that man has the tendency to be curious up to a point where it can be too displeasing. You just didn't take his words seriously. Levi then asked you if you wanted him to bring Erwin back from where he came from, which was of course something you didn't agree to. Maybe you just need time, perhaps a way to understand what your counterpart really felt– a moment in your dream where you could completely grasp and justify her feelings, a way to fully relate yourself with her.

And so the day you need to go to the publishing house came. As you're about to introduce yourself, however, you stood frozen in your tracks instead. They were completely familiar people. Most of all, you never thought about seeing him again. Ever since the revolution succeeded and Historia's coronation commenced, he became some sort of an old guardian for you; something you never had in that world. You were snapped back to reality when he walked towards you.

"Oh no, what happened? Why are you crying?" Roy asked.

"Ah," You quickly brushed a hand on your face, nuzzled your face with the thick scarf around your neck, and regained your composure. "I'm sorry. I'm rather feeling cold right now and my eyes were watery because of it." Before he could point out the obvious lie, you quickly introduced yourself and dropped your name. "I'm one of the writers who got in. The faculty told me to go here today."

"Oh, right! They told us beforehand as well. Follow me." He ushered you towards the building and when he introduced you with his team you got more surprised.

He introduced himself to you by extending his hand, "Hello, I'm–"

"Pierre." You cut him off and returned the handshake.

"How did you know…?"

Oh no. "Uh–" You tried to come up with a quick lie. "A faculty member told me about you."

"Who?" He was more confused and you felt like sinking down further.

"Erwin… Smith?"

"Ah! Mr. Smith!" He beamed, "He often drops by recently."

"That young man is a gem. He's got some annoying guts but we're still lucky." The old man chipped in.

"He actually joked that you forced him into it," You smiled in relief, at least they managed to buy the lie.

"Hah, it's the other way around. He's the one who came to us and proposed the whole project himself, all in exchange of us getting to publish his craft." Roy huffed, "He's honestly a pain in the ass. He very much knew how much he's worth."

"Seriously? Even his colleagues don't know about it!" He came up with this whole plan just so I would be out below him? A project this big?

"He might be trying to be humble," Pierre replied. "But well, we still ended up getting the benefit despite that. He assured us we'll be getting promising beginners and when we read your craft he was completely right." You didn't respond afterward, realizing you must've underestimated him and his lengths. He had barely changed, and despite this being completely unrelated with your latest conversation, the resonating thought left a bitter taste in your mouth.

Pierre was the one to orient you with the whole process hence all your time in that place was pretty much spent with him. You were quite relieved, too. The familiarity in a sense helped you settle quickly. Apparently, he's a new intern here and he came to admire Erwin. He also claimed that he had been reading his books even before he met him, and that he was seriously starstrucked seeing him in person.

Weeks after, Erwin abruptly went there himself. He quickly noticed your presence but it got you completely uncomfortable hence you to took no mind of him. However, Erwin seemed to notice a greater matter at hand. When he saw who you're with, his cordial demeanor had changed to flatness.

"Mr. Smith, you're here! I have something to discuss with you." Pierre beamed then turned to you, "Would you mind waiting for a while?"

"Go on." You shook your head with a smile, "Now look at the gleam on your face. You really admire him that much, huh?" You bantered lightly, your voice not audible to Erwin at least.

He gave you a sheepish chuckle and stood up, "Of course. Most people in the field look up to him after all." Then patted your shoulder. "I'll be back immediately so we can wrap up." You briefly glanced at him walking towards the man, and even if it's just a brief moment, you saw an unreadable yet tediously familiar look on Erwin's face.

Pierre came back after a while and you saw Erwin excuse himself quickly. When he sat again, however, he wasn't too cheerful anymore. "Why? Something happened?" You asked.

"Nothing important." He smiled again, "Let's wrap up, I guess." When the meeting was finally concluded, both of you had a casual talk about random things until you finally excused yourself. As you stood up, however, he called your name. "I'm sorry. I just want to let this out but–" Pierre paused for a while as if trying to articulate his words. "I was actually gathering the courage to ask you out because I would like to know you better. Ever since I saw your piece I've been curious about you and I apparently came to admire you more after meeting you."

Oh god. This day is a whole deja vu. "Pierre, it's only been three weeks since we met." You replied as a matter of fact.

"I know. As I said, I just want to know you better." Pierre looked down to the ground, "I also didn't plan on telling you this so soon, but when I asked Mr. Smith myself he said you're already seeing someone else. That's why I figured to express it now just so you'd be aware. I don't plan on doing anything else afterward."

That remark alone made your blood boil immensely. You had to bite your inner lip to conceal it from the young man in front of you. This is utterly confusing and you have no patience for this, "What has he told you exactly?"

"Just that. I actually just asked him for advice on how to get closer to you, and while he still answered the question, he added at the end that you're already dating someone else." Pierre glanced at you again upon noticing the change in your composure. " Was that… wrong?"

You quickly regained yourself and shot him a smile, "Well, I'm not entirely sure. I broke up with the man he was pertaining to just recently." You lied, begrudgingly so.

"Oh," Pierre felt bad, "I'm sorry for bringing that up. It must've been uncomfortable for you."

"No, it's okay." You pondered for a while, "I won't say I'm emotionally open for a relationship but if my mind changes, I'll let you know."

You got your things and walked away, but even before you opened the exit door he called your name. "Thank you so much! You can take all your time thinking about it! You knowing about my feelings is enough for me."

Ah, it seems like not only Erwin stayed the same. Your former memory of him made you smile endearingly, and he seemed to be taken aback by it as well. "I know, you're being very brave about it after all. Not everyone can do that." Then you opened the sliding door. "Thank you, Pierre." He seemed to be at a loss as well, so you just closed it without waiting for a reply.

When you're finally out of the building, it was raining very hard already and you completely forgot to ready yourself for this weather. Apart from that, however, Erwin's just behind with a cigarette in his mouth. You stayed still, waiting for the rain to end and for him to walk away. After a while, he spoke. "Got no umbrella?"

"I forgot." You shortly replied. He hummed through it and stayed silent again. It was for a while until you talked again. "Why are you still here?"

"Waiting for the rain to end."

"Got no umbrella?" You replied with sarcasm but when he hummed in concurrence you rolled your eyes. "So am I supposed to pretend the car behind us isn't yours?"

He chuckled as he pressed his cigarette on the wall and threw it into the trash bin. He grabbed the umbrella standing beside him, walked towards you until you're on his side, and then opened it. "Hop in. I'll bring you home." He added, his figure fully faced on the road in front of you. Upon observing his side frame and the expression you still can't get to read, you ended up sighing. You need to talk after all.

It was a silent ride and while you're completely used to it, this is extremely awkward right now. Apart from it was your annoyance and your mind is trying to articulate it well for some confrontation. Luckily, it was Erwin who broke the silence. "So how did that go?"

"They're really kind. It seems like you chose the right place to go for your plans."

"They told you?"

"Yeah, quite low of you if I'd be honest. They were stressed about it."

"I gave them what I promised, though." He pointed out, completely lacking guilt. "How's that intern doing?" He added. You instantly got a clue on where he's about to go so you quickly cut his dilly-dallies off.

"He asked me out."

"Really?" He sounded taken aback but still calm nonetheless. "So he really hasn't changed after all."

You hummed in concurrence, "And I agreed." You lied.

"You did?" This time he barely hid his surprise.

"What do you think about it? Should I go?" You flatly asked, your face glued to the window instead of him.

He pondered for a while. "I don't think I have a say on that matter. And I told you to consider whether or not you really want to push through with what we have. I will not remove that freedom from you."

"So you chose to be much kinder, huh?" You snickered, "Then why did you tell that boy I'm going out with someone?" You added with scorn.

Erwin didn't respond. You tried to wait for it yourself but when you realized he really won't speak you just sighed. "If you're not going to answer then tell me honestly. Would you rather have me run away from you? To have my ties on you completely severed?"

"Again, I don't have a say on that matter–"

"But I asked you for it."

"And it's irrelevant."

"I'm not a dumb woman in love in this world." You shot back in extreme annoyance. "I don't have the patience to keep up with your crap and endless confusion. Answer this or stop the car."

And so he pondered about it. Even Erwin had no idea where his guts are coming from. Perhaps he just can't keep it to himself so he's passing you the burden to shoo him away with finality; that way he'd be able to register that you're really done dealing with his idiocy. If you come to completely realize that he barely changed and what's keeping him at bay was only his guilt, you'd have no reason to even associate yourself with him again.

However, you're asking him instead of speaking finalities. That's not what he readied for. "To be honest, I had to stop the urge to convince you otherwise. I had the gall to be vexed at some boy asking me for advice and even mindlessly blurted out such a lie. Above everything I've done in that world and this one, and even if I ended up regretting this choice before, I'm still very unwilling to make you leave." Regaining his composure, he clarified. "But my sentiments should never affect your choices."

Blurted out such a lie. That surely hurt.

"This is what would make me leave you, Erwin." You shot back flatly. "I'm deeply disgruntled at the thought of you being completely the same even in a different world. But your tendency to mask your vile desires with sheer selflessness would be my last straw. I'm completely tired of witnessing such an ingenuine demeanor from you. Don't dare pull this facade on me again."

Again? He didn't quite get why this occurrence won't be your last straw. Catching such ingenuity for the second time must've been enough basis to not push for it. Apart from his confusion, however, was a voice bitterly speaking in the deepest part of his head. If you really want to have even this ugliest part then you can take his entirety. Completely.

"Have it, then. I'm still that selfish man you've known way back. Don't go to him. Stay with me instead."

"Then face the ulterior motives you've subjected upon me. Make up for it upfront instead of trying to fake it just so you could push me away."

"I'd be willing to do anything." Indeed, he immediately thought of methods to do so. The intricacy of his strategies is the only thing he's good at after all. Still, nothing came to his mind; perhaps it was the anxiousness, desperation even, to not let the chance you're about to give him slip away again. However, he snapped out from his silly ponders when he noticed you're tensed in your seat. He turned to you instead and the realization struck him. You're crying.

He fucked up. He swore to himself to not make you cry.

Never did Erwin feel sheer panic for a while. He turned towards the side road and stopped the car abruptly. "I'm sor–"

"It's very distasteful to hear that kind of thing from someone else. And it was intended to be a hopeless lie. I expected it to be a pleasant thing. I thought I'd be happy hearing it myself." Fortunately for you, it wasn't helpless sobs but rather a bunch of huffs. Tears were present but it wasn't out of sadness, instead a step away from being a sulk.

It was weeks, perhaps a month, worth of pent-up anger after all. He never reached out. This was the first time he did. And it was downright annoying because he only did it after seeing a genuine threat that'd slip you away from him for good. You really don't want to experience the excruciating feeling of him intentionally setting a distance again, and you can't come to terms with the fact that he just did.

But then again, maybe you're not much different from the woman that you were in that world. You might not feel the same affection towards the commander just yet but the time this same Erwin pulled your figure towards him, held both of your cheeks tight, and brushed his lips onto yours abruptly – almost hardly – you realized you're still the same clement woman that'd be willing to stay by his side despite knowing his inadequacies. Of course, you'd still demand for accountability. But you can't ignore the fact that you still yearned for this one. His lips were warm, and the slightly rough parts of them were enough for you to welcome the gesture again.

And you have no idea how shamelessly grateful Erwin was when you did more than just pulling him in. He tried to stop himself after all, for seconds in case it'd do anything better. When his hands brushed your face and moved it so you'd face him he was intending to ask if he's permitted to give in again despite his mistakes, but the selfish tremor in his nerves said otherwise. When he felt your plump lips on him again he just knew he won't be able to stop himself anymore.

It was a desperate feat of yearning to feel your body against him as the past few weeks without you were too unbearable for him. And apparently, this silly Pierre who's not different from him was his last straw. If he didn't know that young man liked you in that world as well then maybe he'd be able to take it. He ultimately can't accept the fact that someone other than him managed to hold you with affection beyond this world – that Pierre might've been seriously in love with you and he wished to meet you again to have this chance. Maybe that's where his petty guts are coming from. He just brazenly hoped for your mercy again. And if not, he wanted to savor this moment for the last time. That's why he tried to at least open his eyes so he'd be able to see you in close proximity. Mark every intricate detail of your face if this would be the last time you'd let him this near. But Erwin was so exhausted. And your lips were so soft. And it parted slightly, allowing his tongue to slip inside. And he can never have such intense feelings with just a kiss unless it's you he's sharing it with.

The same goes for you. The smell of Erwin's perfume that you've been intoxicated with for a while now, the feeling of his broad hands perfectly fitted to your cheeks, and his thumb mindlessly playing to your skin and wiping the tears away – they are all making your mind hazy, and so you kept up with his desperate movements. He immediately slid his hand on the back of your head to pull you much closer while his other hand touched your back, lower and lower until it swept under your clothes. He didn't know how bad he craved to feel more of your bare skin until he had it again.

As you felt Erwin's inability to hold himself back, you gently, begrudgingly pulled away. Feeling his hot breath and seeing his lidded eyes afterward almost made you smile smugly. Your confusion earlier was finally answered. He won't be able to leave you unless you say so with finality. He can't do it himself, and realizing the power you apparently have over this man struck you in satisfaction.

"I don't know what came to me." Erwin muttered, "I apologize."

"Apologies for what? For this abrupt kiss?"

"No." There's no way he'd be guilty over that. "For not telling you upfront. The night we did that I've already taken you for my own. Should've at least informed you about it."

"I can't believe you're this shameless."

"I am. That's why out of all people I tried to see in that world you're the only one I was very reluctant to go to." He gulped to calm himself down as he's uncertain if you'd like him to grab you again and do more than silly kisses inside his car. "–because I'll end up being this desperate again."

You sighed and gently moved away, regaining your position on your seat. You're still unforgiving at the fact that someone else heard about it first. You turned on the window again and flatly replied, "But the fact that I didn't hear it from you first, I'm not sure I could take that now."

Erwin didn't respond. He was completely shut into silence and when you glanced at him again, you had to purse your lips tight to hold a snort.He looked extremely sullen and you have no idea why the sight suddenly amused you so bad. Apart from that, you realized you apparently can't stay angry when he looks like that.

"Right." He muttered, staring at nowhere. "I fucked up with that."

"You did."

"So have you finally decided to go to him?" He asked gently.

"Maybe," You lied, deciding to be stubborn for a while. You rarely let yourself be like this after all. "But I'm quite curious how you would take that."

He tried to stay unperturbed by that remark but the flinch on his face won't go unnoticed by you. He had to collect himself again to answer. "I actually don't care. If you ended up liking someone else I'd be willing to become the second option and cling to you the same." But then he quickly clarified, "–unless you finally ask me to leave." But that sounded very forced and you doubted if he really meant it.

There, you finally let out the laugh you'd been holding back. "I thought you'll end up doing measures to make him miserable."

He let out a strained chuckle in return, "Of course, that's the first thing I'd do but I know better than revealing it straight on because you'll try to stop me."

"That's a major red flag, Erwin."

"I'll beg for your forgiveness afterwards." He let you laugh it out, quite ashamed of what he just said but relieved you didn't mean it. He really doesn't know what would happen if you decided to go for that man.

When you went down from it, you pondered about something. "So, if I finished seeing that world and got the potential to ans–"

"I won't let you tell me what happened." He cut you off immediately.

You abruptly faced him, "Why?"

"I'm done with my greed in that world, and I'm not yearning to repeat this mistake." He started the engine.

"But what kept you going was those–"

"I've got new things I'm desperate about now and that world's not on the list." He pushed for the lever as the car finally moved again. Before you can respond to that, however, he spoke again. "Can you sleep in my place tonight?"

"We're not done talking!" You let out a confused huff, "I was about to ask what you're desperate about!"

He curled his lip with your remark, "Well, this is exactly what I'm desperate about."