"Erwin, they just handed me the budget regarding—oh." You stopped at the door in quite a surprise. Erwin was smiling on the bookshelf, holding a piece of paper in his hand. "Did I interrupt something?"

He cleared his throat and then rested the paper on his table. "No. Enter." As you handed the document in your hand, you playfully sneaked on it.

"I thought it's good news, but this paper seems old." You pondered. "Can I read it?"

Erwin sat on his office chair and started browsing the report you gave him. "As long as you don't laugh. It's something from my cadet years."

"I will certainly laugh, but okay." You slightly leaned your back on the table. "I thought the art behind your handwriting is inborn. This one's messy."

Erwin heaved a small chuckle. "Cut me off some slack, that's just a silly scribble." And so you started reading it. You released a snort as soon as you came to the first line. "I told you not to laugh." He glanced at you.

"What is this even?"

"That's not from me. I just helped a friend in completing it."

"Riveted by your gentle croon, singing on the dawn of becoming a brave soldier, to obtain the happiness of two…" After reading it out loud, you pondered for a while then snorted again, "You didn't write this for yourself."

"Because sweet words don't suit me?"

"In another world, it definitely would."

Despite your very genuine answer, Erwin thought you were offending him. "You're becoming blunter lately. While you're not wrong on that because it's Nile's and I begrudgingly helped him hence the writing, that must not be the attitude of someone who shamelessly cried in public all because someone treated her to dinner."

You cleared your throat to hide the flush of embarrassment."That's not the reason I cried. It's because I—" lived in a world I wasn't supposed to exist. "—had a bad dream."

"Is that so? Must be very bad then. Soldiers say you've been smiling a lot and you made them feel like teenagers in love again." You loudly laughed at that and so he muttered a weak "See?" to further prove his point.

Even before you could retort to that, Levi knocked on the door. "Hope I'm not interrupting something." He walked towards Erwin's table to hand another document. "About the battle strategy for the next expedition. For your approval."

Erwin hummed and tapped on the table so Levi would put it there. He didn't shift his attention to the budget paper you gave him. "Captain Levi is trying to get an expense for tea again." He mused after a while.

"You're not the one to talk when you seem satisfied with the wine budget allotted for the upcoming get-together." Levi grimaced.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing." Erwin forced a laugh as he put his stamp on it.

"Also, the nobleman Reeves is acquainted with already confirmed the schedule for the partnership meeting. They want it to happen this evening."

"Really? They should've said so sooner." You remarked. "It will take a while 'til I get there." You replied as you remember this is exactly how you responded back then.

"And that's the thing. They personally want to have Erwin there." Skimming through your mind, you realized what the meeting is about.

"Fine with me. They offered lots after all." He then looked at you. "You're going with me."

"And this," Levi handed the green coat to Erwin. "You left this in the meeting room. How clumsy could you be?"

Looking at it made your eyes wide at the memory— the cloth you managed to rip from his remains that day.

Before Erwin could reach for it, you grabbed it for yourself and clung to it for dear life. "I'll hold it. We're… going together after all." The two stared at you for a while.

"Is that so," Levi said in quite an amusement. And as if he remembered something, he called your name. "About the revisions you made on the battle strategy. How were you able to deduce that?"

Because I already went through it. "Just weighed down the possibilities."

"And you put your squad in a position most vulnerable in the formation. Do you know what that means?"

You laughed sadly, "Everyone going to the expedition is in a vulnerable position, Levi."

"I'm also up for revising it a bit. I saw some discrepancies." Erwin added.

"It's already concluded and squad leaders are handing it down to their subordinates as we speak. If we're going to change it because of the susceptibility in the position then we might as well not go at all." You replied.

"Have a triumphant death, then." Levi turned his back on the two of you and went out of the office.

When you glanced at Erwin again, he looked bothered. Your crippling anxiety about him acting on making you quit reverberated again; you quickly pondered on changing the topic. You looked all over the room to find one until your gaze landed on the old paper again. A memory sparked in you; perhaps this was the same paper he got the inspiration to have countless letters for you after he died. "You write so well for someone barely an adult." You took hold of it. "I'm glad I was able to see it."

"Why? Haven't seen one?"

You shook your head no. "I saw lots of it. It even came monthly."

"I'm not surprised." He replied. "What have you thought about it, then?"

"It's sad. So many words that I wanted to hear personally became mere writings I was struggling to visualize." You sadly muttered. "I… really want to hear those words myself." Then it became silent. The tragedy of those moments was still bothering you even after having a second chance to change everything. "Perhaps I'm too greedy about it."

"Whoever that was, I'm sure they wanted to tell those words upfront as well."

"I hope they did." His remark made you smile, "Let's go now, shall we?"

As usual, he shot you the blank stare he tends to have whenever you smile heartily. "That face again. Odd."

"Is it that weird?"

"Kind of." He stood up as well and so both of you started walking outside. "But definitely not a bad thing to see."

Upon recollection of what was supposed to happen today, it came to you that it would rain by evening. Just like any other attempts to have him alone with you at every chance you could get, the opportunity of the weather is something you wouldn't waste.

"I can't believe they tried to do that." You flatly remarked as soon as the meeting was concluded.

You're on your way back to the barracks now. The merchant you went to this evening had put a drug in Erwin's wine so he'd be wasted enough to make a scandal. Originally, you dismissed yourselves without saying a word, but to make things different and to delay stuff so you'd be stuck in the rain with him, you instigated a commotion this time around.

"And I can't believe you lost your composure like that."

"It's not a big deal. I just gave them a word."

"Undiplomatically." He clarified.

You pursed your lips tight to hold a laugh and ignored his remark. As you opened your palm to feel the anticipated raindrops, you remark. "Oh no, it's starting to rain now."

"They probably thought the Survey Corps still wasn't worth investing in so they intended to switch to the Garrison. Seems like that's it for our partnership." Erwin looked at the sky as well. "We're lucky that was the last appointment we have for today." You found an empty gazebo that could temporarily shelter the both of you. You clicked a smile then. Your plan is successful. "Are you glad we're stuck under the rain?" Erwin asked as you walked towards it; his eyebrows were curled.

"No. Why would I?" Your smile didn't falter though. You barely wiped up the wet drops on your uniform as soon as you landed on the roof. "I'm just glad we were able to find a shelter this quick."

Erwin seems to be quite accustomed to your oddity this time around so he ended the banter there. You're thankful he was able to adjust to it quickly as you're well aware he'd be lost on how to jive into your sudden friendliness. He ended up talking to you way more leniently as well— more open, lighter even. Had the previous you were aware he would easily reciprocate your persistence, you would have done this immediately. After a while of pondering, he said. "A rain this hard makes me remember how challenging our formation becomes during expeditions. Some titans move slower due to the lack of natural light, but some could still function with ease. I remember having some of your squadmates die because of that."

"Right. This bugs me the most during my nightmares." You mindlessly muttered.

"You have nightmares?"

"Don't we all have one?"

"I rarely have one because I sleep very lightly, but you're right, it constantly comes in deep periods of sleep." Another memory from his letter— "When I touched your face for the very first time, the death of your brother showed up to me in my sleep. On the day I brazenly repeated the same mistake by resting beside you, your brother came back with all of our fallen comrades to put me in my place. Their voices got louder since then, and I just know better than to anger them more."

"Do you hear our comrades whenever you dream?"

"I dreamt of your brother recently."

"What did he say?"

"He said a lot of things," Erwin pondered. "—and he was angry."

"If there's someone who knows him the most in this world, it's me, and I can assure you he could never be angry with you, Erwin."

"You don't know that. It's been so long since he died."

All this time, you thought that if you end up giving in to your feelings, this man would do all things necessary to make you quit; you were utterly afraid of that. You still think that's what he'd do until now, but at least you'll be able to stop it because unlike before, you understand him more. "I never saw him that happy before. You granted the life he wished to have for so long. That's something I can never give to him."

"And he died because of me."

"All our comrades didn't die for your selfish wish. They have one of their own and you have to come to terms with that. You don't own their will as they were never your pawns. They know what they came here for. My brother knew what he came for." Erwin went silent and when you glanced at him you saw a wistful look on his face; he watched the raindrops on the wet ground. Such a gentle look, you thought to yourself. He looked mournful but unlike before, it was a gentle and open one; it's neither tiring nor dreadful to look at. "I've got nightmares too. It's continuous and scary. I used to never get enough sleep because of it."

"About what?"

"About this world but I don't know anyone. Their faces were blurred and I used to cry about it every single time. Then you started appearing in those dreams as the only one with clear features. It's needless to say that I was completely terrified to see you there."

"You wouldn't have to suffer that much had I left you alone before."

"Wrong. Your appearance in those nightmares was my saving grace. I used to loathe sleeping only to wake up in that but whenever I'm reminded that you're here as well, it kept me in solace instead. The nightmares aren't nightmares anymore because you're there." You answered resolutely. "So whether you hold me down or not, all the choices I've made and will be making in this life are mine alone. And for the upcoming expedition, whether I die there or not, only I have the right to choose it. Don't remove my will from me." You looked at him again.

This time his wistful expression is plastered with a smile. "You're being too kind with your words tonight. Perhaps the rain made you sick."

"Yeah, the weather unleashed my sentimentality." You laughed and stayed silent as you realized you don't want this moment to end. You tried to come up with excuses to have him longer in your company. "I want to have soup, Commander." You said after a while of pondering.

"I'm genuinely curious what's with soup that fancies you."

Oh, how you utterly despise soup. "I fancy the one who accompanies me as I eat it." You replied. Erwin's genuinely surprised look almost made you laugh out loud.

"You should stop being that blunt to me." A previous conversation struck you yet again, it was from your drunk Erwin this time; "If you showed this to me way before I would've just easily given in, you know?" The recollection made you laugh. That's exactly what you want to happen.

"I certainly won't but I appreciate the suggestion nonetheless. Let's have one near the barracks."

"I haven't agreed yet.'' Erwin wryly replied.

"You never ask for my approval whenever I accompany you for a drink. Who do you think you are?"

"Your commander. That's who I am." He retorted with a chuckle.

"Hah. Who do you think I am, then?" You shot back with a glare.

"Who do I think you are?" Erwin unfolded his green cloak. You thought he'd be ready to go after wearing it but he wrapped it up on you instead. As he pushed down the hoodie on your head, he held onto your shoulder. "My prettiest soldier asking me out for dinner. That's who you are." Then you rushed down under the rain.

Despite walking quite fastly with the cold wind and raindrops draping all over you, the remark made you hot all over. As usual, you're thankful he covered you up because he'd see how flustered you are otherwise.

You felt extremely courageous since then. Not only did you ask him to eat with you, you even offered a drink under the reason that you're way too cold for tonight (that was a lie, you just want to extend the moment). Sure enough, it didn't come to a point of inebriety as you wanted to stay sober to relish every moment you have.

As you wait on another gazebo for carriages, he remarked. "Don't go to the upcoming expedition. You've contributed lots of help as it is. I also figured there has to be at least one Scout left to oversee the succeeding steps after retaking the Wall Maria."

You huffed at the excuse. "I appreciate it if you'd be more honest, Commander."

"Right." He chuckled. "It's my personal wish to not have you there."

I know. "I can't say I don't understand. I'm having the urge of holding you down from coming as well. What are we supposed to do, then? If we'll hold each other down, should we just not go at all?"

"No."

"Right. This talk is futile."

"But tell me," Erwin prompts. "If we succeeded in getting the answer and you survived, are you going to quit?"

"Peace is not what happens once we discovered the secret beyond the walls." Remembering everything that happened afterward made you crestfallen.

"But that doesn't mean you won't continue living." He mused, "All the things I had told you when we met Marie and her children; I still mean it until now."

"I'm completely sure that's not what you wanted to happen, though."

Erwin clicked a subtle amused smile then. "What do you think I'd like to happen, then?"

You held on your knuckles tight as you try to stop yourself from blurting it out. You've already been out of character as it is and if you won't hold yourself back this time, he might start to shut off again. But still— "You told me that someone who'd live beside me like that will be a very lucky person, whoever they might be." You faced him with a fluster, but you also lacked patience hence the glare. "And I told you that every people I hold with affection are reckless bastards with disturbing attraction to death; if one would prefer living beside me with fake security then they're certainly not the people I love." You bit your lip as you attempted to not let more emotionality pave the way. Erwin looks completely taken aback already. "So I'm certain that's not what we wanted to happen. Am I wrong?" He didn't answer and you can't recognize what his face says as well. "Am I wrong, Erwin?"

He called your name gently. "I don't think I can keep up with your oddity anymore." You know that very can feel your arms limping. You're tired and you can't think of anything to do, nothing but wishful thinking that he's the same as he is beyond this world because you want to falter already. If you'd be honest, you're not even sure how to change the nightmare of seeing him dead. "I know." You begrudgingly answered.

"Your knuckles are red with all the clinching and I see you're about to cry."

"I know."

"And it seems like you haven't learned your lesson as well. You know whatever vulnerability we show to each other whenever we're alone always led to no good."

"I know. I also know it'd rain tonight and I want us to get stuck in it. That's why I stalled ourselves by causing a commotion back at the mansion." You sighed. "I asked you to eat dinner with me so our time alone would extend up to this moment. I know what I'm doing."

"You know what you're doing?" He repeated with utter curiosity. He's completely facing you this time around. The rain had stopped and the people emptying the road signified the end of dusk and the beginning of the cold night. "I don't think you know."

"I know." You glared at him but completely halted as soon as you saw the look on his face. It's not unfamiliar anymore. You know that look well. He showed it to you a lot of times in the world where you came from. "I… completely know." You added weakly.

He took a step forward and the proximity tipped closer. "Is that so? Then why do you sound not so confident anymore?" He asked, lowly this time. "Sure it's not the alcohol?"

The knowing tone, the small gleam on his eyes, the slight curl of his lips. You almost perked up at the realization. "What's the point of asking me that?"

"It's because I'm not very exhausted tonight so you're quite in a trouble right now. It'd be hard for me to go back considering how bad you ran my patience dry."

"And I'm telling you I'm the reason why we ended up like this—" You were cut off when he landed his hand on your cheek and pulled you until your noses bump.

"Why would you do that? Tell me." He drawled, his tone was taunting. All the courage you've got since you woke up in this world died down just because of that tone. However, you pushed him to his limits. You should know better, and he can't take your lateness to respond. "I asked you a question. Answer."

"What comes up in your mind is correct." You echoed his remark back at the royal castle.

Erwin heaved a deep chuckle. "What's coming up in my mind right now is to take you home with me and give you whatever you want. Reward you for making me lose my yearslong patience in just a month."

"Then do so. I worked hard to get you like that." You helplessly reached out to him until your lips bump. Finally, your mind repeated over and over. You intended it to be soft, with a smile even, but his hand immediately slipped to the back of your head and pulled you harder towards him. When you released a quick gasp and gave his tongue an entrance, he quickly relished it for his own. It went for a moment and the cold place went unexplainably warm until Erwin cut it off and you slightly leaned your head due to the loss of contact. Why would he end it? It's not enough yet.

He pressed his forehead against yours, "Worked hard to get me like this? How blunt of a lady you are. How did my pretty soldier get this blunt?"

"Are you scared?"

"Definitely not for myself." He heaved a weak laugh as he made sure the distance remained with a grip on your face.

The fluster, the unsteady breathing, and the lidded eyes can't go unnoticed by him. It says a lot about how amused his face is. "Please spare me this talk and take me already." You leaned again so he'd continue the kiss. He didn't grant you that yet as he's completely taking pleasure at how desperate you are.

"How do you want me to take you?"

"In any way you can." You pleaded. You're more than sure about it. The only thing left to do for tonight is to assure him your comrades can never get angry at the love you're about to give, that he doesn't have to have nightmares about it. So he'd be able to sleep soundly in your embrace. Just like how he did for you when you're still struggling with your own nightmares. "Reward me for being a good girl that ran your patience dry."

You almost heard him mutter a curse under his breath but the kiss he planted on your forehead immediately calmed him down. He hummed in concurrence. "Is that okay? I doubt you'll be able to sleep tonight."

Warning: Next chapter will be pure smut which, again, you can skip because it's not plot relevant.