A/N: Hey folks! I'm working on a new story that differs from my take on Mia's life after Dally and Johnny die. This is cross posted to AO3 so if you'd rather read it from there it's under the same title.
Important Note: This story will have some explicit content. I will be marking the chapters with a bold note and a warning.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.
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The setting sun made the raindrops on the headstones shine, because of course it had rained during the funeral. Why wouldn't it?
I stood looking down at the pathetic excuses for grave markers, for the first time in my life wishing to be from somewhere else, to come from a family with money just so they could have something better than these to mark their final resting places. But it had taken everything the gang and I had to afford these, with just enough room for their names, date of births and deaths.
I sobbed. I had fought it throughout the service and the burial, but now that I was standing here alone, I let the tears crawl down my cheeks. I'd never felt so miserable or alone, even though I still had the rest of the boys, I'd lost my best friend. The only boy I'd ever been able to fall in love with was now six feet underground beside the boy who'd I'd thought I'd be able to protect from anything.
"Baker? You know it's going to start raining again soon?" I was startled from my thoughts by Tim Shepard's voice calling from the path through the cemetery. He was standing there with a cigarette between his fingers and his leather jacket done up against the cold fall air. I'd barely registered he'd been to the funeral with his gang.
"So? I'm not sugar, I won't melt." I yanked the sleeve of my sweater out from under my jacket and wiped at my face. I didn't need Shepard seeing me cry, this was a bad enough day as it was without the risk of getting teased for being soft.
"Maybe not, but getting sick is possible. Come on, Curtis told me to take you back to Buck's place." He stomped his smoke into the gravel, looking impatient for me to move away from Dally and Johnny's graves. I wasn't ready to leave them.
"I am perfectly capable of walking, thanks," I turned back to the stones and stared. Maybe if I stood here long enough I would freeze to death and could leave this pathetic excuse for a planet behind. I didn't want to do this without Dally anymore. I'd never done life without him and honestly, I wasn't sure I could.
"Mia," I rolled my eyes even as I started again when Tim's voice came from much closer and I turned to see him standing behind me. Pity reflected back at me from his eyes, another emotion I didn't want to deal with from people. "They're gone, Mia. You don't have to protect them anymore. Come on, I'll take you back to Buck's before it starts to rain again. Darry will kill me if something happens to you." I wanted to protest. I wanted to collapse to the ground and wail out my pain at how unfair the world was to people like us. I wanted to take the pocket knife I knew was in Tim's back pocket and ram it into my gut. Instead, I reminded myself that the boys had been through enough the past couple weeks and dealing with another funeral would likely kill them all. I couldn't do that, not to them. So I followed Tim away from the gravesite and toward the parking lot.
It was a quiet drive across town, except for the rain hitting the windshield that had started again as we left the cemetery. I watched it race down the glass, oblivious to where we were until Tim pulled into the yard in front of Buck's place. There were no other cars in the yard except for the T-Bird. No party tonight.
"Listen, Baker," Tim said as I reached for the door handle, "Winston was a good guy. We're all gonna miss him. I know you two had something more going on than just some casual fling and you've been through a lot together even before you got here, but don't forget you've got a whole mess of guys who care about you. They'd do a lot for you." I blinked at his words, wondering where they were coming from. Tim wasn't big on talking let alone talking comfort. All I could do was nod and pull the handle.
"Thanks for the ride." I muttered and got out, moving quickly to the front steps and dashing through the door. It was comfortable inside as I removed my boots and outer clothes, hanging my jacket in the closet. My fingers brushed across Dally's leather one, which he'd only ever warn a handful of times. I bit my lip until the coppery taste of blood seeped through my teeth and hit my tongue.
The squeak of the stairs alerted me to Buck's presence before his voice travelled over to me, "you doing okay, Mia?" I sighed and turned to look at him. Buck had never shown us much affection outside of always making sure he had a room for us to sleep in, but right now he looked at me with the concern of a friend.
"No." It was all I could manage as I collapsed onto the couch and shoved my palms into my eyes to starve off the tears. I heard Buck moving around and noise coming from the kitchen before the floor squeaked close by and the couch dipped. I looked up to see him sitting beside me holding out a glass of whiskey. I took it and stared at the contents for a moment before throwing my head back. It burned worse than normal but I held it back out for him to refill.
"To Dallas and… Johnny. Hope they're living better wherever they are now than they ever did on this godforsaken Earth."
We drank well into the early hours of the morning, which meant that I refused to get out of bed the following day. Between the crying and the hangover there was no point in leaving, not to mention I had no desire to see anyone. Ponyboy had still been unconscious yesterday, with Two-Bit's mother offering to watch over him while the rest of us went to the funeral. Until he woke up, I didn't think I could handle being around the guys. None of them would understand the way Pony would.
"Mia, get your ass on that train!"
"No! Trevor no, you can't just send us away!" I dug my heels into the dirt as Trevor pushed me through the gravel of the train yard to the open boxcar.
"Fuck, Mia, listen to me! This isn't the life for the two of you anymore." He'd stopped pushed and was now in my face. "You and Dallas need to get out of here. We aren't going to win this one and I'm not going to stand around doing nothing to protect you. I promised to protect you, remember?" I felt tears running down my cheeks but Trevor brushed them away. "Don't cry, kiddo. You're better than that. You and Dallas need to look out for each other alright? It's the only way you're going to survive. Promise me, Mia. You too Dallas." We were at the side of the car now, Dallas had jumped on without asking questions and nodded from where he stood at the edge. He didn't care where we went, he didn't have anything tying him here anymore. "Mia?" I turned back to Trevor.
"I promise." I whispered before throwing my arms around his neck and hugging tightly, wishing I didn't have to let go. He held on for a moment before turning me towards the train and pushing me up until Dallas could yank me inside the car. I turned back and caught Trevor's smirk in the yard light in the distance.
"Be good, little sister. Maybe we'll see each other again." The train sounded and gave a lurch, sending Dallas and I toppling over. That was when I heard the voices yelling and scrambled for the edge of the car. Dallas was behind me, and when the gunshots sounded, he yanked my ankles out from under me and pulled me back from where I'd just managed to see Trevor hit the ground.
"Don't make a sound, Mia." His harsh words hit my ear as he kept a hand slammed over my mouth to muffle my screams. "Don't make a sound."
Sweat dripped down my chest as I sprang up from my bed, breathing hard and screaming. It had been a long time since I'd dreamt of that night, but it didn't make it any less painful.
"Mia! Mia, are you alright?" The door banged open and Sodapop was standing there looking out of breath.
"I-I'm fine, Soda." I pushed myself back until I was leaning against the wall and closed my eyes while working to regulate my breathing.
"You don't look fine." I cracked open an eye and gave him a look while he walked over to sit beside me on the bed.
"Gee, thanks." I replied sarcastically. He gave me a look in return before it softened.
"You know what I meant. You were screaming bloody murder up here, Mia. What's going on?" I sighed and turned away from him, catching a glimpse of the outside world through the crack in the curtain.
"It was just a nightmare, Soda. Don't worry about it. The past couple weeks are just bringing back memories. Don't tell the others, everyone has enough to worry about right now."
"Mia, you are being worried about whether you like it or not. You lost people, same as the rest of us. Add to that the fact that one of them was your boyfriend and someone you've been around your whole life, you've got us all worried we'll be having another funeral sooner rather than later." I sighed, turning back to look at him. Sofa's eyes shone and I knew he was holding back tears so I reached out and took his hand.
"I won't do that to you," I promised as I squeezed. "I just need time. I'll be fine." Soda didn't look convinced, but he nodded and stood up.
"I came by to tell you that Ponyboy woke up and was asking for you. He's still a little out of it but I think it would do you both good to see each other."
"Yeah, I'm fighting a killer hangover right now, but I'll come by tomorrow." It looked as if he wanted to say more, but he simply nodded left the room with a quick goodbye thrown over his shoulder. I stared at the back of the door for a long time before I curled up in my blankets and tried to will myself into a dreamless sleep.