Summary: Obi Wan watches, as Owen and Beru adore their adoptive son. he goes inside his cave and thinks.
"Where did I go wrong, Anakin?"
Or, Obi Wan takes a moment to think about what went wrong with Anakin's upraising after the fall of the republic. He takes a moment to ponder why Anakin didn't come to him. When he saw Padme dying.
If Obi Wan had to guess, It started after his Mother passed away. It was then, that the depression that surely drove him to this darkness took hold, of his young, innocent Padawan. It was then, Obi Wan took silent note of Anakin withdrawing, not just from him, but those around him too.
Anakin began to stop talking to Obi Wan. He stoped talking altogether. At first Obi Wan was glad. Maybe- by a long shot- his Padawan was finally maturing. Maybe- he was starting to become resposible…
Obi Wan soon realized how very wrong he was. Anakin's padawan friends started expressing concern for Anakin.
"He never talks anymore, just sits there all zoned out, and he's very jumpy." Obi Wan remembered the phrase well. Almost everyone Anakin ever knew said it at least ten times, not to mention later on, Obi Wan thought it to himself time and time again.
The clone wars stared, Anakin was knighted, and the battle of christophsis came.
Obi Wan could see how the war was slowly pushing Anakin further down a dark, deep path. Thoose first few weeks in the battlefield were hard.
Anakin was very edgy, and when he wasn't fighting, eating, or sleeping (often doing so with blank, yet hurt-filled eyes, or in the case of sleeping, waking up every few hours screaming) he was locked inside his room, depressing thoughts drifting into Obi Wan's mind occasionally. (ObI Wan was pretty sure he was crying).
Then, Ahsoka came.
Obi Wan was secretly so glad Ahsoka entered his life when she did. If not… Obi Wan shuddered. Anakin might've gone to extremes. Extremes Obi Wan really didn't want to consider.
The sudden change was instiant.
Anakin joked more, spoke more, and (most importiantly) lived more. For the first time since before geonosis, and definitely before his mother died, Anakin had life in his eyes. For once, Obi Wan could look into his (padawan) friend's eyes and not feel as if he were drowning in misery.
Then they went to Zygerria…
And came back…
Obi Wan didn't remember much from the 'aftermath' of zygerria. He himself was recovering for the ordeal.
But he remember a few things. And he hates every bit of it.
One memory in particular stood out vividly…
"Master Kenobi?"
Obi Wan looked up to see Ahsoka standing beside his desk, "Yes, Ahsoka? What do you need?" She looked nervous.
She seemed uncomfortable, and fidgety. "Well… I was worried…" She said quietly.
"About…" Obi Wan coaxed gently.
"About Ana- Master Skywalker…. See, I don't really think he… included everything in his report from Zygerria-" She flinched with the name," -He's all spacy, and he gets startled way too easily… and he shut himself in his room a lot… and…" She figeted, looking ever more awkward.
Obi Wan nodded, "I've noticed that too… and…?" He lead, hopeful. If there was something else Anakin was doing…
"And he screams and yells in his sleep… And then, when he doesn't think i'm listening, he'll cry… he cries most of every night…" She seemed to be fighting back tears.
Obi Wan offered a one-armed hug, "It's be alright." he said softly, "He'll be alright."
Obi Wan silently wondered if he could keep his promise.
Obi Wan sighed. It seemed, that not saving Anakin's mother- was the council's fault. (and his)
Send him to zygerria- was the council's fault. (his, again.)
Obi Wan sighed. While they had send Anakin into depression… none of these had broken Anakin's trust so fully in Obi Wan than it had been mere hours ago. He examined the next set of memori-
Oh no. oh, no, no, no.
This this had to have been it. And- and it was his fault. Entirely.
Hardeen.
This- This had to have been where it all started. It had to have been that moment Anakin thought of when he was going to tell Obi Wan about Padme.
Obi Wan swallowed, trying to force himself to examine the memories from the 'Hardeen incident'
Finally, he found the one he wanted.
"Anakin?" Obi Wan whispered. It was dark. It wsa dark in the courisant underbelly… they were deep.
"What are you doing here, Obi Wan? You should be up at the temple." Anakin's voice was soft, broken, and hoarse with disuse.
"I came to find you." Obi Wan whispered back.
"You shouldn't've come. It was useless. I'm not going back… at least, not now."
"Then I'll wait."
"Go back to the temple, Obi Wan. this isn't the place for a Jedi master."
"Nor is it the place for a knight."
Obi Wan saw Anakin's dark figure shrug, "I don't care about myself. I care about you."
"You'll… You will die if you stay down here." Obi Wan shivered, "It's cold."
Anakin shrugged again, "Like you care." He murmured, and then he walked further into the night.
Obi Wan shuttered.
"Anakin, wait!" Obi Wan called, but his friend had already disappeared into the night.
Obi Wan sighed, going further into the underbelly of Corisant.
"Anakin, Please!"
A soft echo of a voice bounced around them… Anakin's voice… Twisted, and distorted, as if though immense pain.
"You sound just like I did…" there was a highly unnatural laugh… I echoed, making it sound eerie as it cracked though the air. " "No, No! Obi Wan, Please!" If only you heard… if only you knew…"
The voice- It sounded nothing like Anakin- Chuckled in a un-human way… Voice still distorted though as if in pain.
"Honestly, I wouldn't mind dying as much as I should. Maybe… I'd be released. That seems much better than this."
Obi Wan's voice finally got his message, "Released from what?"
Anakin's distinct outline came forward. Obi Wan could just make out a crooked grin. It didn't reach his eyes.
Suddenly, Anakin's legs gave out, and he feel onto his knees. "The pain you put me though." He whispered, and his eyes rolled back into his skull.
yellow eyes.
but when he awoke, with no memory of the incident whatsoever, Obi Wan let it slide. After all, Anakin hadn't even been fully coherent.
Obi Wan choked back tears, trying to calm himself. He was a jedi and in control of his emotions…
He was a jedi and in control of his emotions…
He was a jedi and in control of his emotions…
He was a- Oh forget it. His apprentice was dead and it was his fault. He should feel sad. He deserves it.
Obi Wan went on to the next set of memories from- from hardeen.
"Anakin, The council is calling us, we are requested to the council chambers for a meeting."
"And I care because…"
"Anakin, You need to obey the council. As a knight-"
"AS A KNIGHT! Do you- do you even hear yourself?! As a master to me and Ahsoka, you shouldn't-" Anakin choked back tears, and his shoulders slumped. His voice, softer now, "You shouldn't pretend to die… It hurt me… And Ahsoka."
"Anakin, I've told you- I'm Sorry."
"You think that sorry will fix- fix me?! You broke me! I have to sit up, every night, listening to Ahsoka Scream and it's your faut. I don't- I don't think I should talk to you right now."
Council meeting entirely forgotten, both of them had gone separate ways.
Obi Wan felt guilt at that. especially when, looking back, Anakin had though of himself as somthing to be 'fixed'.
The force had been crying for its son while Obi Wan examined the memories, however, now it was deathly quiet.
Obi Wan cautiously reached out.
Memories.
Anakin's memories.
and Obi Wan was experiencing them.
well this ought to be interesting.
"Folish boy! I never should've gambled you! I should've won someone else- someone better! someone who wasn't so useless! Someone who can actually fly a podracer!" Watto screamed and he flapped over Anakin.
Anakin, the small innocent boy.
The one Obi Wan missed.
innocent.
"You're going to pay for this- you hear me?!"
"Y-yes." Anakin said, voice small.
"Insolent!! you dare not call me master?!!" Watto was in a fit of rage- and he had found somthing.
A Batha hide whip.
"Insolent- stupid- Worthless- Wasted- horrible-" Each insult was followed by a carck and the whip tore more skin.
Oh Anakin...
Th force dragged him into another memory.
Anakin was a padawan. he was running down one of the jedi halls, after one of the other padawans. Anakin was 12, maybe 13.
"Give it back!" Anakin exclaimed, lunging at the other boy. the other boy was a senior Padawan, 18 or 19 of age.
"Why? the poor slave boy who couldn't read until he was 10 wasn't his book back?" The other Padawan taunted.
Obi Wan remebered this time. guilt washed though him as he watched.
"I'm not a slave anymore! I'm free! Master Qui-Gon freed me!"
"Once a slave, Always a slave."
Anakin had tears in his eyes, "It doesn't matter! given it back!"
The padawan held ot higher. "Or what? your masters gonna whip you?! or maybe he's gonna detonate that bomb in you spine!"
Anakin blinked really fast, holding back tears. "My chip got removed! and I'm not a slave anymore! give- me- my- book- back!" with each work, Anakin made a jump for the book clutched in the padawan's hands.
"Nah, I think I'll keep it." The Padawan bent down, Obi Wan was leaned in to hear. "You're worthless. you'll always be a slave. no wonder Qui-Gon had to beg Your Master to Train you with his dying wish."
Anakins breath trembled as he ran into one of the empty classrooms, quickly shutting the door.
Obi Wans thoughts filled with dread. he knew exactly which memory came next.
"Anakin! What are you- why are you crying?"
Anakin mumbled something Obi Wan couldn't make out then. Obi Wan, ready for this, had leaned in to catch it.
"You really took me in on a promise?"
Obi Wan frowned. "Padawan, A jedi is in cotrol of their emotions."
"Yes master" Anakin murmured, wiping away his tears.
Obi Wan felt as if his heart were in shreds, but the force continued to roar, swirling around him.
Anakin stood, his head pressed against a wall of glass.
so Senetor Amidala's room then.
it was nighttime, the sound of speeders soothing.
Padme walked over, laying a hand on Anakin's back.
"Ani?"
it was quiet, peaceful maybe. but ssomething about the force in the room felt unsettled.
"Anakin, whats wrong. talk to me."
Anakin scrunched his face, eyes gathering quickly with tears.
"I couldn't save them." Anakin whispered. his voice cracked.
"Save who, Anakin?"
"My men. They- They're gone."
"How? Why? what happened? I thought Krell had one of the highest success rates!"
Anakin sighed, "His goal was to kill as many as my men as he could without getting caught."
Padme gasped, "How could the jedi not have noticed?!"
"I don't know, my angle." Anakin said softly, running his finger though her hair.
"I just don't know."
Obi Wan had wondered if Umbara had an effect upon Anakin.
he guessed it did.
The next set came. Obi Wan was a mess.
but he had to know.
Anakin was sitting on the sofa now, fighting with a small droid part in his hands.
"Ani!" Said Padme walking over, "No droid parts in this house! not when you have me!"
Anakins mechanical fist closed abruptly, and the part became a imprint on the inside of his fist. Anakin chucked it out off the balcony, using the force so it flew farther than I should've.
"Ani, what's worng?"
Anakin looked up at her and Smiled
it didn't reach his eyes.
"Nothing, my love. just a... nightmare."
"Anakin, did something bad happen on Zygerria?"
Anakin flinched at the word, and Padne rasied a eyebrow. "Nothing happened, Angel. just a nightmare."
"The mission was a nightmare, or you had one?" Questioned Padme.
Anakin got up. "I need to leave. I promised Ahsoka I'd go sparing" he said abruptly.
"Answer. the. question."
Anakin gave her sad eyes as he jumped into his fightercraft. right before he sealed the cockpit, he said just loud enough for her to hear, "The mission was a nightmare."
and then flew off.
the next memory came.
Anakin stood on the balcony, looking over corisant. Obi Wan knew that pose. it ws the one he loved using when he started having nightmare of his mother.
that pose meant he was troubled, ofter in deep regret, or worry.
Padme, as usual, Walked over. as she did, he turned to her, with a pained sobb.
"He's gone." he cried softly.
Time passed differently in the force. Obi Wan watched as that became the only word Anakin spoke the entire night.
Obi Wan knew that was the after of Hardeen. what he didn't know, was in the next memory.
"Master, you've been at this for nearly 8 hours- you need to take a break!"
Anakin said nothing and continued to train with the training droids.
nearly thirty minutes later, Anakin stumbled, grabbing ahold of the remote and turning off the droid. he slumped against the wall, struggling to regain his breath. Anakins eyes fluttered, obiously trying not to fall unconscious.
"8 hours and 27 minutes, Skywalker. that might be a new temple record." Mace said disapprovingly.
Anakin shoved himself up, grit his teeth, and left.
Mace shook his head. "Get some rest!!" he called after Anakins departing back.
Obi Wan followed Anakin, unsure of what to do, but the force pushed him back to Mace. Plo Koon who had been talking with one of the knights, turned to Mace "Any idea why He's been doing this?" Plo asked- obiously talking about Anakin.
Mace sighed. "No. Padawan Tano said he hardly eat or sleeps either."
Plo loved his voice, "Do you think it was wrong to trick him into thinking Obi Wan to be dead?"
Slowly Mace shook his head, "His reaction was importiant. without it, Obi Wan wouldn't've been able to pull the mission off."
The force then moved Obi Wan over to where Anakin was. now in the mess hall.
Ahsoka walked over with her tray, "So you're going to train got eight-and-a-half hour, and then now even eat?"
Anakin shrugged.
Ahsoka sighed, "at least get something... please?"
Anakin shrugged again, getting up to grab
some food.
when Anakin sat back down he only picked at his food.
The force shifted to the next memory.
Anakin was in Padmes apartment, on the sofa. his arms were hugging his knees to his chest, and he was... crying?
Padme walked in, "Anakin I'm home from- Ani? are you alright? what happened?"
"She left."
"Who? Ahsoka? Why'd she leave? I thought you found the bomber?"
Anakin sniffled. "S-she didn't t-trust the order anymore, s-so she l-left."
"But what about you?"
"She s-said she needed to sort thing out o-on her o-own... w-without me o-or the j-jedi."
"Do you think... maybe you should go with her?"
"n-no... I couldn't do that to O-obi Wan."
Obi Wan's heart broke. "Oh Anakin..." he said softly to himself.
Anakins words came back to him. "From my point of veiw, the Jedi are evil!"
And it was true. For Anakins point of veiw, the Jedi only ever wronged him.
So why didn't Anakin come to him? the answer was simple.
Anakin never felt like he could trust the Jedi.
Anakins words came back to him. the words he had shouted right after the 'Hardeen Incident'.
"I never counted you to be one of them."
that had been when Anakin no longer trusted the Jedi.
That had been when Anakin had fallen.
that had been when the Jedi sealed his fate.
Obi Wan just wished he realized this sooner.