Hello, this is my first story fic. I hope you enjoy and please leave a follow, review, criticism, and some considerations.

All I can see is black

That is the first thought that came to my mind as I took in my environment. Just black emptiness all around me. I can't even see me hands. At first I was able to move wherever I wanted, able to go on endlessly. I didn't even feel tired or hungry

Yet, sometimes, when I take my next step it's as if nothing is there. I would end up floating and weightless with nothing to grab hold of, Or worse I would just sink as if I was on quicksand. Sometimes, out of nowhere I would be surrounded by mist or what I would think are branches surrounding me and I will have to find a way out of it. I could be moving then come across something hard, soft, or something unfamiliar entirely. I had to put my hands up after the first time.

I don't even know how long I've been here. Or even how long I have stayed. All I remember was the blinding light at the Crucible.

"What do you remember about yourself?"

I turn around in all directions. Confused of the unfamiliar voice. The voice of some man, with an American accent. I would then fall onto my back but hitting nothing, instead just standing in place to where I had fallen. Out of confusion and panic I call out the voice.

"Who are you?!"

I'm then shoved from my left shoulder, screaming from shock. I then wave my arms around hoping to find whoever touched me.

"I ask again. What do you remember about yourself?"

Unsure of what to do I stay silent, not moving a muscle. I later would feel weightless and feel as if I'm apart from my body. Out of nowhere I stop breathing but I am still conscious. Time suddenly began moving faster and then halts to slow down. My mind races of what is going on. I don't know what is happening!

"Please… I don't like to repeat myself. I don't mean to be rude. What… Do you remember… about yourself?"

Out of fear I relented. I breath slowly. Inhaling for four seconds then exhaling for the same amount of time. I did that three times and was able to have some sense of calm.

"My name is John Shepard. I am a Major of the Systems Alliance Marine Corps. I am an N7 operative and a Spectre of the Citadel Council. I am also the captain of the SR-2 Normandy."

I didn't need to say all this but I was unsure of what he needed to know. Not to mention that I am not in the right state of mind right now so by all means I can give what I have.

"You know Shepard that is a very vague statement to make. You should be careful of your wording."

I was confused of what he meant. I was about to ask but then I was interrupted.

"How long have you been fighting the war with the Reapers?"

I was about to ask him my question first but then I was suddenly free falling. There was air, rushing at me with blistering speed. I could here a rising high tune as my fall continued. It felt as if I was about to hit the ground. I couldn't keep stability, instead I was continuously spinning against my will. The tune kept rising and I wasn't able to hear my own screams for a short moment. That was when everything came to a halt, I took a few steps and landed on my hands and knees. I felt tears on my eyes. I don't even understand how this is possible! I take deep breathes contemplating of what just happened. As I slowed my breathing. I collected my thoughts and gave him a quick answer.

"One year!"

I get back on my feet, figuratively and literally. It was slow and sluggish process. Fearing that I would again fall or deal with whatever comes to mind.

"What do you remember right before coming here?"

I had lapse of thought. But I gathered my senses and recounted what had happened.

"I was at the crucible. The catalyst… some A.I. that looked like some shifting form of light had given me three choices to end the war. Control, destroy, and Synthesis… I chose Synthesis. I ran into a beam at the middle of the crucible. And… I don't know what happened after."

There was a moment of silence. Probably a minute or two. I feared of asking a question but when the moment seemed right I took my chance.

"Who are you?"

Just then I felt something behind me. It wasn't crawling as one would describe. It had eight appendages and a body of some kind. It didn't move as others would expect, it was flat to the surface of my back yet it moved stationary almost like a hard fluid but feeling rough and prikly. It was a quick motion, it reached to the top of my head and then grabbed hold of it. I felt it grabbing on my face, my ears, my neck, my jaw and mouth, the back of my head, my eyes… everything!

I turn around. Panicked. Feeling whatever presence leave me alone. But I lose my care for that when I look at what… or whoever this person was behind me. He was standing at least two meters away from me. He had the body of the Illusive man… but the head of a reaper destroyer.

I stand there confused and dumbstruck. None of us saying a word. I think he knew I wanted to say something, and allowed me to speak first

"What the hell are you?" I mumbled, barely saying anything

The person straightens himself, putting his hand behind his back. He looked certain of himself even though he had no face to discern

"My name is Nun and I have one final question." He said raising his right hand, then waving the back of it at me. "Who do you love the most?"

It took me a moment to answer his question. I needed to gather my thoughts. Who was he, why is he visible while I don't even know How many fingers I'm holding up? He crooks his head to the left waiting for what I have to say. I had to overthink what he meant even though what he said was obvious to anyone else not dealing with this situation. So finally, I gave him my answer

"I love Tali" I felt tired when I said that. Even when I didn't feel the need to rest. I wonder if this is some prank or if I was kidnapped and she and everyone else would come in to save me.

Does she even know where I am?

Nun then starts walking to his left, encircling me. But still Facing me. Hands behind his back. "You have more questions I assume." He said acting casual in all this

I look at him confused, regardless if anyone could even see my expression for that matter. "Where am I?"

"Nothing. You're in absolutely Nothing" I furrow my brow "what do mean? I can walk right now; I was literally falling a moment ago! I felt… air, rushing at me!"

As he continues to walk, he spreads his arms "Yes it's just nothing." He chuckles acting nonchalant. As if this is normal.

I wanted to argue more. I wanted more answers out of this. Frustration creeping to my mind. But then he interrupts.

"You can keep asking me weak questions or you could ask for things that actually matter."

I relented. I didn't even face him at this point just looking at the ground, I think. I breathe in and out and asked him another question

"What happened to me?" I look turn to my left and see him standing as he was before.

"You died. And saved the galaxy. The war is over." He moved his head as he spoke. Having to resemble some form of characteristic and gesture.

I think about what he said. Thoughts slowly collecting into my mind. What's going on, Are the Reapers still around, Did everyone make it out alive, is Tali safe?! I had to rationalize. I calmed myself and recounted of what I know. From what I can understand everything that the catalyst said turns out to be true, so I am certain about that. My team should be safe, I trust Joker to get everyone back alive. But Tali, she would be devastated of what happened to me, I can't even imagine it. Even when we talked about this, of me passing, there was that feeling in my gut saying that she wouldn't be okay at least not for a long while. Yet I think to myself, that I am still here.

I look at Nun unsure of what he says is true. He stands there patiently. So, I ask him "How am I here if I am supposed to be dead?"

"Because I brought you here, I want you alive." He steps closer to me now just a meter away. I take a step back but the distance between us doesn't change. I move back again and it still doesn't change. He doesn't even move himself he stays stationary. I give up at that point as it's futile. With that I recollect myself and focus on him.

"What are you going to do to me?" Nun turns around, then motions me to follow him.

"John, your choices matter whether you believe it or not. It effects your life and the entire galaxy." Just then images pop out of nowhere in between us. They are bright enough that I am able to see my hands again, and to notice that I am still wearing the charred and worn armor from my hit with Harbinger. I see the many viewpoints of the galaxy, the citadel, and numerous planets. There are countless numbers of these screens, all showing different things. Things that I have witnessed in person, that have happened at some point in the galaxy's history… and things that I could have caused.

"Your choices effect the lives of those around you" I then see Wrex, Kaiden, and Ashely dying in either Virmire or in the Citadel. I see Mordin shot in the back of the head at Tuchanka and Zaeed burning alive from the refinery at Zorya. I saw my friends whom I lead into the Collector Base die in many gruesome ways. I saw many images like this but the worst was seeing Quarian ships burning onto the surface of Rannoch, and seeing Tali lean back unto a cliff and dying on the shore.

I looked away quickly, I began to cry at the sight. I think to myself that everything could have gone wrong, that I could have lead to the deaths of so many people. The worse feeling was realizing that I could have already done this and then worse from wherever these took place.

"Yet one of the most important choices you could make, is at the crucible." We come to a stop. He turns around to face me again, arms spread wide. Behind him appear three images of the crucible. They each showed the three choices I had to make.

I take it all in. I am confused and impatient. I don't understand why this has to do with me now when I should have died as I jumped into that beam.

"what do you want from me?!" I ask, frustrated of what I am going through. Then all the images disappear. And Nun just stares at me.

"The Court, an entity you are unfamiliar with, has granted me permission to bring you back alive from the moment you died. With a few caveats."

I contemplate with what he said. Any other person would gladly take an offer such as this without any consideration. But I had to think to myself the consequences of this action. Such as these 'caveats' mentioned. But there is one thing that needs to be brought to attention.

"What does this have to do with you? What do you gain from this?"

Any other person might be scared to ask this question, but I had to think of the bigger picture. This thing, possibly some higher power, wouldn't just go through all these hurdles just for one man like me. There has to be a reason. I look at him waiting for an answer. But before he does so, he crooks his head to the right staring at me. I don't know what, but it gives me a weird feeling on my stomach. Like worry and anxiousness rolled into one. Then a dome full of screens appear, and he starts pacing around me again.

"You see Shepard. When different versions of you make a choice on the Crucible, they might come back from it. With Destroy they would survive and would make a recovery, for control… it's iffy. They don't always come back but it isn't unheard of. Rejecting the choices, absolutely not. Unless interference is involved, and with that you still save the galaxy."

I'm then shown images of people celebrating over Reaper corpses. Or the Reapers rebuilding the relays and other infrastructure. But what caught my eye was my team coming together, happy. But I notice that some of the people that I know aren't around like Jane. Not only that, Tali is with some white man with cropped hair, blues eyes, and a five o'clock shadow.

"Who the fuck is that guy?!"

Nun stops to look at the screen that I'm watching and laughs. "Well Shepard, not every version of you are the same. Not all know some of the people that you know. Let alone are they black man."

I was surprise at the answer. I mean it makes sense, I guess different realities have different versions of people, but I never expected myself to be that different. Regardless I think I still look good, with my short cut dreads, amber eyes, and in my opinion better facial hair. I bet I have a better voice but that's subjective.

Regardless, I had to regain my complexion and get back on point. Nun looked to be getting back on topic to, changing the images to what looks like what happened right after my sacrifice. He then starts pacing again

"Now returning back to our discussion, you see with synthesis for which in my opinion is the better choice, bravo… No Shepard comes back from it. There was this one instance that I can recount where a Shepard supposedly survived but she doesn't return back to her life and is stranded in some planet. Other than that no Shepard's survive Synthesis."

He then stops again, the images disappearing, and then walks to me. Stopping at arm's length. I don't move as I learned that nothing can be done from it as well wondering and anticipating of what he is proposing to me.

"You see Shepard I would like to see you and others like you to have the happy ending that you deserve. You don't deserve to end your life without seeing of what you paved for the galaxy. So I am giving you the option to return back to your life. And carve the next chapter that you earned."

This felt too good to be true. Almost as if it was. There was still questions unanswered and Nun knew it.

"But why? If you want to see 'my happy ending' just do it already, make it happen!"

Nun then shrugs his shoulders, with his hands in the air. "I could if I wanted to, but the Court prohibits me from doing so, I have no control in this and I have nowhere else to turn. This is my only option."

I was curious of his answer, apparently even 'Gods' have limits. But that did leave me with more questions.

"So what, I am just entertainment to you? A thing to fuck around with?

Nun was getting defensive, putting his hands up as a means of good will. " No… no you got it all wrong! What I am doing here isn't to just mess with your existence. I do want to help you, really. Outcomes like these have a genuine and life changing affect on realities and I wouldn't make that decision if I didn't think it had a positive outcome."

Nun sounded truthful, or maybe he is just that good of telling a lie. Nevertheless I have to dig deeper. "Why choose me though? How would this help other Shepard's like me?" surprisingly enough Nun was quick to answer

"Your reality exists in a way that it can possibly lead to a cause and effect. So, if successful, It will create a domino effect and other realities will follow suit."

That was one question out of the way but more needed to be answered, I noticed that Nun has his hands together, his fingers touching by their tips. But the two index fingers are tapping nonstop, making him seem like he's anxious as I am.

"Have you done this before?" he shrugs his shoulders "This is my first time."

I don't believe what he said. But I have no way of disproving that notion. So I let it go for now and move on to a next topic.

"You said there were Caveats, what are they?" Nun then clasps his hands together and points his fingers at me.

"You see Shepard… you will return, back to life. However… you will come back right after the crucible has been fired. And for the first eighteen years… you must not reveal yourself, you have to remain anonymous. You cannot even show an ankle. If you fail to do so, then you will die and your body will disappear. And you will have no means of returning."

I grow concerned and angered of this implication. Honestly this sounds doesn't worth it at this point. "So what's the point of even going back if no one knows that I'm alive"

I don't know why, but Nun seems as if he is acting empathetic. Looking down and having his hands hanging, clasped as well. "I know this sounds bad I am sorry. But these are the only terms that the court will agree on. After the eighteen years we will have you return back to your life. We have a methods to help explain your resurgence with no issues involved."

I am growing stern but I begin to calm myself. As even though the outcome may turn bad, their could still be a chance that I can overcome this. But I had to consider other options

"What happens if I refuse. Would I get another opportunity in the future, or would I just go to Heaven?"

Nun then separates his hands, having them on his sides, and shakes his head. "No. This would be your only opportunity to take. And your reality has no Afterlife let alone a God. So, if you die… you die. And there will be nothing."

I'm not going to lie; the answer was bleak. Not only was that religion was shown to be a lie, but that I would die and would end up in nothing. Which considering of where I am is what my existence would be like. Minus my conscious awareness.

Nun then closes the gap between us and puts his right hand on my shoulder. "John. Make the right choice. I will be there for you I won't just abandon you. I will guide and help you in any way that I can. I will make sure that you are able to get back to your life."

I stare at him, for a moment. The risk may be grim. My chances of seeing Tali probably close to zero. But this is something that I can't throw away. I have to try.

So I step back. Finally able move away from him, in just a little distance between us. I extend my right hand. He looks at it and then grabs it with his own. We shake on it, striking a deal.

Then the void begins to tear apart. Dissipating, showing glimpses of gray skies and wreckage on the ground until eventually all that I am surrounded by is the remains of a broken city with the only signs of life being Nun and I.

I breathe the air and I can feel the expansion and contraction of my lungs. The ever-changing pressure of my feet. And the suns heat hitting my face and hands.

As I look around, I recognize that I am back on Earth. I am home.

Thank you to everyone who read through this, I hope to bring new chapters in the future. As I hope most can tell this is a little different than to the main cannon of mass effect, as I had gain inspiration from my own ideas of this story as well as from fics of the site. Leave a review, follow, criticism, as well as any considerations you would like to make.

Also a song theme for the chapter: Kendrick Lamar – United In Grief