Cloudpaw sat at the entrance to the apprentice's den, running his tongue lazily through his fur. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, although it hadn't cleared the treetops yet. Petalfall slipped back into camp, having just sent out the dawn patrol. Like every morning, she stopped by the fresh kill pile and grabbed the smallest piece of cold, leftover prey. Every cat in the Clan respected the deputy's commitment to her Clan. She always woke up early to see the dawn patrol off, always took the worst prey, and patrolled just as often as any other warrior.
The Clan also hated it, because she expected every warrior to be awake for patrols by the time she finished her breakfast.
"One day," Birdflight had growled, shortly after becoming a warrior, "I'm going to hide every piece of prey on the pile except for the biggest rabbit I can find, so we can get some extra sleep!"
But every warrior respected Petalfall deeply. Which was why, like every morning, most cats were awake early and grooming themselves in preparation for the day, Cloudpaw included. He was usually the first cat awake in his den, but if he wasn't, it was probably-
"Good morning, Cloudpaw."
Cloudpaw's head snapped up, tongue still half sticking out of his mouth. Light green eyes blinked at him from the shadows, until a figure stepped forward into the strengthening sunlight.
Rookpaw, he thought dreamily.
Rookpaw was the oldest apprentice at the den. Close to the end of her training, she was taller and lither than the other apprentices, with beautiful long, dark gray fur. Cloudpaw rarely got to train with her because she was so much more advanced. But he had heard she was an excellent hunter and fighter. She was the only apprentice to never complain about taking care of the elders, and her kindness was nearly as well-known as her beauty. Many nights she walked in Cloudpaw's dreams, and now she was standing right in front of him.
Still in front of him.
Still looking at him.
Say something, featherbrain!
"How-" As he began to speak, a piece of fur from when he'd been grooming got caught on his tongue, sticking to the back of his throat. He coughed loudly, turning his head and desperately trying to catch the fur with his paw. After a few more coughs the fur finally dislodged and he was able to take a few, clear breaths. He turned back to Rookpaw, trying to smile as if nothing had happened. "How's the prey running?"
"Uh," she blinked, looking concerned and confused. "I don't know, I only woke up a short while ago."
Right. Because patrols hadn't gone out yet.
Featherbrain.
Shut up!
"Do you want me to get Darkwhisker? Are you sick?" Rookpaw looked towards the medicine clearing.
"No! I'm fine, Rookpaw, really. What are you doing with your mentor today?" He hoped the distraction would work.
Luckily, she took the bait. "Hawksnow said it was time for me to learn how to fight against two warriors at once!" She meowed, half bashful half proud.
"Wow! You must be really close to becoming a warrior!" A wave of envy flooded over Cloudpaw, but he pushed it away.
Rookpaw pawed at the ground self-consciously. "I really hope so." She looked up and beamed so earnestly Cloudpaw thought he might drop dead where he stood.
"Rookpaw!"
The two apprentices jumped. Hawksnow sat at the camp entrance, his white-tipped tail tapping impatiently.
Cloudpaw opened his mouth, but before he could say anything Rookpaw dashed away with a quick, "Bye, Cloudpaw!" thrown over her shoulder.
He sighed quietly. It felt like every morning he woke up more and more infatuated with the smokey gray apprentice. And every morning he found a way to look like an absolute birdbrain.
Still, it was better to speak to Rookpaw than to speak to his other denmates.
"Oh, Rookpaw, I'm so in love with you!"
Speaking of whom.
"How will you declare your love for me?"
Out of the den slipped a golden tom and a creamy she-cat. Honeypaw and Rosepaw. The two cats were practically littermates to him, which meant they never turned down an opportunity to tease him.
His shoulder fur rose as Honeypaw shot him a mocking glance and began to cough loudly. "By hacking up a furball!"
"Shut up!" Cloudpaw hissed, while the two apprentices laughed. His ears flashed hot with embarrassment when he saw Petalfall look up from her mouse. Had she overheard them? Had anyone? What if they told Rookpaw? "Shut up, shut up!"
"Okay, okay, keep your fur on." Rosepaw dug her claws into the earth and leaned back into a massive stretch. "We're only teasing." She settled down and started grooming the grit between her claws.
Honeypaw was similarly unperturbed, stretching out in the morning light before he'd get called away for patrols. "What's Nightfrost doing with you today?"
A dull anger lit in Cloudpaw's belly. "Probably another great day of patrolling, collecting moss, and chasing mice." Resentment crept into his meow.
Honeypaw shot him a pitying glance. "Is Nightfrost still not letting you climb trees?"
"No." Cloudpaw looked down at his paws, feeling ashamed. What kind of SkyClan cat didn't climb trees?
Rosepaw got up and gave him a light shove. "Hey, look at it this way. If you get good enough at catching mice, maybe ThunderClan will take you in!"
Despite her light and teasing tone, the anger in Cloudpaw's belly sharpened. "I'm a SkyClan cat!" he snarled defensively.
Honeypaw looked alarmed by his outburst. He tried to lay his tail over Cloudpaw's shoulders, but the gray tom ducked out of the way. "Cloudpaw, she was just kidding. We know better than anyone else that you're SkyClan."
In the back of his mind, Cloudpaw knew he was overreacting, and he felt ashamed. But the shame couldn't fight the sadness, defensiveness, and anger that was raging in his heart. "Whatever," he muttered. Petalfall's yowl reached across the camp. "We gotta go." Without looking at either apprentice, Cloudpaw turned and stalked away.
Just like every morning, Nightfrost was right in the front, ready to receive the day's tasks. The black and white tom tapped Cloudpaw's ear with his tail, completely oblivious to the resentment quivering under his gray and white pelt. "After our morning patrol, let's see if we can find some squirrels. They'll help you practice your leaping."
Hope and excitement surged through Cloudpaw. "In the trees?" he whispered, not daring to interrupt Petalfall.
His heart sank as Nightfrost shook his head. "Maybe next time," he said, just like every morning.
And like every morning, Cloudpaw thought he might not be much of a morning cat.
"So then, I told Appleclaw and Firefur that SkyClan cats were way stronger than RiverClan cats, but they didn't believe me! They said that swimming was way more of a workout than climbing trees, and that fish had more meat and energy than birds. So clearly they were the stronger ones! I laughed, and was like, 'but tree climbing is like swimming, but in the sky!' And they said that was stupid-"
"That is stupid." Swiftstreak grumbled.
Leopardberry let out a huff, "Is not! WindClan is super skinny, ThunderClan and ShadowClan just root around in the dirt all day, but RiverClan and SkyClan have to use all of our muscles to swim and climb trees! So they're very similar!"
Swiftstreak rolled his eyes. "So does that mean swimming is like climbing trees, but underwater?" he meowed sarcastically, marking a bush at the bottom of a fence post.
"Exactly!" Leopardberry's eyes gleamed.
If I knew how to climb a tree, Cloudpaw thought, I'd climb the highest tree in the forest, jump out, and land head first.
He hated kittypet patrols. At least along the other borders there was a chance of running into an enemy patrol. The thought of it made his claws itch. Putting his battle training into use would be awesome. For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine a border skirmish, with him taking down the biggest and strongest cat on the patrol! But no, instead he was wasting his time walking along a fence.
"What's the point of this?" he muttered to his mentor, who was walking dutifully beside him. "Aren't you supposed to be quiet on patrols?"
The black and white tom shot him a sympathetic glance. He looked nearly as tired of the chatter as Cloudpaw. "We stay quiet at other borders in case we find some cat that's not supposed to be there. On kittypet patrols the focus is on keeping kittypets out; reminding them of our presence typically does that enough. So talking is..." Nightfrost shot a look at Leopardberry. The dappled she-cat was continuing her story, completely oblivious to Swiftstreak quietly fuming beside her. The silver and black tabby tom's ears were pressed against his skull so hard it looked like they hurt. "...tolerated," he finished diplomatically.
Cloudpaw swiped halfheartedly at a pebble in his path. "Well maybe after this we could do some treetop bird hunting?" He peeked at his mentor through the corner of his eyes, barely daring to hope.
Nightfrost looked vaguely uncomfortable. "Why don't we do some battle training if you're so keen? Your balance when fighting on your hind paws is great, but you need more power in your hits."
"Yes, Nightfrost."
Mentor and apprentice walked side by side, awkward tension mounting between them.
Just when Cloudpaw didn't think he could manage another moment of unbearable silence, Swiftstreak unexpectedly chimed in with a growl; "ThunderClan were strutting around as if they'd won Fourtrees in the battle."
Cloudpaw pricked his ears. Last moon Flystar had launched an attack on a disputed piece of land on the ThunderClan and SkyClan border. ThunderClan had controlled the area for nearly two seasons, and Flystar decided she wanted to claim it before leaf-fall was in full swing. But ThunderClan was more well prepared than they'd expected; for the first time SkyClan wasn't able to reclaim the land. Cloudpaw, Rosepaw, and Honeypaw had been too new of apprentices to participate, and none of them attended the most recent gathering after the battle.
Nightfrost let out a growl, dropping his head and flattening his ears. "Petalfall said Emberblaze was bragging like an apprentice after its first skirmish. It's unbecoming of a deputy."
"His son is just as bad," Swiftstreak huffed. "That whole family is puffed up like a bunch of pigeons, strutting around without realizing they're just rats with wings."
Leopardberry flattened her ears. "Cinderfall is pretty nice," she meowed defensively. "And Redpaw's only an apprentice, it's not fair to judge him on his father."
"Redwing," Swiftstreak corrected. "He got his warrior name after the battle."
"Great," Nightfrost muttered. "So they've gained a warrior and we've lost one."
Leopardberry shot him a confused look. "Rockpelt's infection has healed; he's not going to die."
Nightfrost sighed quietly. "Darkwhisker says the damage to his muscle is too severe. He won't be able to walk on that leg again. He's moving to the elder's den once he's well enough."
Shock silenced the entire patrol. Cloudpaw felt sadness dragging his paws. He hadn't realized Rockpelt was so injured. Rookpaw had usually been the one to bring prey to the medicine den so she could visit with her father. Poor Rookpaw and Rockpelt.
"StarClan look after him," Leopardberry prayed softly. "I can't imagine having to retire so young."
No cat responded. Cloudpaw realized they had stopped at the edge of the fence and were standing quietly in a semi-circle. What would I do if I couldn't use my hind leg? For a moment he lifted his left leg off the ground. He could feel his balance and strength diminish immediately, and pressed his leg back down with a shiver. I hope I'm never injured like that.
Every cat stayed lost in thought for another moment or so. Finally, it was Swiftstreak who shook his head and started walking towards camp. "If only Vinestar weren't so fox-hearted. He never should have taken advantage of Darkstar's offer."
Nightfrost got to his paws, dipping his head in agreement. "I wish Raincloud had been able to change his mind."
Cloudpaw tipped his head to the side as he picked up speed to catch up to his mentor. "Why would Raincloud have changed his mind? Were they mates?" The crotchety elder certainly had strong opinions, but he didn't know why she'd have the ability to change the leader's mind.
Swiftstreak snorted. "Dear StarClan, I can't think of two cats less likely to be mates. No, Raincloud was his deputy."
"What?" Cloudpaw blinked at the senior warrior. "Wasn't Flystar his deputy?"
"It's a complicated story," Nightfrost muttered.
"That's a bit of an understatement," Swiftstreak meowed dryly.
Nightfrost flicked his tail towards Swiftstreak, but kept his attention on Cloudpaw. "When Darkstar was very old and about to lose his last life, he offered that stretch of territory to ThunderClan after they'd had a few litters of kits. He said it was the honorable thing to do, because the Clans need to take care of each other. The territory he offered them was substantial; about the same as from this border to camp."
"To camp?" Cloudpaw's mouth dropped. "That's like, a third of the territory!"
Swiftstreak nodded grimly and took up the story, "Raincloud said the same. She challenged him at the gathering, and Darkstar was so furious he added the rule that a leader's word is law to the warrior code."
"What a stupid rule!" Leopardberry interrupted, much to Swiftstreak's irritation.
Nightfrost shrugged, "I don't know, it doesn't seem like a bad idea that the leader should have final say."
"As much as I hate to agree with Leopardberry," Swiftstreak meowed, ignoring the she-cat as she tried to swipe at his ears in retaliation. "She's right. One day a psycho is going to end up Clan leader and start giving all sorts of ridiculous orders, but anyone who calls them out on it will be breaking the code."
"Whatever we think of it, it's the code now." Nightfrost pointed out. "Anyways, Darkstar told her she could stay deputy, but she could never question him again."
Swiftstreak chuckled. "And if you've met Raincloud, you can imagine how well that went over."
Cloudpaw grimaced. Every apprentice had been scolded at least once by the strong-willed elder. He couldn't imagine any cat telling her to hold her tongue on anything.
"About a moon later the two had a massive fight," Nightfrost continued. "No cat knows if she resigned as deputy or if Darkstar forced her to step down, but the next day he announced Flyleaf as the new deputy."
Leopardberry, having gotten over Swiftstreak's barb, looked curious. "Wasn't she pretty young when he appointed her, too?"
"She was," Nightfrost confirmed. "I had only just gotten her as my mentor three moons prior, and I was her very first apprentice."
"Wait, Flystar was your mentor?" Cloudpaw gasped.
Nightfrost rolled his eyes and flicked Cloudpaw's ear. "You don't have to sound so surprised," he teased.
Cloudpaw ducked his head, flushing with embarrassment. "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way, it's just...that's so cool!" How was it that Nightfrost, the cat who Cloudpaw could barely get to mentor him properly, was once the leader's apprentice?
Leopardberry seemed just as enthralled in the older cats' story as Cloudpaw. "How long was she deputy for?"
"Only two moons," Nightfrost replied. "I was the first warrior she gave a warrior name."
"StarClan's kits, that's fast! How did Raincloud react?" Leopardberry looked as eager as a new apprentice hearing a story from an elder.
Nightfrost was beginning to look uncomfortable being the center of attention, but he continued: "Flystar actually offered leadership back to Raincloud when Darkstar died, but Raincloud refused. She said the warrior code had to be followed the way StarClan intended, and that meant Flyleaf was the rightful leader of SkyClan. But she was her deputy for a while before Petalfall, to help her get her paws on the right track. After four seasons she retired."
"Wow!" Cloudpaw suddenly understood why so many cats were extra respectful to Raincloud, despite her bad temper. He couldn't imagine being so close to leadership just to have it torn away, or giving it up. "I had no idea."
"She's been retired for two greenleafs now," Swiftstreak mused. "It's been a long time. Way before you were born, Cloudpaw. Even before Leopardberry was born. There's not much use talking about it now, and a lot of cats don't bring it up out of respect for Raincloud."
Leopardberry shook her head. "I can't believe Vinestar took that offer if Darkstar was so old and confused."
"He's a coward," Swiftstreak growled. "A warrior should earn what they have, not have it given to them by a weak elder."
Nightfrost gave him a cross look. "Darkstar was still our leader," he grumbled. "You ought to show more respect."
"I'm older than you," Swiftstreak shot back. "Darkstar was my leader for much longer. It was no secret he was old and weak. And he betrayed SkyClan by putting ThunderClan first and giving them so much territory. Flystar and Raincloud have earned far more respect than he ever did." He stopped and gave a mouse hole a sniff. Clearly he wasn't satisfied by what he found, as he lifted his head and continued on. "Besides, Vinestar's really the one who should be held accountable. At the gathering he even said we were dishonoring our ancestors by continuing to fight for that territory!"
Leopardberry gasped, "Did he?"
"For StarClan's sake, were you paying attention at all during Vinestar's report?" Swiftstreak snapped.
"I was!" Leopardberry looked offended. "I was still in my argument with Firefur!"
"You talk to Firefur every gathering," Nightfrost pointed out, his tone mild but his eyes sharp. "Cats are starting to gossip, Leopardberry."
The normally easy-going she-cat looked more furious than Cloudpaw had ever seen. "Are you saying I'd break the warrior code?" she snarled.
Nightfrost looked taken aback, but Swiftstreak jumped straight into the argument. "He's just pointing out the obvious! Can't you find a tom in your own Clan to flirt with?"
Cloudpaw was baffled at the jarring change of subject. He didn't want to know anything about who any cat was flirting with! He wished he could sink into the earth and disappear when Leopardberry responded, "Maybe I would if there were any toms worth paying attention to."
"Don't be so dramatic. There are loads of toms in SkyClan."
"Name one!" Leopardberry shot back.
Swiftstreak dropped back and nudged Nightfrost. "What about him?"
Nightfrost looked like a fox had just come around the corner and announced it was planning on eating him. "I really don't want to be part of this conversation," he pleaded.
Leopardberry ignored Nightfrost entirely, fur bristling as she glared at Swiftstreak. "Give me a break. Just because I don't want to be mates with any tom in my Clan doesn't mean I'm going to run off and break the warrior code! I'd much rather be alone than betray my Clan. If you think that's something I'd actually consider, then maybe you should realize you don't know anything about me and keep your whiskers out of my business!"
Shouldering roughly past Swiftstreak, Leopardberry stomped away, heading the opposite direction of camp. Swiftstreak let out a snort. "She-cats!" Without giving her a second glance, he turned and stalked towards camp.
Cloudpaw watched them depart, his mouth agape. He didn't even notice his mentor standing right beside him, and jumped when the tom spoke. "Well, that was certainly interesting."
Something about the confrontation didn't sit right with Cloudpaw. "Do you really think that's true about Leopardberry? That she's more than friends with Firefur?"
Nightfrost shook his head quickly. "Absolutely not. Leopardberry is friendly with every cat she meets. I bet she'd win any battle just by talking her opponent to death. But she is quite good friends with Firefur, and cats are starting to talk." Concern flashed in the tom's amber eyes. "I'd meant it as a warning, not an accusation."
Cloudpaw's head was starting to ache with all of the information he'd received. "Then why did Swiftstreak seem so aggressive about it?"
To Cloudpaw's surprise, Nightfrost let out a quiet chuckle. "My honest opinion? I think he fancies her. I reckon he's jealous."
Shock rocked through Cloudpaw. "Swiftstreak? But he's so...serious. He argues with every cat, and he argues with Leopardberry the most!"
Nightfrost shook his head. "You'll understand when you're older. Some cats don't know how to act when they like another cat, so they end up acting like fools. Others are afraid of their own feelings, and will sabotage themselves from having a successful relationship."
"That's stupid," Cloudpaw protested. "If he likes her- and I still think that's a pretty big if- then why wouldn't he want a successful relationship?"
"It's...complicated." Nightfrost meowed slowly. He paused for a moment, clearly trying to organize his thoughts. "Say you like a cat, but you don't think they'd like you back. Would you really be brave enough to endure them saying it to your face that you're not enough for them? Some cats can be the bravest fighters, but can't accept that they might get their heart broken by the cat that means the most to them. So instead they make the situation impossible and blame that, rather than facing the situation for what it is."
"What does that accomplish?" Cloudpaw was confused. If you pushed away the cat you liked, how could it ever work out? He couldn't imagine ever pushing Rookpaw away.
Nightfrost sighed softly. "It doesn't accomplish anything. Your heart will be safe, but it will be lonely and always aching for more." He glanced at his apprentice, and suddenly the young tom realized this was the first time they were having a conversation that felt... real. Nightfrost was giving him real guidance, like a mentor. "If you want something, Cloudpaw, you have to go after it. You might fail, but it's better to try and fail than to sit still and never know."
If you want something, you have to go after it.
Courage stirred in Cloudpaw's chest. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "Nightfrost, what I want is to learn to climb. Every other apprentice has already learned, and it's my duty as a SkyClan cat."
There. He'd said it. He hadn't hinted at it or beaten around the bush; he was asking directly for what he wanted.
The silence in the air was heavy. Cloudpaw started to feel uncomfortable, as he usually did when he brought up climbing. But he didn't back down this time. He met Nightfrost's eyes firmly. Nightfrost always says I'm not ready. Maybe this will show him I'm serious.
But after what felt like an eternity, Nightfrost slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cloudpaw," he whispered. "I just don't think it's time yet."
Disappointment gripped Cloudpaw's heart, but it was quickly taken over by something far more powerful: fury.
"Why?" Cloudpaw demanded. "Tell me why! I've tried so hard to be a good apprentice! I take care of the elders without asking, I'm ahead of Rosepaw and Honeypaw in fighting, and I can track a mouse scent across the entire territory! Every other apprentice has been practicing tree climbing for moons. Give me one good reason why I can't climb trees!"
He half expected Nightfrost to send him straight back to camp and change every bit of bedding to punish him for talking back to him. Or even give him a clout over the ears. His mentor walked towards him slowly, and Cloudpaw braced himself for the scolding of a lifetime.
But the black and white tom just gave him a deep, sad look. "You're so much like her, Cloudpaw."
Confusion just made him more tense. "Who? My mother?" He knew he was pushing his limits with his mentor, but Cloudpaw was tired of not knowing.
Nightfrost continued to gaze at him for a moment, before dropping his eyes and turning around. "Come," he swept his tail over his back. "We'll do the battle training I promised earlier." Without waiting for a response, he pushed through a clump of ferns towards the mossy clearing they used for fighting practice, disappearing from view.
Cloudpaw didn't move. His heart was pounding like he'd run to Fourtrees and back. How was it that he'd finally found the courage to open up to his mentor, and he still didn't care? Did no one care that his training was going to be moons behind every other cat? At this point Quailkit would be a warrior before him.
You have to climb trees to be a warrior, birdbrain.
You're never going to be a warrior.
The realization struck Cloudpaw to his core. Without training, he could never earn his warrior name. But his mentor refused to train him. Did Flystar and Petalfall know that he wasn't getting his training? Or did they just not care? What if they'd decided they didn't want him to be a SkyClan warrior, and had instructed Nightfrost to make him fail purposefully.
Shame flooded over the young tom, and he remembered Rosepaw's words: If you get good enough at catching mice, maybe ThunderClan will take you in.
That was it, then. The Clan didn't want him, and they were setting him up to fail so he could go live with a bunch of fox-hearts under Vinestar.
A cloud drifted over the sun, and Cloudpaw shivered in the sudden shadow. For a moment, he considered turning around and heading back into Twolegplace. He knew he could never be a kittypet, but maybe he could make it as a loner. His fighting skills were probably better than any Twolegplace cat, and he could hunt well enough. And it wasn't as if he was wanted here.
Yet…
He couldn't truly imagine being happy in Twolegplace. Scrounging for scraps on hard ground, hidden away from the sun and trees. Having no cats around, except for lazy, spoiled kittypets or selfish rogues that had no purpose or honor in their lives. As much as he felt alone in his Clan, he would hate being truly alone. There were cats he cared about here, like Poppythorn and Rookpaw.
You can't give up. If you want something, you have to go after it.
With a heavy heart and paws, Cloudpaw turned and started padding dutifully after his mentor.
Rain clouds formed midday, and by the time they reached the training hollow in early afternoon Cloudpaw was soaked. His thick pelt held onto the water, bogging him down and making it harder to keep his balance. They'd called the session after Cloudpaw slipped on a stone and landed hard on his shoulder. Now, limping into camp, the rain had finally stopped and the sun was setting behind a bland, gray sky.
Nightfrost gave him an awkward nod. "You did good work today, Cloudpaw. Learning to fight despite the elements is an important lesson. Are you sure you don't need Darkwhisker to look at your shoulder?" He leaned down to give it a sniff.
Cloudpaw pulled away. "I'm fine," he muttered. "I just want to dry off and go to sleep."
"Okay then."
Both cats stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Nightfrost opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, before closing his jaws and looking away. Finally, he heaved a deep sigh. "Goodnight Cloudpaw," he meowed quietly, before turning and trotting into the warriors den, not even bothering to stop for prey.
Guilt swamped over Cloudpaw. He didn't know why. He hadn't done anything wrong! Didn't he have a right to be resentful? Every day he went out and worked his tail off. Despite that, Nightfrost still didn't think he was capable of climbing a stupid tree! Just because he was a coward, didn't mean Cloudpaw had to be. He shouldn't have to suffer just because Nightfrost didn't want to teach him how to climb. And he shouldn't have to feel guilty that his mentor felt bad.
Cloudpaw sighed and closed his eyes. It wasn't fair. Why did it seem nothing bad happened to anyone else in the Clan? Was StarClan saving up their fury for him? He hadn't done anything to deserve it!
Too tired and sore to sulk any further, Cloudpaw went to a clump of ferns at the edge of the camp and started grooming his wet fur. It would take him ages, but if he went to sleep without doing it his moss would smell terrible in the morning.
Before he'd managed to make much progress on his fur, though, a sweet and gentle scent drifted over him.
"Hi, Cloudpaw."
Despite his foul mood, a sense of calm fell over the young tom. A quiet purr rumbled from his throat. "Hi Poppythorn."
The pale orange she-cat wreathed around him and ran a tongue across the top of his head. "Nightfrost said you'd hit your shoulder?" She leaned forward and started examining it, nosing it gently before giving it a careful lick.
"It's not that bad." Cloudpaw leaned into her fur, letting her warmth seep into him.
She let out a quiet humph, seemingly satisfied with his shoulder. "If it's still sore in the morning, go and see Darkwhisker, all right?" Her eyes glistened with worry. "And you can't go to your nest with this fur; you'll catch a cold!" She leaned in and started grooming the top of his head.
Cloudpaw settled down on his belly and let Poppythorn dry him. Her rhythmic movements comforted him, and before long he could feel himself growing drowsy. A gentle but persistent purr rumbled from the queen. When she'd finished with his head and moved down to his shoulders, she spoke again. "Rosepaw and Honeypaw said you all quarreled this morning." She didn't take her eyes off his fur and her tone was casual, but there was an undertone of anxiety in her mew.
Cloudpaw tensed, the frustrations of the day rushing back to him. "They were teasing me." Realizing Poppythorn would likely ask what they were teasing him about, and not wanting to admit his embarrassing encounter with Rookpaw, he quickly clarified, "Rosepaw said I should be ThunderClan because I can't climb trees."
Poppythorn nodded, "She told me. She does feel badly, you know. It wasn't meant unkindly. She was trying to joke around and it came out poorly."
Cloudpaw kept his eyes firmly on his paws. Despite his deep focus, he could feel his throat getting tight, and his eyes burning. "I know. I know I overreacted." The littermates had gotten a lot kinder now that they were apprentices, but their taunts when he was a kit would never leave him.
She's not your mother, she's ours!
If your own father won't claim you, you're probably half rogue. We don't want to play with a stinky rogue.
Your mother probably didn't actually join StarClan, she just left the Clan because she didn't want you.
The two had since apologized, but Cloudpaw didn't know if he'd ever leave the sentiments behind.
Poppythorn laid down next to him, wrapping her tail over his back comfortingly. "I don't blame you for feeling sad. I don't think it was an overreaction. Rosepaw was just being thoughtless."
Cloudpaw shrugged, still not looking at the queen. "Maybe she's right. I don't have kin here. Nightfrost won't teach me to climb. He probably thinks I'm too useless, just like my father does." Bitterness crept into his mew.
Poppythorn gave him a gentle cuff around the ear. "Don't speak like that," she mewed sternly, "You are not useless. No cat thinks you are. My brother has...has some issues he needs to work through. Try being patient with him. He'll be ready to teach you when the time is right." Cloudpaw snorted, but she pressed on. "And your father isn't ashamed of you, Cloudpaw. Your mother was a very private cat. She wasn't interested in having a mate. Whoever your father was may not have even known the kits were his."
"Surely they're not that stupid," Cloudpaw muttered. "Darkwhisker gives every cat the same lesson about the birds and the bees. If you're mates with a cat and two moons later there's kits, it's not that difficult to put together."
"I think you're underestimating how dense toms can be," the queen teased gently. She flicked her tail over his ear, and in spite of himself, Cloudpaw let out a small smile. With a sigh, she rested her head on top of his, and he closed his eyes. "I know it's been hard for you, Cloudpaw. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're having difficulties with Nightfrost, and I'm sorry we don't know who your father is. I'm sorry we lost Snowfeather, and I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you." Poppythorn pulled back, and lifted Cloudpaw's head with her tail under his chin. He opened his eyes and looked into her kind, green eyes. "But I'm so proud of you. You've made it through so much, and you're going to come out the other end stronger for it. I know I'm not your birth mother, but I'm still proud to call you my son." She touched her nose to his before pulling away. "Now finish grooming, get something warm to eat, and get a good night's sleep. Everything will look brighter in the morning."
With those last words, she gave him a lick on the ear and swept back towards the warrior's den.
Cloudpaw sat at the edge of camp by himself, taking in everything she'd said. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, but I'm so proud of you.
For the first time that day, he could feel a bit of warmth in his chest. Cloudpaw stood up and padded over to the fresh-kill pile. To his surprise, a freshly caught wren was sitting on top, his favorite. He took it back to his spot and ate it slowly, enjoying the succulent flavor. By the time he was finished his fur was completely dry, and he felt warm and comfortable.
After he buried the remains of the bird, he headed towards the apprentice's den. He paused just outside, looking up into silverpelt. The first stars were beginning to twinkle in the indigo sky, peeking out between the remaining clouds. His blue eyes met one that was shining particularly brightly.
Snowfeather? Are you watching me? Are you proud of me?
The star continued shining in the silent sky.
After a few more moments, Cloudpaw looked away and slipped into the den.