This is one of the few G-rated fanfics (or possibly PG) I've done for FOP.
Also, AU. You might recognize the blonde girl at the end. XD
Set during season five, hence Wanda's depression over the marriage jokes.
Wanda sank to the bottom of the fish bowl and sighed. Timmy and Cosmo were playing a video game; Timmy should've been studying for tomorrow's math test, but he'd ignored her suggestions to play the latest violent game. Even now, blood splashed across the screen and she fought another aggravated sigh. She was starting to feel like a third wheel. Maybe it was time for her to check on Tootie, since she doubted the boys would notice her absence. More and more often, it felt like they cared more about each other than about her.
Timmy's game was two players, anyway, so it wasn't like there was room for her to join in, even if she'd wanted to. Melancholy swept over her and she sighed again. She was doing an awful lot of that lately. It was grating on her nerves. She was grating on her nerves.
At least if she saw Tootie, she'd get out of this house for a few minutes and feel like someone appreciated her presence. She readied herself to poof out.
"Babe?" Cosmo called and Wanda turned, startled. And that was about when things hit the fan.
One minute, Timmy had been playing his new favorite ultra-violent video game and the next, he was sitting in a tavern dressed as a peasant with Cosmo and Wanda as rats beside him. His mother was dressed as a wench and his father was standing behind a bar cleaning a glass. Timmy did a doubletake.
"What the heck is going on?" he demanded of his faeries. "I didn't wish for this!"
"We don't know," Wanda said, exchanging a look with Cosmo. "I know you didn't wish for this."
"So, fix it!" Timmy said. "I'm missing valuable game time!"
"That's the thing," Wanda said. "It looks like someone else did wish for this, someone who has the power to warp reality too."
"There aren't any other faerie godparents in Dimmsdale, are there?" Timmy asked and Wanda faltered.
"Are there?" he pressed.
"Technically…" she glanced back at her husband.
"We're not allowed to tell you!" Cosmo finished. "But, oh, man, this was a doozy of a wish. Check this out."
He held up his wand and enlarged it enough for Timmy to see through the star tip. It looked like the entire world had transformed into an old European village. Timmy didn't have time to study that further, however, because his mother nudged him and Cosmo and Wanda made themselves scarce.
"I don't know why you were talking to those rats, honey, but we have the five o'clock rush coming in," she said. "You'd better make sure that everything's in order before they start filing in and demanding drinks."
"I'm only ten!" Timmy objected. "There are laws against that!"
"Not now, there aren't," his mother said. "I've never heard of a child labor law. Now, get your butt in order, mister, and no backtalk."
"Seriously, what the heck is going on here?" Timmy demanded even as he bustled toward the kitchen with his mother pushing him along. His mother didn't respond except to nod to the head cook, who was…
Timmy's stomach dropped. You had to be joking.
"Vicky?!" he exclaimed.
"Why, hello, twerp, I mean, my lovely and favorite chef's assistant," Vicky said in a saccharine sweet voice. "It's good to see you again!"
"You're not a cook, you're my babysitter!" he exclaimed in outrage.
"And you're not doing your cutting and prepping," Vicky replied. As soon as his mother left and the kitchen door shut, she rounded on him. "Get to work, twerp!"
"Sport, we have some news for you," Wanda said as Timmy shuffled over to reluctantly cut onions. He was grumbling under his breath the whole time.
"I really don't think a ten year old should have a meat cleaver, do you?" Timmy huffed.
"Yeah, you need a different knife to cut onions," Cosmo said cheerfully. "A meat cleaver is definitely overkill."
Wanda facepalmed beside him. They were disguised as rats again and blended in, despite their different fur colors. There were rats scurrying everywhere from Vicky's wrath; this whole place should've been condemned. Timmy didn't have time to think about that, either.
"What news?" Timmy muttered to Wanda as he selected the right knife and started chopping. Immediately, his eyes began to water.
"It looks like only the children with faerie godparents or magic know what's going on," Wanda said. "Everyone else is under the spell."
"Okay…and that helps me how?" Timmy huffed, wiping his eyes. "Why does cutting onions always make me cry?"
"It's in the gasses that are released when you cut," Wanda said. "And I didn't say it helped you. I'm just telling you that you're not going to find many people who are aware of what's going on."
"Chewing gum will help with the crying," Cosmo said. "Too bad it hasn't been invented yet. Or, wait, is that flying?"
Timmy ignored his godfather. He turned to Wanda and something else she'd said sank in. "Wait, what do you mean, 'children with magic'? That makes no sense. Either you have faeries or you don't."
"Well…" she hesitated. "There is a bit of wiggle room."
"And you haven't told me about this, why?"
"It wasn't any of your concern," Wanda said primly.
"You're hiding something and you're an awful liar," Timmy accused.
Fortunately for Wanda and unfortunately for Timmy, Wanda was spared the necessity of answering by Vicky storming over, this time armed with a meat cleaver. She didn't say anything, just loomed over Timmy with a wicked gleam in her eyes. Timmy yelped, returning to cutting up the vegetables. He didn't know what Vicky planned to do with that meat cleaver and he didn't want to know.
"Who the heck wished this up, anyway?" he grumbled as he wept over his onions.
"Less talking, more chopping!" Vicky commanded, swishing the meat cleaver in the air. She grinned. "I could get used to this thing."
Timmy forced himself to pay attention to what he was doing. Meanwhile, across town…
Tootie straightened up from cleaning the bathroom floor to realize the bathroom had changed substantially since she'd last looked up. For one thing, the overhead lights were gone and replaced by candlelight that flickered. For another, the toilet was gone and in its place was a chamberpot that reeked to the high heavens. She yelped, falling backward. Vicky wasn't here yelling at her, but she was disoriented regardless.
"Okay…I know when I started this, I was in the 21st century," Tootie said. "Where the heck am I now?"
She absently looked around as if there might be a calendar nearby which might give her the date. There wouldn't have been one in the bathroom to begin with, but she was baffled. Getting up off her knees and wincing, feeling like she was eighty years old, she shuffled off through the house, which was all of a sudden on one floor.
Wanda appeared before her and Tootie blinked before throwing her arms around her. She squeezed a bit too tightly, however, and Wanda whimpered in pain.
"Sorry, sorry!" Tootie said, releasing her. "I get excited."
"I know, hon, but I do like to breathe occasionally," Wanda said.
Tootie whined and then brightened. "How's Timmy? Did he wish for this?"
Wanda shook her head. "I don't know who wished for this. I'm trying to get to the bottom of that right now. I can't stay for long-Vicky's menacing Timmy with a meat cleaver in a tavern his parents now randomly own."
"That is so weird," Tootie said, shaking her head.
"Tell me about it," Wanda said, shaking hers. She hugged Tootie. "Be good. I'll be back later."
"Don't let Timmy and Cosmo drive you too crazy!" Tootie called after her as she poofed out.
"I'll try not to!" Wanda's disembodied voice replied.
Tootie sighed, looking over at the house. Now what was she supposed to do? Vicky wasn't home since she was apparently working in Timmy's parents' tavern, so maybe Tootie was free from chores for the time being. Video games were out of the question and she had a sinking sensation most of her belongings were now gone as they weren't period appropriate.
Seriously, who the heck had wished for this? What was wrong with them?
Her mind flitted to Remy Buaxaplenty, but this wasn't his speed. Moreover, he'd lost Juandissimo, hadn't he? Otherwise, Juandissimo would never have had his ample downtime, some of which in the past he'd used to seduce her mother and create her (but not Vicky, because if there was one thing the universe didn't need, it was a sadistic teenager with magic).
Unfortunately, other than him and Timmy, she couldn't think of anyone else who could've wished this. It was possible the culprit lay outside of Dimmsdale, too, if the whole world had been transformed. Wanda hadn't said, but then again, she'd been pressed for time and no wonder. Tootie grimaced. Her poor beloved Timmy.
Well, since her parents weren't home (they were off doing whatever it was involving hiding from Vicky), she supposed she might as well explore the alternate universe she found herself in. It sounded better than scrubbing the bathroom floor and emptying out that chamberpot, which she'd probably have to do anyway when Vicky got back. Better later than now, because forget that noise.
Wanda's malaise remained, although now it was mixed with curiosity. Timmy was the only godchild she knew who made alternate universes. Moreover, normally when a godchild wished for something that altered the world, it only altered their particular universe. It didn't affect the overall multiverse. Something was amiss here.
Someone had too much power and was flaunting it. Either that or someone had accidentally changed the world and didn't know how to change it back. She was inclined toward the latter, if only because she didn't like to think people had ill intent. Still…
It'd be harder to escape Timmy and Cosmo with fewer distractions. Cosmo had called her "babe", too, which he hadn't done in recent months. If he was feeling romantic, then maybe…no. She didn't know where that thought was going and she was too weary to pursue it any further.
She sighed, watching Timmy scurry around and serve the tavern's patrons. If he was too slow with a refill, someone swatted at him. She didn't think they'd meant to connect, but she growled anyway. When you were drunk, it was easy to miss or pretend to. She'd have to keep a sharp eye out for the disorderly patrons.
A small girl entered the tavern and all the way across the room, Wanda could see she glowed with an otherworldly power. Her long blonde hair was tied back and her blue eyes scanned the room. Another faerie, one Wanda didn't recognize, floated above her shoulder in a bumblebee form. There were so many insects around, Wanda supposed no one would notice how oddly out of place the bee was.
But something about this girl had Wanda's hackles up. She went to find Cosmo to talk to him. It might've been her imagination, but enter the villain, stage right.