CHAPTER 2

THE TEST

As time passed, Michio and I seemed much more distant in school. He'd pretend not to know I was around, I'd pretend I didn't want him anymore. For a time, we were naive to think our opposing views and home environments could exist in each others' lives. At age 16, we got our own phones. Michio, his own car. A red 1995 Dodge Avenger. We found a cheap motel to stay at a few times. I of course, always had the allowance to cover it and at times... many times... Michio was too broke for even a tank of gas. I didn't mind covering it, because it meant us being able to see other. Sometime after school, one day, we were "out with a friend", killing time before the next big blockbuster at the theaters...

In one of the locked motel rooms, I was on my bare back, him riding me with my hands around his hips.

"Ohhh yes! Hikari!" Michio moaned.

"Mmm!" I moaned.

At this point in our somewhat unorthodox relationship, I had started to last longer... but as I grew older, I was starting to have doubts that I kept trying to shake off. Doubts that we could last... It didn't help that I had to hide our love from nearly everyone I knew.
At least for the time being, Michio riding me hard enough was enough to get me to stop thinking. And ride me he did... I almost felt like a little of Dad Legoshi was coming out of me as I could feel my tongue drooped over the side of my mouth, panting as Michio's inner walls caressed me. He really knew how to squeeze it out of me.

Later, I had to know a couple things. We lie, facing each other as we cuddled each other, kissing once more before we stopped and looked at each other.

"Babe?" I asked.

"Hmm?" asked Michio.

"Why are you so afraid of people knowing you're gay?" I asked.

"My family's a big part of it." said Michio. "They treat us like we're some sort of disease." he said and went quiet. "There were a couple times I was afraid my brother was going to find some of my magazines and rat me out. I wound up burning them when that day got really close. Then of course... School."

"You're a popular jock." I said. "I doubt you'd be an outcast."

"You never know." said Michio and got quiet again. "How did you deal with it? Emotionally, I mean."

"Well..." I began. "My family accept me for who I am. I accept myself. After all that, unless some asshole at school wants to pulverize me, I really don't give a shit what people I won't know 30 years from now are going to think."

Michio sat up on the edge of the bed, back toward me.

"I don't deserve you." he said. "I deserve no one."

I sat up on the edge of the bed and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Hun, don't say things like that." I said. "You completely changed your behavior toward me at school... For us..."

Michio looked down.

"Is it not hard seeing other people at school out in the open, not caring who knows they're dating?" asked Michio. "Kissing by their lockers?"

"Well of course I wouldn't mind kissing you by the lockers." I said. "But it's not important to me that they know. WE know."

"Do I really make you happy though?" asked Michio. "Or are you just hooked on me because I took your virginity?"

"How dare you even insinuate that." I said. "You think I am in this just for the sex?"

Michio got up.

"Well how the fuck would I know?" he asked. "It sure as fuck can't be because I'm worth a damn, because you'd have to be delusional to think I am worthy!"

"Oh, delusional, hmm?" asked Hikari. "You're about 3 or 4 inches higher than me! Grow the fuck up already!"

"Grow up!?" shouted Michio. "Am I not allowed to have feelings!? I feel fucking trapped! I feel like I am trapping YOU! OKAY!?"

"Just go home please." I said. "I'll call a damn taxi if I have to."

"A taxi..." said Michio. "I can just take you home."

"Well that's a kind offer to someone you're just fucking." I said.

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT." said Michio. "I just... Do you not see what just happened? My head... This is all my fault."

"Please just go." I said. "I NEED time to myself before I do something stupid..."

"Hikari... Please... I'm sorry." said Michio.

"If you go right now and give me some space, I'm going to break up with you." I said.

Michio then punches a wall in anger.

"Fine." he said and left.

I think we all say things we don't mean at one point in time. For some folks, they get it and forgive. But to the broken, when the hammer comes down, it feels twice as hard. I think this was the end, starting to unveil itself. He wouldn't talk to me for a week. About halfway through the week, I began to regret threatening him. It took about a month before we had sex again. About two more, we started to actually talk about our relationship. I was now driving a black 1970 Oldsmobile 442 at the time. One day in the motel after sex, we talked more.

"Are we okay?" I asked.

"I don't know." said Michio.

I frowned. It was starting to sink in that the idea that things could last... The idea that one day he would be my husband and that we would raise children together were just dreams of a naive 14 year old boy.

In a cruel twist, fate would steer me in the right direction as I was driving home. Tamiko called me and

I pulled over on the side of the road, then answered.

"Hey, Tam." I said. "What's up?"

"Hey..." said Tamiko, with a saddened tone.

"Tam?" I asked. "Grandfather's gone, man."

"What?" I asked, shocked. "What happened?"

"He didn't wake up..." Tamiko said and started crying. "Mom's not handling it well either..."

Tears began to form in my eyes.

"Do my fathers know?" I asked.

"Not yet..." said Tamiko.

The viewing and funeral were two days later.

Dad Legoshi was up at a podium, tears in his eyes.

"Gosha Komodo was born on May 12, 1965 and passed away August 19, 2047... He was a good man... To him, I was just like a son..." his voice broke. "Despite what the world would say, he could never be judgmental or unsupportive..." he said and wiped his eyes, before stopping a moment to calm down. "Ever since my husband and I got married, he even looked at him like his own son... Grandfather would stop everything he might be doing at the time just to make sure I was okay." he said before being quiet again. "He's no longer suffering now. I know that he and grandmother are back together and they are very very happy now."

I kept wanting Michio to come through the door and comfort me... I needed his love now more than ever. Even if he made an appearance at the graveyard... I just needed his love... But he never showed. The next day, I waited at the motel for him to show. It didn't take a whole lot of time before he came in the room and found me sitting on the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry." said Michio.

"Where were you?" I asked, crying.

"I had to work." said Michio. "The boss wouldn't let me have time off."

I sobbed.

Michio came over and knelt in front of me.

"I'm here now." he said.

"That's not enough, Michio..." I said.

"What?" he asked. "Baby, don't say stuff like that."

"I'm sorry..." I said. "I never wanted this to happen..."

"Please don't talk like that..." said Michio.

"I can't do this anymore..." I said.

"Hikari..." Michio begged, and began to tear up. "Please, babe... Don't..."

"I don't love you anymore..." I said.

"Hikari, please..." Michio begged, crying now as I got up. "I'm sorry!" he shouted as I left.

2053.

"Looking back, I should've known what would become of it." said Hikari. "But... it don't mean the memories remain just memories whenever I have the type of misfortune like today." he said and grabbed Yuki's hand and held it tight. "That was me being honest. I will never hide anything from you. You're still the one I love."

Yuki smiled slightly.

"Still." she said. "I'm sorry that all that happened."

Hikari smiled slightly.

"Thank you, babe." he said and kissed her cheek.

"Is there anything I can get you?" asked Yuki.

"Nah, hun." said Hikari. "You've done enough... I just need time to think."

"Alright, sweetheart." she said and smiled, before walking away.