Notes: Another Voraines fic because I just love them some much and they really have a tight grip on me, this one's a little angsty but I haven't posted anything angsty in a while and i love writing a bit of angst and voraines was my chosen ship this time oops
Just a quick waring before going into this one shot there is talk about death and wanting to die, no major character deaths but death is mentioned a couple of times.
But anyways I hope you enjoy 3
The ride home from the hospital was silent. Cameron had all but ripped into Andre at the hospital the day before so there wasn't really anything left for her to say. Andre glanced over at her from the passenger seat every now and then, but her facial expression stayed the same, giving nothing about how she was feeling anyway, and her eyes stayed trained on the road.
Andre had wound up in the hospital with a few broken ribs and some large cuts and scrapes, after going completely off book on a case that hit a little too close to home. He had saved the kidnapped girl in the end and returned her basically unharmed, minus one little scratch on her cheek, to her older brother. She was the only person he had left in the world and Andre knew how that felt so he did everything he could, even if that meant going off book to get her back.
He was trying to figure out what was going on in Cams head, most of the time they could get a pretty accurate read on each other, them both feeling comfortable enough with the other to let their guards down, but right now he was getting nothing it was like every single wall Cam put up to protect herself from emotional damage had gone back up and then some.
Cam pulled into an open spot, turned the car off, keeping to the apparent silent treatment she was giving him. She got out of the car leaving him to get out himself as he had assured her at the hospital he could get in and out of the car just fine and who was she to stop him.
Okay maybe she did want to help him but her anger was winning right now and she knew she would probably end up flipping out at him again if she tried to speak to him so she just kept to herself, although she did haul his bag over her shoulder, not even giving him time to protest about her carrying it for him as she had clicked the button to lock the car the second his door was shut and was already taking long strides towards the door of his apartment building his keys in hand.
She held the door for him, and he muttered a quick thank you, walking as fast as he could, he honestly just wanted to be back in his own space, his own bed. He had hardly slept in the hospital bed the night before as the doctor wanted to keep him in for an overnight observation just in case, which he of course protested against because he wanted to get back to work straight away but then he was told by Scott that he would have a mandatory five days off to recover at least so there was no need to leave the hospital just yet and after some more persuading from Cameron he decided it was probably best to listen to his doctor and stay the night.
Once they were in Andre's apartment he made a beeline for the couch while Cam dropped his bag by the door taking out the things that Andre would need, his meds and some new bandages for the cuts he had on his arm, the medication would make him drowsy and the doctor had informed Andre (and Cameron more so, as he figured Cam would help Andre look after himself) that his bandages would need to be changed before he slept so it would be best to do it before he took his meds.
She filled a glass of water for him and held it in one hand and the pill bottle and bandages in the other, placing it all on the table silently and she went to get a washcloth so that she could clean his arm before re-bandaging it. she sat next to him still not saying a word, scared that if she started talking, she would never stop, scared that the words that could possibly come out of her mouth would ruin their friendship. She pushed the sleeve of his t-shirt up slightly so that she could see the bandage fully and started to take it off.
Andre stayed silent too, he thought about turning on the tv, but he decided against it. He let his eyes wander around his own living room like he had never been there before, anything to keep his eyes off Cam, anything to stop him from staring but he couldn't help it, his eyes always ended up landing back on her. His bandage was completely off now and lying on the coffee table, Cam currently cleaning his wound, being extremely careful and gentle with him, if she wasn't an FBI agent, she would probably make a good nurse or doctor he thought to himself while he watched her finish cleaning his arm and start to prep the new bandages.
He also started to wonder why she cared so much, why she was doing all this for him, he could have easily called a cab to take him home, his other arm was fine so he definitely could've held his own bag and it's not like he couldn't clean and re-bandage his arm himself, but Cameron did it, without even having to be asked to. Well, his doctor did kind of ask her but without really asking her, but Andre never did, so he wondered why she was here doing all of this for him.
"Why are you doing all this for me?" He put his thoughts into the world.
"What?" Cam looked up from where she was starting to wrap the bandage around his arm.
"Why?" He asked her genuinely.
"You're my friend" her voice was small, quiet, shy, she wasn't letting her eyes meet his as she continued to wrap the bandage.
"I know that Cam" his tone softened "but all of this" he gestured around with his good arm "you don't need to do all of this, I'm perfectly capable on my own"
"But i want to" she sighed before speaking up again "you don't want me to?" he could just about hear her voice break at the end of her question, if he wasn't paying attention, he would have missed it.
"No, it's not that, I just-" he sighed not sure what to say, not wanting to put himself in the vulnerable position of admitting his feelings and it backfiring on him.
"Just what?" she asked as she finished up his bandage and there was a period of silence, both of them not really knowing what to say. Cameron sighed once more before standing up "well I guess I'll go then, you seem settled, your meds and water are there so take them when you need them, I guess" she gave him a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes like her smiles usually did. She turned towards the door and started walking when Andre spoke up again.
"Why do you care so much?" He asked genuinely, after jumping up from the couch to follow her, his ribs didn't appreciate that, but he didn't care all that was on his mind was why this woman who he had known for just about a year and a half, wanted to help him as much as she did.
Cam turned on her heels, almost in shock from his question "W-why do I care so much?" she asked, her eyes already filled with tears that were threatening to spill "why do I care so much?" she repeated again.
"Cam, I didn't mean to-" he tried to apologise seeing that his words had hurt her.
"I thought you were dead Andre! Dead!" She raised her voice "I kicked that door in and all I could see was you sprawled out on the floor, bleeding" she told him "And in that moment I thought you were dead, and I wanted to die too" tears were rolling down her cheeks now.
"I don't think I've ever felt that way before" she confessed "but seeing you there on the floor like that I wanted to die, it felt like a part of me died. I had a million thoughts running through my mind. I was thinking about Jordan and what this would do to her because how the hell was I going to tell Jordan that her big brother was dead?" she spat getting angry now, she didn't want to get angry with him, but her emotions were currently getting the better of her.
"How was I supposed to explain that to her, that none of us were there to back you up, because she wouldn't understand that this happened because you went off book because your team, your friends are supposed to have your back, no matter what" she paused to wipe her face and then continued "I was thinking about how I was supposed to tell the rest of the team that you were dead, how I was supposed to tell Scott that I knew you went off book and I didn't tell him in time, I was thinking about how the loss of you was going to affect our entire team, I was thinking about all the things I didn't get to tell you, that I didn't get to say to you" her voice broke as she finished listing all the thoughts that had plagued her mind and she could feel her anger dissipating, but grief ran through her, she figured she might still be slightly in shock from the shock of thinking he was dead.
"I thought you were dead Andre'' He could see the pain in her face as her voice broke even more and he pulled her into a hug, trying to be careful of his bad arm but he wasn't really too bothered by it right now because in this moment all he wanted to do was comfort his friend. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and she wrapped her arms around his torso and cried into his chest "I thought you were dead" he heard again, in between sniffles, this time muffled as her face was buried into his chest "I really thought you were dead"
He pulled away from the hug and pushed her back a little bit by her shoulders "Hey, I'm still right here" he told her "I'm okay, I'm alive''
She didn't reply he was just met with a sniffle and a nod. "Wanna sit?" he asked and she nodded again. The pair sat on his couch, Cam leaning her head on Andre's shoulder, being mindful of his hurt arm, but that was his side to sit on and it wasn't going to change just because of a cut. Her on his left and him on his right, that's how they had always ended up on each other's couch when they were at each other's places. Although they had only wound up at each other's places a few times and only after really tough cases, they always sat like that.
Cam had stopped crying now, her head still rested on Andre's shoulder as he thought about what she had said to him "I was thinking about all the things I didn't get to tell you, that I didn't get to say to you" he could still hear her broken voice in his head, what could she have meant by that? He couldn't think of anything. Well actually that was a lie, he could think of one thing and if he was right, he most certainly did not want to push her to open up about feelings she wasn't ready to talk about, but he had to know, did she feel the same way he did?
"What did you mean earlier when you said you were thinking about all the things you didn't get to tell me, that you didn't get to say to me?" He questioned after some time of them just sitting in a comfortable silence waiting for Cameron's breathing to get back to normal.
"Oh, I um- it's stupid it was nothing, I was just angry" she said sitting up, he could get a read on her now, unlike when they were in the car, he could tell she was holding something back, something that she wanted to say but she couldn't seem to bring herself too.
"Are you sure?" he asked "you know you can trust me with anything right and I'm never going to judge you about anything" he told her truthfully.
"You promise?" she asked, once again her eyes avoided his.
"Well maybe I might judge your dodgy parking, especially when you steal my spot" then made her giggle "but other than that, no judgement, I swear it" he promised her, and she nodded before taking a breath in.
"I-I was thinking about how I didn't get to tell you that I have care about you, I care about you as more than a friend and I have done for a while now, I just never found the right moment to tell you and then you were with Maya and then you and Maya broke up so I didn't want to make it seem like I was taking advantage of you and jumping at that opportunity, because I would never do that, ever" she clarified even though she didn't have to "and then this happened and I thought I was going to lose you, for good, not to some other girl, that, that's whatever I can handle that, I did handle that, but the thought of losing you forever, that really fucking scared me" she finished, breathing out through her noise and chewing on her bottom lip, she let her eyes meet Andre's.
His face was plastered in a stupid schoolboy smile "you're adorable when you ramble you know that?" he smirked at how her face instantly turned bright red.
"Oh my god, I bare my soul to you and that's all you have to say?" she questioned shaking her head at him, but with a smile, a smile that now reached her eyes.
He shook his head no "that's not all I have to say" he told her, and she raised her eyebrows at him and waited for him to continue "what if I told you I had cares about you too, in a more than friends kind of way?" he questioned, and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in and decided to be brave.
"I think, if you do, then now would be a really good time to kiss me" and so that's what he did, he kissed her. One hand cupped her face and the other found her waist trying to pull her closer as if that was possible. They pulled away after some time, letting their eyes meet, making sure that this was real and that it was really happening before leaning back in again, both smiling into each other.
The rest of the night was spent watching movies and stealing sweet kisses from each other. They eventually fell asleep on the couch which didn't do any favours for Andre's ribs, but he couldn't care less, he had Cam tucked into his side, head resting on his chest, sound asleep and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Notes: Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!
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