The hall was full of people, and I, Joanna Lannister, newly restored beside Lord Tywin, sat as I had in any other feast held in Casterly Rock; by his side, smiling newly-hewn, when I was once his bride newly wed, and now his wife so long taken from him.

For the stare he gave me, the look, spoke volumes; his fear of losing me, of what his love for me meant how low he had stooped to cover and suffer, and all of what he had done, the depths to which had had gone, and now that he had me, could none of that stop.

I was his wife in name and practice, and the feelings he held for me remote, and all but memories, and if our coupling was brief, it was passionate only in the ways long-held couples can know, and then a shutter came over his eyes, for he must be not the Lord Tywin wed to Joanna Lannister up until the birth of his dwarf son; but the Lord Tywin who knew he had a dwarf son at the cost of his wife.

And if Tywin was a better man for marrying me, Joanna, then I was by no more benefited than now being married to a man who was not as great as the Tywin before my death.

And so I lived.

Casterly Rock was full of activity, as it always must under the management of the Lord of Casterly Rock who would see all granted to his kin; and that his wife now prospered, she must have all appointments as befit her place.

My place, my position, as good as to match me, I now sat in my chambers, vases of flowers and ladies maids aplenty, as though I was the queen and not Cersei; Cersei who was queen and Robert's wife, Jaime who was a sworn member of the white, and Tyrion who had suffered under his father, and by my restoration, my children knew a glimmer of hope, and I saddened that I could not meet their expectations.

I feared the disappointment on their faces. I could no more, by my appearance, fill the gulf of grief they had suffered; resentment must flourish plenty, and especially in Tyrion's case, for if there was a limit to which I could sway Tywin before my death, that had considerably reduced afterwards to little more than any arranged marriage, by way of Selyse Baratheon or Melessa Tarly.

In this, I held Tywin's long affection and love held as far from me as possible, for he knew to enter into it was a pact to lead him to ruin. He was playing a longer game than I would have allowed. But he had been playing the game for as long as I had been dead, and no man can recover from such, certainly not one who had suffered in his youth the way he had.

I was granted every privilege, my children saw me and by varying expressions did they denote, but to everyone else, who saw me and saw how little my position changed anything, even Lord Tywin, I was just another person to curtsey to.

My father was gone, my brother Stafford the older sibling, and all the wealth of Casterly Rock by marriage, yet I could see plainly, and in whispers and mentions what had happened during, and knew it all.

But then ladies of my rank must know to keep their husband's secrets, and children's, and many more. It was one thing to stomach the devastation of the Reynes and Tarbecks, and know the cost.

It was quite another to consider the Sack of King's Landing, and other tales since.

The Sunset Sea was a picture at night, and though it was not correct for the Lady of Casterly Rock to simply moon over the parapets and sigh and be alone, I stayed within my quarters and asked of such from my ladies; if they were ever trusting, I compelled them; if they were quite aware, then I was suspicious; not of my surroundings, but just as with Aerys' court, I could not pretend to know all.

Just as Tywin must play the lord, I had to play the lady; not by being his wife, nor any highborn man's wife; but I would not be scurried about, I would not be lowered to the rank of a wife for merely fertility; there could be no chance now of that , no matter how much Tywin might detest Tyrion, and now the future lay before us, and I thought of Elia and Oberyn, and my heart ached.

I could not pretend to know how I might have advised Tywin, and everything now was what was now known, and I could only have known less as I counseled him. Yet back then , I wanted Cersei and Jaime to marry others… and surely, I could not know worse could come yet.

But the sands of Dorne hid many, and they could never, truly, have forgotten…