((Yeah he is a prick heh heh. We'll see how this goes.))

This whole house was suffocating, flooded with tension and anguish people had wished they never touched. "I-I heard you grumbling in your sleep. You sounded like you were hurting." Sayori says. "I wasn't looking for that, I wanted to know something. Anything. Some insight into what was going on." She sighs, her eyes focused on her childhood friend. "I know you haven't been back long. But, with everything we have been through, and everything we've seen…you owe us an explanation."

Zachary doesn't ease off, the cold stoic look barrels down on anytime in his field of vision. "Leave."

"What?"

"Please go."

"N-no! I'm not leaving you. Neither are any of us."

"I'm asking you very politely to go. I understand what you did and I don't begrudge you. Just go."

Sayori sighs again and wipes away the trickling of tears that managed to fight through. "Fine. B-but, could you at least tell me who she is?"

"What does that matter? She's dead." He said the words, and they stung like paper cuts. Was this why he was hurting? It's fine. I understand. It was bound to happen. Couldn't expect him to hold on, could I?

She forces a smile. "I-I see. I'm sure she was wonderful." She stands up, dusts herself off and turns around. "I'll leave. But I think you should talk about this to someone." He scoffs. What good would that do? Listening to people drone on about their problems to total strangers who possibly couldn't care less. It's not enough to feel obligated to listen, one should do so out of sincerity and a genuine desire to care.

Natsuki is speechless even as Sayori passes her by and exits the house. "Zachary." She starts to speak then decides against it. Too much talking, no one seems to be getting anywhere. She turns and begins her exit. Monika and Yuri wait patiently in the living room as they see their friends leave the house. Was there something they could do? Should they even try? Monika gestures her friend to leave.

The doorbell rings, but he doesn't notice. The sound was only 50 feet away but it might as well have been across town. The blanket of night only plunged him deeper into his mind. A second ring, he flinches. On…your…feet! Zachary pulls himself up and shambles down the hall, the musty odor of burnt meat patties wafting.

A third ring. "I'm coming! Hold your-" He's immediately greeted by a familiar sight.

"Wanna finish that sentence Specialist?" A half-cocked grin, moderate to heavy build, a bottle of expensive looking whiskey? "Sar'nt Myer."

"Man, you look like hell. Smell like hell too. I told you, Barracks Parties stay in the Barracks!"

"Well you know me. Can't keep my hands to myself."

"I can tell. Get your sorry self cleaned up and come get drunk out back with me. That's an order."

Zachary heads to the bathroom while his Army buddy sets up in the back yard. Washed up, dressed up, and with general better sense of his bearings he steps onto the sparsely lit patio. He takes a seat adjacent to his former Team Leader. Myer hands him a glass with a smidgen of whiskey poured in. "This is the good stuff. It's a tad intense, but it hits the spot!" The slightly older gentleman laughs with pride.

They both toast and begin to sip. Zachary immediately cringes and resists the urge to spit it out. "Nurse it motherfucker! Savor it. Don't fucken chug it." Myer sighs and drinks.

"Alright so what's goin on my man? I read your text and hauled ass over 8 hours to get here. If all you wanted to do was say "hi" and spit out good drink, I'm gonna roll you."

"It happened again." Zachary says somberly, almost ashamed to admit it. He doesn't make eye contact, he instead gazes at the golden brown liquid swirling in the elegant glass. Myer nods, pauses, and takes a small sip while he ponders how to respond.

"What was the trigger this time?"

"I was cooking fucking hamburgers for my friends."

"Jesus man!"

"I know. I tried to gain control, did the breathing, but I could still hear them." The younger Veteran finishes his glass; he gestures for a refill. "And so after that everything was exposed."

"It's one thing to lose it in front of people. But I know how you get. After the first Tour before I got out, I told you to get help." The older Veteran glares at Zachary not in anger, but in disappointment. "You said 'okay Sar'nt'. Did you even go?"

"…"

"That's a 'no'. Listen Zack, you can't keep doing this to yourself. I'm not your daddy. But I am your Brother in Arms, and I don't want to bury another Fallen. I've been to too many Military Funerals. Too many heartbroken mothers, wives, and children. I don't want to do that anymore."

"When I finally got out, my demons erupted in a firestorm I never knew existed." Myer continues. "I couldn't enjoy my little girl's stupid cartoons without my mind taking me back there. Almost ruined my Marriage. Miranda was ready to sign the papers and take everything."

"I had no idea." Zachary finally responds and sips again. The bite of the whiskey was no less so, either intoxication was setting in, or the flavor was becoming familiar. "Why would you? I was your Team Leader. My job was to make sure you were fit for battle. I had my own peers to look after my well-being. Well, when they weren't busy knocking up strippers and paying alimony." They both laugh.

"So, these 'friends of yours'. Are they the four chicks who clearly don't have any daddy issues that you use to drone on about in the beginning?" Zachary nods. "Hey man you're lucky. Most people in our line of work don't keep the same friends we went to school nor grew with. Certainly not four attractive young ladies who see you as their sanity anchor."

"My what?" Zachary chuckles at the absurd sounding label. "You heard me. From what you use to go on about, they clearly saw you as their emotional and mental crutch to get through whatever problems they were dealing with. Now don't take what I say as Gospel, that's just my observation based on what you've mentioned in the past." Myer leans in before pouring another glass. "Besides, they still seem to care about you. And that's a rare thing for guys like us. It takes a woman of iron will to tolerate, support, and love us."

Zachary sinks back in his chair, resting his head on his knuckles as he processes the conversation that just took place. "The important thing is, make sure your mental readiness is healthy. You can't help anyone unless your own affairs are in order. Go talk to someone, anyone, preferably a professional."

The younger Vet nods as a hopeful smile reaches his face. "Oh!" He starts before setting the glass down. "What was that 'thing' you wanted to run by me?" Myer tilts his head in confusion before it hits him. "Ah! Right. I've started a business and I want you to work with me." Zachary is taken back. "Wait what? You serious?"

"Yeah. I've always been into Computers, and it was a huge hobby of mine even when I was still in. So, when I got out, I pooled some money together and founded my own MSP. The pay wouldn't be great at first as it's still just a baby. But there's potential, a whole lot of it, for growth." Zachary stares at him. The prospect of starting a new career with one of his friends ever was tempting, almost too much, to pass up. He sighs and looks down. "How about this. You keep that seat warm for me while I work my shit out?" Myer racks his arm back like he scored a major commission. "Hell yeah brother! You got my number; you know where to find me." He scoops up his things. "I better get to a hotel, if I die driving home Miranda will kill me."

Myer takes his leave. "Take care Zack. Get help. Get better. Rangers Lead The Way."

Zachary hunches over, facing the patio floor. Get help? What would be the first step? He wished Myer could give him some more instruction on this. The man always seemed to have the answers despite only being 5 years older. He sits back up and vainly tries to drain the residual whiskey from its glass prison.

"Oh, there you are Zachary." Natsuki breaks the relative silence. "How long have you guys been standing there?"

"Long enough." Says Monika. She strides across the way into an empty seat. Yuri and Sayori each grab one as well. Natsuki is the last to sit. Zachary could feel it, their eyes honing on him. The pressure their gazes exert keeps his from meeting theirs.

"Zachary. How long has this been going on?" Monika's voice is soft, tender, almost like a mother cooing her baby. He hesitates, maintaining his eye contact with the floor. "We don't want to push you, but we can't be there for you if you can't atleast tell us."

"Since my first Tour." He says, barely audible for even the women closest to hear. "It started off small, ya know? Avoid a piece of trash here, look over my shoulder when I went out." His voice quivers as he motions his arms into a semi-self-hug gesture. "I went on another Tour just before I got out and it progressively got worse from there." The four women looked at him with pained expressions.

"I can't eat. I can barely sleep. I can't even drive a fucking car without something sending me into a frenzy. Some days it's like it never even happened. Most of the time I'm struggling just to go on my routine jog."

"What about?" Natsuki bites her lower lip before pressing forward. "Her?"

Zack chuckles. "You're still on that huh? What's there to say? She died when we were over there. I was gonna pop 'the question' when we got back but the Enemy had other plans." He buries his face into his hands. "God the look on her Mother's face when I gave her the news. She practically blamed me. Maybe I was responsible."

"It's much deeper than the death of a loved one. It doesn't matter what language it is; hearing children cry out to their parents while a whole village gets leveled? Th-that sticks with you. I've watched entire family legacies disappear in the blink of an eye because they tried to kill us or helped them. I've held the bodies of really good friends as they drew their final breath. I-I-I…" Zachary clutches his hair as he chokes a sob. "I'm a fucking monster."

The four of them exchange glances, unsure of what to do or say. Sayori sits in the back hugging her legs to her chest. Natsuki covers her mouth in shock. Yuri looks down and away, Monika places a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get through this. You will get through this."

((The next chapter drop will be delayed by a bit. I have a long weekend ahead of me. Hopefully it doesn't pan out the way I anticipate it will.))