Lindsay looked at herself in the mirror over her bathroom sink.

"God, but what is this show about. Well, I know that , but honestly, they talk as fast as that yeah but no but yeah but no girl, and they all distrust each other. At least this - surely - is one consolation."

Lindsay went out to where Steve was laying out takeout. Lindsay genuinely smiled, giggling girlishly, stopping herself, then attempting a pained look.

"Oh, thank you, Steve Arnott Biscuit," Lindsay took a seat, "This means so much to me, you know. A woman in my condition. I think. Due to, erm. The plot."

Steve frowned. "How much?"

"All of it."

Steve glanced at the food. "I mean, which portions."

"Oh. Ha-ha-ha."

Lindsay nervously ate the food. She saw, when Steve stretched behind him to grab a fork, his starched shirt stretching to slightly show his navel, and then her glance went to his crotch, before he turned back and she cleared her throat.

"Ahem. You know - and I'm not quoting anyone, probably - the days are the hardest… then the nights… and then the days come… "

Steve nodded. "I know it's hard."

"Ahem. So, what shall we do after this?"

Steve looked at Lindsay. "You sound better, I'm relieved to see."

"Oh, well, I'm not," Lindsay cleared her throat, "You know, sometimes I go to bed, and I feel - oh! - but you know. It's just a lot. All this, erm. Intrigue. The plot's quite hard to follow, and that annoying beeping sound every time you do an interview."

Steve leaned in. "Are you feeling alright?"

Lindsay stood up and sat on Steve's lap. He was alarmed and she put his hand on her breast.

"I feel better now , Arnott Biscuit. If you'll just take off your clothes."

"You're on top of me, Miss Denton."

"Wildly, that is the conclusion I came to, as well … I can't wait to have you on top of me."

"This is not AC-12 best practice."

Lindsay stood up from Steve and reached down to his legs and slowly parted them.

"I have to say, Steve - you talk too much... "

Lindsay sat in court with the judge peering down at her.

"What have you to say, Miss Denton?"

"Erm, ahem," Lindsay glanced nervously at everyone. "Well, you know. Mr Steve Arnott Biscuit - "

The correct title was called out by the court. Lindsay smiled nervously.

"Oh, yes. Well, you know. He did - "

Lindsay glanced miserably at Steve in court, who frowned. Steve stood up.

"Your Honor, I have proof."

Lindsay sat stunned. The judge frowned.

"This is not usual proceedings… "

Steve held up a tape recorder.

"I have proof that Miss Denton came on to me, Your Honor. I am an innocent party."

Lindsay laughed nervously. "This is nonsense, Your Honor."

Steve glanced at Lindsay. "Then why do you look so nervous, Miss Denton? I will play the tape."

Lindsay gulped and pulled at her collar. Steve switched on the tape, and static preceded mumbling.

STEVE: Miss Denton, I must object in all the ways that AC-12 makes me sign on their contracts.

LINDSAY: Oh, Steve - oh, I fell over! Oh, I fell over again!

STEVE: Miss Denton, we are on your bed!

LINDSAY: I know that, Steve. I'm not a biscuit. You're a biscuit.

STEVE: I object to your taking off my pants in your bedroom where I have not consented at all.

LINDSAY: Why are you talking like that? It's very odd. And you gave me bedroom eyes, Steve. And bedroom crotch.

STEVE: What?

LINDSAY: Can we try something?

STEVE: This is against the law!

LINDSAY: Only technically. Can you, like, stand over the bed, like at the edge, and I'll lie underneath you, facing up -

STEVE: Miss Denton!

LINDSAY: Now take it out, and you put it in me. I'll wait.

Steve switched off the tape. Lindsay is blushing red then giggles nervously.

"Ha-ha-ha." Lindsay faces all their stares. "Um, I'm actually quite shy in bed. Steve Biscuit was quite a treat, though. If I am going to prison, I will venture to say he tasted better than a biscuit."