"Ahn-dre-ah?"

Andy hurried from her desk into Miranda's office, where Miranda was squinting and putting on a pair of glasses while holding a Woman's Wear Daily .

"Yes, Miranda?"

"I'll be leaving shortly for that insipid lunch in the cafeteria with Irv. I want the list of figures to send him when I return. That's all."

Andy shook, then hurried to fetch Miranda's coat and bag. She took both without a thank-you and disappeared through the glass doors as Andy held them open, then left them swinging in Miranda's wake. The momentary relief of not having to run out to Smith & Wollenskys, was entirely overwhelmed by her immediate dread.

" What figures?"

Andy rushed to her computer and jiggled the mouse. She paused and dialed Serena, who picked up immediately.

"Hiiii - "

"Serena, listen," Andy put the phone in the nook of her shoulder while she typed, "You don't know about any figures that Miranda wants, do you?"

Serena clucked her tongue. "Where's Emily?"

Andy stopped typing and sighed.

"Irv's assistant got hit by a car - or got sick, or something - so Miranda had to let Emily go up the food chain."

Serena giggled. "I have no clue. But you're welcome to look in Emily's files - that's probably a start there."

"Thanks."

Andy hung up and eyed the door. With any luck, Irv would lengthen the discussion at Greens and Miranda would be stuck there for longer. Andy clicked on expense reports, anything with a spreadsheet, and as quick as she was to deconstruct poetry and short stories, she knew she was dead. Dead .

She picked up the phone.

"Nigel - you have to help me."

"BABY DOLL, I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK - "

Andy sighed. "I'm just not going to wear Prada because my boss does. Now, Nigel - do you know anything about any figures that Miranda wants?"

"HONEY, THE ONLY FIGURES MIRANDA CARES ABOUT ARE WEARING PRADA."

Andy rolled her eyes and hung up. She paused and dialed Irv's office. A familiar, cheery voice answered.

"Irv Ravitz's office - "

"Em, it's me - "

"Oh - my god! You cannot - "

Andy heard a dial tone. She scraped the desk with her fingernails and took a deep breath.

"OK, the figures… the figures. What does she need figures for… "

Andy clicked her fingers. She logged onto the shared mailbox that she and Emily both had access to for Miranda's account, which was overflowing with unread thank-you emails. Technically, her assistants was supposed to scroll through and mark them all as read, or delete them - which was far more efficient in hindsight, when Andy had been left a scathing voicemail at one a.m:

"Ahn-dre-ah. The computer is not working. Donatella tells me she sent me an e-vite to her dog's funeral three days ago. How could you let this happen? You are my assistant - "

Andrea snapped out of her reverie and scrolled through the e-mails, of which there were plenty. She searched for Irv, and bit her nails. Surely it wouldn't be appropriate to open the reports - it might tell her if James really would be fired if he came in fat to work again. Andy froze.

There was an e-mail from Emily to Miranda, and the spreadsheet was simply labeled 'figures from the staff'. Andy fist-pumped the air.

"A-ha!"

Andy clicked but nothing happened. She stared.

"Oh my god. Oh my god - where did it go?"

Andy rattled her mouse. She picked up the phone.

"Serena?"

"Yeeeees?"

"Serena - I'm desperate. I need to search an email Miranda received ages ago."

Serena sighed. "You know, Emily knows how to do all this - "

"I'm serious!" Andy squeaked. "I have to find out what figures she wants from the staff and how it's supposed to look!"

"Just put in some random numbers and click send."

Andrea stared at the dialtone. The phone rang and she picked it up.

"Mir - "

"I - is - is that her latest - "

"Not now, Judith!"

Andy hung up and marched across the office suite. She glanced back, biting her fingernails, then hurried into the art department. Several of the gay guys gave her long, frowning looks and then Andy pulled out a notepad.

"Tell me - what - what are your figures."

The guys laughed and began feeling the fit of each other's Sevens. Andy raised her eyebrows.

"It's for Miranda."

Andy scribbled and smiled and nodded as she went out, and then she bumped into Jocelyn coming out of the ladies'.

" - oh, Andy, is that a new skirt?"

Andy glanced down and beamed. "Oh, well, I got it on sale, actually - I saw it and I thought it looked nice to wear today."

Jocelyn grimaced. "I asked if it was new ."

"Um. Well, Miranda needs the figures. From the staff?"

"Oh, of course!" Jocelyn lit up, and Andy felt a surge of triumph. "Well, the latest are - "

Andy was already halfway down the hallway, running to pick up the ringing phone.

"Mir - "

"D - do - don't - "

Andy sighed.

"I'll put you on the Bulletin! She'll call you - not the other way around!"

Andy heard a cackle, then hung up. She sat at her computer and transcribed the figures onto a spreadsheet. She sat back in her seat and glanced sideways and peered as though appraising a work of art.

"God, but how would Emily do it?"

Andy picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hi, IT - "

"We do have names , you know."

Andy ran a hand through her hair. "I know - "

"You know she called us outside of working hours, right?"

Andy, biting her fingernails, was torn at hearing a Miranda-bashing story and imagining Miranda en route in the elevator.

"Um, I just need help with a pivoting table - "

"Oh, that's easy. Send it through and I'll work the magic."

Andy blew a kiss to the ceiling. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Ah, here it is."

Andy had a brief moment of silence, to breathe, to hear the tapping of keyboard on the other end. She took a breath.

"So what's this thing, um, that she called you for?"

"Hah, well - she calls us up and tells us her computer isn't working, and someone called Madeline bit the cable."

Andy chuckled. "Madeline's her dog - "

Andy glanced up to the glass doors. Lucia, passing by, suddenly took off at a run. Andy felt a stab in her gut.

"God - she's coming!"

"I've sent it - you've got it - "

Andy hung up and attached the spreadsheet and sent it to Miranda. She breathed out, then hurried just as Miranda reached the glass doors. She walked through without a thank-you and tossed her coat and bag onto Emily's desk.

"That cafeteria is vile . Did you send me the figures?"

Andy nodded and beamed. "Yes, Miranda."

Miranda walked into her office and Andy sat at her desk with a sigh. She glanced up in surprise as Emily walked into the office, her shoulders straight. Andy hissed.

"What are you doing here?"

Emily sat at her desk with a jaunty smile.

"You held the fort, I hope?"

Andy nodded several times. She set her shoulders bouncily.

"Of course. She asked for the figures so I sent them."

Andy smiled at her computer. Emily was unfazed.

"I see her inbox is building up."

Andy became faux-serious.

"Oh, yes. I should probably get started on that - you know, she could ask me to go out for Starbucks?"

"Nice try."

Andy scrolled through Miranda's inbox. She scrolled to the most recent, a thank-you from the accounting department, and noticed it was the same email she had forwarded Miranda. Andy clicked delete and smiled over to Emily.

"I was pretty fast under pressure, you know. With the figures. I could be you one day."

Emily laughed and Andy felt dread. Emily shrugged.

"It's for the accounting department - not like they check anything we do here."

Andy felt hollow in her stomach. She opened her sent items and saw the spreadsheet was perfectly acceptable, a list of figures in a nice pivot table. Emily yawned.

"I could probably just send it to them directly, but I think it adds a nice touch that she knows I'm doing my job."

Andy felt a resentment build, an exhaustion creep over her. Emily clicked her mouse.

"I don't even think Miranda looks at it before she forwards it on."