Chapter 10: Phoenix
The following day - Haggar Household - 7:00 AM
So much for getting their feelings sorted out. Certainty and resolution be damned.
Jessica couldn't believe that her mind was filled with thoughts of the ex-boyfriend she hadn't planned to see. And now - they were going to talk. As a jet-setter who had already been in Metro City for a week, she figured she would have adjusted to the time by now - but it had been nothing but a whirlwind since she landed. She was spent, and not quite primed for…upheaval.
Sleep had been impossible with the consistent chatter in her mind since she saw Cody last, and it didn't help that just a trace of his familiar, woodsy scent lingered on her sweater from their brief embrace the night prior. Yet she found herself unable to lie in bed without it, her yearning increasing as the comforting, yet stimulating essence faded back into the ether where all her feelings had apparently been living. What was she thinking, letting him get that close to begin with?
Before the sun even peeked over the horizon, she moved from the cozy lakehouse to her father's kitchen to meet him for their daily breakfast, as they had been doing all week. She appreciated his early bird tendencies – they came in handy when sleep was out of the question, even when she had been overseas. Her father was so easy to talk to.
The sun's rays started shining through her father's curtains long after she'd been up – empty mug in hand with no hot drink in it. Her mind had been ebbing between a state of semi-consciousness and pensiveness…
Her phone's screen had been stuck on her email: Important Flight Information | CANCELLED
The woman was exhausted. It didn't help that she was certain that her ex seemed to have a boatload of unresolved feelings to work through. Yet how could she be so certain if she hadn't known him in the last decade?
She flipped the phone over, a hardly subtle reminder of her surrender. It was almost as if the more she tried to resist, the more they were drawn together. If they'd been in each other's presence just a few moments longer…
With the look on his face and the tenderness in his words after all this time - there was no way he held a grudge after all those horrible years. In fact, if she hadn't known any better - she wagered his former devotion to her just might have been all the same, despite those awful things he said and did…
She couldn't seem to help herself. She needed to understand what he had been thinking. Why he did what he did. How he had been doing…and if he was genuinely okay these days. That familiar feeling she was feeling…if she didn't think too hard about it, she knew that the last time she truly recalled feeling that sort of tender and ethereal desire for someone else's well-being was when she had been in love with him.
Oh mon dieu, aidez-moi…
She rested her head against the kitchen table. He had her right where he wanted her. This was exactly what she didn't want to happen.
Jessica couldn't stop thinking about how well he aged for someone who was in prison for the better part of the last decade. She couldn't stop recalling the sweetest moments they shared all throughout their youth, adolescence, and early adulthood. She knew exactly what it was that she loved about him to begin with…so she found herself attracted to, angry at, frightened of, and adoring him all at once. She felt it deeply, where she believed her heart used to be.
So much time had passed them by. Their lives were just so different now. She lifted her head and pressed her fingers against her temple. She felt foolish for practically folding as she did. Her father turned the corner to meet her at his kitchen table.
"Good morning, daddy," Jessica sat up at the table, resting her head in her hands.
"Mornin' princess!" he chimed - and took one look at his daughter. "Did you get any sleep last night?"
"Not a wink," she lamented with a pout and leaned forward into her palms, propping her elbows on the table. "I'm just…a bit out of sorts this morning."
"In that case, I'll prepare some tea. Have any coffee and you'll just fly off the handle."
"Thanks, papa," she smirked. Her father was just a huge, doting bear. It was just a bit vexing that her disorientation could only be attributed to one person, and she was not thrilled about it. This wasn't what she came here for!
"I take it…your flight plans are changing?" Haggar looked over to his kitchen clock with a sheepish smile.
"They…they are. Shoot. I'm so sorry, daddy, I don't mean to be so inconsiderate," she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Do you mind if I take a few extra days here to rearrange my schedule? I couldn't bear the thought of getting on an 8-hour flight like this. I can afford a little extra time to…decompress. I cannot be a hot mess on that plane."
"Of course, sweet pea - you don't even have to ask," he said with a kiss to the top of her head. The multi-faceted ex-mayor built the little lakehouse with her in mind, after all. Her little home away from home…away from home. He was selfishly gleeful that his daughter would be home for just a bit longer than she originally planned. She insisted on keeping far busy these days, and he was sure she was en route to burnout. Not that she'd seen it that way.
"I could take a guess as to what's buggin' ya, though…" Haggar sounded surprisingly sympathetic.
"Hah. I just…I just don't know what to do because I can't quite figure out how I feel about that Cody," she frowned. "I'm so mad at him, but…I'm not. That frightens me because at the same time, I can't imagine not having him in my life anymore." Her sigh shook her tired shoulders. "I hardly looked his direction while he was in prison…how could I, papa?"
"Who knows but you, my daughter? I just know that if he hurts you in any way, he won't live to see tomorrow."
"Father," Jessica shook her head despite the wry chuckle that escaped. "Stop threatening that man's life. You got to retire because of him."
"I'm just sayin'! Consider this princess," Haggar sat across from her, lowering his glasses. "If you're all…mixed up about the guy, just pay special attention to how you feel when you're actually with him and not just takin' up space in your head with all your scenarios. If you trust your instinct, you can't go wrong. That'll give you space to listen to your heart…see what makes you feel alive - and it's just as important that you protect it, too."
"I'm way more inclined to do the latter these days," she pouted, resting the side of her cheek on her hand with an expression of seemingly hopeless despair. "So much for growin' up, huh?"
His words all sounded like such a gentle and chaste fairy tale ideal. Her father and mother had been adorably happy together after all, even in the rough that was Metro City…she was so certain she knew what love was because she was blessed to see it in the two of them every minute of the day, even beyond the moment of her passing. Even the harsh reality of the world couldn't break her father's devotion to her.
She'd been so worried about his happiness, too…
"Jessie-girl," Haggar started. "You're the kind of person who loves so deeply…that when it hurts, it hurts. If your instinct tells you to run, then run. If it tells you to stay, then you stay. As much as I hate to admit it…it's not like you can help how you feel." Haggar's kettle went off as he got up to steep a cup of tea for his daughter. "Sometimes you just gotta come at it from your gut if it's enough that you can't sleep at night."
"My gut, huh?" Jessica thought aloud as she took the steaming mug from him. First it was Maisie with intuition, and now her father with instinct. "Thanks, papa…I just worry…that my instinct will just lead to more pain. I can't go through that again. Never again."
The blonde woman took a slow, thoughtful sip of her tea, letting its heat travel from her lips down to the core of her belly. The always-comforting sensation felt like a flicker compared to how thinking about Cody made her very being feel.
"Be honest with me, daddy. Do you think…I've lost it?"
Haggar couldn't help but laugh. One wrong word and he'd be at the end of Jessica's wrath. She'd know if he were saying what he thought she'd want to hear, but he had many lens to draw upon…
"Well…from where I stand, you've been agonizing over this since…well, since I told you I wanted him to be my successor. While I do think the both of you tend to be a bit…impulsive, I also believe in your judgment, Jessie-girl. I raised you, after all."
Jessica narrowed her eyes in some sort of revelation. Was he where she picked up her initial perceptions of what sweet, deserving love entailed? Her brash, sometimes ticking time-bomb, macho man of a father?
"Hah. That's one way to put it," she wiped a tear. "This is all your fault, you know."
"My fault?!"
"You're the one who taught me to never, ever judge a book by its cover!" she accused with a pained smile. "Probably one of the first lessons I ever learned. Serves me well in poker, for one…"
"Not an awful lesson! Your mother would have wanted nothing to do with me otherwise!" he laughed heartily. "Just make sure to always show who you are, my daughter. Never be ashamed of that," Haggar grinned. "There are three forces of nature I will always believe in: love, hope, and justice. As long as you have those powers behind you, you can do anything you want, 'cause honey - life's a goddamn mess, but the world's always gonna be your oyster."
Her huge, overbearing father and his fairytale sentiments…sure, life could be chaotic, but she knew what she was doing! She was a grown woman with capital in the world. No one put Jessica in a corner. She sat up suddenly, a spark of confidence budding within her.
"Papa…you always manage to make me feel so much better about everything," she grinned, tea in hand. "You don't give half-bad advice, y'know."
"According to your mother, one of my better qualities," he laughed.
"I've got a couple of things to get straight with that Cody," Jessica said as she gripped her mug handle. "Just…get everything out in the open, you know? Our last few months together were so fraught with anxiety, I don't know that we ever really…talked it out." And a jail cell was hardly the place to do so…
"That's understandable. You were young."
"I thought that too, but…I know what I felt…what I'm feeling is real," Jessica put her mug down as she gripped her hands. "I don't think age had anything to do with that then or now. To this day, I…he's like a magnet, daddy. The more I resist, the more I'm drawn to him - and I can't explain it - but even after all the pain…" her heart was pounding hard in her chest at the pending admission, "I cancelled a flight for him."
She turned around and leaned against her chair as she looked toward the ceiling, willing her freshly forming tears back into her eyes. "I'm such a sucker," she started. "But don't you worry - I'm goin' into this eyes wide open. Getting involved with him now would be way too high stakes."
"Princess," Haggar sighed. He wasn't surprised, but he was concerned. It sounded more like she was convincing herself. "No matter what happens - just make sure to take care of you. That's all I could ever hope for."
"Don't you worry about me, papa," she said with an air of determination. "I can hold my own."
Haggar stood, effectively towering over his daughter, giving her a deceptively gentle hug despite his overbearing, powerful stature.
"I just want you to be able to live your best life on your own terms, Jessie-girl. Nothing is more important to me than being your father. Know that you can't ever do anything to compromise that."
"Oh…papa," Jessica teared up, hugging back tightly. "I couldn't be a luckier woman to have you as my dad. Thank you for always having my best interests in mind," she smiled before pulling away completely. "I've got some business to take care of. I love you."
"I love you too, princess."
Meanwhile…at Cody's (Slightly Less) Empty Apartment: 7:30AM
Cody woke up exhausted the following morning, mildly surprised he got any sort of sleep to begin with. He had to remind himself that last night was not a dream, but chaos of his own making - and it was positively overshadowed by the thrill of having finally seen Jessica in person after all those grueling years.
He conditioned himself for so long not to ever get his hopes up about anything, yet he couldn't manage to push down the consistent lift he was feeling inside. He couldn't afford to spend any more energy trying.
He thought he missed her before he heard her voice and saw her face after all this time, but now…she governed his very being.
The meditative steam of his shower forced him to slow down and relax. He hadn't realized just how tense about it all he had been until he saw Jessica stand before him. She was a marvel.
The man was still reeling just after having held her for the first time in so long. His frequent nostalgic musings had been intensifying - unhealthily almost. The memory of her sweet, floral scent from just a few, long hours ago had him in a chokehold.
He just couldn't be more certain of how he felt about her. Now to figure out the words…
Before he knew it, the water was off, and he was in front of his bathroom mirror again.
"Okay. So I might be a little down bad," he grumbled into his toothbrush as he prepared to wrap up his morning routine. "It's no big deal. We're both adults here. We can figure it out. Right?"
Something had been nagging at him, and he realized he didn't want to face it. Jessica was her own woman - and she thrived all of those years without him. She had been living the high life all over the world in the last decade. He was merely the brand-new mayor of Metro City and was struggling to adjust to the responsibilities piling on by the day.
Their lives couldn't be more different than either of them could have possibly anticipated from their youth. They didn't even live on the same continent anymore - perhaps he was still being a bit selfish - a sore concept he hated rehashing. What on earth was he thinking?
An unfamiliar feeling surfaced in the pit of his stomach as all the confidence he mustered over the course of the week deflated in hindsight. He rinsed his mouth, spit into the sink, grabbed his razor, and sighed.
He knew they couldn't just…go back to the way things were, and patience hadn't always been his strong suit…
There was a lot more reality to face now. He inhaled deeply as he moved his razor over to the other side of his face, unsure of what to expect now that he made contact with Jessica. The scary, beautiful thing about it all was that he had a strong sense that the possibilities were endless for the two of them…or so he hoped.
"Prob'ly came on way too strong…" he groaned as his shoulders slumped in the mirror, but he was careful not to nick himself with the admission. It was easy to talk to himself out loud in his lonesome, judgment-free apartment instead of being met with endless questions about how he could possibly make his zany ideas work. Once he put them out into the universe…they were bound to happen one way or another.
Maybe all that mayoral authority he had been wielding was getting to his head.
Speaking of work…
"I'd better head into the office quick today or Marlowe's gonna kick my ass about those unfinished reports…"
He originally intended to hit the gym after his risky stunt to blow off any potential steam, but he was floored by the fatigue that followed the anticipation of seeing Jessica again. Everything in him hoped that she would indeed reach out. He didn't want to pressure her in any way despite how exhilarating his own realization was.
She seemed receptive to him last night - he wouldn't dare push if he didn't think so, but he still had a hard time reading her in the way he thought he could…in the way he used to be able to do. What if he couldn't relate to her new life?
Indeed…what if she couldn't relate to his? She already had to deal with being the daughter of a mayor for all her adult life at this point…
He was getting too into his head again. It was well worth it to reconnect, in his opinion. He was a lot more open to consideration these days, and he could prove it. He wasn't imprisoned in spirit anymore. Living freely was absolutely the way to go, he realized.
He would never let a lack of self-worth block him from his hopes again. That was probably the only other facet of the human condition he hated even more than fear.
At least fear drove him to action when it counted - but it was also horrifically restrictive…
After drying off, he checked his phone, an action he deliberately avoided doing before his morning shower. Couldn't wrap his head around why folks seemed so glued to these things nowadays - so many heads down walking the streets, even in the subway! He certainly couldn't get away with that in his youth without getting robbed, or worse...he shook off a chill, realizing maybe he sounded a bit too much like Haggar.
He just wanted to see if maybe…she already had reached out. His heart skipped about ten beats as he noted the incoming text from an unrecognized handle. His fingers responded immediately upon receipt.
luckyacequeen: this is jess! let me know your sched today
knife2meetya: try to catch me by noon EST if you can. gonna be office for a few then gym right after in case I don't answer right away.
In reality, he couldn't wait to hear her sweet voice sooner rather than later - yet he'd wait as long as he needed to. The anticipation filled him with a sort of excitement he hadn't remembered feeling until just then. He couldn't believe he got to speak with her again.
The thought alone drove him mad with gratification.
luckyacequeen: you're a busy guy - i get it :)
…
luckyacequeen: can't believe you're still using the same handle tho…
He sat back, releasing a sigh from the depths of his core. Lines of communication were back open. If he had the opportunity for a second chance - he was going to take it - even if the risk included the possibility of no possibility.
He couldn't go wrong if he was nothing but honest…right?
knife2meetya: what can I say? some things never change.
…
knife2meetya: …couldn't figure out how to make a new one
He had been so used to the consistent threat of danger closing in all his life, he had no idea what to do when he started feeling…the opposite. He closed his eyes as he reveled in the intensity of his resolve - and without fail, each time, all he could see in his mind's eye was Jessica's divine face. All he could feel were infinite emotions swelling up in his chest. All he wanted to do was hold her hand and reassure her again…and again…and again…
Damn, he thought to himself. "I'm hella in love with her," he said out loud. "Ah, damn."
He couldn't live in this mayhem forever.
Uptown: City Hall 10:30AM
Jessica headed into the city via a private, unassuming rideshare - a far cry from the luxury vehicles she would typically hail. The thrill of what the day could bring filled her with a light she thought had been long extinguished. After gaining some insight from her fluff of a father, her optimism was off the charts - yet she found herself feeling the urge to put up a guard.
She was going to see Cody, just as he'd seen her. He wasn't the only one who could shake things up around here. The ball was in her court, after all. She hadn't realized it almost felt like…a competition. She was a poker champion - and she's played final games tougher than this.
…Maybe.
She had no idea what they were going to talk about. What if they were completely different people? What if prison permanently altered some of his perspectives on life? What were his dreams? Why did she care? She wanted to understand what made him go from being someone who could barely sit still in class to accepting the position of the highest-ranking desk in the city. She had so many questions.
Life was too short to keep torturing herself with presumptions, and taking chances was her forte, after all. Today, she was gonna throw caution to the wind.
Her mind changed quickly as soon as she stood before the behemoth that was City Hall. It was just going to be the two of them in his office. What if the pain came back as hard as the wonderment of last night? What if they left off worse than they did at the prison?
If last night were any indication, all she could hope to expect were good things, but…could she take the bad that could come with it? Courage and fearlessness weren't the same things - but she had to do this despite her haunting wonder.
She cancelled a flight for him.
She was ready.
"Okay, City Hall…bring it," Jessica looked up to the municipal building's stature and swallowed. Underneath her red coat was a cozy hoodie, her flowy white t-shirt and sweats with plain tennis sneakers with her long and unmistakable blonde tresses tied into a high and loose ponytail. She packed for only a week after all, and there was no need for her to dress up for City Hall - she deserved her comfort and privacy.
She adjusted her shades as she entered quickly, not wanting to be stopped in the hustle and bustle that she so expertly navigated. If she didn't keep a low profile, she'd certainly be recognized.
However Cody's outlook might've changed, she had to do this. She had been slightly assured…Cody seemed a lot like his true self from last night - the one she couldn't believe still existed…the one who smiled in the photo back in her journal. Could she still know him after all this time? She questioned herself for so long.
She inhaled deeply and pushed through the revolving door into the building's lobby, removing her shades upon stepping onto the marble floor.
"Ms. Jessica?!" the friendly security guard waved over. "That you, ya rascal? Long time no see! Though it's always a pleasure seeing your ads down in Times Square these days! It's like you never left!"
"Mr. Alberto!" she exclaimed, as he stood and they kissed the air on either side of their faces, a Parisian habit she'd taught him on previous visits. "I can't believe you're still here! Didn't want to retire with my papa, huh?"
"Haha! Some things never change, you know. Give me another 50 years, at least!" the elder man chuckled, joy lighting up in the corner of his eyes. He'd seen many, many miracles over his lifetime in front of City Hall and he wouldn't have it any other way. He was the one person in this building her father trusted out the gate when he began his tenure as security at the start of his first term. "Funny you're here now, Mr. Cody went up not too long ago. Didn't realize you two were still joined at the hip! Though I'm sure he was supposed to be off today…"
"Hah, I hear he's been pretty busy!" she smiled, looking away to hide her blush. "I have an…appointment with Mr. Mayor today. Do you mind if I make my way up? Same office as dad's?"
"Same office!"
City Hall - 27th Floor, 10:35 AM
Ah, the perks that came with being the former mayor's daughter - some things never changed indeed. Getting into the elevator, her mind began to spin and stopped when she reached the mayor's floor. She was frozen for just a minute - wondering what in the hell had gotten into her - and quickly stepped off the elevator before it took her back down again.
The nostalgia of entering City Hall during her father's tenure was hitting her hard, but Jessica could feel the conflict in her stomach knowing that she'd just left her father at his peaceful abode. She often worked with her father in many of his campaign efforts as his partner - they'd always had each others' backs since the wrestling days - in bringing his efforts to improve their very hometown to fruition, before her sudden departure to live in France.
The self-made philanthropist was choosing to walk straight into the point of no return - and she still hadn't come to terms that her feet were just inches away from the large mahogany door that separated her and the inside of that office. She could feel her palms sweat as she looked up at the new name across the office door.
She thought about her father's words - impulsive. Her impulse carried her over all the way from Eastchester Drive to Uptown and the reality hit her like an arrow.
Jessica rang the phone number on the business card Cody gave her the previous night, feeling as if she were in high school again. If she texted him, the potential space between their responses might have been enough to make her do an about-face.
Why did the idea of talking to him make her feel like a little girl? Her foot tapped as the third ring started…if he didn't pick up by the final ring, she was outta there—
"Jessica!"
"Cody!"
There was a brief pause.
"I'm happy you called," he replied with what sounded like relief. For a split second, he felt uneasy because things never went this swimmingly for him. There was always a catch…but the fact that he could hear her voice again was a blessing in itself. "Callin' me from a layover I'm guessin'?"
"Actually, I'm right outside your office door."
"Really?!" his surprise escaped quicker than he could collect his cool. "Right, right…I'll let you in! Just give me a sec…" Thanks for the heads up, Alberto!
Cody unconsciously swept his hair back, nerves suddenly on edge. He had to bare his entire soul to Haggar to get to see her and all Jessica had to do was walk in. That wasn't the part that surprised him, however - she did have that effect on people worldwide, after all.
The last thing he expected was to see Jessica in person so soon after last night - so she caught him way off-guard there. He barely came down from the high of speeding through the rain to see her before she went back to France. He just started to appreciate that their phones linked their handles to each other - making it that much easier to connect with her when she'd go back overseas…
Her flight musta been cancelled, he thought. Or maybe she cancelled it! That's a good sign, ain't it?
This time, he shoved the marked-up desk photo covered with his doodles of longing into his drawer. He wasn't sure if coming out the gate to explain that was gonna go over too well after Guy practically decimated him the other day…and there was enough to talk about as it was. Namely…what happened over the last decade. He glanced over to the paperwork he'd hardly dented. Yikes…
Right outside the door, Jessica adjusted her coat - as more of a nervous habit. She had a sense she was going to be here for a while. Before she could get too lost in her 'what ifs,' the mayor's office door swung open suddenly with a slow pause at the end and their eyes met right away.
"Jess, you're…still here," he said breathlessly as he adjusted his posture and tie. Not that he was making a first impression…he understood why Jessica seemed so reserved last night, but he was happy, very deep down, that yesterday's stunt somehow rewrote the laws of the universe and got her to stay in Metro City just a little longer.
The last thing he expected was for her to come to his door - he didn't know whether to be proud, impressed, appreciative, or freaked out, but above all, he knew he had to keep his chill.
"That I am," Jessica could not control her smile at the sight of him - she figured she might as well succumb to her involuntary reactions. She couldn't play poker with this one. He got her every time…
She had visited the office frequently enough when her dad served, but it certainly had a different energy than when Mike sat behind that desk. The walls had been painted darker too, giving the room a more modern look than she recalled; all of her father's older equipment was replaced with minimalist, sleek designs that made the office seem bigger than it ever felt.
That obnoxiously huge American flag was still draped on the flag post behind the desk. Photos didn't adorn the brawler's walls - a complete contrast to her father's decorated office, so it felt so much more spacious and open. It was simple, and just a tad unrefined - yet had a bit of a classy edge to it, much like its incumbent.
It also felt a bit…empty, as if his own life really had just begun. It dawned on Jessica that the sort of memories Cody would have gathered since their breakup wouldn't have been much beyond violence…except for suffering in prison. His life really had started over, and the thought caused an ache in her soul.
All she ever wanted…was for him to be okay.
Jessica shook her head and refocused. She was here to talk, after all.
"Who knew you could make pinstripes look good, Mayor Travers?" Jessica teased, impressed, her hand automatically moving to adjust his collar - another habit from old times. The clarity provided by the fluorescent lights revealed that he lived at the gym, and she wondered what sort of special hell his tailors had to go through. "Feelin' a little underdressed compared to you! You're the real deal, huh?"
"So say the people," Cody smirked as he took her coat and pulled out a chair for her - just like in the old days. She was stunning to him either way. "More like I'm overdressed for a Saturday - but y'know - optics or whatever," he grinned, gesturing toward his chair. "Have a seat, madam."
"It would be my pleasure, Mr. Mayor."
What kind of game were they playing? Acting as if they hadn't seen each other just last night - and on an awful note for ten years prior to that. He walked around his desk to hang her coat on his rack, giving Jessica a split second to survey his personal working space. He caught on to that floral perfume of hers - and reality felt distorted in the best way because he simply couldn't believe that she was here.
"Now, since when did you ever care about the optics?" she said, her angelic voice carrying through the quiet office air.
"I don't," he chortled. "I do gotta be real careful, though," he started as he made his way back to his seat. "See, I'm not even supposed to be here right now. Miss Marlowe would have my head if she knew I was here today," he shrugged - she'd figure it out sooner or later with that eagle-eye of hers, but anything to buy himself a little extra time. "I'm supposed to be home, but I had a bit of desk work to catch up on…" he looked off to the side. So maybe he fibbed to Haggar a little…
"I see you're pretty busy these days," Jessica laughed. "Who would have thought?"
"Very funny," he smirked, the sound of her laugh striking a sense of jubilation in his spirit. "I'm wrappin' up here, anyway. I was gonna hit Tom's and grab a bite right after but…well, now you're here."
"You're the one who wanted to talk for once," she smiled. "You say that as if it's a bad thing."
"It's a very good thing."
Ever the charmer.
"Before we get into it…can we just do one thing?" she said quietly as she gripped her hands. He was at attention.
"Anything."
"We have to…be really honest with each other. We've got the luxury of dad not breathing down our necks," she folded her arms, smiling a wry sort of smile. "It's just the two of us."
"Easy," he shrugged coolly.
"All right then," she inhaled slowly as she pressed against her knees. "…I'll start. How's it been?"
Cody couldn't help but chuckle. She tilted her head in genuine curiosity as to what was so amusing.
"After all this time…that's not all you missed a flight to come ask me, now is it?"
"Obviously not," Jessica grinned, seeing that he was cheeky as ever. "To be fair, I am expecting quite an answer. I mean, you're the mayor for goodness' sake - and I just know my dad gave you hell. Never pegged you for someone who'd be so into deskwork that you're comin' in on a Saturday. Do you even like doing it?" she asked with an incredulous smirk.
Oh, how he missed her…what were the odds that she felt the same?
"Hell no. I don't belong in here! I should be out there!" Cody laughed. It took a while for the concept to become more humorous and less aggravating for him as he adjusted to his few months in office. "It's gonna be a long term pretendin' I belong here. Everyone knows it. But…it also doesn't feel right violatin' folks' trust in me," he said rubbing his wrists, turning halfway to scan the view from his window. "So I figure…that's a good problem to have. For a real long time…I just didn't care as long as I could knock some heads. Your dad and I were sick of each other. And each time I saw Guy? He'd go on and on about 'doin' the right thing in the name of justice'…" She noticed how much his brow furrowed as he stared off into the distance.
"…And now?"
"And now…well, I just want to do what I can, in my power, to help everyone not feel as miserable as Kyle and I did growin' up. That's all."
It really had been all he ever wanted: to hail from a city where no one had to fight. A city free from violence...a city without fear.
"I think that's admirable," Jessica replied. "It's clear to me that you love what you do, protecting the city in your own way," she leaned back, reminding herself to relax. The fact that he was here, after all he'd been through…he didn't sound that much different from his youth.
So many of their summer evenings growing up were spent on his various building rooftops, trying their hardest to make out the stars in the polluted city sky, wondering at least once each night, it doesn't have to be this hard, does it?
"You've always cared about this city, Cody. The mayor thing…it's not a bad look on you."
"Hah, I'm glad you think so," Cody flashed that uncommon, infectious grin of his. Jessica was certain his charisma alone was enough to woo the people - he appealed to so many walks of life with a streetwise, improvised sort of grace. She wondered how it could be possible that someone who took so many punches to the face over the majority of his lifetime managed to stay so handsome.
"It's tough, but it beats prison, I can tell ya that much."
There it was. Prison. The topic was inevitable, and the following silence was suffocating. They got this far without mentioning a word about his near-decade-long string of stints in lockup.
It was only a matter of time. Jessica shifted uncomfortably as she felt as if her optimism was shot out of the sky, hoping this wasn't where things would go sour. She took a deep breath, looking into his eyes.
They said they were going to talk…so, they were going to talk.
"Cody…why didn't you put up a fight for your freedom?" she asked, the question that was on repeat in her mind since her father enlightened her. She knew she hit right on the nose as she saw the crease in his brow deepen almost instantly, but she couldn't back down now. For too long, she obsessed over what was possibly going through that head of his, and she had no interest in spinning narratives anymore.
"Time out - that's no fair. I didn't get to ask anythin' yet."
"You snooze, you lose," she shrugged, pursing her lips. "Consider it…commuter's compensation."
"Ugh. Fine."
"When Dad told me that you were framed for most of your charges…and I thought…" she stopped, her throat tightening. "I thought the worst of you for a long time…seeing you now, I can't believe I fell for your act and let you get away with it. Why not fight back?"
Cody steeled himself as he leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. How could he possibly sum up the last decade?
"That was the one fight I knew I had no chance of winning. I know how to cut my losses. So I…didn't bother."
Jessica squeezed her hands. She knew the possibility of Cody shutting down about her inquiry was high, but to her surprise, he continued.
"Bein' in prison those first couple'a days…I was sure I was gonna lose one of two things: either my mind or my life," Cody sighed as he leaned forward. "Between everyone—and I mean everyone —wantin' to kill me because I kicked their ass one time or another, feelin' alone…" the brawler paused, the painful reminders hitting as hard as quickly as they faded.
"I was a target," he continued. "Always have been, in or outta the cell. I had to knock people out before they even tried me. I was beyond pissed - until I realized, even if I wasn't in there…I'd be fightin' out here. So what was the difference?"
Jessica swallowed as she looked into his eyes. "I could tell…you were so angry," she caught herself before she let their old, simple pet name for each other tack on to the end of that - 'sweetheart.'
"Fighting was always how I survived - literally and figuratively. The thing I dedicated my life to, the thing that protected me growin' up, alongside the safety I thought I was affordin' others…and the thing that led me to nearly kill a man. For you," he exhaled sharply. Jessica was gripping her hands now.
"Sorry," Cody frowned and sat back. "This is why I don't like talkin' 'bout my messed-up feelings. I'm no ray of sunshine these days," he smirked painfully.
"They're not 'messed-up,' Cody," Jessica leaned back, recalling their last argument at the penitentiary. "They're just…how you felt." She felt sick to her stomach. Of course he didn't know he was framed at first - survival was priority. There was no mistaking that he felt abandoned then. She never returned after learning that he might have sought relief for his inner turmoil elsewhere…
Her love for him was the first thing she deliberately chose to give up on, and it destroyed her. She thought she made up for it in every other area of her life, yet…at this moment, it all felt more futile than her trying to resist her own heart.
"I guess I was kinda relieved every time they moved me to solitary given my breakin' out habit though," he continued casually with a shrug. "Not allowed to be in your own head for too long at a time, I guess. Sheesh…and then Guy…I have to give him credit. He made me remember what it felt like to be relied on. Had his own weird way of gettin' to me, y'know?" he shook his head. "He'd bug me just enough to not wanna strangle him."
"Hah," Jessica laughed dryly. "I just wish…you didn't feel like you had to go it alone," she sighed and shook her head. "Our very wise friend told me about how freakin' stubborn you were being."
Stubborn, huh? "He did tell me youse guys were talkin' about me from time to time," he raised a brow. "Anythin' I should know?"
"Mostly that you're a huge knucklehead."
"Fair 'nuff," he shrugged with resignation. "But seriously - no one needed to get caught up in my mess. My fists got me through growin' up, so I certainly wasn't gonna fight to the death in a frickin' prison cell," he scoffed. "I mean, after a couple of months, no one even thought about provokin' me - so I got bored. S'why I kept breakin' out. Not like the guards really gave a shit 'cause I always came back. It was a vicious cycle. What else did I have to rely on, really?"
"Me, Cody! You had me!" Jessica cried. "It felt like you shut me out completely," her voice quivered. "I couldn't understand you. It always sort of felt…like all of this was your own twisted way of trying to protect me, but I just couldn't accept that. I trusted that you'd trust me."
Cody hadn't said anything - which hadn't seemed right because he always had something to say when it was just the two of them - he even used to joke that he saved all of his speeches for her.
Jessica couldn't help but try to gauge his expression - it almost seemed like guilt, sorrow, and…longing. She wasn't sure she was reading him the way she used to. He seemed so sincere…but she knew he was being horrifically insincere.
She felt her throat tightening further. She didn't want to cry today. She'd been crying for the last decade. "It just…really hurt that you thought so little of me when I thought so much of you."
He thought the world of her - but that was exactly why she was in danger…
"I know…I wasn't bein' real nice then, huh? That's why I had to apologize. I…don't know that I was thinkin' straight. It sure felt like I was…"
"When we moved in together, and yet I kept seeing you less and less…you didn't come home for a lot of nights," Jessica folded her hands. "If you felt so misunderstood…was everything we'd been through so insignificant that you felt that you had to turn to Poison?"
Cody was taken aback as he sat up in his chair. "H-how did you…?"
Jessica couldn't stifle her gasp. He couldn't have. She convinced herself that he would have never. "Poison's never been the subtlest when it comes to you - but I'm a city girl, Cody - I wasn't stupid enough to believe her…but you did? You slept with her?"
Cody swallowed - they said they'd be honest…
"We might've…uh…crossed paths a couple'a times during my breakouts…"
"Cody!"
"But never when we were together! Damn it, Jessica, you know me better than that!"
"Do I?" her voice shook.
The man frowned, resisting the urge to pound his desk. Poison! What in the hell did she tell Jessica? He thought they were good…and now he had a bone to pick with her. Twisting the truth for her own gain wasn't beyond her old MO, but he wasn't surprised. The gap between their reconciliation and Jessica's arrival seemed to be awful timing.
Jessica had quite a jealous streak - and Poison knew this.
He had to hand it to her - the pink-haired charmer was smart to use that fact to her advantage at the time - not that it was good for anyone.
"I knew I screwed up, but I would have never done that to you," he sat back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You coulda just asked me then…I get I was bein' a prick, but I'd never lie to you. Is she why I didn't see you after the last time…?"
"She was one of my kidnappers, Cody," Jessica frowned as she sat back. "I'm pretty fucking sore about it either way."
Cody rubbed his temples with one hand as he could feel a migraine coming on. The trust forged between them for all those years couldn't have been that fragile, could it? It was frustrating that his devotion to her had been flipped against him - again.
He knew Jessica - and he could sense that she was getting up at any moment.
"Jess - wait. Don't let this be what gets between us. I'm tellin' ya this wasn't when you thought it was - this happened long after we saw each other last," he swallowed at the recollection. "And she really…she came through for me when I was at my worst. It was as casual as casual gets and that run ended way before I got outta the cell. Seriously. I'm just tryin' to let bygones be bygones here."
"Bygones?" Jessica frowned. "So now you're friends? Cody - Mad Gear ruined my life!"
Cody scratched the side of his head and sighed. He hadn't figured this would come back to bite him, but…he hadn't regretted it.
"Jessica - seriously. So much has changed since you've been gone. Mad Gear don't even want anything to do with Mad Gear anymore. So I get why you'd be pissed…"
" But? "
"I really don't think who I've been with should have any bearing on what happened between us. We're consenting adults. Come on Jessica," Cody groaned. "Can you say with a straight face that you could go without for ten years?"
Jessica glared at him, almost making him back down.
"Makes ya wanna say, 'what's it to you,' huh?" he loosened his tie, anticipating the worst.
"We're not talkin' about me right now…"
"We weren't talkin' 'bout Poison, either. Didn't really give me a chance, then. You said we should be honest, here…"
Jessica sighed. Delving into her Parisian life at the moment didn't feel like it would be the best use of her time - there was enough to sort out here as it was. "Fine. Fine."
Cody let out a loaded sigh as he eased into his chair, clicking his pen. He was not going to push her away as he once tried. It…wasn't worth it.
"…I just want this city to be a better place to live for everyone here. And I'm gonna do it my way. I swear. If anyone even tries to rise against us, I'll knock 'em down without a second thought. Look at it from my position, Jess," he pleaded. "I know what it's like…to have absolutely nothing. Can't wish it on my worst enemy. Growin' up on these streets was hell. Tryin' to do right by everyone - even for folks actively against your every move - even more hell."
Jessica sighed and sat back - she knew she had to sort out a cavalcade of feelings. His ideals were as sweet as they always had been, but…she couldn't help but see her captors when she saw former Mad Gear members strolling around Metro City as if they hadn't made her life a living hell the day she was kidnapped. She inhaled deeply, letting his words resonate. Could she blame him, really?
"Cody…" Jessica swallowed hard, feeling faint. She was tired of her world being rocked so violently, and this seemed to come with the territory of having been born in this gem of a city. "Guess we both just thought the worst of each other for a long time, huh?" she strained as she bit her lip. She felt a complicated mixture of embarrassment, annoyance…and relief.
Yet another misconception that dominated the last decade of life. She couldn't believe her trust in him was so damaged…and that the toll was ten years of pain. Helluva lot more to talk about in therapy, I suppose, she groaned inwardly.
"I know I screwed up, Jess. But when I saw your face at the press conference…and not just in some ad, or a magazine…for the first time in a long time, my gut was screaming for us to clear the air. I was lookin' for you in the audience after the press conference, but things got a little…crazy right after," Cody felt a nervous twitch in his stomach.
"You can say that again," she sighed, processing her own wayward emotions, balancing between frustration and adoration. "I'd only been in town for a day at that point, and here you go makin' these viral speeches…how have you been handling it all, anyway?"
Cody had to tell her that she was still important to him after all this time, but the last thing he wanted to do was scare her off - he barely dodged one close call. He chose his words carefully as he closed his eyes.
"It's been a little hectic since, not gonna lie…but really, I could hardly think of anyone else but you these last few, crazy days. I know I pretty much sprang on ya last night, but I had no other way to get to you. So I just wanna know how you're feelin' right now. Don't wanna complicate things in your life just 'cause my feelings are all…" he paused as he rubbed his wrists. "Well…they're kinda the same they've always been."
"Oh," Jessica exhaled sharply. She took in a deep breath through her nose, steadying herself. This guy. She did ask for honesty, and he was giving it all right. After everything they'd been through…somehow, after having no faith in him…he still managed to have faith in her. Right now, she was terrified of what this could or would mean for their prospective futures, and it all felt so chaotic.
"I honestly don't know how I feel just yet. Cody, I should have trusted you," Jessica declared. "I could have trusted you, but…"
"I wasn't really doin' trustworthy things…can't blame ya, there…I mean, I am a bit of a degenerate," he smiled sheepishly. He had no interest in rehashing the pain, but to get over you had to get through, didn't you? "But, eh, guess we could've used the time out anyhow. Gave me plenty of time to reassess my priorities."
"No," she said tearfully. "No…you shouldn't have had to lose all that time," she clenched her fists. "After we came back from our vacation…after I thought everything was going so good for us…we almost took the next step!…the next thing I knew, there were too many late nights where I was terrified that my last visit to you would be in Metro City Hospital's morgue because even when everything was getting better…you just couldn't. Stop. Fighting."
The suffocating silence was back. They almost wished there was something else to focus on in the office…other than the mounds of paperwork stacked on his desk.
"Sorry for subjectin' ya to that," Cody swallowed. "…I was just doin' what I knew."
Jessica felt a wave of empathy strike hard and fast, noting the pain he attempted to hide in his eyes.
"It's not like you owed anyone anything," Jessica conceded sadly. "Not even me, really…you did save my life, after all."
Despite that truth, Cody remembered how he felt when he realized that he couldn't give Jessica what she deserved as protecting her was always going to be a non-negotiable for him.
"I guess…when everyone started callin' me a 'hero,' for just doin' what I thought was the right thing to do, I suddenly felt like I mattered in the grand scheme of things. Yet, you always believed in me since day one - and I couldn't even handle that. So…for a long time, it felt like nothin' I did was ever enough for anyone…and I was just tired of it all," he said, looking out at the cityscape. "And now, well, every little move I do matters. Affectin' people's whole lives. I'm still figurin' it out myself, really. So…I get why you're feelin' jacked up about it all. I get it."
She hadn't anticipated such a mature response. She didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed…
"Look at you, all grown up…takin' care of the very city you thought left you behind," her voice quivered as she quickly wiped an escaping tear. "Don't you see how amazing you've always been? I could never understand why you sold yourself short…'cept when it came to fighting, of course," she pouted.
Cody felt a bit of embarrassment creep up on his cheeks. He appreciated the compliment, but he couldn't deny the reality.
"Not gonna lie when I say this is one of the scarier experiences I've been through in my life," a dry chuckle escaped as he looked out the window. Life sure had a funny way of showing its hand. "I made it a huge deal to protect folks on my own terms - and now I'm fiscally responsible for over 120 thousand peoples' lives? Karma's a mother, ain't it?"
"A good problem to have, I think," Jessica finally smiled, feeling a bit more at ease with the mess between them. For a minute there, she felt that she could relax, which in turn made Cody loosen up. Sure, her father could be pushy, but she knew, deep down…Cody would have never agreed to take on such huge reins if he didn't really want to do it.
"I don't know how your dad could sleep at night! I know for a fact I didn't experience ALL the facets of the job yet, either," he pinched the bridge of his nose, in a rather similar fashion she'd witnessed her father do behind his desk. He'd grown accustomed to minimal sleep these days. "Ugh…"
"It certainly wasn't easy. Dad's definitely had some rough nights," Jessica smiled a sad sort of smile, empathy dominating her gaze - now that she was sitting with him for all this time, she could see that underneath it all, Cody still just seemed so tired.
His shoulders lowered, and again - he hadn't realized he was so tense. He truly did miss the way her face would light up his darkness with an ease he never anticipated, but it hurt to see her in any sort of distress. It dawned on him just how much her happiness mattered to him, and he couldn't shake it even if he tried.
"Yeah…sleep's hard to come by these days."
He just couldn't stop wondering…what it would be like to try again. He was compelled to make up for lost time and to make her smile, but he couldn't quite figure out how to do it. He couldn't seem to help the direction his mind would always go. Thinking about the possibility of having Jessica by his side again ignited him in a way that sometimes knocked the wind out of him. It was so much different than when he thought he had to protect her at all costs.
"Thank goodness for Maisie," Jessica exhaled, breaking away from her stare. "I hope dad hadn't passed on any of his unsustainable old-school habits to you, heh. Like comin' in off the clock, for one…"
"Passed on, huh?" Cody thought out loud. He lived all of this wild life of his, and not once did he consider the trajectory of his legacy. Jessica had her career. Mike had Jessica. Maisie had her bank. Guy had his protégé, Kimberly, and a kid on the way. Even his little brother Kyle was getting married. He recognized that he genuinely seemed to be having a lot of fun bonding with Luke at the gym lately - the kid was a breath of fresh air in his otherwise mundane life…stress of mayordom aside.
Was Metro City…his legacy in the making?
Knowing that he'd been going home to his empty apartment after a hard day's work always reminded him that once the night fell, it was just him and his thoughts again…
"That's responsibility for ya," the blonde woman shrugged, breaking him out of his habitual internal monologue. "It's all up to us now to make the world a 'better place for all who come after us…' What a weight, huh?"
"Helluva weight, that's for sure!" he laughed. "But really, I'm learnin' a lot in this role. Mostly how to deal with problems without exactly punchin' 'em out first. I'm usin' my words more at least - ain't ya proud of me? Not that that'll stop me if I need to drop anyone in my way…"
"Oh, Cody…don't tell me you still 'patrol' the streets at night?" she raised a brow.
"Punishment by fist!" he brandished his knuckles, looking at them, then at her with a wide grin. "Not a bad policy, ain't it?"
Jessica rolled her eyes and shook her head, unable to suppress her own smile. She had asked him all those years ago to take it down a notch…at least he'd done so in his own way. That was the heart of Metro City for you.
She figured now would be as good a time as any to ask her last burning question. Guy told her something very concerning when they spoke about Cody last and her father's intuition had been on the money - this guy developed a strange penchant for torturing himself worse than the hell he'd rain on others.
"Y'know…there's one thing I still can't wrap my head around," she asked, bracing herself. "Why did you feel like you belonged in jail for so long? I'd think you'd have wanted to fight against deliberate lies on your good name…it's not like your opposition will stop now. If anything, they're more likely to double down on your…past."
A question he asked himself every day in the cell.
"You know I couldn't care less about my rep, Jess. I just had a lot of demons to fight," he looked away. "At the rate I was goin'…if I didn't end up in the slammer then…it was bound to happen sooner or later."
She had a feeling he truly believed this. At the time, Jessica had thought that the power of love could save him from that trajectory, knowing just how hard his entire life had been - and yet he succumbed to it regardless and she felt like a failure. She never wanted to change him in any way - but she'd asked herself for years if she was selfish in thinking that he couldn't overcome his own struggles based on his strength alone. It always seemed like he could never catch a break…and she knew that could wear down even the strongest's spirit with time.
She certainly didn't understand how love was supposed to work these days - but she had been so certain then. She just knew it wasn't supposed to hurt.
"I ask, 'cause…from the moment you all rescued me…you almost left right then. I thought I was scared when I was kidnapped - until I had to run after you," she confessed. "It was the first time I couldn't figure you out and that frightened the holy hell out of me. So when you told me that being with you meant it wasn't always gonna be sunshine and rainbows…I got it. I knew the risks. I still wanted to be with you. It just felt like you didn't trust me enough to handle it, despite all we'd been through," she sighed heavily.
"I wasn't exactly thrilled about my capacity to kill," Cody started as he leaned back to look toward the ceiling. "But what really got to me was that I knew if I had to do it again, I damn sure would. That's when I realized how messed up I might really be."
"So that's why you felt like you had to push everyone away? Why you 'had' to stay locked up?"
"More or less. It…wasn't an easy choice."
Jessica fiddled with her hands and she leaned forward again.
"Cody…I know you truly believed that you were doing your best to protect everyone, myself included," Jessica said. "But it was when we were together, that I felt invincible," she said with the softest sort of affection. "And then with going through the horror of being Mad Gear's…tool…a whole demotion from a doll, even…you, Guy, and my dad didn't hesitate to put your lives at risk to save mine," she clenched her fists. "And I will never, ever forget that. The whole time, I had the choice to either: believe or to give in to fear."
She leaned over his desk, her hands over his.
"I don't think I'd be here today if it weren't for you. Thinking about what you were going through made me want to survive. Believing in you gave me strength. Your courage gave me the will to overcome anything."
She sat back again.
"But each time you got angry," Jessica swallowed as she studied his paperwork-laden slate desk. "I got scared. So scared. You'd get so beside yourself, it started to feel as if my love wasn't ever enough to pull you back at times," she concluded shakily. "You were tellin' me less and less about your feelings and more and more about your 'duty' to protect me," she paused to blink away forming tears. "So of course I was worried about you. When it got to a point where your rage was landing you in jail, and just the idea of you sleeping with someone else…"
"Jessica…"
"As long as we had each other, I believed we could face the world. I already knew you were a man who couldn't live a normal life - heh, whatever 'normal's' supposed to mean," her tears started freefalling now, breaking Cody's hold on his defense. "So I got it - really, I did. I already knew we didn't have a normal sort of love. We had something extraordinary…life-changing. But it started to feel like…maybe you loved the idea of protecting me more than…me. I couldn't figure out how to discern between love…and control."
"Jess, I…"
"Then dad told me you didn't even do half of the crap you were accused of. You just told me you were faithful the entire time. I couldn't wrap my head around why you'd rather figure it all out alone after everything we faced together," Jessica inhaled deeply. "There was a lot of pain these last years. For most of my life, all the world ever saw me as a 'Pretty Doll' or 'Mike Haggar's daughter.' But you knew me and who I was, so I guess I just…wished you trusted me enough to hold my own no matter what was going to come our way…and go through it with you…I had no intention of treating you like my bodyguard, Cody." Her tears ran dry as she gripped her knees.
"I…I saw you as the love of my life…"
Cody's chest tightened. He never wanted to be controlled, but it hit him that fear truly dominated the end of their relationship. He did what he thought was best and didn't even think to ask her. And now…now she was speaking in the past tense.
That didn't feel great…it felt awful, even. The former prisoner barely survived a botched stabbing by a disgruntled, unhinged inmate about a year before his exoneration - if he hadn't received medical attention in time, he wouldn't have made it. His attending said it was a miracle he survived to begin with - always the fighter.
The physical pain of recovering from that experience didn't even compare to the agony of this realization. His hand couldn't help but grip his side regardless.
He never wanted to make that mistake again. Jessica stood suddenly, startling Cody out of his somber revelation.
"I'm finally not scared anymore," she wiped her eyes. "So enough talk! I have an idea!"
"Uh, what's that?"
"You're going to the gym after, aren't ya? I've got somethin' to show you that'll really nail what I'm talkin' about - so let's get outta here and let me join you!"
"I…don't see why not," Cody raised a brow. "What for?"
"You'll see."
Cody was…intrigued, but he had a burning question of his own after all they thought they'd covered. "Hey. I realized somethin'. You got to ask way more questions than I did," he tilted his head to the side. "So you owe me."
"Shoot," Jessica huffed. He had a point there. "Didn't realize you were keepin' count. Hit me."
"…Think you can ever trust me again?"
"I…think I could. If you don't think it insane to trust and forgive me, too…"
"No sweat. That happened a long time ago."
Mr. Alberto thought nothing of it when the two of them left the building together.