On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A son and heir to succeed me
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three French wars, two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six sorry wives, five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven bastard children, six sorry wives
Five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight Holbein portraits, seven bastard children
Six sorry wives, five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine jousting matches, eight Holbein portraits
Seven bastard children, six sorry wives
Five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten monasteries, nine jousting matches
Eight Holbein portraits, seven bastard children
Six sorry wives, five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven legs of mutton, ten monasteries
Nine jousting matches, eight Holbein portraits
Seven bastard children, six sorry wives
Five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve Tudor roses, eleven legs of mutton
Ten monasteries, nine jousting matches
Eight Holbein portraits, seven bastard children
Six sorry wives, five beheadings
Four mistresses, three French wars
Two worthless girls
And a son and heir to succeed me
A/N: Some of these numbers are historically accurate (the six wives, three French wars, two "worthless girls", the son and heir, and the "five beheadings" could be taken as a reference to the five men executed along with Anne Boleyn in May 1536) - and others are more vague (for example, we don't know exactly how many mistresses or illegitimate children Henry had).