Hello, this is my first Daria fanfiction. It takes place just after "Is it College Yet" (2002) Both Daria and Jane are 18 and Daria just got the biggest opportunity of a lifetime: Hosting Sick Sad World. But it seemed that she rather not want to talk about one recent incident involving the show; and her mother. Basically no one knows the origins of the show Sick Sad World; until now. This story explains how the host created the most popular show in Lawndale. Rated M for swearing and violent scenes. Please keep in mind that some of the scenes is pure fictional. Anything that somehow is related in the real world is pure coincidental.
It was a Friday afternoon and Daria and Jane would watch their favorite tv show Sick Sad World. 'Did bigfoot help an accountant do his taxes? Find out tonight on Sick Sad World.' Jane was on Daria's bed, doodling a bigfoot; as she asked her friend. "What would an bigfoot ask an accountant?" Daria would reply to her; in her usual monotone, sarcastic nature. "Maybe a deduction in foot powder and a barber." Jane chuckled as it was rather interesting question indeed. Before she could reply, there was a knock on the door. "Daria, phone call. A secretary calling from SSW Enterprises. Did you apply for an job to be an Intern?" Helen, Daria's mom asked out of concern. Daria would reply to her mother; as it seemed she knew the place. "Yea mom, trying to build up my job resume." Helen smiled as she would head downstairs.
Daria would pick up the phone and answers. "Hello?" The secretary would answer. "Hello, this is Miss Finch from SSW-E. or as you call it Sick Sad World enterprises." Daria couldn't believe that she got a call from Sick Sad World. She entered a contest for a chance to be on the show. She for the first time crack a smile; to which her friend Jane took a cell phone picture. "Is it about the contest? And did I win!" Miss Finch would reply. "Yes you did and we need you in the studio for tomorrow's taping." Daria was in pure shock, to which was also a rarity. But had to reply. "Sure, what time do I have to be there?" Miss Finch would answer "10am sharp, and refreshments will be provided." She also gave out the address as well. Daria wrote down the information and replies. "I'll be there bright and early." Once the phone call ended, Jane would hug her bestie; as this was a dream. "Ah, our Daria going to be a TV star!"
Daria shrugs as she was getting hugged. "One problem there Doris Day, I need a ride to the studio. Quinn is borrowing my car for a fashion club 'emergency'. Dad is over at my grandma's; and Mom is going to work. Plus, she would kill me if I told her the place." Jane pats her back gently and smiled. "No prob, Trent will drop us off. Apparently he knows the host of the show." Daria blushed slightly as she didn't want to give herself a rash from overwhelming, 'stress'. "Trent knows the host?" Jane smirked, as she was aware of her friend's crush on her older brother. "Oh don't worry, we'll use my car, so we'll be there on time." Besides, the tank is in need of repairs after the band's late night rehearsal."
The following morning, Daria would walk out of the house in blue jeans and a black short sleeve shirt. She saw Jane and Trent in the car; and had to take a deep breath before entering the car. Jane saw that look of fear and had to jab her a little. "Come on Daria, he doesn't bite." She chuckled as Daria glared at her; before getting in the back seat with her. As Trent was driving Jane's car, Daria was still curious how he knows the host. "Say Trent, how do you know the host of Sick Sad World?"
Trent knew this story and still it was hard to believe. "Say sis, you ever heard of an event called Rockalooza?" Jane would reply isn't it an indi rock festival Lawndale host each year?" Trent nods and replies "Yea, but about 30 years ago it was when it was known as the 'Horror of Rockalooza'!" Daria was curious as she was sure she heard of it. "Didn't the host died from a mosh pit jump?" Trent chuckled as he couldn't believe what he heard from her. "No Daria, but I'm sure he'll tell us when he gets there." She nods, but Jane wanted to ask the obvious. "So Daria, what really happened between your mom and the host?" Daria shook her head as she had to at least give an answer. "I was about six years old when my mom saw me watch the show for the first time. But I don't remember why she had a fucking meltdown." Trent heard that and knew the answer. "Looks like I know the episode; but gotta hear it from him when we get there."
An half hour later, they would arrive at SSW studios; Home to many of Lawndale's boring shows and Sick Sad World. Once they get inside the main office; they would be greeted by a young secretary with dark blue hair; and her attire businesslike. A suit and a black tie to match. "Ah good morning to you all, I'm Miss Tiffany Finch, welcome to SSW studios." All of them shook her hand as they looked around as this was a bit overwhelming. But Daria had to ask Tiffany a question. "Miss Finch, (Tiffany chimes in. "You can call me Tiffany. I may look professional, but we are quite laid back.") when will we see the host?" Tiffany nods and answers. "Right now Daria. Follow me" She would escort them over to the P.T. room (Production Team). Once they were in the room, it was a large room with white board, projector, television, the standard office like setting. More importantly there are donuts and hot coffee. Along with some fresh fruit. Daria chuckled and chimed in. "Is this the part we have to fall asleep during orientation?" Jane and Trent couldn't help but chuckle at that remark. Tiffany smirked as she would answer. "You got a sassy mouth little lady. You'll fit in quite well. Help yourselves to refreshments, and he'll be there in about 10 minutes." She nods and leaves the room.
Jane would pat her besties back as she was so proud of her. "Damn, way to make a first impression. (She chuckled) Got to admit, you beat me to the punch on that asleep comment." Daria looked at her as she couldn't believe what was about to take place. "Well someone had to break the ice." She nods as Trent, who was over by the table with the food; was staring at the tray of donuts. "Say Jane, which one of them is strawberry filled?" Jane saw her brother staring, and that means he's in deep thought about something. As she went over to check with her brother; Daria went to the fruits and pastries and was just staring at Trent. She was thinking to herself as she set up a plate for herself. "Why can't I just say it. I'm old enough now, why can't I just ask him." As she was thinking, she could hear someone, with a British accent behind her. "Is he your boyfriend? Or a good good friend lass?" Daria turned around and was surprised to see a man wearing blue jeans and a black shirt with the skull and crossbones on the front. The man with baby blue eyes and short brown hair smiled, as he would shake her hand. "At last Miss Morgandorffer, we finally meet."
Daria was star struck and rightfully so. Seeing him was a just a dream. Plus they would be in near matching attire. "Mr. Max?" She was speechless as he would pat her shoulder. "Just relax love (Not in terms of her as her lover. But a British saying.) The worst part was over when you met Miss Finch." He smirked as he could hear her down the hall. "Fuck you Max! She has a mouth just like her mother!" He chuckled as he saw the others by Daria. In particular, one he knows well. "Trent, we meet again. Can't escape the limelight without the band?" Trent saw his idol and would chime in. "Had to drop off the star of the show. (Referring to Daria of course) But I'll stay to see to support her hosting debut." Daria smiled, but before she could answer, Max would clap his hands, and head to the front of the room. "Alright you three, don't stand around like you have toffee in your shoes. Get your food and come here."
The trio would head over and sit on one side of the table. Daria looked over at Max, and had to ask. "So how does a guy like you come up with a show like Sick Sad World?" Max nods as he knew this question would be brought up. "For starters, I'll introduce myself. I'm Maxwell Carter. But everyone calls me Max. (She nods as he would continue) Well you might say it was fate that brought me to this venue." Daria sighed as she couldn't help herself replying. "Is this the superhero turned villain origin story?" Jane chuckled as she was impressed by her friend's boldness. Max grinned as he knew she was a firecracker. "Well Daria, I'm no hero. But you might say may villains are created by some unforeseen circumstances." Trent chimed in as he was aware of the story. "Sorry Daria, but you might say Max is more of a survivor than villain." Max nods as he would dim the lights and turn on the TV. He would narrate the story.
Everyone would see a rock concert in Lawndale flats. Clearly in the 1960s as many were shirtless and were clearly on the drugs. "The year, 1968 and everyone was excited for the biggest battle of the bands called Rockalooza. Many of the bands from all over the world; headed to this lovely little dump, I meant town called Lawndale. The reason, all of the heavy hitter executives we're looking for the next big band. And the next ones up we're me and my mates from Manchester. We were called the Maxtastics! Leo on drums, Cassidy and Jake as the guitarists, and yours truly on vocals." As they would see the band, Jane had to ask about their attire. "Uh Max, just vests and red bowties? I thought you guys were a band, Not strippers from Las Vegas" She smirked as it got a chuckle from both Daria and Trent.
Max pouted as he would reply. "Well me and the mates were drunk; (Daria thought to herself, hearing that remark. "And I thought these 4 we're college professors.") But we said fuck it! Let's make ourselves memorable. We didn't cross the pond to be embarrassed by a bunch of wanna be Yanks! (Meaning Americans)" As video played on, the Maxtastics would get set up; and just as they were about to play, the mother of all bad luck happened. "KILLER BEES!" That was the response from one crowd goer, who screamed in horror; as a swarm of killer bees would arrive at the event. As the crowd disburse, the band would try to leave as well. But they got mobbed by concert goers, trying to escape. Max got tripped by one person; and when he got up, he was stung by multiple bees. The screams were agonizing as Max was stung all over. His band mates would rush over to drag him away, and the video ends.
Trent knew the end result but never saw the video. Even he was in disbelief by this disaster. "Max, did anyone knew about the killer bees?" Max sighed as he didn't want to open old wounds; But this was necessary. He would explain the rest of the story. "Well for starters, no one knew. I thought it was sabotage by some dirty fucking Yanks! But it was a weird turn of events." Daria had to ask. "Did you die from the stings? I know it's a no, since you're standing here with us." He nods as he would explain in detail. "Daria, I had no clue I would be allergic to bee stings. And my body swelled up like a balloon. Fortunately, a nurse and an ambulance were nearby and took me to general hospital. There, they gave me the antivenin and a cocktail of meds to reduce the swelling; especially around my neck area. (He sighed, remembering the days in the hospital.) I had no clue that the cocktail had an adverse side effect; and my voice box was affected. Docs say that if they didn't give me the cocktail of meds; I would not be standing here right now. I would have died from my neck swelled up from the stings; cutting off my oxygen supply."
Jane could only imagine what that was like and knew this was the turning point. "Come on Max, what happened after that? I could tell it was eating you alive to know you lived and had nothing left." Max smirked as he knew they wanted the truth. "Well, you would be right Jane. In fact a few days later, my band mates would visit me and they were wondering when can I leave. I told them not for a while until my voice box healed up. They were pissed and rightfully so. We worked our asses off, preparing for our one big chance. They say rock and roll betrayed us and we officially disbanded. But we said let's reunite every year to see how we're doing. Let's see how the bastards do without the greatest band in all of Manchester! Those were the last words I could muster up without wincing in pain. As they left, I was crying knowing the dream, me and my mates had was over. And out of anger, I threw my glass at the wall. I didn't want them to see me like this; and I didn't want to hurt them either." Daria sighed as she knew these stories well. "So how did you turn tragedy into success"
Max knew this story wasn't easy to tell. But had to be done. "Well to say I was gutted (disappointed) would be an understatement. I had to stay for at least a month until my throat healed up. It was pure torture, I thought to myself why me God? What the fuck did I do to you? I felt the whole world betrayed me! But then I wondered why that incident happened. I thought to myself; that the odds of an attack by a swarm of bees to attack was less than 1%. But yet I fell victim to it. However, I started wonder what is it really out in this crazy world. Why the bizarre and of the insanity. So every day when I had the chance, I wrote up weird stories. Something to stir up controversy. Something to wake up the whole fucking world; and to see how messed up the world truly is." Daria had to chime in on his manifesto. "So you're the one who started the supermarket tabloids?" Max laughed as he couldn't help her sarcastic nature. "No, those hacks couldn't product the type of quality I provide. Besides, unlike them I provide the real goods."
The trio looked on and that's when a man walked up in a black and white Bigfoot shirt and blue jeans. Has short blonde hair, glasses and carrying a bag. "Morning boss, I guess three new fodder?" He smirked as he couldn't help himself. Max smiled and hugged his friend; before introducing him to the group. "Everyone, this is Alex, my personal account and verified Bigfoot witness." Alex waves as Jane and Daria was in shock. "No way! We just saw your episode yesterday. You're the one that got help from Bigfoot?" Jane asked as Daria chimed in as well. "If that's the case, how did you verify that it was bigfoot?" Alex nods as he would take them to his office. Once in his office, he would pull out a framed document that had his notes. But more importantly a dusted fingerprint of the legendary Bigfoot. The trio gasped as that was something they never seen. Alex smiled and would explain. "Well, like many people, I would never believe such an rare occurrence myself. But being an accountant and not an idiot; I went to the police to dust the documents for prints. Then sent the papers to the lab to confirm my discovery. Ever since then, I'm one of the few verified Bigfoot witness; And celebrity accountant to the stars." The group was impressed, just as Max would pat Alex's back gently. "And why keep him around? Crazy fans for one. And second, I couldn't do my taxes to save my life." He laughed as Alex would give the group a swag bag.
"Alright you guys and gals, once we finish today you'll go home with some official SSW swag. (He would show them the contents of the bag.) We have the SSW t-shirt, the eyeball plush, a note pad with the SSW header, and the SSW red button. (When he pressed the button, it would play a quick 20 seconds of the intro.) Oh do be careful, requires aaa batteries; and can be quite addicted." The trio checked out the goods, as Max would chime in. "In case the shirts are too small or too big, we can easily switch over. Jane huffed as she appreciates the swag. But wanted to know the truth about him and Daria's mom. "Say Max, why did Daria's mom had an argument with you?" Daria sighed as she couldn't remember all the details; But had to answer. "As I said, I saw an episode about Goldilocks; and mom found out and freaked the hell out." Max grinned as he would grab a VHS tape, and would take them back to the P.T. Room.
Once everyone was situated, Max would put the tape in the VCR and press play. "Did an antique buyer uncover the truth about Goldilocks, find out tonight on Sick Sad World!" Max would chime in. "The year 1990, and Sick Sad World was on its way up in the world. From a bustling show of what ifs; to actual reporting the truth about the bizarre. In particular (He would fast forward the tape to an old necklace that looked like a name tag. An gold chain with a jewel encrusted tag with the name Golda.) Now a young man from England found this necklace in the basement of his house. And also, a diary from her father Bram Von Vogel." He would fast forward a bit to show the diary as well. Daria would look at the diary and had to ask "Did he found out what happened to Golda?" Max nods as he would explain. "Well for those with weak stomachs, leave the room now. Too bad, this is the real story of how Goldie, Didn't survive the three bears. (Max would pull out from an hidden draw the actual diary; to which Daria, Jane, and Trent gasped.) Alright, this is from about the 1600s in Europe. But I would say this diary is more of his last will and testament. Considering that he is on his deathbed." As he opened the diary, he would read the first couple of pages. "This is Village Elder Bram Von Vogel, and if you're reading this...then I've failed to protect my daughter from the savages. I failed to protect my village from the madness. I just wish that my daughter Golda would forgive me. I can't blame her for being a caring soul to both humans and animals. I'm sorry that nature didn't care for her kindness. Oh Lord, please guide my spirit to see my daughter once again. Amen!"
Max would close the book as he knew the rest of the story. "From the diary itself, and I'll go with the short version, as it is still graphic; Golda was the village elder's daughter and a bright young lass of 17. She was in the forest to look for some flowers; when she noticed a baby bear's tail, caught in a steel trap. She felt compelled to save the poor lad from a horrible fate. Little did she knew that just as she saved the young cub; the momma and poppa bear thought she hurt their cub and...you can do the math." Jane gulped as she could only imagine what happened to her. "So Max, when they found her, what did she looked like?" Max chuckled as he would answer. "By the time the hunters heard the screams and scare off the bears, they found Golda, looking like a mangled truck. Her pretty face ripped to pieces. Her body torn from limb to limb. Her guts exposed and it was something the villagers have ever seen before. Her father broke down crying as he never thought he would see his daughter dead like this. (He gathered himself and showed him the necklace more closely.) The proof is the blood spots on her necklace, which by DNA testing proved to be of Golda Vogel." Daria gulped as she couldn't believe an act of kindness would end up dead. "Uh Max, what did my mom do to you? I know she was angry when I watched that episode." Max laughed as he would look at Daria. "Well, your mother gave me the gift of a big fat lawsuit. Oh that red-haired harpie was one feisty lass. She digged me." Daria nearly gagged at the thought of him hitting on her mom. She had to ask the obvious. "Wait, you had a crush on my mom?' Max smirked and nods. "Heh, I love them redheads. Can't lie, she was a harpie that I could shag." Daria blinked and asked. "Shag? (Trent would whisper in hear ear that shag means having sex. To which Daria blushed out of embarrassment.) Now I wished I didn't asked about what happened."
Jane chuckled and had to ask the obvious. "So Max, what happened to you and the case?" Max would answer that question. "Well with the evidence provided, I won the case. But in the civil suit, that little harpie and that bastard judge prevented me from showing that episode ever again. (He laughed at that ridiculous judgment.) I won the appeal 1 year later. But that case made me a legend here." Daria chuckled as he had to ask. "Do you still harbor resentment for my mom?" Max nods. "Not really, but still a hot little harpie. (He chuckled) Despite me being a married lad for 30 years and with 3 kids and 4 grandkids." Jane nods and had to ask Max. "So what happens now? What will Daria do?" Max clapped his hands as he would get excited. "Well part of hosting is to do re-enactments as well. Most of the stories are from the past. So we entertain of what could have happened from the stories we gathered. (Something bothered him and had to ask) Where the devil are they? (One thing Max hated was tardiness; especially if he was on a time crunch.) Tiffany, where the devil are those lazy loafers!?" Tiffany came in and had to chime in. "Well they say there running "late". Even though I told them to be there like 9am." Max glared and had gave Tiffany an answer. "Tell those lazy loafers to rest their fucking bodies. I have no use for them anymore." She grinned as she would call the actors, to whom that was supposed to do the re-enactments. Max looked at Daria, Trent, Jane, and even Alex too. "Well looks like you four will do our special today. Hope everyone doesn't have stage fright." He laughed as he would get everything set for today. Daria thought to herself as she would think about what will happen. "Damn, I hate acting!"
[] End of Chapter 1 []
[] Had to admit I though it would be a quick one shot. But second chapter will display more fairy tale origins. Plus more about Max and his other job as well. And other surprises as well. []