Today was the day. Her first of eight detentions with Old Man Vernon. Her dad had been proud when she had to spill the beans one night at dinner.

"Detention?" Mom yelped. "For what?"

Val grinned. "Well-"

"You don't have to look so happy," Mom frowned.

Val chose not to remark on that. "I punched a girl."

Mom spluttered, obviously not expecting that. "You did what?"

Dad burst out into laughter.

"Stop it!" Mom snapped. "We're not condoning this!"

Val figured she might as well elaborate before Mom's glare shot right through him. "She was making fun of this guy and called him a nerd. I mean, he is a nerd but she and her bee hive were going to have some football player take all his clothes when he was showering after PE."

"And you punched her?" Mom's voice was flat.

"I gave her a chance," Val shrugged. "I told her if she didn't shut up, I'd make her." A smile spread across her face. "So I made her."

"That's my girl!" Dad said when he calmed down, leaning over to high five her.

"John!"

"Did you break her nose?" Dad asked eagerly.

"No," Val said regretfully. "Would've thought I did with all that screaming. She's so dramatic."

Mom sighed in defeat, shaking her head. "I give up.."

Dad was chuckling again, kissing her cheek.

"Be nice to Vernon, Val. Don't backtalk," Mom told her that morning at breakfast.

"C'mon, Claire, is that really necessary-"

"She called him dumb, John," Mom was not happy.

"Did not," Val protested.

Mom raised her brows. "You didn't call him dumb?"

"No. I said 'are you dumb?'. I asked him."

Mom threw her hands up in the air. "You two, I swear..."

Dad gave her a fist bump to which she returned gladly.

"Don't forget, you're still grounded," Mom called back over her shoulder.

Val was expecting that. She knew she wouldn't be getting off scot free, even though she was doing the nerd a favor. Even Dad thought the priss deserved it.

Val looked up when her dad knocked on her door as he opened it. "Hey, Kid."

"Hey," she gave him a smile. Most girls her age weren't super close with their dad but she was. And she'd give anyone a piece of her mind if they gave her crap about it. "Did Mom tell you to come up and lecture me?"

"Not this time," Dad smirked. "Listen, I just want you to know I'm proud of you."
"Thanks."

"Really," he said, "I know I'm supposed to be against violence and all as your parent, but you did a good thing."

"Too bad Mom doesn't think so."

"I think she's proud too but you know how she is."

She nodded.

"You'll have to tell Uncle Brian all about it next time he's over," Dad said.

She liked Uncle Brian, as well as Uncle Andy and Aunt Ali. They were cool, even if they were kinda old. Uncle Brian was a bit of a nerd too. He wore dorky sweaters and babbled on about stuff Val didn't understand a word of. Still, he was pretty funny and even funnier when he was annoyed after Dad would wind him up.

Dad rose to his feet and was nearly out of the room when he turned back to her. "This is just between us but how about after your detention we go get some ice cream?"

"Alright!" Val grinned again.

"Mom, are you really going to punish me for doing a good thing?" She gave her mom a sad face, hoping to score some sympathy. "If I let Prissy Ann take the nerd's clothes, he would've been humiliated and might even have dropped out of school and became a statistic and you know how you're always telling me how important it is to do good in school-"

"Are you done?" Mom was unimpressed.

She smiled sweetly, nodding.

"You're still grounded until next week," Mom told her, causing Val to slump.

"That really isn't fair," Val tried again. She had dad's persistence, after all. "By doing this, you could be making me feel bad and I'll never do a good deed as long as I live."

Mom had the audacity to ignore her as she went into the kitchen to pour herself some more coffee.

"Are you sure it's just that girl that's dramatic?" Dad teased her.

"Gotta try," Val shrugged. Mom returned and sat down. "Uncle Andy and Aunt Ali congratulated me, you know."

Her uncle had been hilariously enthusiastic. Her aunt, much more quiet, told her she'd done a good thing. Mom had not been happy that no one else seemed to be taking it seriously.

"Val," Uncle Andy whispered-or tried to. He wasn't really the whispering type.

"What?" Val whispered back, coming around the corner where her parents couldn't hear them.

"You did good," Uncle Andy ruffled her hair.

"Thanks, Uncle Sporto," she watched as he rolled his eyes at the nickname.

"See, I was going to make sure your birthday present this year would be extra special but never mind now," he joked.

"Yes, I remember," Mom sighed.

"That has to mean something."

"It doesn't."

Val bit into her blueberry waffles. Dad made them and they were pretty great. Maybe if she used some flattery, she could get out of this-?

"These are great, Daddy!"

"Mhm," he acknowledged, "you're still going, Val."

Okay, so that didn't work. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad once she enacted her big plan. Oh, that reminded her.

"Mom, Dad?"

They didn't respond, but they looked her way.

"What kind of flower would you get someone if you were going on a date with them?"

This totally caught them off guard.

"Well-" Mom started.

"Date?" Dad narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, Dad. A date. You know, that thing you and Mom do every once and a while which is gonna result in another-"

"Okay," Mom interrupted. "We get it, thank you, Valerie."

"Happy to be of help."

"You never mentioned you were interested in anyone," Dad pointed out.

She opened her mouth to explain but Mom cut in, looking way too excited.

"Oh, I can't believe it! I remember when I had my first crush. Did I ever tell you about that? His name was Davy Highland-"

Dad scowled.

Val didn't say anything, just let her mom babble.

"-I could never talk to my mother about boys. She was never interested in it anyway. But you and I can talk, right, sweetheart?" She let out a delighted gasp. "We could have mother-daughter bonding! I know the perfect movie we could watch, too-"

"Mom," Val called,

Mom was sheepish. "Sorry."

"Chill, Cherry," Dad snickered.

"Oh, shut up! This is an important milestone for her."

"You know, what, you're right, Claire," Dad said and then put on a girly voice that Val presumed was supposed to be imitating her mother, "maybe you girls should go get your nails done and talk about the meaning of life!"

Mom rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I married you."

"I could give you a few reasons why," Dad said smoothly, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Okay, eww.

"John, not here!" Mom scolded him, though her cheeks went pink.

Was it even normal for parents to act like that? They're in their thirties. Val was sure their sexual urges had to slow down sometime.

"Hello," Val said loudly to grab their attention. "Eyes over here, thanks."

"So?" Mom was smiling really creepily, "what's his name?"

"And street address?" Dad asked, to which Mom glared at him. "What? Can't be too safe, Claire."

"About that-" Val started.

"Don't be embarrassed, Val," Mom told her. "You can tell us anything, you know that."

"Oh, yeah, that's reassuring, Claire."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"She's fourteen, Cherry. What fourteen year old wants to tel their parents about this stuff?"

"I just thought-"

"About that!" Val interjected, causing them to quiet down. "There's no guy."

"What?" Mom was confused.

"There's no guy," she repeated.

"But if there's no guy, then why do you-"

"I just wanted to mess with Vernon," Val admitted.

Dad laughed.

"Figured I'd bring him a flower as a token of affection since we're going to spend eight Saturdays together."

Mom rubbed at her face. Then she gave Dad a look. "She is your daughter, John Bender," she said sourly.