Being friends with Rhaenyra could truly be challenging at times. The princess was a willful and stubborn girl. It felt surreal, sometimes, that the two of them could be such good friends. They were so different from each other. Alicent was a quiet and dutiful girl, while Rhaenyra tended to follow her whims. Alicent could not imagine ever acting the way that Rhaenyra did. But then, Rhaenyra was a princess, while Alicent was just a high born lady. They both had status, but royalty trumped all else. It also didn't hurt that Rhaenyra had a dragon. All Alicent had was her courtly manners and quick mind.
She was constantly torn between disapproving of her friend's attitude and feeling envious. How must it feel to be so free? Rhaenyra lived as though she were an actual dragon, one who could spread her wings and go anywhere she wanted. Consequences did not seem to exist for her, not like they did for Alicent.
But for all the mixed feelings that Rhaenyra's rebellious attitude wrought within Alicent, she could never bring herself to truly resent the other girl. Not when the princess acted like Alicent was just as important as her. She saw Alicent as a person, whose wants and needs were more important than house or duty. It was shameful of her to enjoy it, but she could not stop herself from basking in the princess's presence.
"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Rhaenyra asked her.
Alicent had been laying with her head in Rhaenyra's lap, under the shade of the heart tree. She never knew why her friend was so drawn to this place, considering she did not follow the Old Gods. Truly, she likely did not follow the Seven either. The Targaryens went along with the customs of the Faith to a certain extent, but they would never truly believe or worship. Why would those who saw themselves as gods worship someone else's gods?
It was one of those things that Alicent tried not to dwell on overly much. It was not her place to question or judge what royalty chose to do. It was her father's place, as Hand of the King. She was merely daughter of the Hand. Her place was at Rhaenyra's side, keeping her confidence and encouraging her along the right path. By her side she would stay, until her lord father commanded otherwise.
Most of the time, it was not a challenge to be with Rhaenyra. Indeed, today had been more peaceful than most, with the princess being more pensive and quiet, rather than looking for trouble as she often did. Alicent had let her guard down when her friend bade her to rest. Alicent was more tired than usual. Her moon's blood had come again for the second time, and she could already see a pattern forming where it would drain her of her strength. So it had not taken much coaxing for her to lay in the grass and rest her head upon Rhaenyra's lap. Her friend had more warmth emanating from her than most people did. The dragon's blood, she always claimed. Whatever the reason, it was nice, as was the feeling of Rhaenyra's fingers running through her hair.
When Rhaenyra asked that question, however, all of the sleepy contentment vanished from Alicent as she shot up.
"Rhaenyra!" Alicent likely should not be surprised at such a question from a girl who loved to push the boundaries of propriety. "Of course I have not."
Rhaenyra looked far too amused, and it prompted concern from Alicent. "You haven't been going around kissing any boys, have you?" Alicent asked.
The silver-haired girl laughed, her face open and happy as it always was in front of Alicent. This should not please her as much as it did.
"No! Who would I even kiss?" Rhaenyra giggled.
Oh, as though there were not many boys and men who would love nothing more than to steal a kiss from the king's daughter. The older she got, the more she delighted the realm. Everyone spoke of her beauty, and many were in awe of the fact that this lovely slip of a girl could command such a powerful beast as Syrax. Even Rhaenyra's own blood seemed to be noticing her shift from girlhood to womanhood, judging by the increasing attentions and lingering touches from Daemon Targaryen.
"Well, good," Alicent said, letting out a relieved sigh. "I know it might not feel fair, but as highborn ladies we must ensure that our virtue cannot be questioned."
Rhaenyra rolled her eyes, the frustrating girl. "I know, I know, I must keep my reputation intact, as well as my maidenhood."
Her face flushed at Rhaenyra's words. The other girl just smiled at her, a pleased, smug smile.
"Don't be so shy, Alicent. I'm sure you've at least wondered what it is like to be kissed, if nothing else," Rhaenyra prompted.
Alicent huffed. It was so hard to talk about this, especially with Rhaenyra's face being so close. The Targaryen truly lacked shame, as she seemed completely unbothered by this conversation. Well, very nearly. There was a slight flush to her cheeks, but the look in her eyes spoke of excitement rather than embarrassment.
"Yes, of course I have wondered, but I will not be allowed to find out until my father chooses a husband for me," Alicent reminded her. There was a slight bitterness she was unable to keep out of her voice. She would not lapse this way with anyone else, but it was Rhaenyra. She wouldn't judge Alicent for her failings as a daughter.
"That could be a long time to wait," Rhaenyra pointed out. "And what if you marry a man who is a bad kisser? Then you'll never know what it is to enjoy yourself."
It wasn't as though Alicent had not thought of these things before. There was every possibility that she would not be attracted to whomever she had to marry. She liked to think that her father would at least not give her to a cruel man, but beyond that, she did not know what to expect. All she knew was that her father would try to have her marry up. Her happiness was less important than building connections for her family. That was just the way of things.
"Well what would you suggest then?" Alicent demanded, sounding a little harsher than she meant to. Rhaenyra took it in stride, as she tended to.
"Just a little harmless practical experience," Rhaenyra murmured.
Alicent's eyes widened as she registered the longing in her friend's eyes. Rhaenyra placed a gentle hand on Alicent's face, and she was again taken aback by the warmth that the dragon princess exuded. Rhaenyra's face slowly neared hers, giving her the chance to move away if she wanted to. She should. This was not acceptable behavior to engage in. She should be feeling repulsed right now. So why did she instead just feel anticipation?
Her eyes fluttered shut as their lips touched, tentatively at first. The carefulness Rhaenyra displayed was uncharacteristic of her. It occurred to Alicent that maybe, for once, she was uncertain. Oddly enough, all of Alicent's usual uncertainties and anxieties slipped away in this moment. She slipped her fingers into silver hair, and this spurred the princess on. Rhaenyra kissed her firmly now, her eagerness making up for her lack of skill. All thought had left Alicent's mind. All she could think was Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra.
She could not tell how long it went on for. Was it a moment, or eternity? She did not even know which of them pulled back first. All she knew was the feeling of loss when it ended. She inhaled shakily, opening her eyes to see Rhaenyra looking at her in a way too reminiscent of Syrax. It was a dragon's gaze: wanting and possessive and greedy.
"I don't think I shall allow you to marry," Rhaenyra said, haughty and self-assured. "I will just have to keep you by my side forever."
Oh, how wonderful that sounded. At this moment, Alicent did not think she could ever bear to kiss any man. How could she, now that she knew the feeling of Rhaenyra's lips on her own? Were one of them a man, they could marry. But this intimacy between two young women was not the same as that between a man and a woman. This was secret and warm and special, both gentle and fierce at the same time. Alicent wanted to promise herself to Rhaenyra forever. Were she any less her father's dutiful daughter, then she would.
She could not bring herself to lie, but neither could she shatter this moment with reminders of their responsibilities. Later, she would return to minding Rhaenyra and keeping her from straying too far from duty. She would lock down her own treacherous feelings, and be what she needed to be. But that was for later. Now was their stolen moment, and she would enjoy it as long as she possibly could.
Noiz: These two characters gave me a lot of feelings, so I ended up writing this. I might write more for this pairing at some point, if I have any more ideas.
Title is from "Fire and Ice"by Robert Frost.
Thanks to Aviantei for beta reading this! They're amazing, please go read their fics.