If you thought we were still in 1992… Nope! You're wrong! This was the distant future, set in the advanced year of 100,000,000 AD. Yes, everything was like The Jetsons, right down to the futuristic, chrome furniture and appliances. Almost every nation on Earth merged together in a harmonious utopia, leading to no more pollution, wars, or conflict (at least very rarely). Various goodies like bacon, cheeseburgers, and muffins were also good for your heart. People were free to go into outer space whenever they pleased, and supernatural entities like aliens and robots were a common sight. However, not everything was sunshine and rainbows — especially if your names were Larry 3000 and Buck Tuddrussel.
You see, the two officers were the underdogs of the Time Squad organization; not only was Tuddrussel a big party animal with the maturity of a child, but he often mistook missions for a chance to strut his ego. Larry wasn't as much of an officer as Tuddrussel was (he was more or less a servant), but even he was still roped into missions, sometimes against his own will. Yeah, they were pretty much laughingstocks. Not helping was that their space station was at least several hundred years behind the time. As much as the world was peaceful, their lives were anything but. With baby Otto in tow, their lives were going to become more difficult. It was especially evident judging by the hysterical crying and screaming erupting from the bathroom.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
In one of the station bathrooms, Larry and Tuddrussel were giving Otto a sponge bath. The baby had already begun crying the second the officers arrived at the space station, even when Larry laid him near a fireplace a little while ago. The incessant "WAH! WAH! WAH!" grated on their nerves; it felt like someone was clawing their hands on a chalkboard directly next to them. Nonetheless, they kept their cool and continued with their business — not Tuddrussel, unsurprisingly. He grimaced at the sight of the baby's scrunched face and plugged his ears. That high-pitched crying was like a stab to his ears. Why would he have to deal with it on a daily basis? Why?
"Why does this kid cry so much? It's just a stinkin' bath! There's no need to cry over a bath!" complained Tuddrussel.
"He's only a baby, Tuddrussel. Babies cry. That's what they do," answered Larry as he scrubbed the baby's abdomen with a soap-filled sponge.
"Pfft, that's like saying that you're only a sissy just because you like to get manicures at the beauty salon!" snarked Tuddrussel, crossing his arms and turning his head away.
"Hey, stop making fun of me! You need to shut your big trap before I do it for you!" Larry snapped, lunging toward Tuddrussel in a fit of annoyed rage.
"Okay, okay! Sheesh, why do you have to be such an Angry Aubrey?!" muttered Tuddrussel, handing Larry a blue towel.
Once Larry was done scrubbing the gunk off of Otto, he wrapped him in the blue towel and scooped him into his arms. He began to rock and sway the baby while quietly singing to him. Unfortunately, the singing didn't work, so he had to resort to gently talking to him. Still, the baby continued to cry no matter what Larry did.
"Shhh… It's over now… It's all over…" soothed Larry, rocking Otto gently.
Tuddrussel grumbled frustratedly, burying his head in his hands. He plugged his fingers into his ears to block out the loud crying. One could definitely tell that he wasn't ready for fatherhood, which wasn't surprising considering he had the emotional mentality of a 12-year old kid.
"I'm already regretting taking in this kid," muttered Tuddrussel.
The man let out a deep sigh before rudely shoving Larry out of the way and taking the baby from him. An exasperated "Hey!" was all that came from the robot as he got up from the floor. Tuddrussel violently bounced the baby in his arms in a desperate attempt to shut him up. He tried rocking Otto on his back and on his stomach to no avail. Otto continued to cry and scream hysterically as his mouth took up the majority of his face, exposing his toothless gums. To be fair, nobody could blame Otto since Tuddrussel kept flipping him onto his belly every few seconds. And when we mean by flipping, we mean that Tuddrussel grabbed Otto by his arm and flipped him like a burger on the grill. Larry grew furious when he witnessed Tuddrussel's horrific treatment of Otto.
"STOP IT! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" exploded Larry, snatching Otto out of Tuddrussel's arms and protectively holding him against his chest. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY! HE'S BARELY EVEN ALIVE FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! H-H-HE CAN'T EVEN HOLD HIS OWN HEAD UP YET AND YOU'RE TREATING HIM LIKE THIS?!"
"Sorry, I was only trying to help!" Tuddrussel answered with slight scorn in his voice.
"Help?! HELP?! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF CRUEL MONSTER?! roared Larry before grumbling and sighing deeply. "That does it… You are no longer trusted around this baby."
Tuddrussel gasped and covered his mouth. He grew extremely livid at Larry, raising his fist toward the robot as if he was getting ready to beat the living daylights out of him. Fortunately, Larry was able to fight back, shoving the man out of his way before he could even lay a finger on him. Tuddrussel grew angrier when Larry shoved him to the floor. With teeth clenched and the red eyes on his goggles furrowed, he lunged toward the robot like an angry dog with both fists up.
"What?! ME?! I'M NOT TRUSTED AROUND MY SON?!" Tuddrussel snapped, shaking his fists at Larry.
"For now you are! But until you can prove that you can take care of a baby like an actual, responsible father, I am keeping Otto away from you at all times," informed Larry.
Tuddrussel grumbled, "Yeah, yeah… You do you… I don't even wanna be a father anyway! It's too much work!"
The man got up from the floor and walked out of the bathroom in a huff. Once Tuddrussel was gone, Larry started to calm Otto down by talking softly to him, assuring the boy that everything would be alright now that "the big mean man" wasn't here to pester him. He nuzzled his mouth against Otto's face, causing the boy to trade crying for a blank, yet serene stare.
"Aww… Are you safe around mommy? ARE YOU SAFE AROUND MOMMY?" cooed Larry as he continued to nuzzle his mouth against Otto.
Otto yawned and nuzzled his cheeks against Larry, causing the robot to internally squeal from delight. Those chubby cheeks and pudgy limbs were to die for. Despite being a newborn less than a full day old, Otto was already starting to resemble a cherub — sans the tiny birthmark on his forehead. With the baby nestled tightly in the blue towel, he began to gaze affectionately into his closed eyes.
"Don't worry, son! I'll keep you away from that big mean man! Yes I will!" assured Larry as he carried Otto out of the bathroom while lovingly staring into his eyes.
Larry continued to talk to Otto as he walked past Tuddrussel, who was playing video games in the living room. Tuddrussel turned his head around to see Larry walking around, rocking and swaying Otto. He tried to fight the urge to snap the controller in half when he saw Otto peacefully cuddling against Larry's chest. Why did Otto have to like Larry more than him? Why? That was what he thought as he heard Larry's incessant, gentle cooing toward the baby boy as he slept soundly in his arms. Tuddrussel tried to distract himself by continuing to play his video game, but the nonsensical conversation between Larry and baby Otto was getting to him. He tightened his grip on his controller, gritting his teeth while growling resentfully.
Pfft… Who cares! I don't need a son! Babies are too much work!" muttered Tuddrussel, trying to keep his focus on the television.
Tuddrussel turned around again when he heard an excited, girlish squeal come from Larry. To his surprise, he saw Otto grasp Larry's finger. This apparently caused Larry to form the goofiest smile ever formed on a robot (as well as causing more squeals).
"OH, YOU'VE GOT MY FINGER! YOU'VE GOT MOMMY'S FINGER! EEEEEEEEEKKKKK!" Larry continued to squeal as he gently shook Otto's hand.
Otto quietly stirred in Larry's arms as the loud barrage of girlish squeals interrupted his slumber. The baby might have been trying to sleep, but that didn't mean Larry had no opportunity to bond with him. As always, Larry was fondly cooing at Otto, talking about how cute of a baby he was. Tuddrussel grumbled, trying not to let himself lash out at Larry. He hunched over the couch, gluing his eyes onto the television while muttering short mantras.
"Focus, Tuddrussel! Focus! Pretend that there's no baby!" Tuddrussel whispered to himself.
Tuddrussel grabbed the television remote and turned the volume louder to drown out Larry's obnoxious doting and cooing. He threw a blanket over his head and took some deep breaths.
"Pretend that there's no baby. Pretend that there's no baby. Pretend that there's no…"
Another series of cheerful bantering flooded the living room. It hadn't even been a full day since Otto came into play, and Larry was already starting to become emotionally attached to him. He arguably seemed like a better mother than Otto's supposed caregiver (the teenage girl), who had obliviously handed him to some cruel nun. Well, Otto's relationship with Tuddrussel was still in progress, but his relationship with Larry was like an instant mother/child bond. Every time he was in that robot's arms, he would either go quiet or sleep peacefully, using his metallic, stone-hard chest as a pillow. That was what really got Tuddrussel's goat; he never got the same kind of love from Otto as a newly proclaimed father would. Luckily, Larry left the room just as he was about to chastise him for existing. Relieved, Tuddrussel sighed and ripped the blanket off his head.
"Okay, the baby's gone now… Just keep pretending that he doesn't exist," Tuddrussel told himself, turning down the volume on the television.
For the rest of the evening, Tuddrussel would continue playing video games with a slight smile on his face. As long as Larry and the baby weren't around, he would be fine. Not to say that he would be completely fine; he knew that Larry was going to eventually force him to take care of Otto, whether he liked it or not. He may be a man who was pushing 40-years old, but that didn't mean he was necessarily as adult-like as he should be. Deep inside of him was that immature preteen who loved nothing more than pizza, action figures, and video games. Would he ever change? It was doubtful, yet possible.