Chapter Four

"Well, what do you make of this, Carlisle? I have to say it is quite concerning for me. Why all of this obsession over a human girl, and a baby no less? I can't come up with any plausible, comforting explanation for this." At this point, Edmund began to spiral, saying, "Why my doorstep? Why did he have to leave her on my doorstep?" Edmund was currently standing in the sitting room of Tanya's house (Carlisle often vacationed there as Tanya's brother) in Denali, Alaska. Tanya and her coven were larger, and they planned on staying out here a long while since they rarely associated with humans this far north, and they liked it that way. Mary had been laid out on the couch, and the two men were standing before her, their heads cocked to the side in rather puzzled expressions. They looked peculiar, studying this little baby girl with their intense, red eyes, bodies appearing to be carved of stone, and their milky white skin almost pale enough to be translucent.

"I could take the girl if you don't feel comfortable traveling so many miles with her," Carlisle offered. Of course, Edmund thought. Carlisle with his never-ending compassion.

"No, that's not what I'm worried about. My self-control is sufficient, and I'd never be thirsty enough to eat a baby. I'm concerned about Aro. Why is he so anxious to get Mary back to her family? He wouldn't be losing sleep over whether she's safe or not under normal circumstances, so he must be playing some sort of angle. To be honest, I'm not sure I want to return Mary when that could put her in danger."

"Is there anything you've noticed about the girl that seems out of the ordinary? She could have…abilities that may carry into immortality." At first, Edmund didn't realize what Carlisle was hinting at, but when he finally did, Edmund was, frankly, shocked at what Carlisle was suggesting. Edmund could have read Carlisle's mind, but he refrained out of respect for his friend's privacy.

"No, I don't think there was anything significant. I mean, the girl was giggling while I was running, and as far as I know, she hasn't cried at all since her father left her. But I don't think those are abilities that would transfer. I have to say, though, I am rattled a bit because I was planning to raise her then change her myself." Edmund was feeling ashamed, not wanting to meet Carlisle's eyes. Carlisle believes that no person should be changed unless absolutely necessary. To Carlisle, raising a girl to be a vampire would be like raising animals in cages for slaughter. Though it's horrible, it's still done.

"Edmund, I'm sure you know how I feel regarding the method of how vampires go about changing people, but I'm not going to say anything. You're wise enough to determine whether that is a good idea or not on your own. After all, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out." Edmund finally looked up to meet Carlisle's eyes, and they were as warm and welcoming as ever.

"What do you mean, Carlisle?" Edmund inquired, for he didn't understand what Carlisle meant. Aro had thought of the address, and it would take Edmund only a short two and a half hours to get Mary there on time. Then he realized that he'd have to take a ferry out to the mainland, for Mary could not hold her breath under water, and he cared too much for his conscience to cross borders without a passport. Going straight to America would add a lot more time to their journey. Edmund found it amusing that he killed to sustain himself, but he refused to cross into Canada without possession of a passport. He simply preferred not to break laws unless absolutely necessary.

"I mean I agree with your stance on this, Edmund. I don't know what Aro wants with the girl, but I don't like the idea of her going back there. You should raise her, and if you ever need me to take her, I'm right here. In fact, you should stay here in Alaska." Edmund was enormously relieved that he would not have to travel the long distance from Alaska to Tennessee. However, he was also very conflicted about Carlisle's proposition.

"I must admit, the idea of moving closer to you and Tanya is very appealing, but it would have to be a temporary situation or I'd be found out, and it might put your coven in unnecessary danger." Edmund figured that Carlisle had only offered to be polite, so his next words surprised Edmund very much.

He needs to stay. How would he raise her otherwise? Edmund's so pure, he'd try to sustain off of animal blood when she gets older, and that would make it harder for him to resist around her.

Edmund realized that he'd picked up a stream of Carlisle's thoughts unintentionally, and at first Edmund wanted to be very angry. He should. Shouldn't he? After all, Carlisle was making unfair assumptions. So why wasn't Edmund able to feel the fire in his throat, the black pit in his stomach that opened up and swallowed him whole? It was simply impossible to be angry at someone as compassionate and considerate as Carlisle, and that was that.

However, the more Edmund thought about it, he realized that there was more to it than that. Carlisle's assessment had been accurate. There was no way Edmund would be able to raise a daughter while he murdered people, not if his fondness for the girl only continued to grow. He would have to reform, if not for his own sanity, but for the sake of Mary.

"Carlisle, I…I know you're right. I'll have to stay, but you know that it will be difficult for me. I struggle with who, or what, I am even now. I don't like it, but human blood is what sustains me. You must understand that if it gets too difficult…I'll have to leave."

"Yes. I understand."

"But don't misinterpret my meaning, for I will try my best to ensure her safety. But sometimes my best isn't enough, as we all know."

"Edmund, you made one mistake. You shouldn't let that dictate your whole life."

"But if I don't I could end up making that same mistake again."

"You can remind yourself of the downward spiral, of the mistake you made, without allowing it to control every decision you make."

"But I'm scared Carlisle," whispered Edmund, and he could hear his own heartbeat above the screams his mind had pulled out of his memories.

"Please end it! Just make it stop…I'll do anything! PLEASE!" Edmund shook his head, trying to escape the cell his mind had locked him in. It was Mary's voice that brought him back to reality.

"Mi-lly…." he heard her say, barely even a word. Barely even a name. Edmund's breath hitched, the air hardly able to get through his swollen throat.

"Carlisle, it's Mary. She…she just…did you hear that?"

"Yes, Edmund. It was simply the mutterings of a baby. That's it. I know what it sounded like to you, But you're simply imagining things. You were already in this state of mind and–"

"I know what I heard, Carlisle," Edmund said through clenched teeth, trying to calm himself. "Mary said her name. Do you understand? She said her name!"

"There's no way on Earth an infant said a name that was centuries before her time, and that she meant to no less! You need to get yourself under control! Now there's an old crib that we never took out of the attic. Mary should get put down for a nap. After all, she's had a quite exhausting day." And with that, Carlisle picked up Mary and ran up the stairs, his movements fading to a blur.

And Edmund was left in the sitting room shaking, one small tear leaking out of his eye and temporarily staining his coat. He stayed that way throughout the night, standing, his ice-cold hands violently trembling as his blood-red eyes slowly faded to a soft burgundy.