All was calm in the wee morning hours of an intergalactic winter. Tuddrussel was catching up on his missed hours of sleep, while Larry was bottle-feeding Otto. Not a peep came from either of the two guys as they were too exhausted to acknowledge each other's existence. Tuddrussel would've been up reading comic books by then, but the burden of last night knocked him in the head. He and Larry took turns caring for Otto around the clock, changing diapers, and lending bottles of milk. It was a huge step up from last month (when Larry did the work by himself), but that didn't mean there wasn't any bickering or fighting while they were doing their jobs. Whether it was arguing over changing a dirty diaper or pouring the right amount of formula, there was never a dull moment at the space station. As Tuddrussel continued to sleep, the historical instability alarm went off. Flashes of red and blue lights rapidly flickered in Tuddrussel's face, waking him up from his desired slumber.
"Ugh… I get it!" grumbled Tuddrussel as he sluggishly climbed out of bed.
He slid down a metal pole leading downstairs and walked through a laser door, changing from his red footie pajamas to his normal Time Squad uniform.
"Well… I guess it's go time, Lar…" Tuddrussel told Larry, sauntering to the main computer room with reluctance and annoyance on his face.
Larry sighed as he got up from the couch and followed Tuddrussel while continuing to feed Otto. With Otto still happily chugging his bottle, Larry sat down in front of the computer and began typing the coordinates for their next mission. What was the next mission you ask? It was Vincent Van Gogh, who was one of the most revolutionary painters in history. The two men were hoping that this was the only mission for today — it wasn't. After a picture of Van Gogh was presented on the computer screen, another set of historical figures sequentially popped up like a slideshow. There were not one, not two, not three, but a whopping twenty missions that needed to be tackled. Stressed out of their minds, Larry and Tuddrussel grumbled and whined petulantly as the slideshow kept going.
"Do we seriously have to do all these missions?!" complained Tuddrussel.
"Unfortunately, yes…" Larry answered. "If we fail to complete these missions, we'll get fired! And if we get fired, we'll have to live on the streets down on Earth!"
"Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be a diplomatic assistant?! You won't be living on the streets, I would! Besides, don't you get along with those prissy people anyway?!" jeered Tuddrussel.
"Excuse me?! Those prissy people are my friends! At least until Earth combined into one supernation and I was forced to work with you …" Larry snapped as he launched from his seat, lunging toward Tuddrussel.
"Hey, I thought we made a plan! You know?! The plan where we work together caring for the baby… like actual parents?!" Tuddrussel angrily reminded, throwing his hands in the air.
While Larry and Tuddrussel were arguing, Otto spat the bottle out of his mouth and began to whimper. He pulled his legs up to his chest, indicating that he had a load of gas trapped in his belly. There wasn't any loud crying yet, but only time could tell when he would amp up his angst. Larry and Tuddrussel were praying Otto wouldn't start crying; they had gone through several nights of neediness and they didn't want to be reminded of it.
"Aw, great! Just as things are starting to tense up, he has to add to it!" complained Tuddrussel.
"Don't blame him! He's only a baby!" Larry defended as he gently rocked Otto.
"Try saying that when he's a teenager," quipped Tuddrussel. "Just give him to me, I'll try to figure out what's wrong."
Larry set the bottle down on the chair and handed Otto to Tuddrussel. The baby surprisingly didn't start crying when he was slung over Tuddrussel's shoulder; he had more things to worry about. Or perhaps he was slowly getting used to Tuddrussel's presence — like a wild animal building its trust with a human through food and patience. Otto rested his head on Tuddrussel's shoulder and sighed as he was being patted and rubbed. It was the most relaxing thing he had ever encountered. Getting free massages was one of the perks of being adopted by a time cop and a robot — pretty much anyone with a warm heart, really. Otto eventually let out a huge belch loud enough to slightly rattle the space station. Right after burping, he fell asleep, using Tuddrussel's shoulder as a pillow.
"Aw, poor baby… He must've had gas trapped in his tummy," lamented Larry.
"Yeah, it was no wonder he was crying up a storm last night!" Tuddrussel answered as he continued to pat and rub Otto's back. "Maybe I should've not played video games while feeding him, huh?"
"Indeed," concurred Larry.
"Anyway, what should we do about the missed missions?! You said we were gonna get fired if we don't do them," asked Tuddrussel.
"That is right, but only if it isn't an excuse! It's kinda like school… except us robots don't have to attend school since we're equipped with proper education from the start!" Larry explained before pulling out a thick brown book from a set of drawers.
Tuddrussel anxiously watched Larry as he opened the book and flipped through the pages. The robot also had a worried frown on his face; he was just as (if not more) apprehensive about potentially being booted off the squad. Though it wasn't because he loved partaking in the missions, but because it was like a 9 to 5 job — he needed the money.
"According to the Time Squad officer's manual, more than five unexcused missed missions will lead to permanent expulsion from the program! No exceptions! So you see, Tuddrussel, we can't keep staying home with the baby. For now on, we'll have to let him tag along on our missions!" Larry stated as he skimmed through the yellowed pages of the book.
"Do we have to?!" whined Tuddrussel.
"Yes… Sadly, we do…" Larry sullenly answered as he took the baby from Tuddrussel's arms.
The robot stared into Otto's closed eyes, wondering what he was going to do with the baby during these treacherous missions. Would we have to lug around a diaper bag? Would Otto be a burden with his occasional crying and neediness? Those were questions that swirled in Larry and Tuddrussel's minds as they glanced at each other and the baby. While Larry certainly would need to carry a diaper bag for the next few years, the real trouble was Otto's turbulent emotions. Being a baby, Otto was widely unpredictable — one minute he would be peacefully sleeping in his bassinet, and then the next minute he would suddenly wail for milk. The men would have to put Otto's needs before the actual mission (which was not only against Time Squad regulations, but their sanities as well). It was time they spoke to someone about this ordeal — someone large and in charge. Larry had a perfect idea up his sleeve. Even if that idea was partially hackneyed, it was still worth a try.
"Let's just talk to the chief," sighed Larry.
At that, Larry and Tuddrussel headed toward the time machine to transport themselves to the Time Squad headquarters — complete with Otto in tow. No diaper bag was needed since this was supposedly a quick trip to sort things out. It should hopefully be a quick trip, but from the looks of things, it didn't look like it was going to be. After all, big bosses loved to beat certain topics like a dead horse.
At The Time Squad Headquarters
Time Squad wasn't only set in outer space! In fact, their headquarters was down on Earth, right in the middle of Nevada. Despite the headquarters' seemingly normal appearance, the entire layout was actually unique compared to all the other ones. Rather than a single skyscraper, there were several smaller office buildings surrounding one huge manor (which presumably belonged to the chief executive of the company). While the offices were hum-drum, the manor looked like a rich man's dream. The front of the manor was made with real gold, there were palm trees and flowers scattered around the property, and there was a private golf course as well. Tuddrussel and Larry were spellbound by how privileged their boss was. Granted, most bosses got the higher end of the stick, but not too high! They were intently studying their surroundings as they walked on a stone path that led to a big door.
"Man, I never thought the chief was this rich! I thought he was like everyone else!" Tuddrussel commented.
"It reminds me of Senator Fiskmeyer's place… Hmm, something tells me we might be meeting him! What if he's given up his diplomatic duties to become CEO of the Time Squad company?!" Larry excitedly replied.
"I highly doubt it… he's probably a sissy like you are!" quipped Tuddrussel.
"Don't you start!" growled Larry before pushing the button on an intercom.
When Larry pushed the button, a high-pitched beep blared through the speakers, causing Otto to partially stir in his sleep. It thankfully wasn't enough to rouse him into a startled crying fit. Following the beep came a hoarse voice sounding like a middle-aged woman who smoked a dozen packs.
"Hello. I assume you're here to see Mr. Mcfly?" asked the voice.
"Greetings. This is The Larry 3000 and Buck Tuddrussel, and we are here to see the chief," Larry answered.
"We came here to talk about how much my little nephew is tiring me out and all the missions we've missed in the past few days! Is that okay?" added Tuddrussel.
"Yeah, sure… That's fine," mumbled the voice.
The door unlocked, allowing Tuddrussel and Larry to walk inside. When they walked inside the grand manor, they were captivated by the sheer cleanliness of the foyer. Not a single spec of dirt coated the wooden floor and the windows were clear as day. There was also carpeting occasionally coating the floors and a painting of the chief, large enough to make even Larry question his own ego. It felt as if they stepped inside the white house — except they didn't.
"So… where's the chief's room?" asked Tuddrussel.
Suddenly, a couple of burly guards popped up from behind them. Larry and Tuddrussel partially jumped at the sudden appearance of the guards and tried to run away, only to be stopped by a tight grip. The guards would escort Larry and Tuddrussel to the chief's room, which was straight down the hall of the foyer. They were thrown onto a set of chairs like a couple of ragdolls, which was quite disturbing since Larry was holding Otto. Either the guards didn't notice Larry was holding Otto or they simply didn't care. Before the two men could ask any more questions, they were greeted by a nasal voice, which came from behind a spinny chair.
"You called?!"
The spinny chair turned around to reveal a little pudgy man, about half of Larry's height. The man was clad in a gray business suit with a golden badge. His hair, ears, and eyes were obscured by some goggles and a black headset resembling that of Tuddrussel's. While he may look like an ordinary time cop off duty, he wasn't. Remember the badge clipped on his dress shirt? It was bigger than Tuddrussel's badge, as well as more golden and crisp. The badge read "Chief" in big bold words, while Tuddrussel's badge simply had the Time Squad logo on it. His name was Chief McFly, and by the look on his face, he never messed around. Oh, enough of comparing Tuddrussel, let's hear what the chief has to say!
"I heard you wanted to talk about something important… what is it?!" asked Chief McFly.
"We have a baby who keeps wearing us out!" answered Tuddrussel.
"And we haven't had a full night's sleep in over a month! This kid is a nightmare! He begs me to hold him and screams if he's put down! The only time I ever get some peace and quiet is if he's either napping or wrapped in a sling close to my chest! He just never seems happy! Even after everything I do for him, he rewards me with crying and puke!" Larry complained.
"Not to mention, he's ungrateful too!" added Tuddrussel, shedding tears of frustration in his goggles.
Tuddrussel broke into a silent weeping fit and buried his face in his hands. Larry frowned as he watched his partner sob like a small child spilling his ice cream. It was admittedly an over-the-top reaction for Tuddrussel, but who could blame him? He had stated the desire for having a son of his own, only to be robbed of that desire by a certain self-centered robot. Not helping was the huge responsibility that came with raising a baby — the constant arguments and battles as well. Larry felt deeply ashamed about his actions; he felt like giving Tuddrussel the biggest hug in existence, just to apologize for being such a jerk. As for Chief McFly, he needed to use some tactful strategies in order to win him over.
"So, Mr. McFly. Since we are struggling to take care of our nephew, can you please give us parental leave for a few months? Give us some time to cool off?" Larry politely asked.
Chief McFly thought for a second. He glanced at the worried looks on Larry and Tuddrussel's faces and scratched his chin. Despite the clearly pleading frowns, he did not get the picture.
"Sorry, but parental leaves aren't accepted here in Time Squad. You might have to leave forever if you can't handle juggling your missions with your child," ordered Chief McFly.
Larry and Tuddrussel gasped in both disbelief and horror. They couldn't believe that their boss wouldn't show any concern about their struggles with raising Otto. No boss cared about the well-being of their employees (at least the cruel ones). Not saying Chief McFly was a sociopath, but he seemed to care more about making money than giving his employees chances.
"What?! You can't do that! That's not fair!" whined Tuddrussel.
"Oh, I can do anything…" Chief McFly gibbed as he twiddled his fingers snidely.
Larry grew livid, even more so than he did when he caught Tuddrussel sneaking Otto onto the mission with Thomas Paine. His eye color changed into a fierce red, indicating he meant serious business. He handed Otto to Tuddrussel and leaped onto Chief McFly's desk, ready to tell him off.
"That is not how a boss should act!" shouted Larry, grabbing Chief McFly by his dress shirt and pulling him toward his face. "Listen, boob! We've been working for you for the past decade, and you turn around and treat us like this?! We literally risk our lives getting historical figures to do the stuff they're supposed to do on a daily basis! We also deal with ones who never seem to listen! Ugh, why must the world be so stubborn?! If you don't give us a raise and let us take parental leave, I WILL WALK OUT OF THIS BUILDING!"
Chief McFly began to tremble nervously as the robot glared into his eyes. He had finally gotten the message. He shoved Larry away from his desk and took out a post-it note and a pen from his desk drawer. He frantically jotted words down on that post-it note as the livid eyes of two men glared piercingly into his brain.
"Oh, alright, alright! I'll give you a stinkin' parental leave! Now can you leave me alone?!" shrieked Chief McFly, handing a confirmation letter to Larry.
Larry and Tuddrussel abruptly changed their moods when they were given the okay to withdraw from missions for a while. They smiled and happily thanked Chief McFly for finally being considerate. Their happiness was interrupted by an important request.
"But! You must comply if you want parental leave…" Chief McFly compromised. "First of all, you must promise to complete the missions you have missed! Secondly, check in with me every other week! And don't forget to write reports for each mission! All of them must be typed out, double-spaced, have several paragraphs, and have specific details! Times new roman font and lots and lots of-"
Tuddrussel interrupted Chief McFly, "Okay, we get it! We've been doing this for a decade! We're not dumb!"
"Oh, yeah… says the big gorilla who can't tie his shoes," snarked Larry.
"Shut up!" retorted Tuddrussel, punching Larry in the shoulder.
"It's going to be very tough completing 20 missions all by yourselves, so you're going to need some extra help from another unit!" advised Chief McFly.
"Really?!" Larry and Tuddrussel exclaimed.
"Yes… Now if you excuse me, I'm going to contact Ms. Sternwell right now… She's one of the top officers in all of Time Squad! She should be able to get you back on track!" chirped Chief McFly as he picked up a telephone and dialed the numbers.
"Oh, no… Not Shelia!" cried Tuddrussel, turning gapingly at Larry in sheer horror.
Larry and Tuddrussel stared at each other, wondering how their plan would turn out. They say teamwork was the best strategy for getting things done, but would it be successful for the two biggest losers in Time Squad? Both Larry and Tuddrussel were obnoxiously self-centered at times, so it could be a bit of a win-lose situation. Judging by Tuddrussel's dialogue, he knew this specific officer, although he was more frightened than relieved. He was like a teenage girl trying to hide her parents away from her friends at the mall, except those "friends" were Larry and baby Otto (as well as himself). Well, might as well get the brown paper bag out, because nothing was going to change whether Tuddrussel liked it or not.