"The file..."
Flanders jolted back to their reality. In a hasty fashion, they searched through a heavy binder and found what the Captain wanted. They placed the manila folder in front of the Captain. The Captain did not say thanks or acknowledge Flanders, his bushy beard and eyebrows made it hard for Flanders to understand his expressions. The Captain adjusted his hat, took out a feathered quill and opened the manila folder. Then he gave what Flanders assumed to be a contemptuous look at a woman in front of his heavily adorned desk. Pretty much everything about the Captain's office boasted his wealth. The walls were painted with complex heart-shaped patterns. His desk was elevated about 15 feet into the air and his chair (which was basically a throne) was three times as big as the Captain himself. However, that didn't mean the chair was very big. It was the Captain who was small. He barely reached Flanders' kneecaps. The Captain stood up on his chair to have a better look at the woman who was standing on a wooden section of the floor. She had bright blue hair, punk clothing and a rocket launcher strapped to her back. She was fidgeting with her hair.
"Jinx... representative character of League of Legends and Arcane..." said the Captain in a drawling voice.
"Yes. That's me..." said Jinx.
"Do not interrupt me," snapped the Captain, "I wasn't finished..."
Jinx's pink eyes intensified slightly, but she remained silent.
"Predominantly paired up with fellow female character Luxanna Crownguard in order to fill the fandom's need for a foil for her sister Vi's lesbian relationship..."
Jinx shifted uncomfortably. Flanders cringed at the secondhand embarrassment.
"Also shipped with Echo under the couple name 'Timebomb' and lookie here..." the Captain's beady eyes glittered, "Gets paired up with her adoptive father..."
The Captain didn't seem like he was stopping anytime soon. But Jinx cut him off.
"Sir... I don't quite understand what the point of all my... theoretical relationships that users have thought up of me is."
"Oh don't worry my sweet..." said the Captain, "This is my way of introducing you who I am..."
There was an awkward silence.
"You're the embodiment of shipping?" said Jinx slowly, "I never knew there was such a thing..."
"Oh yes," chuckled the Captain, but his laugh did not match his eyes, "I am one of those new generations of gods. I am known simply as the Captain."
Jinx looked around the room.
"I thought Rule 34 had that sort of thing covered..."
Uh Oh
Flanders immediately knew that Jinx messed up. The Captain's hand slowly rested on his belt.
"Rule 34 didn't cover many things, sweetie," sneered the Captain, "To be honest, it couldn't handle its job properly. It was an aberration of the users' hypothalamus. It ran rampant. It wasn't fit for its role on the internet..."
The Captain paused. Then he sat back down on this chair. His hand moved away from his belt.
"Enough of this... you're getting us offtopic..." muttered the Captain, "As my official campaign manager, you are in charge of the ads, my appearances and my presentations. There will be other duties along with those jobs..."
Jinx raised an eyebrow.
"Flanders will send you a document containing all your duties. And this time, he will send them promptly. He? She? To be honest I don't know what it is half the time..."
"The pronouns alternate sir," muttered Flanders. Suddenly the Captain hit her across the face with the butt of the gun.
"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME TRANNY!" roared the Captain. Flanders stayed quiet on his knees, rubbing his cheek. The Captain turned his attention towards Jinx who had a shocked expression on her face.
"Get out of here... before I fire you on your first day..."
Jinx looked like she wanted to protest but then she noticed something on the edges of the wooden section of the floor. There were hinges. Suddenly realizing she was on thin ice, Jinx hurried away. The Captain gave a satisfied grin and kicked Flanders in the face. Blood spurted from her nose as the Captain jumped from his chair and walked out of the room.