The people were cheering. The people were screaming. Cameras flashed. News reported squealed questions and pointed their microphones at the stage. To Flanders, it was overwhelming. But to the Captain, it was music to his ears. The small man was standing on a stack of stools behind the lectern, basking in the adoration. Jinx was seated next to Flanders, holding a detonator in her hand and bouncing her knees in anticipation. The Captain listened to the cheers for two minutes then raised his hand. The audience fell into rapt silence. The Captain smiled. It looked benevolent to anyone but Flanders knew he was relishing the influence he held over his audience. The Captain waited for two more torturous minutes before he spoke.
"My fellow brethren. My brothers and sisters of the internet. It is a great honor to speak to you all. We the citizens of the world wide web have been put in a vicious cycle. We struggle to rebuild our home and restore it to its former glory while our gods have abandoned us. I won't try to sugarcoat this but the internet is in a shit position. But now we have a chance for a new start. Together we have a chance to determine the course of the internet, under my leadership. We shall face challenges. We shall confront hardships. I know that many of you are scared. To share your work and thoughts with millions across the world only for you to be canceled on Twitter. To have a nice conversation about your favorite franchise only for it to devolve into mindless arguing. I understand your pain..."
The Captain paused again for dramatic effect. Jinx rolled her eyes and Flanders pressed a switch on the side of her chair. Slow, dramatic orchestral music echoed from the speakers. The Captain frowned for a fraction of a second and Flanders knew he had turned on the music one second too early. But the Captain continued.
"But as the only candidate for this upcoming election, I promise to make this once great place even better. And as you may have already known, I have taken action against the corrupt and the criminals of this world. I have done so much more than the so-called Justice Department has done in the past decade. I have weakened the overrated character trafficking market and plan to do much more to bring down the Conductor. My personal task force of Genshin Impact users will see to that. And Conductor, I know you'll be watching this speech, your days of ruining fandom's perceptions of their characters are numbered. So be a good coward and take whatever money you have and leave."
The crowd screamed with adoration towards the Captain and derision towards the Conductor. Flanders observed the spectacle with mixed feelings. Then he saw one of the security guards in the form of the Ganyu character from Genshin Impact approaching the pair.
"There is a problem... sir... madam?" said the Genshin Impact user, "There seems to be a problem in the security control room."
Flanders cringed and looked towards the Captain, who was positioned in the middle of the stage instead of to the side. This would make things more awkward than they already are.
"Can it wait?" asked Flanders.
"No," said the Ganyu user flatly, "I think it's quite urgent. It's in relation to the twins."
Flanders groaned, knowing that this was more important than the speech. He grabbed the detonator out of Jinx's hands and pressed the trigger.
The entire stage was lit ablaze with fireworks and confetti. The audience gasped in shock then returned to cheering as they thought this was part of the show. Flanders rushed out onto the stage towards the Captain who had a mutinous look on his face.
"Flanders... WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" screamed the Captain who was barely audible over the fireworks, "I WAS GETTING TO THE GOOD PART AND YOU RUINED IT!"
"I'm afraid boss that we have a situation in the security control room. It apparently cannot wait."
The Captain went purple in the face, his beard quivering with anger.
"Do you hear them you tranny fuck? Do you hear the crowd screaming for me? Wanting to be me? Do you have any idea what that feels like? Of course, you wouldn't because you're a nobody who has one character trait. I am promising to bring this cesspool of the Internet back from the shit Susie and Kyle put us in. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME FOR A SITUATION!?"
"The twins are attacking," muttered Flanders, ignoring what the captain just said. The Captain opened and closed his mouth, his eyes flicked toward the audience then back to Flanders. He muttered something under his breath before swiftly walking off the stage with Flanders followed closely behind.
...
It was pandemonium. Everyone in the security control room was fighting each other in a confusing yet hilarious battle royale. The Captain seemed to be at an utter loss for words before pulled out his revolver and shot at the ceiling, but the gunshot was muffled by all the yelling and breaking of things. Then suddenly an entire cabinet flew in the Captain's direction and knocked him into the computer controls. Flanders looked around, confused by all the violence. Jinx on the other hand was ecstatic and jumped into the chaos, throwing monkey bombs at anyone unfortunate enough to get in her way.
"I WONDERED WHEN YOU'D SHOW UP!" screamed a shrill voice. The voice belonged to a person even shorter than the conductor with a thumbs-up emoji for a head. They were jumping on people's heads and throwing stuff everywhere, "JOIN IN THE FUN! YOU'LL LIKE IT!"
"YOU SHITS! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPEECH!" roared the Captain and he pulled out a sniper rifle and attempted to shoot the little person. But then a blur flashed across the Captain and the sniper rifle skittered across the floor. The blur was someone who looked exactly like the little person except it had a thumbs-down emoji for a face. Also, its mouth was stitched closed.
"Found a way to shut you up didn't they Dislike?!" snarled the Captain as he pulled out a revolver but it was crushed along with his hand under someone's foot.
"YES! IT'S A SHAME WHAT YOUTUBE DID TO HIM!" screamed Like as they ran circles around the Captain who was clutching his ruined hand, "BUT THE LIKE TO DISLIKE RATIO IS STILL THERE!"
Like jumped on the Captain's head, descending into uncontrollable giggling.
"I'D NEVER THOUGHT THAT SAYING GENSHIN IMPACT IS SEXUALISING MINORS WOULD START SUCH A FIGHT! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!"
Dislike sprinted towards Flanders and kicked him in the shins before running off and breaking a random catgirl's kneecaps.
In Flander's pain, she noticed someone who seemed separate from the others. They sidestepped through a hidden door. Flanders hadn't seen them before throughout the entirety of her job. He got up to her feet and limped through the door, following the strange person. He had never been in this part of the building, probably the last time he was seen in this place, the Captain beat her up and threatened to fire him. But surely the captain would understand if Flanders had spotted someone suspicious trying to do something in a restricted area.
Flanders stuck to the gaps in the walls and followed the mysterious person who seemed to have the appearance of a Lisa user. But their appearance kept on glitching with grey static. The winding corridors sloped downwards and soon Flanders found himself surrounded by holding cells. But strangely they were empty. Several of them were even broken. The place was dark and sometimes Flanders couldn't see anything. She resorted to crawling on all fours and listening to the strange person's footsteps. But almost two minutes later she regretted the decision as his hand landed on something slimy and disgusting but also familiar. Flanders kept in a scream and slowly crawled around the patch of slime on the floor. Flanders stopped at the entrance of a massive dome-like room. It reminded her of a boss arena but did no job to comfort him. She managed to see the form of the stranger next to a giant metal door. The Lisa disguise fell away and Flanders managed to make out a person in a large overcoat and hat. The person turned on a glowing device and walked around the door. Flanders stayed perfectly still for five minutes as the person walked to the corners of the door and the device glowed either red or green. Flanders took a step forward and was immediately hit with the intense smell of fish and chlorine. He gagged audibly and slipped on more of the disgusting slime and fell to the floor with a thud. The noise alerted the mysterious figure who then instantly disappeared. Flanders cursed and pinched his nose, only to find it was covered in the same disgusting substance. Then Flanders realized what the stuff was. Almost immediately afterward, there was a low groan behind the metal door. Flanders looked at the door which then he saw was covered in reinforcements and multiple locks.
"Hello?"
The door suddenly shook on its hinges as whatever was on the other side banged against it. The groans turned into animalistic howls and shrieks. Squelching and slapping of flesh filled the air. Flanders scrambled to his feet and sprinted off where she came from, not wanting to see whether the thing behind the door would break free.