A/N: Hey, just so you know, there will be two updates next week so I can squeeze them in before New Year's! Speaking of updates, I am also in the process of re-writing a lot of OD, as I did some questionable things as a beginner writer. I'm not reuploading the book as a separate work, just editing each chapter and uploading it when I finish. There are no changes to the overall plot, just better writing and a few new scenes that I wish I added at the time.

Enjoy!

Derek didn't question why there was a double swing set in his mother's garden. He could only presume it was because his other three sisters visited with their kids so often that it was a requirement to keep them entertained. Besides, other than an outdoor table and perhaps a barbecue, she had no need for a full garden really.

He felt bad that Zola had been abandoned for a few hours while he dealt with the whole Bailey-slicing-the-bottom-of-his-foot-open thing, so decided to give her some one-on-one time. Apparently, she fancied a go on the swings.

"Any higher?" Derek asked, shoving against Zola's back as she came swinging back at him.

"Yeah! All the way round!" She exclaimed.

He definitely didn't push her round in the full circle that she had requested, but he pushed harder, sending her into an excited squeal.

"This is like the most fun ever!"

Derek didn't need to reply to that. He just smiled, sure she was doing the same. He was desperate to shove as much love into the time that he spent with her as possible because it was important to him that Zola knew the baby wasn't her replacement. She had already had a brother and, Meredith and Derek liked to think, they had done a good job at making sure Zola was equally as loved. Of course they did love them equally, it was more that with a new, screaming, crying, greedy, clingy little boy, there was little time for the older, quieter girl. And that was happening all over again, this time with two older kids to reassure.

Eventually, Derek's pushes weakened a little. It was hard to push when he wasn't ambulatory, just like everything else in the world that was at least ten times harder than it was a year ago.

"I talk to Johnny today." She stated, finding it easier to talk with slightly less exciting swings back and forth, although she didn't explicitly state that she had noticed the change. Whether that was because she knew her dad was struggling or simply because she wasn't bothered anymore, he didn't know. The latter would be sweet, but rather sad, so he hoped that she was just bored with the form of entertainment instead.

Derek frowned. He knew there was a Johnny somewhere, but there were way to many children too keep count of and memorize. "Johnny?"

"He- uh- his mom is Liz."

"Right." He nodded.

"He asked if I minded about you."

"Right." He breathed. He didn't mean to repeat exactly what he had just said, he was just a little worried about what the elaboration was going to be about. "What did you say?"

"I said I didn't mind." She answered as if it was the simplest answer in the world. "I said that you better than any other dad anyways."

"Did you?" He asked. It felt wrong to say he was surprised, but he was. Knowing Dr Sears, she probably would have scolded him for that astonishment and gone on about his self-worth again, even if it was at least a hundred time better than it was when he first met his therapist.

"Yeah. I said that you try extra hard to be the bestest. Which makes you even betters than you are to starts with. So you are best ever."

"I try extra hard?" He repeated. He knew what she meant, but he wanted her explanation to try and gage some kind of understanding of what it was all like for her. He had been intrigued to know what was going on inside her head since the accident. One minute they had returned to their big, happy family and the next he was gone again because he was in hospital, not even breathing by himself. There was nothing he could have done to stop that, but he still felt bad for the confusion and sorrow he could only presume he had caused his children. Although, Derek supposed he would rather have had that with his own father than what had truly happened, presuming his recovery didn't break his family in half as Derek's had so nearly done.

"Like- when you say you not allowed to play catch because you do the wheelies instead of walking but then you do it anyways. That what make you bestest…but then Mama shout at you."

He smirked. That was very true. "Yes, Mama does like to shout at me when I do things I'm not supposed to, doesn't she?"

"See!" She exclaimed. "Bestest Dada!"

"Thanks Zozo." He said through a beam.

"Where's your dada?" Zola inquired innocently.

He gulped at that. They'd never really had that discussion. Zola had never met Carolyn so whenever she asked where her dad's mother and father were, the answer was New York. That was it. Simple. They were one of those people who lived far away, so she never got to see them, just like Auntie Cristina. To her, Derek's parents, as well as his other three sisters, were just in some far-off land too.

She was having much to fun on the swing to notice her father's abrupt silence.

"Because everyone else at the hospital and here have dads. Sometimes they don't live with the mommy. Or they like Zona and Callie and they two mommies and no daddies. But everyone always has two."

"But I only have one." He stated softly, more to himself than to her.

"Why?" She asked. "Why you only have one when everyone else have two?"

Derek paused his pushing at that. On the next swing backwards, he grabbed a hold of the back of it so she would pause before placing himself in front of the swing so he could see her face as he explained. This made it more serious and, while he didn't really want to be discussing serious stuff with his six-year-old, she was always too inquisitive to leave any subject untouched.

"What's wrong Daddy?"

"My dad was…he was in an accident when I was little...and he died. He's- gone." He explained slowly. A lie. It wasn't an accident; his dad was murdered with intention and purpose.

She examined his face for a moment, eyebrows creasing as thoughts bounced around her head. Dead meant gone. Gone meant dead. "But weren't you in accident too?"

He nodded. He was in a real accident, where someone had non-purposefully slammed into the side of his car, rather than drew a gun to his chest. Although, that had happened before too. "Yeah- yeah, I was."

"But you not gone." She summarized, confused. "You here."

He smiled a little. "No- no I'm not gone."

"But you did gone. You gone for a long time when in the hospital as patient."

"I know, baby, I know but I didn't-"

"You didn't die?" She suggested with watery eyes. She didn't like that word, even if she didn't quite understand what it meant other than someone disappearing forever. Still, the idea of never seeing her dad ever again...she despised the word.

He swallowed. "No…no, I didn't die. I was gone because I almost did. But I didn't."

"Dat makes me very happy. I don't like it when you gone. I don't want to think about gone forever. Please, please never go forever. I-"

Derek couldn't help but collect her from the swing in that moment, pulling her sentence out of her mouth.

She threw her arms around him at the gesture too, clinging tight. "I don't- I don't want you to be dead. I'd be too sad. I'd...I'd never smile again. Please, no dead."

"I'm staying, okay, I'm staying right here baby. I don't want you to ever have to be that sad." He murmured as his head dropped a little against her, a hand rubbing against her back. "You know I love you Zozo. I have lots and lots and lots and lots of love just for you."

He could practically feel her cheeks push up as she smiled, head still nestled against him. "I knows. Me too."

They stayed like that for a solid minute, and even Derek could admit that he wanted to cry. Zola, on the other hand, had let a few tears slip down her cheeks already. He felt horrendous that he had put his kids through so much.

"I spy with my little eye, some children that look like they are about to play football." Derek muttered as he released her from his grip. "You wanna join in?"

"Oh! I like dat one." She said before she squeezed him tighter, then released him all together. "Love you Daddy."

"Love you too baby." He agreed as she removed herself from his lap and ran off to where some children her age were collecting for a game of football.

Derek sighed, but with a smile.

Zola was so perfect. Bailey was so perfect. Ellis was so perfect. Meredith was so perfect. As much as he hated the current conflict with his sister, he felt happy generally. It was his underlying emotion. And he was hoping it would be for a very, very long time to come.

Then a hand ruffled his hair.

At first, he didn't freak out.

Obviously, it was Meredith.

But it wasn't Meredith because he could see Meredith talking to his mother.

So he assumed it was one of his sisters.

But it wasn't Liz, Nancy or Kathleen because they were talking to each other, and it wasn't Amelia because she was the one with the football, talking to a huddle of excited kids.

So who the hell was it?

"Don't freak out." The person behind him murmured. He untensed instantly from the tone of his voice. He would recognize that bass from anywhere.

He turned around without moving his chair, eyebrows raised. "Mom didn't tell me you were gonna be here!"

"I snuck in, she doesn't even know I'm here." Ewan said before shrugging. "Now. Tell me. How are you doing?"

"I am sick of everyone asking me how I am."

He smiled. He didn't need to falter over Derek's chair. He was a marine so a lot of his friends had been severely injured in action and left the same as his three-times-a-year son. "I can imagine. Now, we have a lot of catching up to do."

Meredith was sat with Carolyn, but not talking. They were just looking out across the field and watching the kids run around and play together.

"I used to wish it was all a dream too."

"Huh?" Carolyn asked. She was solely focused on the scenes unfolding in front of her, not the woman she was sat with.

"When I was sat with him in hospital and...well, honestly, for quite a while after he got home, I used to wish that one day I'd go to sleep and I'd wake up to him. He'd laugh at my snoring then roll out of the bed and...stand. Then walk. Be...normal. And it'd all just be some horrible nightmare."

"Mmm."

"I know the traumatic brain injury really messed with his energy levels a lot but-"

"He did too?" Carolyn guessed. "He hoped that he'd wake up and it would all be some horrible nightmare too?"

"That, or sleep was just...easy. He didn't have to think about...it, while he was asleep. About the chair. About the kids. About...me."

"Does he sleep a lot now?" She pondered. That wasn't what she was asking, really. She wanted to know if he was okay.

Meredith snorted. "He is first out of bed for every night call. It's kinda funny, if I'm honest. It's dark, he's so tired and he's not even half awake, yet he manages to somehow find and move into his chair. Then he hits into things. It's...god-" She giggled, glad to see Carolyn was smiling at her.

"Your go." He muttered, face half smushed in his pillow.

"No. Bed. So. Warm." Meredith moaned.

He sighed, and Meredith felt his side of the blanket land ontop of hers. There was a loud groan from both the bed and her husband.

"Noooo." She slurred, turning round in the bed. Three hours of sleep Tuesday night. Four hours on Monday. One singular hour on Sunday. She didn't know how she even had a heartbeat. "You bed. You tired. I'll do it. Just...just give me...an hour."

"Zo and Bailey will be up in three minutes to ask who's murdering the baby." He returned, just about managing to find his chair in the dark before falling into it, almost tipping it over. "I am not awake."

Meredith giggled. "Yeah. I can tell."

"Stupid baby. Stupid me for wanting a baby." He muttered as he sorted out his body, arms and legs, rather than just putting his feet on the footrest like he normally did.

"Yeah, you are stupid." She agreed. "Three kids, you said. It'll be fun, you said. You'll never sleep another night in your life, you failed to s-"

"Crap." He swore abruptly through gritted teeth.

"What now?" She groaned.

"Always put your feet properly on the footrest." He replied vaguely.

She just about sat up; head barely screwed onto her neck. "Why? You okay?"

"Because I just smashed my foot into the side of the wardrobe. And...I'm uh- pretty sure I just broke something."

"It's hilarious. He is hilarious. Also broke a toe because he can't feel where he's going but...he-" She swallowed, thinking about what Carolyn had actually asked. "There aren't enough hours for him to fit everything in. Me, three kids, a job. You know, he also started this little programme at the support group that we go to. He talks individually to newer members or people who are too afraid or stubborn to join. He is..." Meredith eyes sparkled as she looked over to her husband. He was grinning extremely broadly as he pushed their daughter's swing. "...he amazes me. Every day. Every second. He is so, so incredible and I- God, I have no idea what I did to deserve him."

"And we almost lost him." Carolyn didn't even try to pretend she didn't just wipe a tear away. She couldn't help it. It was her little boy, and he had had gone through a horrendous year.

"Yeah...yeah, we did."

"But we didn't."

"No. He...he's here. And I know your heart is equally as full as mine at that fact." She agreed before sighing. "You know he was a right ass before that though, right? He went from like negative twenty to positive three hundred on a scale of zero to a hundred."

"-because he was paralyzed?" Carolyn suggested, although Meredith believed her sentence was over.

"I really wish he just turned up one day like this, but you know...if you asked me to choose between two-years-ago-able-bodied-Derek and right-now-Derek...well, that's not even a question. Derek is perfect the way he is today."

"Really?" She asked. She wasn't outraged or horrified, more...admiring her.

"If you could just get Nance, Kathleen and Liz to have the same conversation with me, I think we can all go home happy."

She smirked. "Mmm. I understand why they're mad, I am- was too, but...Kathleen-"

"Yeah. I...I knew something was going to happen but not...that."

She nodded. "Try not to judge her too harshly, she's got some stuff at work going on."

"Either way, still a tad ableist to say his life entire life is ruined because he can't walk." Meredith returned, lifting her hand and making a small gap between her first finger and thumb.

"I can only apologize on her behalf. I know she's unlikely to, she's Kathleen."

"Yeah. I uh- got that impressio-" She paused abruptly as her eyes failed to find her husband.

The last time she had seen him, he was pushing Zola on the swings. But he wasn't there now. He wasn't...anywhere.

Where the hell was her husband?

Meredith sat up, swallowed, and looked at Carolyn all at the same time. "Where's Derek?"

Panic didn't flood her expression, as Meredith's had just experienced, as she looked around the field for her son. "Uh- he was- just- uh-"

"Chair." Meredith interrupted, locating his chair sat all alone, no owner in sight.

That was the moment when Carolyn matched Meredith's worry, and she stood, looking around again in the hope that she would just find him sat down on a seat, his chair moved for the convenience of others.

But he wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere.

Then they both jumped, scared out of their skin from a loud two-person 'Boo!' from behind them.

Meredith recognised one voice, but not the other.

One was her husband, who she was now looking at with raised eyebrows. The other was a bald man, dressed in a blue t-shirt and black jeans. Out of all the things for her to observe of the man, her eyes chose one thing, and traced it around his entire body. It was fair enough, it was basically his main trait. Muscles. A lot of muscles. Which was odd, considering the fact that he looked about seventy.

What was even more odd, was what they were doing.

The man was giving Derek a piggy back ride, his hands holding onto her husband's legs while he dropped his arms over his shoulders and glued his hands together.

"This is my wife." Derek stated to the man, filling in the silence.

His face lit up. He would have offered a hand, but they were both full. "Oh golly, hello. Lucked out here, didn't you?"

She blushed. "Uh- hi. I uh- what are you doing?"

"Reminiscing on Derek's childhood." He said with an ever so slight shrug. This was always one of his favourite things to do as a kid with the man.

"And, not in a rude way, who actually are you?"

"Oh. Right." He breathed. "Should have started with that. I am Ewan. I was Christopher's friend. So…a family friend."

"This one was a super special something or other for the military. So we didn't get to see him much. But, when we did, he was like…incredible. We liked calling him three-times-a-year dad."

"Gosh, Derek, you're making me blush!" He joked.

Derek's eyebrows creased as he remembered his favourite childhood question, only to realise that he had never actually received the answer. "Hey- am I allowed to ask what you were doing yet?"

"Sorry. Still top-secret war stuff."

He sighed. "Damn."

"I'd like to thank you, young maiden, for looking after my boy during his recovery."

"That's uh- quite alright." She replied, a little confused. "It's generally what you do when you're married."

"Oh, come off it, Ewan." Carolyn sighed with a playful slap of his shoulder. "He's my boy, not yours."

"You'd like to take over this piggy back then, would you?"

"You know what, maybe let's not have two people in the same family with broken spines." Derek recommended hopefully, exchanging a slightly worried look with his wife.

"Probably a good idea." Ewan observed. "Now, I want to go see your kids. I'll make a great grandpapi."

"For the last time Ewan!" Carolyn shouted as he walked off, still holding Derek. "You don't get to claim my kids so you can tell your friends your children are doctors!"

"When were you told?" Derek couldn't help but ask. They had been stood (and sat) in silence for a few minutes as Ewan would scrub one dish, then pass it to Derek. He offered to help so Carolyn could spend more time with her family, and Derek offered to help him so he could spend less time with his family.

"About the accident, or the fact that you weren't going to walk again?" He asked, passing him a fork.

"Both." He shrugged.

"Same day."

He didn't take the plate that Ewan was offering him. "What?"

"Same day."

"How...what?"

"Liz called me. Carolyn loves me and all, but she didn't remember, not with everything that was going on. So when Liz turned up late to Seattle and you...well, you know, told her to keep the fact that you were paralyzed a secr-"

"Okay, okay. It wasn't like that, I promise. That makes me sound like a right ass, I just didn't want mom to-"

"Derek, I'm not telling you off. I'm not one of your sisters. I kept your secret. Or rather, Liz's. She was freaked out and had to talk to someone and knew I'd be the best man for the job." He reassured him. He was the most level-headed man he knew. He never lost his cool, and could handle anything with a straight face, if it required it. He also really, really damn loyal. If he made a promise, he kept it. And that included Liz's dilemma over Derek, even though he felt a great urge to tell Carolyn about it. "I've known for a very, very long time Derek. I'm just sorry I couldn't have visited sooner."

He sighed. "Liz has been avoiding me. She hasn't said a single word to me. Oh, except 'carrot?' when she noticed that I was eyeing the bowl she was holding. But I don't think that really counts."

"I'm not surprised, if I'm honest." He replied.

"She never admitted it to the rest of the family, did she?"

"According to Carolyn, she was as shocked as the rest of us were about how severe your injuries really were."

"That...makes sense. I wasn't sure if...when Mom found out...if she was going to say something about it. I mean- if she did, Mom would have-"

"-killed me?" A female voice suggested from behind them. "Mmm mmm, hence why I didn't tell her that I knew."

Derek and Ewan both glanced round to the door to see Liz stood there with a mug in her left hand, and a stack of plastic cups in the other.

"I'm here on washing up delivery." She elaborated, walking into the room and placing the cups and mug on the side when neither of them replied.

"I think you and Derek need to talk."

"Ewan, I don't-" She tried.

"Please. Just a minute or two. Try to talk."

She sighed, and stepped into his space as he left. He shot a quick smile to his fake-son on the way out in the hope it would reassure him that it would go well.

Neither one of them spoke for a very, very long time.

"Hi?" Derek breathed after the silence got too awkward for him.

"Hey."

"I like your dress. Nice blue."

Her lips perked up a little. "You're so lost for words that you're complimenting my dress now? Derek, just...if you got me to stay so you could say something, then say something!"

"I...I am sorry, Liz. I am so, so sorry. So sorry that I can't say it with words and, even if I apologised for a hundred years, I wouldn't be able to express..." He sighed, giving up. "I know that the only thing that can make you forgive me is a time machine. But I don't have one of those, and I don't think you do either."

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep me to keep lying to Mom, Derek? The fact that, every single time she called, I had to lie and how much that killed me inside for months. I said you were fine. Sometimes, I couldn't even handle that and I just said I hadn't spoken to you and she hung up pretty quickly. She was so worried all the freaking time, Derek! And all I did was lie to her over and over! Do you get that? Do you get how much that destroyed me?"

"Yes. Liz, I do." He agreed. "I get it."

"God, you're the last person I thought would be saying you get things when you don't."

"We may have different experienced with it, but yes. Yes, Liz, I do. Because I had to do it too."

She swallowed. If she was honest, somehow, she had only just thought about the fact that he had to do the same as her.

"I'm here to visit a patient." She stated before the man could even ask what she was doing opposite his reception desk.

"Ma'am- visiting hours start at n-"

"Derek Shepherd." Liz interrupted. "My brother. Please. He's chief of surgery and we're family so-"

"ID?" He requested. They both noticed the fact that his hand had moved to the phone by his side.

"What?" Carolyn breathed.

"I need ID to confirm that you really are family. After everything that-" He tried to explain, pausing when he got a driving licence and a phone shoved his way. The licence read Elizabeth Shepherd, and the phone depicted him, the two women in front of him and another three at some kind of picnic.

"Okay. He's in room two."

Carolyn nodded, and ran off before Liz even put her card back in her purse. "Mom- slow down! Mom-"

She did slow down. Not because she was asked to. No. No, she did it because she could see her son through the window of his ICU room, pale and weak and frail and talking to a woman, even though he looked like he was about to drop off to sleep with the way his neck failed to hold his head up and his eyelids couldn't even stay open. She pulled on the door, although the pair had already spotted her.

"Mom-" He wheezed, his throat so dry that a word could barely ignite.

"Oh- god, sweetie-" She grasped at his hand, and her eyes flickered from him to the vitals above him. They were...alright, she supposed. "It's okay. Mommy is here. She's here now."

Derek didn't have the capacity to be shocked, but he was internally. It was also so peculiar to see her vision of him go from a grown middle-aged man to a ten-year-old boy whenever he was in pain. She did it a lot.

She collapsed into the seat, and rubbed her hand over and over against his forearm. "You're gonna be okay. I'm going to make everything okay."

"He's doing well Mrs Shepherd. Just struggling to speak a little because of the tube. If he drinks a little more, the sore throat should go away."

She nodded, looking up to the sweet red-head and smiling ever so slightly. She knew that having an endotracheal tube shoved down your throat was not something that your trachea ever thanked you for.

"Mom-" He muttered again.

"Mmm mmm?" She murmured, grasping his hand a little harder.

"Pl-" He swallowed, throat giving up on him. "Please don't cry."

"I won't. Don't worry, I won't."

"Mom." Liz whispered. She wasn't quiet for the same reason as her brother. "Mom, you're uh-" She raised one hand, and wiped her fingers against her mom's lower eye lid.

"Oh-" She swallowed as she shoved her cardigan's sleeves into her eyes, drenching them in water. She already was crying...apparently. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"I'm okay, Mom. Really."

"You're not Derek. You were shot. You can't be okay."

"I...Mom, I'm not Dad. I'm not going...going to die. I'm fine."

She swallowed, and a lump bigger than the diameter of her throat choked her for a second. "I...I know."

"You think I wanted to lie? You think I found it fun? It may have destroyed you but Mom...Mom is incredible. She is. But after all of...after- after Dad- after I was shot like Dad, you saw her, Liz. You saw what that did to her. I'm not sure she's even the same person now and I was not going to let her watch me struggle through endless hours of physio every day for six months, only to give up when my doctors realized I was right when I said I'd never actually make any progress. I did it for her. I did it so she didn't break. And I was right too. I kicked her out after a day at home because she couldn't handle it. You think she would have handled sitting at my bedside for three months, watching my kids get so freaking confused about what the hell had happened to their dad, my pain, me crying, me screaming, me having horrendous migraines, me just- just giving up on life completely? You know what happened then. You probably also know how much that screwed up my marriage. And I'm glad I only broke one relationship at that time, not two. You think she would have wanted to watch or experience any of that? No. No, she wouldn't. So I lied Liz. And I'm sorry you were part of that but I like to think our actually-okay Mom would be proof that that was a good decision. Her being there wouldn't have done anything. It wouldn't have meant I'd be able to walk, it wouldn't...I know this seems bad, but the alternative for her-"

"Derek-" She sighed when he ran out of words, and breath.

He swallowed, only just acknowledging that her eyes were sparkling with tears.

"I forgive you."

He took a long moment to take in those three words. "You...you forgive me?"

"I'm not sorry for being mad but I...I should probably stop being mad at you somewhen-" She replied before smirking. "You know, before you get yourself into some other accident and go blind or something."

He smiled lightly. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Thank the fact you make stupidly convincing speeches. And also, please don't go blind."

His slight upturn became a grin she knew all too well. There was going to be a joke. A really, really unfunny joke. "Deaf it is then!"

She rolled her eyes at her brother, picking up the cup that she had brought with her so they could continue the washing up together. They washed and dried for a few minutes in a comfortable silence, then there was a girl at the door.

"Daddy!"

He smiled as he looked at his daughter. "Hey Zo."

"There are fireworks. Big boom fireworks. You watchy with me?"

He smiled, and put his last plate on the side. "I would love to watch the fireworks with you Zola."