Chapter One: Coffee and Crack Pipes (and a Call to Adventure Too)

Back to the waking up part, I began my morning routine. Another day as a regular ol' postal worker. Yep, gotta carry the packages and deliver somebody's subscription to the latest ReyOut magazine. Also letters and some other junk mail crap. Probably some military propaganda. Anyway, I wasn't kidding when I mentioned the "coffee and crack'' routine. I got up and grabbed some coffee. Black coffee, though I doubt it's real coffee since it's probably made from some random piece of scub mixed with artificial caffeine. Anyway, I then got out some crack cocaine and stuffed it into my pipe. It's not good for me, but I feel great when I smoke it. Though, it's a bit worrying. That shit is addictive. Though, I would guess there's worse out there. Rumor has it that there is a liquid drug that fucks you up even more than cocaine and acid combined. I've heard that the military uses it to build super soldiers.

I feel like I've heard that from a relative who is in the military.

Enough rambling, time to begin my story.

So, after the coffee and crack routine, I walked out the door. I stopped and picked up the newspaper. It's the same old shit about how scubs are seemingly growing out of nowhere. There was a story about the Vodarac tribe, too.. Not the most positive shit about them though.

Just before I could continue reading, I heard my neighbor's kid whiz by. It was probably Renton (I think that was his name), but I didn't pay that much attention as I needed to go to work. Yep, gotta go give the paperboy a break now. I wonder how there are still paperboys despite some technological advancement over the years.

CRGHHHH!

Not gonna lie, hearing a scub suddenly growing would snap you out of your thoughts. However, I wasn't surprised when I witnessed scub grow a mile in front of me. Welp! Time to get going.

When I arrived at the post office to clock in, I was around…I think it was three minutes late. The point is I was late. Not because I was hung over because of last night's party, but because my boss was ticked when I arrived at his office…

"You're late again."

"Sorry, Mr. Desi, my car got crapped on by the scubs. Hard to make it on time when they seem to come out of nowhere."

The boss, Vince, agreed, however he still had his jimmies a bit rustled.

"Well," he continued, "since you have a legit excuse, I'll give you a break on that front. However, I got some important packages for you to deliver and being ten minutes late will be the end of your career if it weren't for the heaven-forsaken scubs."

Vince wasn't usually this strict. I might have to defuse him a bit. Maybe a tad.

"Yes, sir," I said, "What are the packages?"

Vince shrugged. It wasn't that serious apparently.

"Well, to put it simply, it's lifting gear. Not for somebody from here though," Vince said as I secretly rolled my eyes underneath my shades.

"Now, Mr. Hetfield," he continued, "no need to have that attitude, it's just a midway transfer to the airport. All you need to do is take the package, deliver it to the air mail offices and be on your merry way."

I was annoyed a bit by the fact he used my last name that I use in this world. It's practically an alias these days. Ramone Hetfield. Apparently the author of this shitshow gave me that name so they could avoid using "Dude" all the time. I usually prefer being called "the Dude." Oh, and fun fact: there was a military hero named Adrock Thurston. Another supposed musical reference.

Anyway, I was not amused, but I need this job. No sense getting mad at nonsensical names after all. So, I nodded my head, knowing that I gotta do the usual letters and magazines delivery route too.

After some letters were delivered, I was on my way to deliver the package to the airport. I remember going to the airport's office. I've never done midway transfers before. It seems to be a pain in the ass when you barely just started on the job a couple weeks back. I can't remember where specifically to deliver this damn thing, and I think the crack is starting to wear off a bit, not that I'm that addicted or anything. Anyway…

I went up to the secretary. I thought this was the right place. The secretary was pretty average in looks. There is a tiny mole underneath her eye. I think she had blue hair. Never mind that though, I had to ask her if this is the right place.

"Hey, Ayanami-sama," I said to her, "I have this package to deliver. Is there a slot where I could put it in?"

Unusually, she happily answered.

"Yesserino, sir," she said, ignoring my boldness, "right over there."

The secretary pointed to a seemingly unlabeled nearby slot. Right next to the…employee lounge. Fuck, the author doesn't even know how to layout an airport properly. I knew I was at the airport, but sometimes I wondered if it was the right place. I feel like they've never been to an airport before.

I thanked the secretary. I was gonna walk away, but not before she corrected me on her name. Her name was Konata Izumi or something. Whatever it was, it was probably some anime reference and I watched plenty of anime when I was a teenager. Bleh! Stupid author can't be original for once. I bet they'll pull another name out of their ass that references EVA despite having not seen that. What a moron.

I put the package into the slot and went back to the mail truck. Thank god, in this world, vehicles aren't just exploding props. I wonder why they still use key ignition though.

However, as I drove out of the airport, I began wondering why I'm here in the first place. It's not as bad as Arizona, but man, is this place. Why the hell would you live here? For some kids, they had to join the military for fucks sake. I pity those kids who think they'll go on an adventure, but no, they probably end up weeding out the world's growth spurts. Even worse, I think some kids who wanted to get into lifting would be very disappointed to find out for some reason that their favorite lifting spot is now property of the military. God fucking dammit, this place really, REALLY…

"SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!"

I agreed with that kid's voice. I think it was my neighbor's grandkid. Renton, wasn't it? Anyway, the old man was a mechanic and, if I can guess correctly, he was the father of the military hero. You know, Adrock Thurston. That name actually was pounded into my head when I was a kid in this world. Yeah, I have a feeling this is gonna suck even more.

I think I'm actually gonna encounter that kid someday. Maybe not. In any case, I think I need a career change soon. Little did I know that might happen sooner than later though.

Renton Thurston was not a happy camper. His favorite lifting spot just got taken over by the military. They're currently demolishing whatever scub is left. So, now what? Currently, all he could do is lie on his bed, thinking of ways to get out of Belleforest.

He looked at the compact drive he had in his hand. He noticed that it said "Eureka" on it again. Every once in a while the compact drive would always say "Eureka" over and over again. He wondered about it. Maybe the neighbor next door knows something about it. After all, he seems to know a bit about codes and stuff. Rumor has it that he was exmilitary. Nobody knows him besides being an easily-irritated mail carrier. He could've encountered the Gekkostate. Maybe he's an enemy. Whatever the case, Renton wants to know about what the compact drive was saying.

In any case, he's going nowhere and his grandpa, Axl Thurston, wants him to become a mechanic, but Renton does not want that, despite knowing much about mechanical stuff.

So, now what? Well, all Renton could do is dream, but before he could even take a nap on it, HIs grandpa came up without knocking, snapping out of it. And, well, let's say they got into an argument about dreams and stuff.

Old man Axl took Renton's board and Renton chased after him. Before ol' grandaddy could destroy the liftboard, things began to go straight to hell when an LFO arrived. Of course if you have seen Eureka Seven, you know where that giant robot thing landed specifically.

–

So, my shift is over. I usually do morning shifts. So, you know, I go home and relax. But here's the thing, I now know something is about to happen. Earlier that morning, I was delivering a package. When I arrived, I knocked on the person's door. It opened.

"Good morning, sir" I said politely, "here's your package."

"Thanks," the person said, "by the way, you might want to make sure your house is still intact when you get home."

"I'm sorry?" I was looking at him like he was crazy. He's gotta be crazy. Is he?

"Yeah," he continued, "I got a bit of a vision about your future. I think your neighbors are in danger."

"And why should I care about that?" I said, "Not that I don't like my neighbors, but I'm sure nothing is gonna happen to my house. Or anybody else's my area for that matter."

He continued, "I'm not supposed to say this outside, but…"

He looked around with suspicion, making sure nobody else was really around. And indeed, there weren't many people around. One person was walking by, but that didn't matter for what he whispered next, "I'm a bit of a medium. Well, a former one, but no matter."

I was getting interested, maybe he knows something that I don't.

"Your father went mad long ago, right? Well, I'll tell you he had a vision similar to mine. About the future. You'll probably be along for the ride. I can see it now, you'll be tagging along on a great adventure that'll test your sanity. However, I also know you're not from here. I imagine a different timeline where you went mad instead of your father. Long story short, you'll actually like living in this world, but you will be tested along the way."

Normally I wouldn't be surprised. I've seen different versions of myself before. I took off my sunglasses and looked up at him with a deathly serious look that even the most hardened horror fans would shit their pants. I have never disclosed my origins from another world. I did not want anybody to know in fact. I wasn't scared, but I know something isn't right about this guy. I would kill him on the spot, but maybe I need more information first at the time.

So, I took a deep breath, and asked about how he knew.

He answered with this: "I was the one that gave you that letter a long time ago. Maybe you were brought here for a reason. Maybe not. Tell me this, how far does your memory go before you were brought here? You were brought here in the form of a seven-year-old child. To make things more interesting, when you were brought here, your father already did the spree killing on a military not too far from this exact town…and.."

"Just get to the fucking point," I interupted, "you were the one gave that goddamn letter when I was 18, right? So, tell me what the hell is going on here?"

"Well," he continued, " you barely knew your mother that well. I remember you were crying when your mother committed suicide though. Well, barely crying. You basically said something along the lines of 'oh mother, I hardly knew ye.' However your mother was a bit distant at the time."

"Yeah? Your point is?"

I was asking calmly, but I was shaken with rage on the inside.

"Trust me when I say this," he continued once more, "there'll be hardship, but you'll enjoy this life soon enough. It'll be better, just gotta work at it"

"Just who are you? Tell me."

"Don't you see, I was the wise wang back in Paradise Lost. Ciao!"

Just as he said that, he disappeared and the door slammed. That actually happened. I heard some cackles out of nowhere even. What pissed me off even more was that on the door itself, there was a picture of Krotchy, a mascot from my past life.

"Well," I thought, "I really hope he's right about my life getting better. Otherwise, I'll probably come back here and throttle this guy's ass"

Knowing my luck, I could be wrong about the latter happening. Then again, I'll probably encounter the "wise wang" again later. Probably, when I'm in a less hostile mood. Ah well.

That's what happened before I got home. I took the mail truck back and then walked the usual route home. I stopped at the front door for a moment, thinking about what that vodarac medium had said. Will my life get better? I'm not so sure about that when he also said that I gotta make sure my house stays intact. Is this next life nothing more than an insane trollfic? What could possibly get better than this. Then I noticed how run down my home is. One of my windows is broken and the boards shuffled. The inside is nice enough, but the heating system is broken and even worse, the nights are pretty cold.

Even in Arizona, nights weren't that cold.

Also I'm alone in this world. I'm glad that I left my previous life, but something is missing. Or someone. Maybe I'll have a better spouse for once.

Anyhow, I slowly got out my keys. Maybe my cat will greet me properly for once. Who knows at this point.

Before I could get my key into the front door, I heard some yelling. I looked to the left. I figured the old man and that kid were arguing again.

I think I heard the kid threaten to send his own grandpa into a retirement home. That's when things got interesting. Before I could get out the popcorn, I saw the old man run with his grandkid's liftboard and the kid was running after the old man. Then the old man suddenly looked at me. He was still holding the board up away from the kid. I mean, I know these guys somewhat. I see the kid is still trying to get his board back.

"What are you staring at?" the old man growled, "is this any of your business?"

"No," I said, "but it was amusing to watch you act like a child over a god-forsaken board."

The old man started to scowl even more. He then dropped the board, stepped forward and began to yell, not even noticing that the kid was dry-humping his board like no tomorrow.

"Listen, this is none of your business. You got some nerve to intervene. You barely even know us."

There was a beat. A moment of silence.

Then I broke it of course,

"Well," I began, "that is true. I'm not even a father myself. But I do know forcing responsibility on to a child is not the proper way. You should probably take a chill pill and think about why your grandson is acting up in the first place."

"I know that," he growled again, "and it's none of your business."

"Okay," I continued, "but I remember you saying something about him not wanting to follow your intended path. That's actually fucked up in my opinion. I get it, you don't want to lose any more of your family, but crushing your grandkid's dreams is about as bad as killing a cat in some Lovecraftian realm. So please be reasonable and probably keep it the fuck down before I become unglued. I won't call the cops for sure, but somebody will."

The grandfather looked confused, and so did the kid. I realized there's not many people around. We both live in the middle of nowhere a couple miles near Belleforest.

Then, before the grandpa could snap back, all of us, including the kid, heard a crash. Now, before I could describe what happened next, have you ever witnessed an airplane crash right in front of you? Well, this is quite similar. Let's say giant robots lift here too…? I don't know. I don't even know this world enough, but I do know the giant robot transformer thingy appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Funnily enough, I know what they're actually called too. LFO to be exact. I barely know what it stands for however. Never mind that, I had to duck…and I did. I think I witnessed a trick or two before it crash, but fuck it. I did not take any chances and ducked. I heard an explosion.

The interesting part after that was when I got back up and saw the LFO standing and still intact. I was honestly astonished, I could not believe my eyes. There it was. An LFO. No, seriously, I began to walk forward to get closer. Before I realized it, I was right by the kid and the grandfather. The kid was surprised at this sight. To me, however, I thought it looked rather primitive.

Wait, what is this piece of junk? I feel like I should know what model of this piece of shit.

"The Nirvash Type Zero"

I looked at the grandfather with wide eyes underneath my shades, then at the kid.

I know a little about this thing. My father mentioned something about a Neer Vash and how it was turned into a harbinger of death…or something like that. All I see is a cheap sports car turned into some giant robot. I bet it's gonna be an exploding prop soon.

Anyway, the pilot door opened and smoke cleared. I was then shook by the familiarity of this figure. My father had a sketch in his diary. She looked almost exactly like that sketch.

I feel like I might have to leave for this one. But I didn't. I looked at the kid. I could've sworn he had fallen head over heels on this girl pilot. I guess he is a robophile or something. Because at the time I'm pretty sure the girl was an android. I was wrong before, but I didn't think about how wrong I was. Because I'm pretty sure the military will come and fuck shit up even more before I could get a quick answer.

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm gonna have to quit my crack cocaine habit soon. Maybe it is gonna be better from here on forth if I actually quit crack. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure I'll get my answer soo-.

"Hey~! This little one is sick, can you help?"

There was silence, which is my cue to leave. Before I went to my somehow-still-intact home, I looked down and said to the kid, "I barely know you, but if you win this girl's heart, take it and never let it go no matter what. Just remember, take it at your own pace Otherwise, you might end up like me."

The kid didn't respond. I don't know if he heard me, but I didn't care. He probably did hear me.

When I began walking away, I swore the kid probably fainted while the grandfather looked back and forth between me and the pilot, glaring mostly at the pilot though.

Whatever, I think my cat was scared, so I gotta comfort the cat and feed it.

However, I feel like this was the beginning of something actually exciting for once. I know for sure I'm definitely quitting my job…and crack too.

A/N: Phew! I honestly did not think I would make a chapter this long. Maybe I beat around the bush too many times. Keep in mind I'm a newbie at writing stories like this.

Anyway, if your attention span was long enough, thanks for reading.

Sincerely,
okcheez

P.S: Author notes (A/N) will be in bold from now on. Just for formating reasons. See ya in the next chapter.