Oh, would you be so kind as to fall in love with me?
You see, I'm trying.
I know you know that I like you, but that's not enough.
So if you will, please fall in love.

Would You Be So Kind? - dodie

Shiro really was something else.

Keith didn't know what, but he wasn't the usual folks that took a glance at Keith and realised he wasn't worth the trouble. Usual folks didn't pay attention and gave Keith an opportunity to get into the Galaxy Garrison after having their ride stolen. Nor did they stuck around to help Keith transition into what would become the peak of his academic life, and offered to help him fix up a hoverbike that a friend of his dad's had left him.

(And the usual folks didn't look that hot in a tank top, lying underneath said hoverbike with his muscles gleaming in the afternoon sun. They just didn't, okay?! )

Perhaps that was why Keith found it so easy to like Shiro. He was just so unlike everyone in his life that it was impossible for Keith to not notice the kindness from every single act that Shiro did for him.

Shiro taught Keith how to ride a hoverbike on a blessedly clear day. And it was the first time Keith realised that Shiro could easily take his breath away, made him feel so irrationally silly at times whilst looking too cool for Keith's sanity. In other words, it was the moment when Keith realised he had a crush on this strange hot dude that really was more of a giant lovable teddy bear than the prodigious ex-cadet, now senior officer of the Galaxy Garrison.

He should have seen it coming when Shiro told him that Adam had asked him out. Afterall, it wasn't like Keith was ever going to confess, nor was there chance that Shiro could ever commit to a relationship with him whilst keeping his job. Adam is cool , he reasoned with himself. Shiro also seemed happier than usual when Adam came around. So he let them be, and tried to quell his own heart.

Yet, Keith found himself in love unexpectedly - because how exactly could he ever plan to be so enamoured by something as simple as eating together? Shiro, with his jokes about the prick that transferred from NASA's main branch to the Garrison and pasta on his fork, had wormed his way into Keith's heart by simply sitting there with tomato sauce on his face.

Keith pointed to his cheek. "You got something."

Shiro blinked and wiped his cheek with a napkin, and yet somehow couldn't get it.

"Bit higher." Keith pointed again, and Shiro missed it again.

"No- here." He took Shiro's hand and guided it to the spot, dabbing the sauce away. Then Shiro smiled a little, thanking him, and area around his mouth folded over, making him look so unbelievably young, happy and spirited.

And Keith fell . Unexpectedly, softly, like the rain that started with a few drops and turned into a widespread downpour that dampened the earth.

Lying back on his bed that night, he also realised it was terrifying, because he didn't know the first things about what he was feeling. The best description of it were waves and waves of happiness in the thought of Shiro, and a patience that he held for no one else. And he liked this feeling, so he went to sleep that night thinking about the many jokes he could say to see Shiro laugh more.

The day that Shiro was chosen for the Kerberos mission, he was radiating so much excitement that Keith almost contemplated on getting sunglasses to block the brightness of his smile.

"I got picked!" He practically yelled.

It took Keith three seconds of scrunching his eyebrows in confusion before he was also yelling excitedly and tackling Shiro into a hug.

They've been talking about Kerberos for more than a year, and it was seemingly everyone but Adam that was supportive of Shiro. Every time they briefly touched on Kerberos, all conversations seemed to halt at the tension between the couple. And Keith couldn't understand why Adam, who had been nothing but the perfect partner and copilot for someone as intense as Shiro, became only a past relationship within the matter of months after the announcement.

"You should ask Shiro about it," Adam said, his gaze fixated on the food in front of him. There was a tension in his voice that spoke volumes of frustration and pain.

"Was it because of Kerberos?" Keith asked between chews of his sandwich. It was a bit strange for them to be eating together without Shiro at the table. Then again, Shiro and Adam hadn't spoken for a while. But Keith had Adam as his instructor for at least two of his classes, and he wasn't about to avoid Adam because of something that didn't involve him.

Adam stabbed a little more violently into the chicken than before. Keith took it as a cue to change the topic to something more pleasant.

As it turns out, he hadn't needed to ask Shiro. He only needed to be at the right place at the right time: right outside Shiro's office, after hours, on a certain Wednesday.

"Why not? He's cleared all his physicals." Commander Holt's voice in Shiro's office was clear and incredulous.

"I don't care what…" Keith could vaguely hear admiral Sanda's soft but stern tone. "This man is sick…" Keith widened his eyes. "...shouldn't be sent...especially as far away as Kerberos… report to Flight Command."

Sick. Keith repeated the word in his mind. Shiro had some sort of illness, and he shouldn't be going to Kerberos. Adam had broken up with Shiro because Shiro wanted to go to Kerberos, even whilst he was sick.

And Shiro hadn't told Keith a single word about it.

Commander Holt's voice peaked again, "If he doesn't go on this mission, neither do I."

The room was silent, and then footsteps echoed. Admiral Sanda repeated, "I'll report this to Flight Command."

Keith scampered to hide before the door slid open, and the admiral stepped out with hands behind her back, unfazed as ever. But Keith was far from nonchalant, and he needed answers.

He found him the next day, fixing his hoverbike whilst still in his uniform that had only been unbuttoned slightly. But Keith couldn't bring himself to be distracted when all he could feel was immense betrayal and rage.

"When were you gonna tell me?" He demanded. Shiro looked down from his bike.

"Oh. Hey, Keith," he said calmly. It was pissing Keith off, because Shiro was so calm, unaffected, yet this entire situation should be the one fazing him the most.

"So what is it? Are you sick or something?"

"I'm not sure I follow," Shiro stuttered - a confusion that only served to buy him time to think.

Keith felt like a child that was coddled and protected from some tragic knowledge that could break him. And suddenly there was a cold fury burning inside him, consuming and ready to explode into words that he wouldn't mean in the end. And he wanted to shake the truth out of Shiro, because he hadn't wanted to believe that Shiro would hide something so drastic from him. Keith thought he was closer to him than that, but maybe not.

"Tell me the truth. Tell me what's wrong. I'm not a little kid! I can handle it!"

Shiro turned his head, contemplative and perhaps conflicted. His gaze fell to the ground, and he sighed with a heaviness that drooped his expression. His following words were like a recount of a story that Keith could only reply with sympathetic eyes. And Keith almost wanted to comfort Shiro, who looked only tired and defeated as if he has had this conversation one too many times. But he was still so angry that comfort became a passing thought.

"I'm going on the mission." Determination was clear in every syllable of his words, and there were so much fire in Shiro's eyes. He looked as fine as ever, and if nothing but the perfect candidate for the Kerberos mission.

Keith should probably support him to live his dream and be great. That's what a good friend would have done, right? But what came out of his mouth was an uncouth question. "And you would throw your life away for it?"

Shiro bit his bottom lip, silent and unsure of how he could explain himself. "It's important to me, Keith."

"And you would leave everyone behind as well." Keith stated, because it was a fact that was most painful to them all, and drove the most guilt into Shiro. And Keith was never merciful when he was driven with intent. "What about your friends? Colleagues, family, Adam...me. You're risking everything for this mission, for what?"

"You sound like Adam," Shiro said with a weak, bitter smile.

"Do you even realise-" He huffed and looked to the sky that was as blue as it could be with white wisps of clouds in the distance. Keith took a reorienting breath. "Have you ever seen what death does to those who are left behind?"

"I'm not going to die, Keith. It's just my last mission."

"Of course it is to you!" Keith clenched his fist tightly at his side. "But it isn't just that, to me! It's you and your entire life, and how could you just-"

"Because it's my life, and I don't have to explain it to anyone." Least of all to you . He hadn't had to say it, but it were always in the silence that everything was clearest.

Of course. Of course, Keith would come to lose everyone that he has ever held dear in his heart, and of course whatever illusion of a relationship that Keith ever thought he had with Shiro remained to be mere illusions. He was never a part of the equation that Shiro needed to consider because Keith was a nobody that clung too tightly to every figure that every showed him kindness.

It was naive and foolish. There was a lump in his throat that he couldn't clear, and Keith didn't have anymore words to say.

"I'm sorry to have intruded on it, then." He clenched his jaw and turned on his heel. Without a glance back, Keith ran for his hoverbike and followed the wind sweeping across the desert, stewing this revelation in his gut as he chased his tears away with furious blinks at the stars above the shack. They reminded him too much of the sparkle in Shiro's eyes.

All at once, Keith understood Adam's feeling with absolute clarity. Adam loved Shiro, he probably still did, but it would tear him to pieces to see Shiro destroy himself, only to leave behind an unfillable gap of what had once been.

Adam couldn't bear to watch and be a catalyst for Shiro's self-destructing dreams to be realised. Neither could Keith.

Underneath the stars that night, he cursed them for giving him hope, and then taking it away.

Keith took his blessed weekend break at the shack away from everything and everyone. It was lonely, and the desert chill after sunset crept in quickly whilst Keith was still sitting on the veranda upfront. But he shrugged because it was just something he was going to have to get used to again.

That might also the culprit to blame for the cold that he seemed to have caught. He woke up feeling less than stellar that day, and an itchy throat that wouldn't disappear no matter how many bottles of water he had gulped down.

Shiro caught him practicing maneuvers in the simulation room, and climbed into a neighbouring pod.

"Hey," he said through the comms. Keith gave a hum in reply, and twisted his controls to spin his plane whilst on a downward dive. But the plane lost torque and he was hit with resistance that thrusted him up. He groaned.

"You're tilting up too much to dive and spin at the same time."

"I'm guessing you didn't come in here to actually teach me that, though," he rasped. Maybe his collar was on a bit tight. He needed more water.

"I was actually going to ask if you wanted me to finally teach you that trick with the hoverbike."

Keith stared ahead into the screen. "Hm, what's it for?"

"Pardon?"

"There's a catch. You're bribing me to do something."

Shiro laughed. "No bribes. I just thought you might want to learn it soon because,... well I'm leaving in two months. And we might need a few weekends for you to learn it."

Keith tried to think of a joking remark, but drew blank. He had tried to ignore the fact that Shiro was leaving soon, and would be gone for at least a year or so. And whilst Adam had done his best to avoid Shiro after their argument, Keith couldn't bring himself to.

There were apologies: Shiro for not telling him, and Keith for running off. If Shiro had expected him to apologise for siding with Adam about Kerberos, then he hadn't shown it, and neither was Keith going to give it.

It hadn't stopped them from spending time with one another, though. Shiro was such an integral part of his life that it would be crippling for him to even consider it. He had his issues with Kerberos, but he would take all the time he could with the man who took his heart. Keith was selfish like that, and he blinded himself to remember Shiro as the person he was, then.

So Keith coughed a little to clear his throat, and turned off the simulation pod. And Shiro taught Keith how to do the dive over the cliff on his hoverbike.

Shiro also came to the shack with him on some weekends to make up for the lack of time he now had from preparing for Kerberos. And their time together involved a lot more time on the veranda to catch the night's breeze than expected, so Keith's cold persisted through the month.

The symptoms were on and off. Sometimes it was a blocked nose, sometimes it was the horrible dryness in his throat. And one day, it was a coughing fit that made Shiro question whether Keith was alright.

"Just a bad cold." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Don't worry about it. I'll be fine."

Shiro believed him, and left him be because he didn't have time to micromanage everything when it was so close to the launch date.

The night before the launch, the Garrison's caterers were dishing out a farewell dinner, and officers and cadets all crowded in the mess hall in a sort of makeshift cocktail party without the actual alcohol included (much to the disappointment of some). The tables were pushed back into the walls save for some smaller tables scattered around, and there was even the slightest sound of music filtering through the speakers. Keith couldn't imagine commander Iverson coming up with that idea but apparently he did.

Keith had purposefully come in late just to grab the leftovers and make a quick getaway from the crowd. There was just something about the mix of people and the over excitement in the atmosphere that just wasn't his niche. But his plan was foiled when he heard his name being called.

"Keith!" Shiro called from the the middle of the group of officers that he was surrounded by. He grabbed Keith by the arm and turned to a brunette in a purple dress to ask for a photo.

"Wha-" Keith started to pull away, but Shiro held firmly and gave him that stupidly blissful grin of his.

"Please, just for memories, Keith," he asked, and Keith relented, folding his arms into himself as Shiro wrapped an arm over his shoulder, pulling him close. Keith could feel his face glowing a bright red as his arm pressed firmly into Shiro's chest to feel the muscles under his stupidly thin grey shirt. Keith wondered if his panicking gay side was showing, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was.

"Smile!" The girl prompted them. Keith pulled his mouth upwards into what he hoped was a smile.

He felt Shiro shift slightly on his feet and tempted a glance upwards to find the sharp cut of his jawline right in front of Keith's eyeline. And above that was a wide, genuine smile that had Shiro's eyes wrinkling at the edge His hair hung over his eyes in a way that gave him an aura of mysteriousness. Keith sometimes forgot that Shiro could be so breathtaking by just fucking breathing.

A flash brought Keith him out of his thoughts; the girl was heading off somewhere with the promise to be back. There was that itch in his throat again, and he tried to cough softly. Shiro leaned down to his ear, speaking quietly. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Cough . "Why wouldn't..." Cough . "...I be?"

Keith pasted a reassuring expression on his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Adam standing at one of the tables behind Shiro. He seemed to have that constipated look as if a cadet had decided to ask to many questions for his patience, and he was trying his best not to lash out. Keith wished he brought his phone to capture this meme-worthy face. It might just be the only redeeming quality about this night.

He wondered if Shiro would appreciate that, even if a meme of his ex weren't something conventional to give someone before they leave on a year long space exploration mission.

"I guess there were no reasons that you wouldn't be." Shiro chuckled then immediately turned regretful as he realised his words.

Keith wasn't fine, Shiro knew that, because he was in a room full of people who were celebrating a mission that Keith so desperately wished Shiro hadn't been picked for. But Keith could handle this for one night. It was Shiro's time to be happy, and Keith wasn't about to take it away from him.

"Sorry." Shiro pulled his arm away. "That was…"

"It's okay." Keith shook his head. "You were caught in the moment. Would be hard not to be when you've been standing here long enough."

"Yeah…" His words trailed off. "Keith, thank you, for at least tolerating me up until now, even when I know that you hate this… entire thing." He gestured around the room. Keith wondered if this referred to the crowd or the entire purpose of the dinner, but he chose the former reason to be a far better conversation topic.

He shrugged. "I've been through worse celebrations. At least this one doesn't have random people grinding on each other."

"Oh, that means you haven't been down the other corridor yet." Shiro sipped at the drink he had procured from thin air. Keith didn't know where it came from, but just that it did.

He was about to make a disgusted noise when the girl from before came up to hand Shiro a polaroid. "I sent the photo digitally to you, too."

"Thanks Katie." Taking a pen from his pocket, Shiro began to write something messily on the edge of the photo.

"Commander Iverson also wants you and Matt to finally make a small statement to everyone, by the way!" Katie called as she waved goodbye to them and disappeared back into the crowd.

"No chance you'll stay around for that?" Shiro asked, capping his pen.

"Nah. I think I'll skip."

"Thought so. Here..." Shiro held the photo out to him, and Keith tentatively took it into his hands, as if it were made from thin glass crystals. And it might as well be, because it was the only physical memorabilia of them that they will ever have.

Keith cringed as he looked at it. His pining gay ass was showing, and Shiro laughed at his reaction. "It's a great photo."

"Of you, yeah. I look like I'm about ready to yeet myself into oblivion."

Shiro laughed again and patted his shoulder. "I gotta go. But I'll see you before the launch tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Keith took a second too long to answer, because he honestly hadn't thought about tomorrow, or the days after in fear of what he might find in the empty space that Shiro would leave for a while. His throat was itching again, and he rubbed a hand around his neck.

Shiro's gripped tightened comfortingly. "It's only a year, Keith. I'll be back before you know it."

"I know."

It was just a year. He could handle living just a year without Shiro's constant presence beside him. Shiro will be back, he thought, and like a mantra, he repeated it to himself. But it hadn't made him any less sad as Shiro left.

He could only stare at the polaroid in silence, running his finger over the words.

I'll see you when I get back!
- Shiro

"He even put a heart at the end," Keith said to the walls of his room and was replied with only the hum of the lights above him.

2019 A/N: This entire story wouldn't have been possible if i hadn't seen Vil's (confusedswede) amazing fanart of a Sheith Hanahaki AU and basically ran with it. This is such a clusterfuck i hope yall enjoy the rest of it when it does get there.
apologies in advance because i have no beta and im about as sane as the wicked witch of the west when i wrote and edit this at 1am. also i realised that my last chapter is already such a mess and im gonna somehow edit it over the next few days so at least yall can get some relief from this stupid angst throughout the entirety of this fic.

2022 edit: Vil is on Tumblr and Twitter (at confusedswede) so plz go give them some love for their beautiful art. If you want the links to the specific art i'm referencing, the easiest way is to go to my ao3 under this story, where i have added the hyperlink! FFN is driving me insane with its policies on URLs in stories lmao. also i can't put a heart emoji on here? like the 'less than' sign is just deleted every time and i just gave up lol.