Someone once asked me what I was looking for.
Is there someone I'm looking for in this deserted field.
Have you ever seen it?
A smile that brightens the whole world?
I have seen it.

How Can I Forget You? - Hwang Chi Yeul

Keith had underestimated how hard this Voltron thing was whilst trying to keep his coughing at bay, especially when he had to be around Shiro so often. And Keith's been coughing so much that he could barely talk some days.

The only good thing that came out of it was the fact that he had grown used to food goo because it was the only thing that would go down his throat smoothly.

"You know, you should tell him." Pidge advised, still typing away at her screen a distance from him on the sunken couch.

Somehow, the only ones who knew that Keith was struggling horribly were Lance and Pidge. He wasn't surprised by Lance, but he was by Pidge and her awfully too observant nature.

"Tell who what?"

"Shiro." She glanced up at him. "About the roses."

And he knew that they knew because they gave him worrying looks whenever he simply cleared his throat as if anticipating the worse.

"It doesn't work that way."

"Yeah, I know how Hanahaki works." She rolled her eyes, already exasperated at his antiques. "And it would be easier for you to confess and perhaps let him grow to love you back."

Keith raised his eyebrows. "Is that even guaranteed?"

"Well, I have seen it work for a family friend." Pidge hummed slightly, cocking her head to one side. "Point is though, that you need to let him know that you are sick. Maybe if you want to test his sincerity, then don't tell him that you love him or something. But at least.. I don't know? Do something about it other than wait around whilst you hack out more and more petals every other day?"

"You make it sound like I haven't been trying or something." He glared. He was taking advice from an 18 year old nerd with no experience and he couldn't believe himself. The sad thing is, he couldn't tell her that she might be naive because they were exactly the same when it comes to relationships: not much friends, and no official romance. What a dynamic duo, they made.

"I'm not saying that you haven't. I'm just saying… things could be easier for you, Keith. You already have a long history together."

"Yeah, a history of being friends ."

"Friends become lovers." She shrugged. "It happens."

"They do, but… it's been two years, Pidge. We've both changed." I can't read him as well , he didn't say. And he had considered telling Shiro at some point, but that would have to be some time in the future where he had enough nerves, perhaps desperate, and perhaps when he was sure that Shiro held some sort of attraction to him, at least.

They have all changed in some ways. But Keith was still a coward when it comes to Shiro.

"You're still the same pining idiot who wears his heart on his sleeves for him though."

Keith's ears went red. "What?"

Pidge laughed and dropped her datapad. "Anyone who ever paid just a minute of attention to you two talking to each other could tell. I'm surprised Shiro hasn't picked up on it yet!"

"Maybe he has but just hasn't said anything about it." He said .

"Is it that hard to speak with him now?"

"I… I don't know. It feels the same as before."

"Isn't that good?"

Keith huffed sardonically. "No, it isn't." It really wasn't, because Shiro before Kerberos hadn't trusted him enough to tell him that he was sick, and Keith had to find out through hints left by those that did know. And as far he remembered, Shiro had never been interested in Keith for anything but a platonic relationship. "There were things he would keep from me, because… I guess I'm just a little brother to him?"

"Ouch, dude." Pidge scrunched her nose sympathetically. "Bro-zone is the worse."

He chuckled sadly. "Yeah. Tell me about it."

"If it makes you feel any better, though, I think he's actually paying attention to you."

"Yeah, we work together." He deadpanned.

"No, as in romantically. He's sometimes in this kind of trance when he sees you train? Not sure if you had noticed."

"Really?" Keith snorted, despite feeling hope rising in him. "Did he also drool at my socks?"

"Believe me, you blind fuck!" She swatted his arm painfully, making him hiss in surprise.

"Language, Jesus! Also, no bullying the sick!"

A beeping on Pidge's datapad signaled an incoming call, and Hunk's face popped up onto the screen. "Hey, Pidge? We might need your help a bit to reconfigure the cloaking on the lions."

"Hadn't I already sent the sequences to you?"

"Yeah," Hunk rubbed the back of his neck slightly, embarrassed. "I might have accidentally scrambled it?"

"Fine. On my way." Pidge groaned, narrowing her eyes at the screen as Keith held back his cackle.

"Duty calls," she said almost remorsefully and stood up, stretching her legs.

"Aren't we all just hopeless without you." Keith said, because he did truly appreciate her presence that was saner than most.

"Oh, I know ." She stressed and chuckled. Then, her gaze turned soft - almost fearful - and her words were unsure. "Hey, if it comes to the worst possible case, you'll go through the surgery, right?"

There was something particularly fragile in her voice that made Keith fear honesty to be to heavy for her to bear- being so caring wasn't something he often associated with her. And he couldn't bring himself to tell her the path that he had chosen ages ago. Perhaps she had grown onto him much more than he had realised.

"Of course."

Pidge nodded her head before the door slid open, and she was smiling and uncaring again as as if Keith's words had rung true.

What he had imagined when he thought of telling Shiro about the roses did not coincide with what actually happened. Keith was beginning to see that things he planned never seem to work out the way he wanted when it come to his personal life, and it was really getting annoying.

Lying back against a rock in the middle of some backwater planet, surrounded by more rocks and exploding geysers in the ground with Shiro in pain and close to unconsciousness next to him was definitely not on his schedule.

"Thanks for saving me," Shiro spoke quietly and exhaustedly. He hadn't fared well with the injury that was glowing an ominous purple in his side, combined with being attacked by incredibly aggressive panther-like creatures. To be honest, who would?

"You would have done the same for me." Keith busied himself with fixing the flame, eyes focusing on the flickering heat in front of them. He cleared his throat slightly - it was getting a bit hard to breath.

"How's your wound?"

"My wound is great. It's getting bigger all the time." Keith winced slightly and snapped his head to look at Shiro, who couldn't even muster a smile to make his sarcasm a little more believable. "Just trying to lighten the mood."

There were sweat beading his hairline and trailing his neck. Keith wiped his hand off before placing it onto Shiro's forehead to feel a threatening warmth. Shiro was shivering even underneath the temperature calibrated bodysuit and armor. Keith should have gotten that towel hanging somewhere in the Red Lion, too.

"Hang in there. When Allura and Coran find us, they'll fix you right up."

"Keith, if I don't make it out of here..." Keith already dreaded what would come after that. "... I want you to lead Voltron."

It was as if Shiro was reading some writing on the walls that Keith couldn't see. Either ways, he wasn't going to accept it. Keith believed that he was dead, once, and he couldn't do it again - he couldn't go to Shiro's funeral twice.

"Stop talking like that, you're gonna make it." He reaffirmed, his voice breathless at the end when he started to feel something starting to trap in his windpipe.

"I'm messed up, Keith." Shiro's looked at him pleadingly. "And I messed up everything around me too."

"No, you didn't. You just had a few bad days. Doesn't make you any less of the great person you are." Keith wanted to say a million more things, to prove Shiro wrong in every way, but he was barely holding onto his breathing. Talking to Shiro was dangerous, not because his words could cut and burn Keith to the ground, but because Keith was only moments away from choking every time the conversation lasted longer than half an hour.

"I can't believe you still think that." Shiro sighed dejectedly, but at least he finally smiled. "But I guess, if there was one thing I didn't mess up, it was choosing to trust you."

"What?" Keith inhaled slowly.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Keith. I don't... I don't know what I would do without you."

He was dreaming, he had to be. This sounded too much like a confession and a goodbye at the same time. He whispered, "What do you mean by that?"

Shiro reached out to gently squeeze his shoulder, prepared to say something until Keith jerked away, violently coughing.

"Keith?" He heard Shiro's concerning question, but he could only lean away, and held up a hand for Shiro to leave him be. Petals, followed by stems and leaves escaped his mouth. And with a final shuddering push of air, a rose finally landed on his hand, fresh and red just as the first one.

He could hear Shiro gasp as he spit the remaining blood from his mouth and sat back, pulling the fresh blessed breaths into his lungs again. This wasn't how he had planned to tell Shiro about it , but alas, when was the universe ever on his side.

"When did this start?" Shiro seemed more distraught at Keith's coughing than even his own possible death, which was a touching but alarming thought.

"The flower coughing? Or my unrequited pining?" Keith rasped and licked his teeth. He could still taste the metal of the blood - his teeth must be stained red.

"The flowers."

He sucked in a deep breath and looked to the sky so he could avoid Shiro's penetrating stare that would undoubtedly unravel all of Keith's secrets. "Some time after you left."

"God, Keith…I'm so sorry…"

"For what? There's nothing you could have done." Keith smiled wryly and his hand pulled at his throat that was still a bit raw.

Shiro returned with a pained smile and a slight grunt as his body shifted, agitating his wound. "Who's your unrequited love, if you don't mind me asking?"

Keith tilted his head to the sky. "Someone who loved the stars more than anything. So much that he would risk the world for it."

There was a moment silence where Shiro spent staring at him, and Keith couldn't tell if the look in his eyes were wistful or sorry. He wondered if he had been too forward, Shiro had figured that the roses were for him. And Keith looked for some sort of reaction, but there were none - just a shared, slightly uncomfortable silence.

"You were saying something? Before this?" Keith finally asked.

Shiro seemed to have lost his thoughts by then, and scrambled to find words to reply. "Oh! I was… I was going to say that I'm really glad that you're here with me. I couldn't ask for a better brother in arms than you."

Keith tried to uphold his smile, despite the words digging a giant hole of despair inside his heart because Keith was right, and Pidge was wrong. "Me too."

"May I?" Shiro pointed carefully to the rose that Keith had forgotten was still nestled in his hand. He handed it over, and Shiro lifted it from his hand as if it were fine china, cradling it in the palm of his hand and turning it over to observe the blood-caked petals. "Was it someone in the Garrison?"

Keith nodded.

"And did you ever tell that… special someone of yours... about this?"

"There was never a suitable time."

"So he still doesn't know."

"No, he does. I'm sure he would have figured it out by now after I hacked a rose into his face." Keith huffed.

Shiro breathed slowly, and pulled the rose into his arms. "And what did he say?"

There was no need for Keith to even contemplate about whether he should recite Shiro's words or not. He didn't want to poke at this fresh wound that was threatening to explode as unforgivable and unexplainable words.

So he remained quiet, and Shiro caught on. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

Keith shrugged as if it were no big deal.

When Pidge landed and came to their rescue, Shiro handed the rose back to him, and Keith threw it into the flames. He could feel the questioning dark eyes boring into his back, but he gave no explanation, and continued onward.

A knock on Keith's door had him so shocked that he fell off his bed, because no one ever needed to come to his room. Yet, there was Shiro behind his door, healed, rested, and laughing as he stepped into Keith's room because he heard Keith's clumsiness from outside.

It felt like eternity since they have had a slow day that they all desperately needed after everyone but Pidge had as much fun being lost across the universe. It felt overdue that they finally had a break and Keith spent a lot of his free time that day catching up on sleep and ignoring the outside world that was waiting to kill him.

Hence, exhibit A: Takashi Shirogane knocking on his door and making Keith fall out of his bed - a gentle reminder that Shiro's inelegant choking from holding back his laugh is just as dangerous as a Galra sentry. Even more so because Galran sentries don't ask about your day and your health that was deteriorating with every minute that you see this brilliant smile.

They talked, sitting beside one another on the floor beside the bed with their shoulders touching. And it was nice to just talk to Shiro, to discover and learn things about each other like they used to out in the desert. And Shiro asked so many questions concerning his health that was beginning to become harder and harder to answer with the tingling in his throat becoming more prominent.

At one point as they delved more and more into Keith's choices and where he went wrong. "Why did you never confess before the symptoms showed?" Shiro asked. He hadn't exactly said that Keith fucked up - he was too nice to ever actually say that it was a thought in his head all the same.

Keith blew his hair away from his face. "Because back then, he was in love with someone else. And… well, that would have been extremely awkward."

Shiro could only look sorry for him, and he was used to it, by now. "If we could get you back to Earth, now, would he accept you?"

"No. I know for sure. He won't."

"Why not? He must be a real idiot to let someone like you go." Shiro nudged his arm with his, and Keith smiled a little at the contact.

"He only ever saw me as a close friend, and nothing more. He told me that." And it hurted a little to repeat the words to himself aloud. Before, he relished in the real world because Shiro was there, but now, it only started to feel more and more like a burden that grew heavier with the days. At least in his dreams, he still had hope.

"I wish I could help you."

"You are , Shiro. You are." Keith assured him. Things were confusing: he was grateful for Shiro's presence and care, but it was despairing to know that he was getting closer and closer to the end yet no closer to Shiro than he would have expected. He wanted to always have this little of a distance between them, but he wanted to stop being reminded of things he couldn't have.

Keith had decided to stop thinking about it altogether.

"I want to help you more , that is." Shiro added. "I could punch some sense into your unrequited love, for you."

Keith laughed. "Force your undying love for me into him, would you?"

"With my glowing robot arm, gladly!"

His lungs decided to send up another few stems at that point, and Keith ran to the bathroom to heave over the bowl painfully. And Shiro rubbed at his back soothingly whilst he caught his breath. An unknowing looker could almost mistake them for pair of cadets after a night out where one of them decided that the Gin was far too tasty for just a few shots. When he told Shiro that, he laughed.

Keith glared disgustingly down at his shirt and neck where there were smears of dark red that made it look like a horribly unimaginative abstract painting.

He rummaged through the closet for a new shirt and some clean bandages and headed back to the bathroom, taking off his older ones in the process. And then he remembered that Shiro was still there in the room, and he was gawking a bit at Keith's half-naked self. Shiro cleared his throat a bit when he realised, and Keith smirked.

Then the bandages came off, and he could see Shiro staring at his neck, deep in a thought that he couldn't even begin to guess. And Shiro's human hand hovered, asking, "May I?"

Keith nodded and tried not to flinch as he felt the fingers brushing tentatively over the column of his throat. They trailed from his chin, downwards, zig-zagging around the thorns and over the number of scars that had only multiplied over the years. Keith held his breath when when it stopped, right in between his collarbones, right where a long scar ran horizontally.

"It's from a surgery." He answered before the question could be asked. Shiro looked at him confusedly.

"People who have plants with thorns like mine would have to occasionally get other surgeries to remove the thorns, or they're start to overcrowd."

Shiro hummed in understanding and ran his finger up over a thorn that was protruding quite prominently on Keith's neck. He murmured, "Does it hurt?"

"Not always." Then the fingers went over the thorn and Shiro winced, quickly pulling his hand back.

"Careful, they're sharp." Keith pulled himself away, and turned to find the straight razor blade that served his neck more than his non-existing facial hair. Slowly, and painstakingly, he stared at the mirror whilst he began to trim the thorns. And Shiro was still standing behind him, leaning against the doorframe and watching him intently with a slight tilt of his head. Shiro's crossed arms, the slight curl in his lips, his intense stare - it was a predatory stance, and Keith felt like a deer in the headlight.

His hand slipped abruptly, and the blade cut into his skin, pulling another line of blood that was trickling down his throat.

"Careful, it's sharp." Shiro echoed the his owns words back at him with a grin.

"Figured." He washed his neck and the blade. Keith was about to try again before he met Shiro's eyes in the mirror, still fixated on him. Keith turned around and held the blade out.

"Do you want to try?"

Keith sat on the marble counter near the sink, and Shiro went slow. His eyes never once turned away from the task at hand, and he hands applied the slightest pressure around Keith's neck. The cuts were firm and decisive, pulling slightly against Keith's taunt skin - the places where his palm rested tingled slightly afterwards. He could so easily choke Keith with a grasp, and Keith could do absolutely nothing with the blade against his neck.

Shiro was so close where he was practically pressing Keith against the mirror, and Keith could Shiro's breath against the skin of his neck. There was an intimacy that reached beyond the physical distances between them that he wondered if Shiro could sense. He wondered if Shiro had noticed the reveal of Keith's greatest insecurity at all, and how he had so easily accepted it without judgments.

Keith reveled in it as he smiled in the feeling of the clean, soft bandages wrapped around his neck where Shiro's fingers brushed just before, as if trapping his essence into Keith's skin.

When Shiro finally stood straight, their faces were mere centimetres apart. And it was more than confusing, in retrospect, for someone that had likened Keith to a brother to be acting as if he was about to kiss him right then and there.

"Do you know what red roses mean?" He said softly, close to a whisper. Shiro patiently waited for him to continue.

"Devotion," he said.

Shiro's eyes softened for a second before they suddenly turned downwards, and he began to retreat from Keith's space. Keith almost reached out to pull him in again, consequences be damned, but Shiro was skittish and moved quickly to clean the blade. He left it next to the sink before he was stepping back and heading out of the room.

"Thanks, Shiro."

Shiro stopped for just a moment at the door frame, and without looking back before disappearing behind the door, he said, "You're welcome, Keith."

And Keith wondered what all of this meant.