You can say I'm wrong, you can turn your back against me
But I'm here to stay.
Like the sea should keep kissing the shoreline,
No matter how many times he pushes her away.

Everything I Need - Skylar Grey

"You know exactly who you are: a Paladin of Voltron. We're all the family you need."

"Shiro, you're… I love you, but I have to do this."

"Just give up the knife, Keith! You're only thinking of yourself, as usual."

"I've made my choice."

"Then you've chosen to be alone."

When Keith woke up, it was to the sound of explosions and rubble falling all around him, and nothing was making sense. The last thing he remembered was the longing on his father's face as he said goodbye, followed by a sorrowful ache that was still ripping through him.

But in front of him now was Shiro, running towards him in a panic.

Another explosion had the grounds shaking. Keith remembered where he was, and that his entire body was in pain, flaring across every muscle he owned. The Blade of Marmora were as ruthless as they were efficient. He really should have been smarter.

"Keith, are you okay?" Shiro pulled him to his feet and slung Keith's arm over his shoulder. He groaned slightly as his vision spun.

"Stop what you're doing!"

Drowsily, Keith tilted his face up to find masked figures all ready to charge at him. "What are you talking about? What's going on?"

"Call off your beast!" Kolivan demanded.

Beside him, Shiro pulled his arm tighter and wrapped the other arm on his shoulder. Everything was still spinning a bit, and Keith tried to blink away the spots in his eyes.

Shiro growled, "Move out of the way, we're leaving!"

"You're not leaving with that blade. It does not belong to you. You failed to awaken it!"

Keith was 'this' close to losing it with Kolivan and his cryptic words. "What does that even mean?!"

"Give up the blade!" Antok unsheathed his blade and charged at them, and abruptly, Keith was thrown back as Shiro raised his weaponised hand up to block a blow meant for their necks.

Shit. This wasn't what neither of them expected when the came here to negotiate. The fight will definitely come down to them losing with this number of Galra against them. Shiro was gritting his teeth against the impact on his forearm against the giant mass towering over him.

Keith stood frozen - he didn't want this. This wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth Shiro's pain. They needed to get out of there. God, he was so tired.

"Wait!" He yelled, and stood straight with all the strength he could muster, holding the knife open in front of him. "Just take the knife."

All eyes trained on him, and Shiro's surprise seemed to be stuck in his throat. Keith kept his hand steady. "It doesn't matter where I come from. I know who I am. We all need to work together to defeat Zarkon. And if that means I give up this knife, fine. Take it."

Suddenly, the blade in his hand glowed a blinding violet, and morphed into a long sword of luxite.

"You've awoken the blade." Kolivan said. "The only way this is possible is if Galra blood runs through your veins."

But that was the least of Keith's concern right now. It felt like barely anything was coming in, or out of his lungs despite his best efforts. And he tried to force out anything that could be stuck in his windpipe, but what came out was only blood.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Keith repeated in his mind.

He was feeling dizzy again, and Shiro managed to just catch him as he fell to his knees. "Keith! Come on, stay with me buddy."

A low rumble echoed in the building, but Keith could barely tell where it had come from. He needed a nap. He just wanted to nod off, but Shiro was shaking him gently. Keith didn't remember managing to sit on the ground, but then he was, and Shiro was in front of him, holding his shoulders.

"Keith. I know you're tired, but we need you to stop Red." He felt hands cupping his face and the back of his neck, and a low, hushed voice in his ears. "Hey, Keith. Please. We need you to pilot the Red Lion. You have to stay awake. Can you do that for me?"

Shiro sounded so afraid. Keith didn't know of what, but he could nod numbly despite everything in his body denying him, and breathlessly said, "Yes, sir."

"Good man." Shiro patted him on the back and hauled him back to his feet.

How he managed to pilot Red out of the hidden base and into the hangar remains hidden in some part of his consciousness that he didn't remember. What he did remember was the feeling of his lungs burning as he held back against his instincts to jerk to one side to spill everything in his throat. It was as if he was on autopilot with the only thing that was able to move him was sheer professionalism and will.

Every breath shook his body. He was still repeating the mantra in his head, but they only helped to keep him awake as he walked out of the lion. He could hear himself wheezing now. He couldn't breath. He needed to get whatever it is in his lungs out. He needed to get help .

"I'm proud of you, Keith." He head Shiro say. And Keith tried to say something, but he could barely even see where Shiro was standing. He felt the shuddering coughs finally leave him, but he still couldn't breath.

Someone was calling his name, and entire side of his body hurted as if he had slammed into a wall, but he couldn't register himself doing anything before his eyes closed and pulled him from the world.

When Keith came to it again, he felt air being periodically blow into his nose and something warm in the area between his lips and nose. He lifted his hand, and found a tube running across his face.

"Keith! You're awake!" The high pitched voice registered to be Pidge. She was at his side in seconds.

What happened to me? He tried to ask, but it started more like a croak that turned into a series of coughs because of how uncomfortable it felt to just speak. He turned his face over to splutter it out.

Pidge quickly placed a bowl right next to his mouth where a line of spit and blood was trickling out. "Don't speak, Keith. We had to put you into an emergency surgery to get that flower out of your trachea."

He nodded and fell back heavily onto the pillow, looking around. He gestured around the room with his hands, hoping Pidge would understand his question.

"Hang on." She adjusted the bed and gave him a datapad to communicate when he was somewhat sitting upright.

"Where am I?" he typed.

"One of the rooms in the medical wing. We moved you in here after you were in the healing pod for a day."

"A day? How long was I out for?"

"It's been…" Pidge looked to the ceiling, thinking. "...three days, if you counted the time in surgery as well."

"What happened to me?" He asked, and Pidge looked hesitant to tell him. He tapped on the datapad again, reaffirming his question, and she sighed.

"It's bad, Keith." She softly said, and Keith hadn't seen her this distressed since she had found a lead to her family. "When we received reports from Coran about the spread of the plant… I didn't think that it could be that bad when I told you to-"

Pidge pushed her hands under her glasses to wipe her eyes, and Keith could only stare in guilt.

"I gave you the worst advice, Keith." She croaked. "You can't hide this from Shiro anymore. You need to tell him."

Keith gave her a sad look, because he knew that - of course he does. The disease had progressed far quicker than he was used to back on Earth, and it was a common occurrence for him to throw up a petal every morning now. It was driving his appetite away, and his ability to train and fight properly. It was a miracle that he even survived the Trials of Marmora.

"You know I can't."

He knew he needed to tell Shiro. But he couldn't bring himself to, because Shiro saw him as nothing more than a friend. Telling Shiro about it now was taking that path where Shiro will undoubtedly force himself to reciprocate Keith's feelings. Maybe it would work, maybe it won't, and then they would only be hurting each other with forced affections.

"Yes you can! Why not?" Pidge scowled.

"He doesn't see me that way. He told me that I was like a brother to him."

"You can't possibly believe that?! How could you not see that Shiro loves you romantically?" She was yelling now, out of her chair and braced on the side of his bed with tears that had started to cascade down her cheeks. "You need to tell him, Keith. Or please just remove the plants altogether."

"No."

Pidge sniffed. "Then what will you do? Die?"

He shrugged, and she glared at him as if he had insulted her with sharp words instead of just his silence. He could say that he smoked some days when it was bad , and that would help a bit. But then that would probably make Pidge hysteric, and him, even at more of a lost than he already was.

"God, you're selfish," she huffed and took the datapad back to send a call to the team.

They pretended as if nothing had happened because it had always been like that with Pidge. He appreciated their mutual respect for each others' privacy, at least.

There were congratulations, there were cries of disbelief, there were updates on the new alliance with the Blade of Marmora - Kolivan even came to compliment his stupidity. But Shiro hadn't showed up until the very end as everyone was heading back to work.

Pidge gave him an all too expecting glance before she left, and he wished she hadn't. It gave him a suffocating amount of anxiety as he turned up to see Shiro's impassive expression that he couldn't understand.

Shiro sat next to him - they were alone in the room with only the sound of the machines feeding air through Keith's nose periodically humming. They were silent as Shiro took his palm in his, tracing over the crease, as if memorising and caressing the skin there.

"Sorry," he said, because that was the only thing he could think of that was appropriate. Shiro smiled with a sadness in his eyes and squeezed his hand tighter.

"It's alright." He pulled a long breath. Keith had expected Shiro to ask him how he was doing, because Shiro had a habit of asking that every day after Keith had told him about the Hanahaki disease. But instead, "Have you… have the others told you?"

Keith supposed that he shouldn't be surprised because Shiro had probably read more about his condition than Keith did at that point. "About?"

"About… everything?"

He nodded. " Yeah. You've been busy coming up with a new plan."

"Right, we are. And you're alright with it." Shiro's words were slow and careful.

"There's not much to agree with."

"But you'll be alright with sitting out?" He was genuinely surprised, and Keith was similarly confused, reeling his head back.

"Who says I'm sitting out?" He scrunched his eyebrows.

Shiro wiped his hands across his eyes tiringly and sighed. "Guess they didn't tell you, afterall."

Keith's hands typed rapidly on the datapad, each tap aggressive and loud as his nostrils flared slightly. "You're going to exclude me from the team?"

Shiro stared at him seriously with an hardened will. "Keith, you're not excluded from the team."

"Why?" He wished he could scream the words into Shiro's face to express the extent of his rage instead of showing a screen with the tiny three letter words and question mark that was almost mocking his entire existence.

"Because you are sick." Shiro said the words as if it were synonymous with death. "And we can't let you continue to pilot Red like thís."

Keith could tell where this was headed. Shiro had his mouth hanging open, ready for a request that Keith knew he couldn't do. "Keith, the only way that we'll ever let you pilot with good conscience, is if you'll remove the plants."

Allura had shown him the scans of his lungs, and the roses that have grown into a bush, spreading over half of his left lung, and a quarter of his right. They had cleaned his lungs of the withered petals and stems where they could, and they removed the thorns protruding through his skin. No one told him he was running out of time, but they hadn't needed to.

They didn't ask him to consider surgery, either, and he supposed they meant to leave it for Shiro to tell him. But that didn't make him any less stubborn in this matter, just as he was since the beginning with Iverson and his warnings.

"I'm not going to remove it, and not even you could convince me, Shiro," he tells him. "I can't just let it go like that."

"Keith," Shiro breathed, and then he was begging. "Don't make this harder on yourself than it already is. Please."

"No. I'm not doing it."

"Why? Just… why make yourself suffer, Keith? Is this love of yours that worth it to risk your life and everything you've earned?"

"Was Kerberos worth it for you?" He stared at Shiro, unwavering.

Shiro was silent as he read the words, seemingly reading them a few times over before he pressed his lips firmly. "What does Kerberos have to do with this?"

"You chose Kerberos over everything because it was something that you've always wanted. You wanted to go to space one last time because you didn't want to let go of your dreams just yet. My memories are the things I don't want to let go, Shiro."

"But would it be so terrible to let go of something that was causing so much pain?"

The familiar words rang through Keith's ears and he was suddenly realised a parallel in this moment that was so ironic that it hurted to think about it. He wanted to laugh at the universe's sick joke on his life. But he didn't, and he could only observe Shiro stiffening as he read the words on the screen. "You sound like Adam. "

They've been here before.

However, instead of Adam and Shiro fighting about Kerberos with Keith as a concerned third party, it was Shiro and Keith fighting about the roses with Pidge as a loving friend that will undoubtedly be hurt as well when this was over.

Keith suddenly remembered Pidge's red rimmed eyes and her futile attempts to stop crying. She really did sound like him, the very day that he had argued with Shiro about Kerberos.

"I regret hurting Adam." Shiro admitted with his eyes hooded, ashamed and mournful.

"Do you regret Kerberos?"

It was a while before Shiro replied with a sombre tone. "No, I don't."

A man like Shiro had a lot to regret when there were too many paths ahead to choose from, and the opportunity cost of Kerberos was Adam. For Keith, he only saw two paths that both wounded up with Shiro being hurt, and only one of it where Keith was happy.

Pidge was right. Keith had always been selfish - since the very beginning as a young cadet where he had taken every minute he could with Shiro, greedily and hungrily, until now, grown up and only somewhat wiser than before in love and life.

He was selfish, and he was going to keep Shiro in his memories, even when it killed him and took a bit of those around him as well because it was the best case scenario that he could come up in this reality.

"Keith, I…" Shiro scratched his head in frustration and a confusion that Keith hardly saw. It was as if he was on the verge of panic, but Keith couldn't bring himself to retrieve his words and take away the worries in the crease of his forehead. He just couldn't lie to Shiro the way he did to Pidge - Shiro would see straight through it anyways.

"I don't know what other options you have with this. What if… could you at least reconcile with your crush back on Earth?" Shiro offered.

Keith was already shaking his head, earning Shiro's tired sigh. "Why not?"

"I can't. He doesn't think of me that way. I know for sure."

"But you could try again." He looked at Keith, pleading and his hand grasping Keith's fingers so tight it was impossible to ignore. "Please, Keith. Try for me."

It was a cruel blow that made him almost believe that Shiro had known this entire time that Shiro was his hamartia - the ultimate weakness in Keith's haphazardly constructed life that would topple in the blink of an eye with the simple words that Shiro spoke.

Yet, looking at Shiro now with hopes burning bright in his eyes that remained so oblivious, Keith didn't think Shiro had even realised his own words.

There were no more words spoken afterwards. And Keith turned his head away and gritted his teeth to stop himself from whimpering as the door closed softly behind Shiro's departure.

It had gotten to the point where Keith had to be monitored in the middle of the night just in case he would just stop breathing as he did the other day when taking a nap on the lounge with his legs on Lance's knees. Keith scared him so badly that he couldn't even crack a joke for the next three days.

Keith woke up in the middle of the night just to gag on another flower, and Shiro was by his side today. He always seem to have flowers to cough up when it was Shiro's turn to watch him, but that was only natural.

Whole, crimson roses were more common now, and Keith didn't want to know how much time left that meant.

His throat was so raw and everything hurted so much Keith wasn't seeing straight anymore - but that might just be the oxygen deprivation talking. The rose just won't come out, Shiro had to perform abdominal thrusts to help push it up before the bloody thing finally flew into the bowl they left around.

Everything hurted, his lungs were still on fire despite the rose already dislodged. And he leaned closer to Shiro's chest whilst a hand rubbed soothingly down his back. Shiro tried to hand him some water, but he waved it away, and allowed his slightly delirious self to rest on Shiro's shoulder.

He was so tired of everything - he was tired of the stupid disease, he was tired of himself, he was tired of everyone's concern. He would have flown off by himself by now on Red like when he quit the Garrison, but he was banned from Red and missions as a whole "until his conditions improved," Coran had said. Whatever that meant.

He felt himself being tucked back into bed, and the pressure of the bed lessening as Shiro finally moved off. Shiro looked far too tired and beautiful in the room's hazy lighting, and Keith was if a bit delirious. He was done with everything fucking up his life, and he was sicker than ever. So in a panicked haze and despite his best judgement, he grabbed Shiro's hand and pulled him back.

He moved himself over to one side of the bed and pulled Shiro in right next to him. And Shiro was unnaturally pliant at this hour of the night, but Keith didn't question it and snuggled himself into Shiro's warmth that enveloped him. His arms cradled Keith closer, and Keith let out a contented hum.

He was close to drifting off when he felt something shaking him slightly, and the arm wrapped around him held tightly to him. Keith opened his eyes, and he was faced with a sight that made his heart stop.

The tuft of white hair drooped atop Shiro's forehead, and the obsidian of his eyes seemed more fragile than usual as it reflected the soft night lights coming from the walls. He was looking at Keith with such distraught that Keith wondered whatever had happened that could break his heart so.

Keith pulled a hand up to cup his cheek, and Shiro jerked slightly before realising it was Keith, then he mellowed. The area underneath his eyes stuck slightly to Keith's fingertips like remnants of tears that had been wiped off. Shock must have shown on his face, since Shiro frowned and pulled Keith's hand off his face.

"Sorry, I woke you up." Shiro apologised.

"It's okay." Keith tried to say, but rasped instead. "What's wrong?"

Shiro's melancholy was like a turbulent storm, throwing a million words that remained in his head as his eyes darted to the ceiling. And Keith briefly wondered if pulling him into an embrace would chase that worry away. But Shiro was holding his hand, still - it was something Shiro had started doing a lot as of late - and Keith couldn't bring himself to ask.

"I don't want you to die," he finally said, entirely too emotional. It sounded like he had thought about it too often in the silence of his mind, where the thought was left to fester like bacteria, into a very real fear that finally had him sobbing into Keith's hair in the middle of the night.

Keith did the only thing he could in that moment: comfort. "I won't," he said.

Shiro choked, "But you will if-"

"I won't." Keith repeated. His hand found its way out of Shiro's grasp rested on his chest, right where Shiro's heart beated loud and strong beneath the layers of skin and muscles.

"I'll be here." He said. "I'll always be alive here."

The words only made Shiro smile sadly. "Being sappy isn't going to save you."

"I know... I'm sorry."

"You should stop apologising so much." Shiro chuckled quietly.

"Yeah, Adam told me that too."

"Really?"

Keith nodded. "He rubbed off too much on you, I think."

"And on you too, apparently." Shiro cocked his head slightly, pushing his face closer into Keith's. "Did he know about your Hanahaki disease?"

"Yeah. Iverson even tried to send him to convince me to do the surgery."

"And did he?"

"Of course not." He laughed. "He's my mentor, he knows how stubborn I am. And he told me he wasn't about to get around my thickhead, only to find another thicker head behind it."

"I can't do that." Shiro smirked. "Someone's gotta get through that thick head of yours. Fate of the universe kinda depends on it."

Keith pulled himself closer into Shiro's side, savouring the warmth. "Do you miss him?"

"Not anymore." Shiro's prosthetic underneath Keith's head began to pull at the hair at the base of of his neck, playing with it gently. "But I did. People you once had feelings for will always hold that bit of your heart, even if it was only our past selves."

"And now? Anyone got your heart?"

"I have a more pressing matter on my hand to think about that, don't you think?"

"You know people lecture about having a work-life balance." Keith raised an eyebrow, and Shiro laughed at him joyously, and genuinely. It wasn't something Keith often heard in between the focused silence and stern speeches. He wanted the sound engraved into his mind.

This , he could happily leave with just this.

Then he felt a pair of lips against his forehead, and he stopped breathing. That was… something that he couldn't understand? Was it like… a brotherly thing? Surely that was a brotherly thing? Definitely. Yeah. Nothing else. They're just very close friends - Shiro practically let him crawl on top of him without any complaints.

Yeah… good friends, right?

This was giving him a headache. Keith just wanted to sleep and wake up to a perfect world where everything was going the way he wanted.

Shiro took a deep breath and rested his chin above Keith's head. "Whoever that's killing you really needs to get his head out of his arse."

"Oh yeah?" Keith snorted. How stupidly ironic was this . "You should tell it to him."

"I would. In a heartbeat."

"Hm. I believe you." Keith hummed, because he didn't ever doubt Shiro's genuity towards him, anymore. Things were easy in that aspect, like how easy it was to find physical intimacy with each other in this moment. He wanted to go back to sleep like this.

"Keith?" Shiro turned to him again.

"Hm?" He hummed, and Shiro gave him a glance that Keith couldn't understand - it was too tender and warm, as if he were admiring what was in front of him.

"You know that I'm always here for you, right?"

"Yeah." This was leading somewhere he couldn't see.

"And that I love you?"

Not in the way I want you to, Keith thought and gave him a blank stare and hoped his words didn't come out too bitter. He laughed and patted Shiro on his cheek. "Yeah. I know all about your brotherly affections."

If Keith hadn't been so close to Shiro's face, he would have missed the flinch. It took another while before Shiro spoke again. "No. I mean… more than that."

Keith blinked. His brain was short-circuiting, there was no way to compute this information that he had just received. "What do you mean?"

"I know this is probably the last thing you would want to hear from me, seeing as you're clearly in love with someone else." Shiro breathed. "I'm not trying to ruin what we already have. But… know that even if your special someone didn't love you back, I do."

Perhaps Keith was dreaming, perhaps he was asleep and this was all but another cruel joke of a dream that his mind had conjured, like ones he had in the shack that left him shaking on the worn couch. He wondered if he pinched himself now, would he wake up to the cracks on his ceiling again.

He discreetly pinched himself, and waited to see something else, but he only felt a sharp pain on his forearm. And Shiro was still right next to him.

"Do you mean it?" he dared to utter the words with their faces so close. And he dared to look up at Shiro expectantly for a confirmation. Shiro smiled at him knowingly. "I love you."

"Romantically?" Keith had always preferred actions and straightforwardness. These words were fathomable in his imagination, in his dreams. It felt surreal. And he needed this. He needed the a confirmation to make sure he wasn't just projecting his own feelings onto Shiro's words.

"Yes," Shiro agreed and pulled a strand of hair from Keith's face.

"And that other time when you said that I was your brother in arm?" Keith could see the red flush crawling up Shiro's cheeks and ears.

"Right. I was an idiot."

"You didn't mean it?"

"I panicked! You were talking so fondly about this guy you liked and he's back at the Garrison, and I just… Doesn't matter, anyways." Shiro bursted all in one breath, and held Keith's eyes in a piercing gaze. "I love you. And I wish I could save you."

That was all Keith needed before he pulled their foreheads together, his hands snaking behind Shiro's neck, and his grin pulled to the widest it could go. Shiro had said it.

Keith felt like he could cry. "You just did," he whispered.

Slowly, a bewildered frown crossed his face. "What do you mean?" He stared at Keith, wide eyed, then covered his gaping mouth with his left hand as if something had just occurred to him.

"You would have died because of me." Shiro whispered the words like a dark secret. "I'm sor-"

Keith slapped a hand over Shiro's mouth, silencing him so suddenly and so physically that somehow he was flustered. Keith tried to keep his face still but he was still too high on relief to before the edge of his lips crept upwards because of how incredibly ridiculous it was that their obliviousness had was on its way to a near-catastrophic ending. Keith was such an idiot. Shiro was equally an idiot.

He smiled. "I would do everything for you."

When he lowered his hand, Keith was graced with a wide grin as they held each other in a distance where they could feel each other's skins. More than that, it was distance that they had both longed for and has finally reached, where both can finally speak without it feeling like they were shouting into a void, hoping for an echoing reply.

"We'll be okay." Shiro touched their foreheads, his hand pulling Keith flush against him.

It was relief pouring out through his every pores, and Keith found himself crying. Shiro was right, Keith would be alright now. The flowers would stop, and they will wither slowly as time passes. And this wasn't another repeat of what had once been in some part of their history. Things will get better.

Keith nuzzled his cheek further into Shiro's hands. This felt right. This was how they were supposed to be: safe, with each other, without worries about the fate of the universe or roses that grew inside his lungs that would eventually snuff out the light in him. Keith could keep these moments with Shiro forever in his heart without fearing the cost on his life.

"Can I kiss you?" Shiro murmured into the air between them. Keith blinked once before their lips met, throwing them into a bliss that only served to remind them of each other's presence.

They were there in each other's embrace, relieved and momentarily happy, even if the universe was trying to end itself and them in it. But at least they were together, and Keith knew they would be okay. That much he could be sure of.

And Shiro tasted like everything he could ever ask for.

2019 A/N: If you managed to stick thru 15k of this crap, im really really really just amazed and thankful for your patience! the plan for this was a lot better than how i wanted to execute it. i don't particularly like how this ended, but i hope everyone enjoyed it? also i would be eternally grateful if you could leave a tiny review.

2022: still grateful for reviews but plz be kind. we're all here for a good time!