"What was the Secret poem again?"

Elaine withdrew the crossed-out notes and read:

"Four pirates on a

Dead three-headed monkey's chest,

Do re re and

A mug of grog."

"Thanks." After we all three poured our grog ingredients into the mug hanging on the yardarm, I placed the three skulls on the Secret chest.

"You were awful quiet during the fight," I ribbed Murray. "Don't tell me you were scared."

"Perish the thought, fragile mortal," Murray scoffed. "That was more of a soap opera season finale."

"Yeah, yeah." I picked up the fish from where it was still lying on the floor, to use in place of a drum stick.

I reached for the key, then paused. "Um, guys." I winced; this wasn't going to go over well. "I actually have something to tell you."

"Don't tell me ye lost the key!" LeChuck looked ready to crush me and the rest of the chamber along with me.

"No, no," I said hastily. "It's just that - I don't think we should open it anymore. It can't fall in the wrong hands." That sounded almost right; it's what I'd been telling myself this whole adventure: pushing to stay a step ahead of LeChuck, and then the pirate leaders. But that wasn't all of it. "I don't think I ever wanted to open it, exactly. I want to protect it." That was better. "I know things may change, and that's fine, but I don't want this world to turn into Madison's. People need a place with rubber trees, for days when they're falling."

They looked puzzled, and mildly infuriated by my Chum literary technique in LeChuck's case, but I thought they understood what I was trying to say.

"I feel the same, sweetie. I think. But we need to prevent another earthquake," Elaine gently insisted.

"Yes, so I was thinking, we'd turn the key to lock it instead. I'm guessing that will end the ceremony, so hopefully the volcano will go back to normal."

"We can try." Elaine turned to our third member. "LeChuck?"

"Aye, that's fine."

"Really?!" I'd been sure he'd raise way more of an uproar.

"I don't need the Secret to surpass you," LeChuck stated. "If neither of us find it out, then I will pursue other ventures. But no funny business. We turn the key together."

"Sure," I agreed. "Together."

We each put one hand around the key, and the other on the Secret chest. I bopped Dorothy and Remy gently with the fish: sonorous 'Do' and 'Re's rang out and blended around us. The grog in the mug began bubbling, and the volcano added its own thunderous crescendo. A bright flash built up to a blinding white, then faded, along with the voices. When we could see again, the only change we noticed was that the chest's keyhole disappeared. The volcanic activity, however, had not.

"Oh great." I blinked stars out my eyes. "What are we supposed to do now?"

I examined the room. The broken monkey statue looked the same, with the skulls and the Chest and the empty mug of grog. Same for our surroundings: nothing but stone walls and pouring lava columns.

"Maybe it can't be locked back up," Elaine said. "We have to check."

We carefully removed Remy and Dorothy, and together with Murray as the fourth pirate tried to lift the chest's lid. It wouldn't budge.

LeChuck began sparking with rage. "Threepweed!"

"I didn't do anything!"

Elaine stepped between us. "Maybe something else has changed?"

The only thing left was us. I looked at Elaine. "Did you do something with your hair?"

"It did get a bit disheveled in my fight with Flair," she admitted.

I felt the chill of deja-vu, but remembered that I didn't have to worry about that disguise stuff anymore.

I turned to LeChuck. "Did you do something with your - oof!" He elbowed me in the stomach with his funny bone.

There was no need to ask Murray; he definitely hadn't changed his hair.

I walked further out into the corners of the room, just to be thorough.

"Did you do something with your hair?"

"No," said the Voodoo Lady.

Wait, the Voodoo Lady?!

There she calmly stood behind us, as if she'd been part of the party from the start.

"Oh good, she made it," Elaine commented.

"You asked her to come?"

"Of course! One of a politician-turned-philanthropist's" - right, that was the word! - "most important skills is mobilizing the right people for the job."

"How did you find her?"

"I asked Carla to let Corina know what we were up to. It was kind of her to stop by during her lunch break."

"Who?"

"The voodoo lady."

"Oh, right."

All caught up, I began asking the important questions. "Where have you been?"

"Managing the volcano," the Voodoo Lady replied. "You've been putting it under a lot of stress."

"Physically, or emotionally?" I asked, confused.

"Yes," she said.

"How do we fix it?"

"By finishing the ceremony, as you surmised."

So it really had to be done. I stood there, unmoving.

"You told me that mighty pirates fear no change nor ending," LeChuck said gruffly. "Are ye ready to admit you don't be one?"

"Yes, I mean, no!" I anxiously fisted my hands in my T-shirt. "I just… it's hard not to." Elaine placed her hands over mine, silently supportive.

Even the Voodoo Lady must have pitied me, because she said, "Don't be so anxious. Sometimes that can hide the very thing you are looking for."

I unclenched my fists and smoothed down my shirt. Then I noticed something important. "It's not stuck anymore!" I tried to stretch it away from me so I could take a better look. "I think the design changed too!" I took it off and held it up.

It still said in big letters "I FOUND the SECRET of MONKEY ISLAND," but now the "and ALL IT WAS WAS THIS STUPID T-SHIRT" underneath had disappeared. In its place was a new graphic, of what looked like a generic park fountain, complete with a splashing water spout, and a big "Property of:" tag slapped on it. The tag was labeled messily in bold red with the name "YOUTH".

We were all dumbfounded into utter silence, even the volcano.

"What the heck is this?!" I demanded once I could speak again.

"The Fountain of Youth, obviously," the Voodoo Lady replied calmly.

"This is the second lamest T-shirt I've ever seen!" I waved the cheesy shirt in her face. "Why in the world would anybody want this? It's even more useless than my previously owned horse armor!" There, I finally admitted it.

"The Fountain is a very popular quest item in the Caribbean," said the Voodoo lady. "You could probably get an obscenely large sum for it."

"Aye," LeChuck agreed. "I heard tell of such a craze - foolish mortals." He threw another scathing glance at my shirt.

"This can't be the Secret?" Once or twice was a joke, but...

"T-shirts usually come with instructions," the Voodoo lady replied cryptically.

"Aha!" Elaine and I exclaimed.

"I think you said it a little before I did." I handed her the shirt by the collar.

Elaine fished out the tag at the back and frowned at it. "It's rather small print."

"Here, maybe this will help." I got out my double monocle and passed it over.

"Thanks sweetie." She placed it over the tag and read the additional material and care instructions aloud. "'Size: pirate. 100% preshrunk cotton, 1% recycled voodoo magic. Garment care: Machine wash, tumble dry on low. Secret can be opened only by the forever youngest.'"

The Voodoo Lady, who'd been nodding along wisely throughout, glanced up sharply at the last word. "What did you say?"

"The usual, and that the Secret can be opened only by the forever youngest," Elaine repeated.

"That isn't what it was supposed to say," said the Voodoo Lady.

LeChuck spewed blue flames as he roared at me. "This be all your fault!"

"I suspect so too," the Voodoo Lady intoned gravely.

"Hey!" I objected.

"You do have a history of… creative interpretation with recipes and spells. Did you use the exact ingredients and brewing temperature?"

"That may depend on your definition of 'exact'," I admitted.

"I knew it!" LeChuck raged.

"C'mon, it's not like you have any room to point fingers, with your excuse for 'pepperoni'," I reminded him.

"That shouldn't have caused this change," the Voodoo Lady said thoughtfully. "This effect is more likely to happen when substituting organic or all-natural flavorings, or maybe too little cooking time."

"THREEPWEED!" LeChuck officially lost it. The volcano did too, as it began hissing. "If your ineptitude has lost the Secret, then -"

"The Secret isn't lost," interrupted the Voodoo Lady.

"See?" I prodded LeChuck.

Elaine brought us back on track. "Can you explain a bit more, Corina?"

"The instructions were supposed to say, 'the Secret can be opened only by the forever young at heart.' That meant whoever wore the Fountain of Youth. But due to your substitutions, it seems that now the chest will only open for the youngest pirate in the ritual."

We all looked at each other.

"You're younger than me, Guybrush. According to our marriage certificate anyway."

"That's true." Though with what I'd seen with the judicial filing system this adventure, I wouldn't depend on that. "LeChuck?"

"I be older than Elaine," he said gruffly.

"Murray?"

"What, puny human?"

"How old are you?"

"I do not count my experiences by mortal years."

"Okay… who was popular when you were young?"

"I guess I was pretty popular, in my own friend group," Murray confided, clacking his teeth. "Before I betrayed them for evil, that is -"

"No, I mean, like singers, or idols?"

"Back in my day, we didn't have these new-fangled idols with extra hands or modern names like Steve," he rambled. "Everyone worshipped -"

"Okay, it's definitely not Murray."

With a careful eye on LeChuck for any sudden backstabbing, I went to open the chest. The lid stayed shut.

"Huh." I stepped back and stared at it. "Maybe you better try, just to be sure," I suggested to Elaine.

We all tried, twice - three times, if counting while holding Murray. The chest lid didn't budge.

"Why don't you try," I asked the Voodoo Lady, panting. It was hard work, yanking on lids.

"No."

"Oh," Elaine put her hand to her mouth. "Oh, I see now."

I hurried up to her. "What is it?"

"It's about that surprise Captain - or rather, Trent was mentioning earlier," she said, taking my hands in hers. "It's time to tell you."

"Really? Right now?" Was it me, or was it getting hotter? I was sweating.

"Yes," she said firmly. "At first, I didn't want to say anything until I was sure. And you were still all swept up in this Secret business, so I wanted to wait until you could listen properly. But between my errands and meetings these past few days, I was able to confirm it."

"You mean…?"

Elaine beamed at me. "We've got a new title to add on, Mighty Pirate(TM). We're parents!"

"!?" I was so dazed that I couldn't even remember whether that had been one of my guesses or not, much less form proper words. It was like my first conversation with Elaine all over again. When I could speak, all that came out was "What?! Really?! Wow!" My mind was swirling with the impact the news had on pretty much everything. "Oh, is that why you've got that whole island of nothing but lime trees, for pregnancy cravings? Hold on, I think I've still got a lime on me!" I dug around in my pocket.

"No, Guybrush, Scurvy Island and the foundation really are for combating scurvy." Elaine looked like she was trying not to laugh. "I honestly have absolutely zero cravings for limes right now."

I grabbed Elaine and pulled her into a hug. Then I remembered where we were and who we were with. "Don't think you get to be godfather," I said to LeChuck, glaring at him over Elaine's head.

"I wouldn't if ye asked me." LeChuck looked both angry and uncomfortable now. "And now we're nowhere nearer to solving the volcano problem."

"You don't have to worry about that," the Voodoo Lady announced. "The ceremony is complete. The opening is technically post-ceremony. There won't be another earthquake due to the Secret."

"That's good news!" I let out a sigh.

"You must decide what to do with the Chest until the time of Opening," the Voodoo lady continued. "I recommend returning it to my safe. Once of age, the child may use the five Golden Keys to retrieve it then."

"If ever," I appended hastily.

"Who knows what the future will bring," the Voodoo lady equivocated.

We all looked at each other.

"I'm for it," Elaine said. "I'd rather not keep it ourselves."

"I wouldn't agree to Threepweed having it in any case." LeChuck held out a skeletal hand. "Give me two of the Keys. Then we have a deal."

It seemed fair enough, and it wasn't like he could steal it for himself. Plus, I was still in a great mood from Elaine's news. "Okay." I gave him two of the keys, and two to Elaine. Then I handed the Chest to the Voodoo Lady.

"You have made a wise decision," she said. "My safe deposit rates are very reasonable."

"Hey, you didn't mention fees before." I crossed my arms. "Do we get a frequent shopper discount?"

"Corina, I hate to ask but…" Elaine glanced around us. The floor had begun to steam. "You did say the volcano stopped with the ceremony, right?"

"No, I said there wouldn't be an earthquake," the Voodoo Lady corrected. "These chambers will still flood with lava though." True to her word, red-hot magma began drizzling in through the rocks of the blocked side.

"Yikes!" We all backed away to the far end. "You said not to worry about it!"

"You have plenty of time to make it to LeChuck's ship if you hurry." The Voodoo Lady glided towards the blocked side with the Chest tucked in her arms. "I'll be on my way back now."

"Can't we go with you?" It had to be better than sharing a ship with LeChuck, as myself anyhow.

"No." She passed behind one of the lava columns and disappeared.

"How typical."

The chamber began shaking. "Time to go," Elaine decided.

I grabbed Murray and the skulls and double-checked I had Bob's arm with me, and together we all dashed madly for the exit.

Later, Elaine and I pulled up the raft next to LeShip's anchor rope. "Ahoy!"

"Congratulations, swabbie," LeChuck boomed from above. "Ye've been promoted to 'all hands'. As in 'all hands on deck, we make ready to sail yesterday'."

"So… we still have a truce?" I confirmed.

LeChuck blew a gusty sigh. "As the bigger pirate, out of the kindness of me heart, I'll guarantee your safety 'til we reach your sorry excuse for a boat. In honor of the occasion." His niceness quota strained, he stomped off belowdecks and slammed the door of his quarters.

I helped Elaine up.

"Thank you. I'm fine, Guybrush, really." She hopped up nimbly. "Let's get underway."

It didn't take too long - especially with Apple Bob's hand helping - and we were soon gazing at Monkey Island shrinking off our stern.

"That was one heck of an adventure," I summarized.

"It will make quite a story," Elaine agreed. "Whether or not anybody will believe it."

We stood with arms locked together, thinking of pirates, and secrets, and the future of two worlds and our new tiny one right between us, until the island was shrouded from view.

I whispered, "Until next time, Monkey Island."

Epilogue:

I sighed. It was long, crazy, and could use some editing, but that was what had actually happened during my adventure to find the Secret. Once I told him, nothing had to be done yet, but eventually… Would he open it, or choose to lock it up forever - or would we all be dragged into yet another tangentially related adventure instead? I had no idea. Just imagining the possibilities made me grin.

I got off the bench, and strolled slowly to rejoin my family.

If I'd looked behind, I'd have seen a three-headed monkey traipsing along after me.

Thank you for reading!