Chapter Four

Jess felt as if he had hung his head long enough. But if he was giving himself an honest look-over, there had never been a need to keep his eyes cast to the ground at all. Even if he would have believed in that deep of an examination, it would have been difficult to not shrink under the pressure sent his way.

For a solid three days Jess had dodged Slim's stare. They had a way of penetrating his core even without returning his blue, anyway, but taking it in straight was like facing a firing squad. Since there wasn't a man yet that had walked away from that kind of assault, Jess didn't want to be the next to fall. So he kept himself locked behind an iron wall.

Today he was ready to heave it open a crack, and then hopefully take the full steps back into his life.

"You still mad at me, Slim?"

That question was as loaded as the iron at his hip. He had been, there was no doubt there, as the flame was built so high that there was actual heat in his chest. Different than how his body reacted to overeating. This was anger's purest form of fire. And it was impossible to tamp down that first day. The second day he had tried to ignore the fact that its presence was lighter. The third, he couldn't deny its taming. And what about today?

Slim finally shook his head and managed a smile. "You need something?"

"Yeah, an afternoon off."

He set aside the headache-inducing harness he was mending. "Seems like you've had a couple of those this past week already."

"And one more ain't gonna hurt. See, Slim, there's a big game in town. Lots of chips are gonna be exchanging pockets."

"And you figure yours will hold it all?"

"Just enough to get Andy that saddle he's been wanting."

"But I was going to get it for him."

Jess shrugged, his boot doing a circle's shuffle. "I know. I'm gonna give it to you, for you to give it to him."

"If you win."

"Of course I'll win. Have you ever beat me?"

"You use a marked deck with me."

"So? The skill's still there even when the special cards ain't," Jess said, watching Slim's focus shift to the peg behind him on the barn's wall. He was more than thinking on it. Time to cinch the lasso tight. "I know how much you've got put away, Slim. It ain't enough for all that leather. Come on, let me mend some of the fences that I blew down the other day."

Slims fingers rotated a tap against his thigh. "You won't tell Andy?"

"Of course not. I know how to keep a secret, especially when they're about me."

"All right, Jess. You can have the afternoon off. But play straight, I don't want Mort Cory coming to call saying that you've been jailed for causing the saloon to cave in. Or worse."

Jess hurried toward his mount, the gear quick to go into place. "Thanks, Slim. I won't let you down."

"I hope not, Jess. Oh and Jess."

He peeked around his horse's head. "Yeah?"

"Good luck."

It was strange, that last remark, because if luck had anything to do with how the afternoon rolled on, everyone in the family was going to need a heavy dose of it.

.:.

Slim stretched his legs to what felt like longer than their full length. Although he was accustomed to saddle straddling, getting back down on the ground after three hours of riding put too much of a hitch against his backside and lower. Gear going into its proper position, Slim parceled out grain for his mount and then loosened the muscles a second time, groaning as the ache didn't shift out of his hips.

A cup of coffee, the couch and today's newspaper dropped off with the mail would feel mighty good right about now. He would get none of it.

"Slim!" Jonesy's unusual rapid pace put a sharper jab in his call. Or maybe it was fear. "Slim! Land, am I ever glad you're back."

"What's wrong, Jonesy?"

"It's Andy. He's been gone since the noon dishes were put up."

Slim's eyes naturally started to turn toward the yard, and then the perimeter. Finally he settled on the corral, minus one horse. Andy's. "Where'd he go?"

"I'm afraid I don't know. All he said was that he was going to find Jess. Course nothing I could say would stop him."

"Jess is in town playing poker."

"Poker? You think he figured that out and rode into Laramie?"

The heat was back, and increasing by the second. "I don't know. But I guess I better find out."

.:.

Slim stepped into the saloon, eyes settling on Jess long enough that if his shade of blue was made of flaming spears, they would be jabbing into Jess' flesh. Something must have smoldered against his skin, all right, for Jess lifted his hand to tug at his collar as if he were suddenly hot.

His next look ran around the room. Besides the poker table with six full chairs, the bar boasted a pair and two other tables had occupants. Fairly empty for the fading day, but enough sin to keep a boy's mind occupied for weeks. Hearing the step creak, Slim followed the rise where a man, just completing the buttons on his shirt, was walking down.

That sight alone made a big brother's blood boil. If only Jess had it in him to feel the same.

When the cards were tossed into the table's center, nothing but a bust, Slim walked toward him. At Jess' side, the blue immediately cast upward to crash into Slim's.

Slim's tongue could have blown up the entire room. "Where's Andy?"

"Dadgum, Slim, ain't he at home?"

"You know he's not. He came looking for you. So where is he?"

"I never saw him."

He turned his head toward the other players. Every one of them shook their heads. He could believe them all except Scottie Brown. If Slim wasn't feeling the wringing hands of worry clutch into his belly, he might have asked why the older Brown was even sitting in a game with Jess. Last round of gossip that hit, Bailey still snarled every time he heard Jess' name. Wouldn't Scottie be betraying his younger brother by sharing cards, and even his money, with Jess?

But as the biggest betrayer here was Jess, Slim's concern wouldn't even point toward the other man in the room long enough to question him. Only Jess. And Slim couldn't stop his hands from reaching down to Jess' collar, the hoist upright done with such a mighty heave that Jess felt his boots leave the floor. For a moment as he flinched under Slim's pressure, Jess expected the next step would be his body getting tossed into the saloon's rear wall.

Slim held him so close their noses almost touched. "Jess, if anything's happened to Andy, then I'll…"

Slim didn't need to finish the words. It was written all over him, and the roomful of men, even the pair of barfly's that couldn't read understood the threat.

Jess understood it the most. This was fear talking, loudly, but there was something else in Slim's tone that could have deafened a tornado's squall that had its own brand of fright. Jess felt the rare quiver of his spine. Andy better be fine, otherwise Jess would shoot a hole in his own britches before Slim even put the sights up to Jess' behind.

Jess hardened his jaw as he peeled Slim's fingers away from his flesh. "Let's go."

.:.

If they could stop the twilight from switching to complete darkness, it would shorten their ride, but since they had no control of what happened after sunset, they split once the road Andy had taken ran out of tracks. Jess crossed a gentle stream, certain that he was following the unknown path even if there wasn't a proper trail underneath him. He just knew. It was the same feeling that made him bypass the fishing holes and go straight to the ridge. Hearing a nose whoosh with air, Jess almost smiled. It was too early for his expression to turn upright, especially when Jess caught the view he was seeking, and the saddle was empty.

Shooting into the air a single round, Jess waited until he saw the tall outline approach. "Over there, Slim! It's Andy's horse."

His eyes ran over the distance to where Jess was pointing, and then he made his horse go the same course, every second that passed to get there he looked for a sign of his brother nearby. There was none. Reaching the lone horse, Slim dropped the reins of his mount to the ground, the release of his leather seat done in the same instant.

His hands ran from one end of the animal to the other. "Chest and legs are cool. He's been out here awhile."

"Looks like he mighta wandered some," Jess said, checking what lay ahead of them on foot. "Tracks come off the ridge that way."

Slim followed Jess' nod. There was nothing beyond that rise except rocks that wouldn't budge without blasting powder. A perfect location for a ready-made grave.

Fear made the angry balls of red even brighter in his cheeks. "Did you give Andy a ruse so he wouldn't suspect you playing poker today?"

"No. Honest, Slim. I never saw Andy after the morning stage left. When the dust was settling, he went toward his critters and I went into the barn."

"Well you must've said something. He had no reason to be out here."

"Stop it, Slim. You can chew me up and spit me out later. Right now we gotta find Andy."

"At least we agree on one thing. Mount up." Slim barked, the echo slapping back in both of their faces from the crags in front of them.

Even though it was his own call, Slim sensed in its return that there was more to it than one voice. Something faint, as quiet as a heartbeat even, but something was beyond that first rocky point. He hurried his horse to get there. But where hooves could no longer be present, Slim's feet took it the rest of the way. The sickness that suddenly seized his middle must have known the truth before the rest of him could catch up. But once it did, there was no heave, no thunderous pain gripping his chest, just a load of dry, desert air that wafted up through his nose and turned his body to sand.

Andy lay on the rocks below, arms spread wide, leg bent, and an excruciating puddle of red under his hair.

"Andy!"

He knew Jess was beside him, looking down at the same horror as he, but there was a feeling between them, so different, so stark, that Slim had to change directions of his eyes to land on Jess. It was almost as if they were strangers, not knowing about or even caring for the other, and what made that feeling even worse, was that Slim would rather it be that way.

The air huffed out of his chest. Jonesy had said he had two brothers. Well, he had just lost one. And God help him if he had lost them both.

His legs being long, Slim couldn't walk down, he had to slide down. At least it got him to his answer faster, although at that last moment, where a breath was drawn or gone, Slim thought the entire world stopped spinning. He didn't want to find that Andy's soul had been let free. But he had to.

Slim's hand caressed the forehead. It was cold, but not like the chill of death, yet still as frightening. "Andy?"

No response.

Panic took Slim's hand lower to feel for the throb alongside his neck. It was there. But Slim couldn't take a proper breath yet. "Andy, can you hear me?"

"He's out cold, Slim," Jess said, his fingers replacing where Slim's had been at the hairline, but Jess' were working into the flesh, the probe making the line of his mouth be drawn in deeper. "Lotta swelling. Musta fell quite a piece."

Slim looked upward, the ledge of loose rocks their own ominous testimony that Andy had fallen the entire length. "My God."

Jess' hands went to Andy's middle and then cradled where the blood was the thickest. "Ribs outta place. Neck feels all right, though."

"How do you know?" Slim snapped like a dog going berserk.

"I know I ain't a doc, but just going by touch, I can tell."

"Well since you're so smart, why don't you tell me what Andy was doing out here?"

He blinked once, but then his eyes stayed open, receiving the blazes that Slim was emitting back at him. "I don't know."

"He was looking for you. There has to be a reason why."

"I dunno. Yesterday we were, oh no…"

Lashes finally lowered, Jess' view wasn't the darkness usually found there. He could see it all. And hearing it was even worse, for Jess' tongue had been releasing a whopper of a tale. Some of it true, other places a bit embellished, but how did he know that telling Andy about the time he balanced on a thin ledge to get around a rock slide would wind up like this?

"We were riding fence together and when we came upon Long Ridge, I told him about that rock slide I had to get outta down Denver way spring before last. I told you the same, Slim."

"And did you add in the part how you poured the water out of your canteen to wash away the little pebbles so that you could get a better balance? When in reality you accidently dropped your canteen. But that wasn't the whole of it. You weren't in any real predicament in the first place. All you had to do was hang onto the rocks with your right hand so you could jump out!"

"I reckon it came out about like that. But believe me, Slim, I had no idea that he'd go and try it."

"Shut up, Jess! He wouldn't be out here if it wasn't for you. He thinks he can do everything you can. You're nothing to emulate, Jess. You're nothing."

What Slim was saying was nothing new, but it hurt, badly. Jess knew what he amounted to. Sure, there could have been a price tag attached to his hide before, he even toted a decent sum around in his pocket a few times depending on how high the stakes were, but when it came down to real worth, he was exactly as Slim described. Nothing.

By the way Slim had smoke curling out of his ears, Jess had a feeling he was about to have the very same, for keeps. But now wasn't the time to worry over his fate, Andy's needs were more important.

Feeling his leg over, Jess straightened the bend and then took up both feet into his hands. "We better get him home."

"No, don't touch him."

He pulled his hands away as if avoiding venom. "Slim…"

"This is it, Jess. It's over."

He knew, but he had to ask anyway. "What is?"

"Us." It snapped with the ferocity of a whip with the raging leather attacking the ground at Jess' feet. "I'm giving you a fair enough warning. Get out of here, Jess. Get off my ranch and don't you ever come back."

"But I…"

"No, Jess. I've given you enough. Taking my brother cuts the line. All the way finished, the end! Now get!"

He nodded, as there wasn't any kind of trust in his being that his voice would offer a proper response without cracking dead center.

Climbing to the ridge's full height, Jess paused, looking down at the two brothers. The sight was different, so far away from the long ago memory that there shouldn't have been any resemblance, but there was. He saw the flames devouring his heart all over again.

He had two brothers twice. Now he had none.

.:.

The night's stillness had been so long, Slim didn't even recognize when the dawn replaced the darkness. Coffee cup being set on the table by his hand, Slim looked up, the light behind Jonesy's frame making him squint.

Thumb and forefinger went into his eyes, the rub complete with the shake of his head. "What do you think, Jonesy?"

"About you or Andy?"

Slim's blues popped back open, the shade rather cool. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing much."

"Sure." Slim shook his head as he adjusted the blanket covering Andy, even though it was already drawn perfectly up to the boy's neck. "This isn't about me, anyway. All that matters is Andy."

"He'll be all right. No reason to think otherwise."

Jonesy really did have reason to think otherwise, but now wasn't the time to roll out one of his pearls. Slim just might chuck it into a hole someplace. And there was another motive to keep Jonesy's gilt-edged thoughts held back. Andy was moving his lips, and Jonesy didn't have to bend an ear to recognize the name that his unconscious mind was calling for.

"Jess." Andy's head twisted against the pillow, the eyes remaining a tight scrunch. "Jess, where are you?"

"Slim…"

"I know, Jonesy. Even if I told him right now, he wouldn't be able to absorb the words. That'll come later."

But why should it have to come at all?

Slim needed air, and although there was plenty inside, it was the outer, non-medicated air that would ease his heavy chest. But when Slim stepped onto the porch, what entered his nostrils had a tinge of acridity. Someone was smoking. Jess.

Rounding the corner to blank space, Slim thought he had made a mistake, but then the creation of the scent wafted past the old well. He stepped to its corner where Jess sat, his back against the structure, head so low all Slim could see was the hat. "I thought I told you to get."

He stood, steps retreating backward. "I am going, Slim. But I couldn't leave before I knew how Andy was."

"You were right about his ribs, but his neck and back were spared from breaks. The leg too, although there are enough bruises to make him limp for awhile. Concussion hasn't brought him around yet, maybe by tonight. He's young, the bones will mend."

"That the doc's words?"

"And my own. But yeah, Doc agrees that Andy will recover."

"Good." His horse was behind him, all his gear was there, and all that was needed to put the Sherman ranch behind him was getting back in the saddle. Jess barely put his eyes on the seat, as the blue connection was hard to let go of. "I reckon I better go then."

Slim nodded, this departure suddenly getting very difficult. Out there beside Andy's body, the life so delicate it could have escaped through his hands like air, it was easy to kick Jess' backside into oblivion. But now that they had approached a slightly different version of the end, it wasn't easy anymore. In fact, this was rather like hell.

He shuffled a foot, discomfort's sure sign that he shouldn't have ignored. "Got anyplace in particular in mind?"

"Oregon, California. Dunno. But outta the territory for sure."

Everywhere he had tried had gone sour so there was no point thinking that one of the other places in the west would be any different. Near Casper he tried, but all that got him was trouble, the married woman kind. That was a mistake. Still was. In Colorado he tried. But then was forced out by a man that thought he owned every inch of the west. In Laramie he tried. And if his thoughts followed that road for any length, Jess' eyes might do what he thought impossible.

He quickly looked down, lest the little bit in the corner spilled. "So long, Slim."

"Jess."

He stopped, every inch of his being yearning for the words he wanted to hear. Jess even dared to look behind him, allowing his eyes to wander the length to meet with Slim's. He wasn't sure what he saw there. It wasn't hatred, as Jess had seen that look enough times to know it by heart, but it was far from a friend's compassion either.

Slim cleared his throat. "You know why I have to do this."

He knew. He was no good for Andy. Perhaps he wasn't good for anybody. In the end, Slim and Andy would be better off. And him? He didn't matter. Never did anyway.

Jess got into the saddle and took up the reins. "Goodbye, Slim."

That was a twist. Usually it was Jess that could never squeak out that word, but he did. It was Slim that didn't say goodbye in return and Jess carried that silence to the gate that marked the end of Sherman land. But in that stillness, there was still a thousand words being said. And the pair that stood out the most wasn't a proper parting, but a gentle call. Come back.

.:.

The moment Jonesy removed the cloth, dipping it again in the bowl freshly filled out of the pump, Slim took over the position to place his palm against Andy's forehead. There was nothing startling underneath that touch, just skin that was slightly puckered from one of the jagged rocks he struck going down.

"You'll be all right, Andy," Slim promised as his thumb gently massaged the temple where the deepest abrasion had been.

His head turning against the pillow, Andy's lips produced a faint whisper. "Jess."

Slim leaned forward, trying to catch it and sprang back when he did. Jess. Even in his sleep, Andy's thoughts were of his friend turned renegade.

The cloth rinsed and ready to return, Slim pulled his hand away and it promptly went across his jaw. For a moment he was surprised he didn't involuntarily slap himself. Instead it just rested there, his breaths short as he studied Andy's own rise and fall.

He could be watching its stillness instead, with a group of men ready to dump shovelfuls over the top to hide Andy's body away from him forever. He could be listening to a preacher read from the Psalms. He could be reading the proper dates underneath Andy's full name, its permanence, stone. But there was none of these things. Andy was alive. It was Jess that was gone.

Slim stopped the seizure of his chest when he quickly shook his head. He had to do it. He could have argued further, with some hearty responses from the other side of his mind, but Slim suddenly heard his name.

"Slim?" The eyes fluttered, showing a glint of brown, the crash back down hard as if what he saw hurt. The second attempt was stronger, stretched higher, and then cleared. "Slim?"

"Andy. Praise God. How do you feel?"

"Oh." Andy's hand rose to his head, the bandage underneath his fingertips getting a gentle probe until the pain hammered hard enough that he pulled away. "Not so good. What happened?"

"You took a bad fall."

"I did? I don't remember."

Concern made Slim lean closer, or perhaps he should be riding on top of the wind to get Doc Hanson back here. "None of it?"

"No."

"You were…" Slim felt as if he stumbled over his tongue. He knew he would have to say Jess' name eventually, but the sudden need to put the conversation's target directly over Jess so soon was enough to not only trip over his tongue, but to fall head first over it all. "You were out looking for Jess. At Long Ridge."

The confusion written on his face was real, as was throbbing pinch. "I really don't remember. Slim, can we stop, my head hurts awful bad."

"All right, Andy. Just lie back and get some rest."

The smile flickered, as did the shade behind his eyes, but then Andy's head wandered the room over. "Where's Jess?"

"Andy…"

The boy's entire body started to rise. It was the way Slim said his name. Like there was something terrible on its other side. And there was. Now Andy could see directly into his brother's eyes and the light that had been there for the last year was gone. Now he didn't just have an ache in his head, but he had the churn of his stomach to match.

"Where's Jess?"

"Andy…" The repeat was even worse. Suddenly Andy knew.

"Slim, if you send him away, I'll never speak to you again."

He drew his mouth into a hard line. The rest of his body, however, didn't feel so strong. "You will, Andy. Nobody can shut their mouths for good."

"I mean it, Slim. I won't say another word to you forever if you send Jess away."

He tried to shake his head, but he didn't get very far. "Don't talk nonsense, Andy."

"I'm not! I mean it, Slim. Now you tell me, where is Jess?"

Slim looked down at the floor. There was no way he could meet Andy's eyes when he revealed the truth. He didn't want to even see the stark reality either. "I told him to leave. He's gone."

There must have been an iron door in the room. It slammed shut, and behind its impenetrable seal, went Slim's brother.

He had two brothers. Well, before, anyway. Now Slim had none.

The rejection severe, Slim left the room, but the boy's tears still went with him. Outside wasn't much better. Slim's hands squeezed into the porch's rail so hard that if it had life, he would have choked it right out of the wood. As it were, splinters went into his palms.

"I had to do it. For Andy, I had to do it. He's almost died twice because of Jess. The next time it could go all the way. I had to do it!"

The door left open, it was easy for Jonesy to lean against its frame. "You know, Slim. The more you repeat that, I'd imagine you're trying to convince yourself, and if you have to go so far to convince yourself, then more'n likely, you're wrong."