anyway life punched me in the face, then the gut, and then just kept switching back and forth. which is why this chapter is only just getting to you even though it's been written lmao

as always, i hope you enjoy!

We were lounging on the sofa. Those brown boxes remained, though we hadn't gone anywhere and I wasn't sure we were going to. Viktor was doing stuff on his phone. (That one took me a while to figure out because I still remembered when phones had a small screen and a tone of buttons. Phones now had large screens and no buttons, yet humans still somehow did stuff on them.) He was stretched out, a pillow shoved behind his back for support. His legs were bent, one crossed over the other, to leave space for me to squeeze myself onto the sofa. I rested my head on his stomach and closed my eyes to nap.

I was startled awake by my boy's shock. I lifted my head and looked up at him. His heart began pounding and emotions from that Grand Final night began to bloom in his chest once again. I looked around for any sign of an intruder, just in case, though. Then I watched as Viktor tapped his phone and turned it so that it was wide like the television.

A man with dark hair appeared on the screen. I felt Viktor's emotions jolt and his heart began to beat even faster as the man began to do skating. I wasn't exactly sure why my boy was reacting to this man like he was, though.

It wasn't until the dark-haired man finished skating that I figured out why: My boy had the same potent, energetic, joyful emotions bursting inside him as he'd had that night at the Grand Final. I hadn't understood a lot of what Viktor had talked about that night but I was starting to put things together. This man must have been what gave Viktor the feelings he was currently experiencing right now.

That, in itself, was exciting to me. I had figured out a while ago that there was only so much I could do as a dog. But a human could probably do more. And this human, this dark-haired man, was proving my hunch. I wondered why there had been that period when Viktor's mood had worsened, though, if this man clearly made my boy happy.

After Viktor had watched that dark-haired man, he couldn't sit still. His movements and energy kind of reminded me of his movements before he went away to do skating competition. But it wasn't that time, he had just returned! And I didn't hear Iskra's name when he talked into his phone. It was also more like when he was smaller, his movements were faster, he spoke faster, he couldn't stop smiling. He even began talking to me again! But there was a lot of words I didn't know. I recognized my name and skating, but that was about it.

As I had suspected, he was leaving. I wasn't sure if I was going with him. I assumed not, since if this was for skating, I usually didn't go with him. I just couldn't understand why he was leaving so soon! He didn't often leave during the warm weather period. I didn't want him to go; I wanted to spend more time with him. I hadn't prepared myself for him to leave, either.

Throughout all this, that group of men returned and began to move those brown boxes out of the apartment, furthering my confusion. We were going to live somewhere new? Or was Viktor going to live somewhere new, and I couldn't go with him?

When the men were finished, the apartment felt almost as empty as it had when we'd first moved in. I had, by this time, accepted the fact that I wouldn't be going with my boy. I was waiting for Iskra to show up at any moment, even though I hadn't heard Viktor mention her name. I laid at the end of the hall, opposite the door and watched as my boy threw on his coat and scarf. He looked back at the apartment and a strange sadness filled him for a moment; it wasn't like the dark sadness he'd felt for so long now, it had a happy edge to it. My boy took a deep breath and that feeling vanished, replaced with excitement and eagerness.

Then he looked at me and smiled so big and so bright, my own sadness over my boy's leaving was eased a little.

"Makka, come on," he said. I lifted my head at that. Come? Viktor grinned and laughed, patting his leg. "That's right, Makka. Come on! We're going to Japan."

I barked and stood fully, my tail wagging. I was going? I was going with my boy? I bounded over to him and he petted my head.

"I'm excited, too," my boy said before opening the door. And, together, we left the apartment.

Things after were hectic and fast-paced, as they were the few times I went with Viktor to do skating competition. I sat in that box in the back of the car—though this time this car was different and there was someone else driving—and looked out the window, watching as everything zipped by.

I simultaneously loved and hated the airport. I loved it because of all the different smells, especially the smells of food. But there were a ton of loud noises and lot of people, and everyone was talking so much and all the time. It was disorienting and confusing. I got a lot of water and went on a lot of walks to relieve myself before I had to get into a large box-like thing called a kennel.

It had a dog bed in it and a blanket that smelled like my boy. On top of the blanket, there was a white pad-like thing that reminded me of the pads I had been trained to relieve myself on in dog school. There was a fence-like door and tiny windows on the sides and at the back. It was large enough for me to fit in and turn around in. Usually, the door didn't have anything on it. This time, there were two small empty metal bowls hanging on the door.

Then that, with me inside, was put into a huge metal tube with wing-like things sticking off the sides. The area I stayed in also had a bunch of other large bags that looked like what my boy used when he traveled. It was usually loud, so I didn't like staying this place very much.

The few times I did this, the travel time was short. This time, it was much longer. I was only comforted by the fact that people came to visit me occasionally to give me water and small handfuls of food at a time. At one point, I was taken out of the area and was allowed out of the box. Someone I didn't know fed me and gave me water, then took me for a walk a few times. I wondered where my boy was. Later, I was put back into the kennel. There was a new white pad.

I was put back into that giant metal tube, where all the other bags were, and the loud roaring noise. Like last time, some people came down to give me some water and a little bit of food.

By the time we arrived to wherever we were going, I was exhausted. I had slept, but very fitfully.

I didn't want to go to sleep just yet, though, because where we were smelled different than the place I called home. And clearly, from the time of travel, we were in a very different place. I wanted to be awake to see more of this new place. Not only that but I hadn't seen my boy in what felt like so long!

Some new people loaded my kennel onto a large moving belt, along with the other bags. I stuck my nose to the door and sniffed. It smelled the same but different somehow. I could still smell a bunch of people and food but there was a different note to each. Not only that but even though everyone was talking, I couldn't understand any of it. The way they talked sounded different than how Viktor, and people where Viktor and I lived, talked.

Then I caught a whiff of my boy and my tail wagged. I couldn't help but bark.

Viktor smiled when he saw me before he and another person next to him pulled my kennel of the moving belt. I could tell he was tired, too, but that excitement and eagerness was still there, thrumming beneath his exhaustion. My boy kneeled in front of my kennel and stuck his fingers through the holes, brushing them against my nose.

"Good girl, Makka," he cooed. "Almost done. Then you can come out, okay?" Then he dropped a few treats in one of my bowls. I quickly lapped them up as Viktor stood. I think he was waiting for something else. That something else turned out to be a square bag. When he got that, the other person that was with him pulled my kennel and walked with my boy. They'd occasionally exchange words and I was startled at first because my boy was pulling out words I'd never heard before in a way I'd never heard him speak. What was more confusing was it sounded different from how he usually spoke and different still from how the other people here spoke.

I eventually tuned it out. There was a lot of waiting and standing around at a certain point. The man that was with Viktor did a lot of the talking, switching between the two new, different ways of speaking.

We went through some gates and some doors and then a breeze of cold air hit me and I stood in my kennel, panting, excited to be let out and stretch my legs after so long. We went on a short walk, enough that I was able to relieve myself. Then Viktor fed me and gave me some water before me, him, and the man who spoke two different ways all got into a car that smelled like a lot of different people.

I sat on the seat next to my boy in the backseat. He draped an arm over my back as I stared at the window. The buildings looked the same but different. It was hard to explain, kind of like the different types of talking. This new place reminded me a lot like our home, with lots of buildings and people walking around. But the buildings and signs looked really different, and so did the people.

We drove for a while. Then we came to a new place with a lot more trees than I'd see, and a big building in the distance that was stacked with smaller and smaller buildings on top of each other and pointy roofs.

We stopped in front of a large doorway that formed an arch. There was a sign over it with lots of squiggly lines, which were different than the squiggly lines I saw Viktor write in or that was back home. The lines back home were squiggly but straight. These lines were even squigglier. When we got out of the car, we went through the archway toward a building behind it. I could smell food and hot water coming from somewhere, mixing in with the cold air and the smell of salt.

The door to the building slid aside like the sliding glass door at Viktor's apartment but this door was made of wood. The three of us stepped inside and my boy told me to Sit. The smell of food and hot water was stronger inside. There were sounds coming from somewhere that kind of sounded like when Viktor cooked in the kitchen at his apartment. My mouth started drooling at the thought of human food.

The man that had come with us did more talking, switching between the two different types of talking with an older man and woman. I felt the anticipation and excitement begin to build back up inside my boy, chasing away some of his exhaustion. My own excitement at this new place had replaced some of my tiredness, too.

The new man and woman standing in front of us seemed excited, too, for some reason, but their voices remained pretty neutral. They also talked in that second different type of way that I didn't recognize.

I got bored pretty quickly and wanted to go back outside. It was snowing and snow was something I was used to back home. I wanted to go play! So I turned and scratched at the bottom of the door.

My boy turned to look at me. "Would you like out, Makka-girl?" he asked. I scratched at the door again. He turned back to the man that'd come with us, speaking in that different type of way. Then the man turned to the two other people and spoke in that third type of way. The two other people responded with smiles. The man then said something more. I didn't understand that exchange at all but it got me outside, and that's all that I cared about.

My boy kneeled down in front of me and patted my head.

"I'll be inside," he said. "You can bark if you want back in, okay? Bark, Makka?" I barked. He smiled. "Good girl." Yes, I was a good dog.

When he stood and turned back to the others, I began to roll around in the snow, chomping at the snowflakes. I don't know how long I was out there but when I got tired, I sat down in front of the door and barked, like my boy had said.

The door slid open and—it was the man! It was the dark-haired man from the moving pictures on the phone. The man who had brought back the happiness in Viktor! I got so excited, I ran up to him and jumped on him, licking his face to show my appreciation. He spoke to me in that second different way, with words I'd never heard before, but he looked at me fondly. I liked making new friends! Especially ones who could make Viktor happy again.

His emotions quickly changed, much to my confusion. The man got confused the longer he looked at me. He kept talking but I had a feeling he wasn't talking to me. The older man from before appeared holding a tray with a bunch of bottles on top of it and started to talk. And as he talked, the dark-haired man's confusion turned into shock, then horror, then panic. I tensed, afraid there was some kind of danger around.

Before I could react, the dark-haired man had lurched away from me, dislodging me from his chest. He turned, kicked off his shoes, and was running away, that panic still swirling inside him.

I sat down, confused. The older man seemed unfazed, so there must've been no danger. I wondered why that other man had been so scared.

The older woman appeared with stuff in her hands, too, and smiled at me kindly. She smelled like food and warmth.

"You can come in," she said in that different type of speaking, so I didn't understand a single word. But she also made a gesture with her head that I recognized as Come. Hesitant, I stood and walked forward, sniffing at the floor before carefully stepping up onto it. The woman laughed softly and I looked up at her. She gave me another gentle smile before walking into a different room.

I wondered if that meant I was allowed to explore freely. However, the woman reappeared before I could explore, without the stuff in her hands. She patted my head and said more words I didn't understand. I did, however, understand her tone: she was cooing. I just assumed that she was telling me I was a good dog and very cute. Those were the words I got a lot growing up, when Viktor and I went out for walks and encountered people who wanted to pet me.

She led me over to a low table, then, next to a room that had wonderful food smells wafting from it and sounds that reminded me of Viktor's kitchen. The place the table was in had other identical low tables and a television against the wall opposite the table. There were a few people around, eating and drinking, watching the television.

"You can wait for Vicchan here, okay?" she asked patting a spot next to the table. I sniffed it. Did she want me to Sit? Stay? I wish I knew what they were saying so I wasn't so confused. I didn't want to do anything wrong and upset them. Least of all, I didn't want to be a bad dog. Watching her expression carefully, I sat down. She smiled and patted my head, so I figured I was still a good dog.

She left after that. I laid down, feeling my exhaustion once again. But, once again, I wanted to see Viktor instead of sleep. Especially in this new place. I'd feel more comfortable sleeping if my boy was with me.

I may have dozed, though; I was so tired. It wasn't until I heard my boy's voice did I perk up, my tail lazily wagging. I lifted my head in time to see him walking toward me with that dark-haired man, whose name I finally figured out was Yuuri after watching Viktor address him this way when looking at him (which was confusing because that was the same name of someone else Viktor skated with back home; at least they didn't look anything alike), trailing behind him. Yuuri still seemed quite panicked, but no one else did, so I wondered what was wrong. If there was actually something the matter, or if it was just him.

My boy kneeled down to pet me. My tail wagged harder. Viktor seemed more at peace than he had been in a really long time, though I could still feel that dark sadness underneath everything. I hoped that our stay here would chase away that swirling darkness inside him. As he petted me, he spoke to Yuuri in that different way of speaking (the first one, not the second one that everyone in this new place spoke). Yuuri remained anxious and he responded to my boy very quietly, in short sentences.

Then he disappeared through the door to what I thought might be the kitchen. My boy took a seat at the table and I laid down next to him with a sigh.

I thought I could get used to it here. It was warm. It smelled nice. The people here were so relaxed. (Well, mostly.) Best of all, my boy was happy again.

When food came out, I put my paws and rested my chin on one of his crossed legs, looking up at him. I let out a small whine. Viktor patted my head.

"You know that doesn't work on me anymore, Makka," he said. I whined again but he just shook his head, smiling. Letting out a defeated groan, I stood up and circled around the spot next to Viktor before settling down. I was going to try again because the food didn't smell like anything I had smelled before and I wanted to try it. I still had a few tricks up my sleeve that I knew would work on my boy. Even after all these years.

I kept lying down as my boy started eating. I watched him, keeping my head on my paws, my tail started to involuntarily wag at the smell wafting from the table. Finally, I whined again to get his attention. Viktor paused and looked over at me, smiling but shaking his head. I whined again, keeping my body pressed against the floor, and as I tried to keep my tail from wagging too much, I began to creep forward so I could bump my nose against my boy's leg.

Viktor set the two thin sticks he'd been using to eat with down and sighed, "Makka…"

I whined again, bumping my nose against his leg one more time before creeping forward a tiny bit more so I could rest just my chin on his leg this time. I looked up at him and whined once more for good measure.

My boy looked down at me a moment too long and I knew I had him. He smiled and laughed, shaking his head again, but turned back to his food and picked up a small piece between the two long, thin sticks and held it down for me. I let my tail wag fully in excitement and sat up to chomp down on the food. It tasted just as good as I imagined. Not like anything I'd had before but still delicious.

Viktor petted my head with his free hand. "You're a clever dog, Makka, you know that?" he cooed. I boofed and laid back down, now content. It was nice that things still felt very much the same with him even in this brand, new place. Even better that my boy's mood had improved tremendously. He was so much happier here, with Yuuri, and I hoped that it would stay like this for a while. Hoped that the darkness inside Viktor would eventually disappear, replaced by the joy that skating had brought him, the joy that this new person, Yuuri, brought him.

When he was finished eating, he exchanged a few words, in that first different way, with Yuuri. Then he laid down on the pillow he'd been sitting on. I yawned and got up, going to lay down next to him. I think we fell asleep at about the same but I was unsure because I was pretty tired myself, finally glad I could get some sleep. I could sleep anywhere if I was with my boy.

This time I dreamed of when Viktor was smaller, with long hair. The energy he had now reminded me of the energy he had back then, when skating had brought him so much joy. I was glad that those same happy emotions were filling him up again.

Viktor woke me up when he sneezed and sat up, keeping me in his arms as he did. I immediately felt Yuuri's anxiety. It wasn't so potent as it had been when I'd jumped on him earlier but it was still very present. I wondered how he could still be feeling anxious, and why, when I was sure there wasn't any present danger. It was very confusing. I also worried about him; it didn't seem healthy to be so worried all the time.

Viktor said something that made Yuuri flail his arms, his anxiety shooting up for a moment as he asked, "Um, what would you like to eat?"

"Hmm," Viktor hummed, silent talking. "As your coach, I'd like to know what your favorite food is, Yuuri."

This seemed to confuse Yuuri momentarily for a moment. Then he nodded, mumbled something, and left the room. Viktor shifted again, sitting up straighter and facing the table, letting go of me. I stretched before lying down and crawling underneath the table, ready to go back to sleep. Then I caught a whiff of something wonderous, made from the same stuff bacon was made of. I wondered if I could get my boy to give me some but knew from experience, once a day was usual his limit, much to my disappointment. I would have to try it some other time…perhaps not on my boy. I wondered if Yuuri could sneak me food….

Still, I couldn't help but wish I had used my trick now, on this food that smelled like bacon. Especially when my boy exclaimed, "Delicious!" That word I recognized. But then Viktor was saying things in that first different way that I couldn't wrap my head around.

Yuuri had come back into the room, sitting on the opposite side of Viktor. There was another person next to Yuuri now, who started talking, but I didn't know her name. She had long, brown hair.

"Yuuri gains weight easily," she said, "so he was only allowed to eat it when he won a competition. Right?"

"Oh? So have you eaten this pork cutlet bowl recently?" I recognized the question in my boy's tone.

Yuuri responded enthusiastically, his emotions shifting slightly to happiness as he said, "Yes, yes. I eat it often."

"Why?" Viktor asked. "You haven't won anything. With that pig's body of yours, lessons would be meaningless." I felt the shock first, then the hurt in Yuuri, followed by more anxiety. My boy continued speaking, "You need to get back to your weight at last year's Grand Prix Final, at the least…or I'll never feel like coaching you. Until then, no more pork cutlet bowls. Okay, little piggy."

Yuuri stood and stumbled away, his emotions a big swirling mess now. It was like nerves stacked on top of nerves. Everyone else wasn't panicking, so there couldn't have been any type of danger around. I really hoped this boy was okay. I didn't think I'd felt someone be so anxious for so long before.

I felt someone's shock nearby and crawled out from under the table. My boy immediately reached over to pet me. Since the table was in the way, I put my paws up, over my boy's shoulders so I could get close enough to lick his face. Then I stayed there because it always amused my boy when I did that. I wasn't sure why, though.

A different woman, with short hair and something tied around her head, poked her head through the door closest to the table everyone was sitting at. She was the one who had felt shocked a moment earlier.

"Hey, this luggage is in the way," she said, looking around at everyone.

Viktor waved at her. "Can you take it to the room where I'll be staying?"

Whatever my boy said seemed to shock Yuuri and the woman with long hair. They asked a question but it didn't feel like it was directed at my boy.

Then things were moving in a flurry. People were picking up boxes and taking them up some flights of stairs, down a hall that smelled strongly of Yuuri, and to a room that was a few feet away from a door at the end of the hall. The room was smaller than what I was used to, even in those hotels. But I liked it here.

There were so many new smells. So many new things to look at. This place we were staying at was warm and the feelings of the people here were always so nice and cozy, warm and happy, content. That's how I wanted my boy to feel all the time and maybe if we stayed long enough, he would also start to feel like that.

When all the boxes had been moved, Yuuri and Viktor remained in the room. My boy still felt that same excitement he had at the start of our very long day. He liked something about this small room.

"What a classic, snug little room," my boy said. "Is there a sofa?"

"No," Yuuri mumbled. That nervousness continued to swirl inside him. He was sitting, looking up at Viktor, and it seemed like the longer he looked, the more nervous he got. "I'm sorry it's so small. We only had an unused banquet room available."

Bored of their conversation, especially because I couldn't understand it when I was used to being able to pick out an occasional word here and there, I began sniffing around at the boxes. When I caught a whiff of my toys, I scratched at the box, hoping my boy might notice and get them out. Then I felt Yuuri's alarm shoot through the room and quickly turned to see that my boy was kneeling in front of Yuuri now. Their faces were close and Viktor had taken one of Yuuri's hands in his.

Now that I was paying more attention again, I also noticed Viktor's own heart was beating pretty fast. I wondered what they were talking about and why they were both so nervous. With Yuuri, it seemed like a common thing. But my boy? Why was he nervous?

Before I could figure out what was making their hearts pound so fast, Yuuri shot across the room and hit the wall in the hallway, his face really red.

I felt the hurt in my boy before confusion replaced it, and looked over at him curiously as he asked, "What? Why are you running away?"

"Uh, no reason…" Yuuri replied even though his heart was still beating rapidly. I was beginning to suspect he felt that way a lot, even if there wasn't any danger. He stood, then. "Listen, I'm sure it's been a long day for you. I should let you get some rest." Before my boy could respond, Yuuri had disappeared down the hall. A few seconds later, I heard a door slam shut.

Confusion and hurt continued to roil inside my boy so I went up to him and licked his cheek to tell him it was okay.

Viktor smiled but it was very half-hearted as he reached over to pet me. "Thanks, Makka."

He stood before opening up one of the boxes. He pulled out some thick fabric that was folded up and a pillow before heading out of the room, a burst of determination filling him up for the moment.

I followed him down the hall, to the door at the end, and sat down at his feet. The door was shut but Viktor knocked, calling Yuuri's name.

"Yuuri," he said, "let's sleep together. As your coach, there's so much I need to learn about you." From the other side of the door, I could feel Yuuri's anxiety increase. He didn't open the door as my boy continued to knock and call Yuuri's name.

Eventually, my boy gave up, letting out a sigh. That confusion came back as we walked back to the other room, followed by a growing sense of doubt, which chased away his determination.

Viktor slid the door shut before laying one of the bundles of fabric down on the floor, amidst all the boxes. He threw a blanket on top of that and put the pillow at one end. Then he began to get ready for bed.

I found that, for some reason, nighttime always brought out the worst in people. Not the worst, as in dark angry or malevolent, though that was true for some, but worst in that whatever pained them during the day, pained them more when it was dark.

I could feel this happening to my boy as he prepared for bed and turned out the lights. That dark sadness that was still clawing at my boy's heart increased as his doubt increased. His excitement and happiness of being here began to slowly fade. I, of course, became worried, not wanting him to fall back into those emotions.

When he was situated, sitting down under the blanket, he sighed again, frowning. He was silent talking again; I recognized that serious expression. At one point, his eyes went to all the boxes piled up around the room and his doubt was joined by uncertainty and more confusion. It was a hurt kind of confusion, stemming from Yuuri's rejection.

I trotted up to him, quietly boofing before licking his face, trying to reassure him and hoping that Yuuri would still be able to help him be happy again. Maybe Yuuri's always-worried feelings had something to do with his rejection of my boy.

What little comfort I could offer managed to bring a small smile to my boy's face but it was, again, half-hearted. He reached up to pet me before hugging me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as he continued to stroke my sides absentmindedly. I could feel him pulling in on himself again, and was afraid that he would revert back to how he was back home.

After that time, when my boy had been on the balcony that one, long night, it always felt like his will to live was holding on by a thread.

It felt like that now. Maybe not as precarious but those dark emotions were slowly encroaching and snuffing out my boy's excitement and eagerness. I was afraid that feeling of purposelessness would soon follow.

"He's different, Makka," my boy murmured into the darkness as more confusion swirled inside him. His voice became pained, "…I don't know why."

He hugged me tighter, burying his face in my neck for a second before pulling away and grabbing his phone. The light from the phone didn't change or flicker like it did with moving pictures, so I wasn't sure what he was looking at. Maybe he was reading something? I knew he had still pictures on his phone, too. Maybe he was looking at one of those. Whatever he was looking at made him more sad.

It was different than the usual dark sadness he felt. This sadness was mixed with a sharp pain, as well as that doubt and uncertainty he'd started feeling earlier. What confused me the most, though, was the fact that whatever he was looking at also made him happy. The same kind of happiness that he'd felt when he was around Yuuri. It wasn't like those two opposing emotions were fighting against each other, either. They were both present and strong in my boy. Then that sense of determination, alongside the desperation from way before we'd come to this new place, overshadowed all those other emotions.

"I'll keep trying," Viktor murmured. "I have to. I want to. I will." He set his phone back down. Then it was bedtime.

I crawled under the blankets and Viktor hugged me to him. I fell asleep quickly because I was still exhausted and being close to my boy made me feel safe and warm in this new place. I just hoped that this new change would bring my boy something he had been missing for a long time now.

gonna try to get back on track, but with repeated beatings from the universe, i've also fallen behind on other things i've been wanting to work on for weeks now. no rest for the weary ;;

spare comment for these trying times?

thank you for reading,
thebrighestnight