"Rudolf-san, you finally made it! We've been waiting for you, kehehehe." Her golden hair was kept in twin ponytails. "Go ahead and get undressed."
Under any other circumstance, Rudolf would have countered with some untoward remark about the young woman's bare thighs. She looked to be at least half his age. But yet...
That was his son's evening jacket clutched in her hands! Rudolf nearly retched. A second servant girl entered the bedroom.
"I found the hair dye, Asmodeus! It didn't look like there was any bronzer, though." This nee-chan was dressed identically to the other one-the one she just called Asmodeus. It looked like she had just raided the contents of the master bathroom.
"How dare you," Rudolf started. "I'll-" He felt a firm touch on his shoulder. It was a slender hand wearing a white glove.
A whisper came to Rudolf's ear. "Please excuse my interruption, oh honored guest." The glove and whisper both belonged to yet another servant bearing the One Winged Eagle. Just how many of these occult servants were employed at the mansion?
"Just what the hell is going on here?" demanded Rudolf.
"Pukukuku." The man adjusted his monocle. "Why Rudolf-san. You have won the roulette. Please, come with me..."
The butler Ronove personally escorted Rudolf behind the mansion, through the untamed woods of the remote island. "We are about to arrive. I trust the man you will meet here can explain everything to your satisfaction."
Rudolf feared for his life. He had been forced to strip naked in front of those horrible Sisters-it looked to have been seven of them in total. All the while, Ronove spoke as though Rudolf was a VIP. Those murderers... no, those demons took his clothing and they took his son. Now this butler with his thirty dollar mustache was parading Rudolf through the woods in a bathrobe.
"Welcome to Kuwadorian," announced Ronove.
A large expanse opened between the trees. This entire forest should have been untouched by human hands. And yet! A large, well-manicured estate stood before the two men.
"My god," said Rudolf. "It's the Witch's Mansion."
"Ho. Please, step this way." A large fence closed off the property, through which Rudolf could see a figure seated at the arbor. It looked like someone drinking tea in the early morning sun.
And... wearing a bathrobe?
"I will return with cookies," said Ronove. "They really are delicious. Now if you will excuse me."
Rudolf approached the large man sitting in the arbor. "It's impossible," said Rudolf. "Hideyoshi-san?"
"Ah!" Hideyoshi exclaimed. "I was wonderin' who Ronove would bring over next. Please, have a seat."
"But you... you died!" Rudolf broke out in a sweat. "Shannon-chan discovered your body in the guest lounge with all the others. It was just before dawn."
"Hmm, so it would appear. Sit down. You really ought to taste some of this black tea."
The entire world had been turned upside down since the family conference yesterday. Rudolf could do nothing else but sit down and drink tea with his deceased brother-in-law.
"So... were the murders only a ruse? Some kind of sick prank?" asked Rudolf.
"No. You found a real corpse wearin' my clothes. But that body wasn't mine."
"Whose was it then? What does that make you?" More importantly, what did that make Rudolf now? A hostage? A collaborator?
Hideyoshi took a deep breath. "Rudolf-san, this is going to be hard for you to hear. Do you really want the truth?"
"Don't give me that crap. Everything has gone wrong since we all tried to put pressure on my brother Krauss yesterday. The phones are down. I'm drinking tea with a ghost, and the both of us are dressed up like we're at a getaway resort. Are you going to tell me that Battler wasn't killed either?"
"Ah. No." Hideyoshi sipped his tea, looking for the right words. "Battler was in fact killed. That was him wearing my clothes in the lounge."
"What?" Rudolf stood up. "Impossible! Battler was alive and with me when Shannon-chan told us about your murder. And besides that, I saw those nee-chan looking servant girls pawing over his body right before Ronove abducted me! He was still wearing his own clothes, not yours."
"Well, you see...," Hideyoshi started. "Never mind. Why don't you tell me everythin' that happened then?"
It took a long time for Rudolf to get his thoughts organized. He told Hideyoshi about the six sacrifices. How Shannon had found a magical sigil painted like blood on the lounge door. How he and Battler had split up, searching the mansion for Kinzo's guns. How he stumbled on Asmodeus. Rudolf told Hideyoshi how the mysterious butler Ronove guided him through the forest.
"I see now, Rudolf. Yes, your Battler was alive when Shannon told you about the murders. That must have been true. But you see, it was a different Battler who took my place in those sacrifices."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"He was with me when the murders started."
"And you killed him?!"
"No, no, no! I did not kill your son. Together, Battler and I walked in on the real culprit. Look, I know this is goin' to sound like a fairy tale, and it is! The culprit was the witch Beatrice."
"A different Battler. Hmph!" Rudolf scoffed. "Sure. Fine. And let me guess, the witch demanded that one of you die in order to keep her identity a secret."
"Somethin' like that, yes. But listen. After the witch introduced herself, there was a knock at the door. See if you can guess who walked in after us."
"The servant, Asmodeus?"
"No. It was our sons, George and Battler."
"You just told me that Battler was with you."
"Yes. I had my own Battler. George came in with a different Battler. They were both Battler."
"Please. You were with Battler. George was with Battler. I was with Battler! Are there any more Battlers I should know about?"
"Cookies," said Ronove.
"Ah, thank you. Didn't hear you comin' up on us there."
Rudolf refused to admit it, but the cookies were indeed delicious.
Hideyoshi gestured around the garden. "Look around you. Everythin' we see in this garden was brought here with purpose. These flowers come from Italy, Holland, Spain. The iron railings were ore in China, then forged in France."
"What's your point?"
"I'm sayin'... Well, artificial isn't quite the right word, but you would never find an island like this in nature. It was put together this way on purpose, by a person with a vast power to command. By the power of his vast fortune, Dad assembled resources from places all around the world. And it was done so for entertainment."
"What does this have to do with my son. My sons?" Rudolf made a mental inventory of his romantic conquests during the glory days. "My son."
"You and me are the flowers. We look similar, we're the same species. We think we know each other, but we don't. In reality, you came from a field in Holland, and I came from a greenhouse on the mainland."
"And in this metaphor, is Battler also a flower?"
"Yes. When you were brought to this island, a Battler flower was also taken from your field Holland. Another Battler flower was taken from my greenhouse in Japan, and a third Battler flower from George's pasture in Italy. All three are Battler. They look and behave the same, but they are different from each other."
Rudolf sipped his tea. "Are you saying your son George isn't your son George? I think this metaphor is getting away from you."
"Maybe. Let's start over. Rudolf, you are a complicated guy. Heir to a legendary fortune, CEO of a major company, lost your wife and remarried, and have two handsome kids."
"You always know how to flatter."
"The man sittin' in front of me is the result of many experiences in life. Decisions, chance opportunities, missed connections. Even the small ones. Imagine..." Hideyoshi ate a cookie. "Imagine your laundry got mixed up and you had to wear a grey suit to the conference instead of your blue one."
"Well it doesn't matter now what suit I wore." Rudolf gestured to his bathrobe.
"No, it doesn't matter now. But you know that you wore a blue suit to the conference. That other you-the one stuck with a grey suit-he lived the very same life as you up until his dry cleaning got botched. Is that man you?"
"Well, no."
"But is he any less 'Ushiromiya Rudolf'?"
"I should think so. I'm 'Ushiromiya Rudolf', and I always send my suit to a reputable cleaner."
"Eh, but that other Ushiromiya Rudolf. He didn't do anythin' wrong, it was just a spot of bad luck. He's lived his whole life the same as yours up to one day. Does one unlucky day make the two of you so different?"
"Well, if it were only one day different, I suppose this other Ushiromiya Rudolf would be very close to me in personality."
"So the both of you could reasonably be said to be 'Ushiromiya Rudolf', it's just that you're the one who has better luck with dry cleanin'."
"Sure, in some other version of reality, I had a bad day yesterday and needed a backup suit."
"Ah, but that's one day different that was just yesterday. What if I told you that when I came to the conference last year, you were wearing a grey suit?"
Rudolf narrowed his eyes. "Last year, I wore my blue suit."
"Oh, really? Strange. I remember it very clearly. You were grumblin' the whole time about your good-for-nothin' secretary who forgot to run your errands." Hideyoshi sipped his tea. "Oh well, it doesn't matter now. Just, it must not have been you that I saw last year. Because when I saw Ushiromiya Rudolf last year, he was wearing a grey suit."
"But that would mean... you and I did not meet last year."
"That's right. We are both Ushiromiyas. We both attended the Family Conference last year. But we attended different Family Conferences, in different fragments of reality."
"Like the dual-slit experiment." Rudolf did not elaborate.
"Precisely. My history separated from yours at least a year ago. Think of all the changes that could have happened since then. Not just the color of the suit you wore. Your decisions. Your business."
"What about my business? You're not doing too well yourself, I'm told."
"That's just it. Don't you think it's strange that everyone is so desperate this year? The market is great. Japan's economic power is going to define the next century of human progress."
"Well, they say that a rising tide lifts all boats. It's just that when my boat gets lifted less than everyone around me, I'm at risk of sinking."
"But what are the odds that all the branch families are in crisis at the same time? When we were on the boat yesterday, I thought I misheard you about that lawsuit you're facing in America."
"That mess has been keeping me up at night for months. What about it?"
"Well as I recall, my brother-in-law Rudolf deflected that same case to a more favorable appellate judge. The opposition backed down once it was the case was declared to be postponed indefinitely."
"Really? Yes, my legal team made the same move nearly a year ago. However, we did not get a favorable judge. If anything, it hurried the proceedings towards a hearing."
"Now who's got the bad luck, you or Mr Grey Suit?"
"Enough about my bad luck. How is the shareholder coup going in your company...?"
Hideyoshi winced. "Bad."
"But by chance, the Hideyoshi I smoke with every year-my Hideyoshi-was able to retain control."
"It's certainly possible. You'd have to ask him about it, not me."
"And by some magic, you and I-who are at our most desperate-have been separated from our original histories and brought to this island."
"That's exactly right."
"But why go through all the trouble? Even assuming what you say is possible, why would someone take people from different alternate histories and bring them together on this island?"
"Look at the flowers again. You'd never actually find all these growin' together, except for the extraordinary about of power it took to bring them from across reality."
"Well, they are nice to look at."
"And so are we. We're the most entertainin' for the Golden Witch when we're desperate. So she picked her favorite playthings from across all possible versions of reality."
"If I could rely on my Hideyoshi for assistance, I wouldn't have to gang up on Krauss."
"Yep. And maybe I could have gotten help from my Rudolf. But none of that matters now that you and I are here."
"Well shit." Rudolf lit up a cigarette. "Now what the hell does Beatrice have against my son then? Killing him twice over."
"Twice? More like-" Hideyoshi started to correct Rudolf, then decided against it. "No idea." Hideyoshi started on a cigarette of his own. "Say, have you ever been to the beach on this side of the island? It's quite nice. George is down there now with his cousin Jessica."
"Is Battler there, too?" asked Rudolf. "Surely there's more Battlers on the island?"
"Pukukukuku." Ronove pulled an ornate watch out of his pocket. "Please excuse me. It's time to bring another guest to Kuwadorian."