"Yes, I'm a new parahuman trigger. I'd like for Assault to come and meet me here. Assault, and only Assault. I won't talk to anyone else. I'll wait here for 30 minutes and then I'm gone."
'
"Sir, that's not allowed per Protocol. There are regulations for this sort of thing. You should come in and we can talk with you once you arrive."
"No thanks. Actually, I'm not sure if I want to join the PRT anymore. Kaiser probably pays pretty good. I think once he gets a tinker on his team he'd be pretty happy. Yeah, that seems like a pretty good alternative to minimum wage with the wards. Hmm. Well it was nice talking to you."
He hung up the phone. 'Heh. What noobs. That ought to get their panties in a big ol' wad.'
He didn't leave however. He just turned the phone to silence and waited for the inevitable. It was only 10 minutes later when Assault could be seen bounding over some rooftops. He had picked a location close to the PRT headquarters just for this reason. He didn't want to make it too hard on them.
He saw a spectrum of colors residing within the man. Or at least what he sort of perceived as colors. He figured they weren't really colors, but that's the way he thought of them.
The hero quickly closed the gap and landed on top of the roof. He looked a little winded, and probably was after hurrying here so quickly.
"Hello there. I'm Assault! I've been told you're a new tinker in the area and would like to join the Wards?" He was quick on the uptake. They must have filled him in pretty well on the way over here, and the communication was surprisingly efficient within that rat infested organization.
Well, it was time for a little fun. You couldn't live in this armpit of a world and not spice life up a bit with some good ol' fashioned trolling.
"Oh yeah. I was thinking about that. However, I just got a text from Kaiser and he said I would make a great addition to his team. Benefits, retirement, great pay. Heck, he even said he would adopt me into his family."
Assault's mouth dropped and he froze in mid stride. "Wait! Kid, hold up! Don't get too far ahead of yourself, don't you want to be a hero??"
"Hmm. You make a good point. Money or morals? I'm not sure. Let me call him back real quick." I made to pick up my phone again when Assault almost lunged for the phone, but stopped himself quickly.
"NO! Wait. Let's talk about this, kid! You seem like a nice person, the Wards is a great place, especially for a tinker like yourself. Say, what is that backpack rig you've got on your back?"
The hero attempted to change the subject, he seemed to be pretty on the ball.
Currently residing on my back was the ugliest monstrosity anyone could imagine. If another tinker saw this, they would probably die from an aneurysm. It was crafted from a mix of a leaf blower, some odd contraptions attached somehow, and various other parts that had unknown uses.
I played along. "Oh yeah. This is my first project. I call it the Armsmaster 9001, because it's super efficient like Armsmaster, and it's over 9000!" I gave a stupid grin and acted super excited about it.
"Ehh, yeah. It looks amazing." The look on the lower half of his face was obviously not agreeing with his words, but credit to him for at least trying. If Armsmaster himself saw this, he might just kill me on the spot. "What does it do?"
"Here let me show you." I walked towards the edge of the roof. "It's a jetpack. Should help me fly. Never tested it out though, but if you really want to see I'll do it!" With that, I jumped off the roof.
Then I started screaming as I fell, because the piece of crap on my back was most definitely not tinker tech, and all the junk attached to it was just screwed or duct taped to it somehow.
However, it was totally worth it, as I looked behind me and watched his jaw drop and his face start to take on a flabbergasted look. I heard him begin to yell "Wait!" before I disappeared from his view. When I did, I went shadow and just floated down to the ground, but the equipment continued falling and crashed down. I then ran around the corner, shadow jumped back to the top of the building, and snuck up behind the hero who was now standing at the edge I had just vacated, frozen.
He was leaning over the edge. "Kid! Holy shit! Where did he go?"
"Oh, you mean me?" I smiled and he whirled around and almost decked me.
"HOLY FUCK! Don't do that to me kid! You scared the hell out of me!"
I couldn't take it anymore. I just lost it and started laughing, I even rolled on the ground for a bit. The look on his face was just priceless.
"Oh. Oh my god. I can't. You should've seen. The look. On your face. HAHAHA!"
He just stood there, not impressed. "What the hell is going on kid?"
I stood back up and chuckled once more. "I'm sorry man. But that was an opportunity I just couldn't pass up. Not everyday you get to prank a member of the Protectorate."
He probably would have found this funny, if he just hadn't gotten the shit scared out of him and if he hadn't been caught so off guard. "You're not even a tinker are you? Are you some kind of stranger?"
"Oh. Yeah. I suppose I am. I can fix that though. Nice to meet you!" I held out my hand for him to shake.
He must have relaxed enough and realized no danger was really present as he extended his hand to meet mine. "I'm Assault. But I didn't mean that. I meant Stranger as in the cape classification."
"Oh yeah. No. I'm a kinetic energy manipulator. You can call me Assault. I'm thinking it'll go really well with the super awesome hero named Battery. I can tell she's smoking hot and that name combo is just too good to pass up!"
He backed up. "Are you messing with me? Are you even a cape? I'm starting to get kinda pissed here kid."
"Oh, no. I'm not messing with you! I promise! I'm really a kinetic energy manipulator. OH! I see. Your probably thinking I'm lying because kinetic energy manipulation is your thing. Probably worried I'll take your spot. Don't worry, I'll make the contest fair. Whoever wins gets the girl. The loser just has to bow out and transfer."
"Alright kid. I don't have time for this. Whatever your game is, I'm not playing. If you are a cape, you can just make an appointment like a normal human." With that, he just leapt off the building and started to head off.
I followed him of course, and because I had his same exact power after shaking his hand, I just followed in his footsteps. After a few seconds he looked back and noticed.
He stopped and turned to face me. "What the hell? So you are a cape?"
"Oh yeah! I was serious the whole time!" His face turned sour. "Okay, Okay! I was messing with you! Sorry. But that was just too much fun! I figured you were more fun than that, but I suppose your girl is your weak spot. It's a common thing among us guys, afterall. And by the way, I actually do have the same power as you!"
He was now more serious. "That's impossible. No two powers are the same. Some are close, but never the same."
"Well, I can prove it. How about a little contest." I smirked. Let the games begin!
--
After a few minutes of him pulling off some fancy moves with his ability, and me copying them exactly, he seemed pretty convinced.
"Well kid, it seems you're telling the truth. I don't know how it's possible, but you have the same powers I do."
"Oh I know why. Most powers run pretty similar in families, so it's obvious. You're my dad."
He sucked in a breath and started sputtering. "No. What. No. Can't be. Maybe. No."
I started laughing again much to his displeasure. "Sorry old man. Just busting your balls. You seem pretty gullible. You're the only one who'd actually go along with all this, so that's why I made sure it was just you. If Armsmaster came, he probably would have either killed me or subdued me by this point."
With a little steel in his voice, Assault replied, "Yes, he would have. And I'm considering the same thing at the moment."
"Welllll let's let bygones be bygones, shall we? Nice to meet you, I'm going by the name Copycat, and I'm a power copying trump." I gave a big ass smug grin and extended my hand.
He just stared for a moment, processing all that had happened. Then his jaw dropped slightly as he realized everything that had happened. Then his face lit up and he laughed. "Oh that's good. That's really good. Damn. What about the Kaiser thing then? And the tinker act?"
"Oh, that was just some crap I found in a garage and taped together. It's not like tinkers grow on trees or anything. Also was completely kidding about Kaiser, but I also knew that the PRT would probably bend over and let me spank them if they thought I might join Kaiser as a tinker."
"Kid, I don't know whether to compliment you on your steel balls or whack you over the head. The Director is going to hate you." He grinned.
"Well where's the fun in life if you don't play a prank every now and then?" I grinned back. "Also, my powers just happen to be fantastic for pranks."
After a little more small talk, he agreed that I needed to come in the PRT, sooner rather than later, as in his words, "I need to take you in before you decide to play another prank and probably cause some sort of city wide disaster."
--
A little while later we were both walking in the secure hero entrance which was away from prying eyes at the front entrance.
"Alright. You promise you won't tell anyone? I mean at least let me get Glory Girl first. How many chances will I have for that in the future!? Plus, it'll be hilarious once everyone finds out. But, like, don't tell GG until I have escaped a safe distance. I'm assuming everyone calls her collateral damage barbie for a reason. Hmm. Perhaps I should take Aegis' power beforehand…"
"Yeah kid, I promise, and that's not a bad idea. You'll need his power after she crushes your balls." He deadpanned. "Why have I agreed to this?"
"It's because your the coolest hero! And I agreed I would always call you Assault and Battery, and also because I would sing a duet with you for Battery." I laughed at that. Negotiations with a hero who also was just a giant kid were kind of fun. "Anyway, you really think GG will go straight for the balls after our first kiss?"
Assault started choking and coughing. "Oh god. I'm going to hell for this. Also, please stop calling her 'Gee-Gee', I highly doubt that she'll appreciate that."
We continued walking into the building. Passing a few PRT troopers along the way. We were headed for the area where the members of the Protectorate were stationed inside the building when they worked there.
When we arrived we saw Miss Militia making some coffee. I looked over to Assault. Perfect! Getting a kiss from Miss Militia would just be fantastic. He grinned.
"Militia, I have a new potential ward for you to meet. This here is Copycat. I was asked to meet him earlier today, you know, that call we received earlier."
"The new tinker! So you managed to get him to come in, that's great!" She replied happily.
I looked a little guilty at that. "Well, it's a little complicated. You see, while that's not untrue, I'm not exactly a tinker, so to speak. Though I can be." I responded.
She glared at me. It didn't feel good. "What do you mean by that? Lying to the PRT is not a good idea."
"Oh, uh, well I just really wanted to meet Assault, and I can be a tinker, really. I can be whatever you want me to be!" I smiled. The innuendo floating in the air.
Assault came to my rescue before the typically calm hero glared at me further. "Militia, he's a power copying trump."
She looked up at Assault. Her mouth dropped. "Are you certain? What powers can he copy?"
"I can copy anyone's powers, I think. I mean, I haven't tried them all, but I don't think I'll ever get around to that anyway." I answered.
Assault added on, "I tested him myself. He currently has my powerset. It's a little uncanny, really."
"Oh my god." She was much more excited than she was letting out, I could tell. She did a good job of staying professional under such a groundbreaking realization.
I filled the silence. "Would you like to see? I can try and copy your power."
She looked back to Assault. He nodded. Though she got the feeling he was trying to hide a grimace, or maybe a smirk. She wasn't sure which.
"Okay. How does it work?" She asked.
I smiled guiltily. I just couldn't help it. I also blushed. I stepped closer to her, so that we were only a step apart. She tensed a bit, but didn't move. "Well, you see, it requires close contact. Really close."
She glanced at Assault, and only saw him holding his head in his hands. She got a bad feeling.
"What do you mean, exactly?" She turned back to me and gave me a glare.
I stepped closer and she remained tense, her hand went to her gun on her hip, but I didn't see that. "It requires a kiss." I turned away shyly, then I closed my eyes and went in for a juicy one.
"AGHH!" I screamed and fell on the floor, convulsing a little. She had her weapon in hand, a taser, and it was resting right where my kidney would be if I was still standing.
She was standing there frozen, looking down at my form, and then Assault burst out laughing.
"HAHAHA! Got you, you little miscreant! Trying to prank Daddy like that! See who wins in the end!" He stood over my form, triumphantly.
"Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. That was just a reaction. I didn't mean to hurt him!" Miss Militia looked extremely confused, and also somewhat upset as she looked at Assault.
"No, no. Militia, that little punk deserved it! He pulled a little prank on me earlier, so I figure this is just desserts." Assault said.
"Wait. What do you mean? Was this a setup? Did he really need to kiss me to use his power?" She looked at him with hard eyes.
"Militia, dear. Don't be upset!"
One more set of screams echoed down the hallway a few seconds later.
After everything settled down they all found themselves sitting around a table in the same breakroom.
"So, let me get this clear. Assault -" She paused, making sure to glare at him properly. "You thought it was a good idea to break protocol, and bring in a new parahuman into the PRT, and then try to use me to pull a prank on him?"
"Well when you put it like that, it does seem a bit bad. But he deserved it! You have no idea! I thought I had gotten him killed earlier, and then he snuck up behind me and scared the bejeezus out of me!"
She turned to me. I had the conscious to turn a little red from embarrassment. "Yeah, that's kinda true. I guess that was a bit much. But you should have seen the look on his face when I fell off the side of that building. IT. WAS. PRICELESS! I just wish I had a camera on me at that moment." My eyes glazed and I was lost in the precious memory of the look of horror on the part of Assault's face that was visible.
She cleared her throat. "So it does seem to be the case. What exactly happened?"
"Well. I called the PRT hotline, and told them I was a new parahuman tinker. I told them I wanted Assault to come see me or I wouldn't come in. They said that generally wasn't allowed and then I told them I would just sell my services to Kaiser instead."
The look she gave me was quite frightening. "O-Of course, that was just hypothetical! I'm not racist, I promise! I just really wanted to see Assault!"
"Why him specifically?"
"He's the least serious hero I know of. I wasn't about to ask for Armsmaster. Can you imagine what he would do if I pulled that same prank on him. I probably would have been 'Subdued'" I put that in finger quotes, "and then brought in as a hostile or something." I finished.
She tilted her head, probably thinking that was exactly how it would go down. "Did you have to pull a prank? Couldn't you just make an appointment like a normal person?"
"Make an appointment? Ha. Of course I had to do this. I mean when else would I get the chance to do something like this when no one else knows my powers!"
A look of exasperation filled her face. Assault chuckled. "Isn't he great!" Assault smiled at her.
"Yes. Having someone else just as bad as you is going to be fantastic." She deadpanned back at him. "How did you survive the fall off the building? And how exactly does your power work?"
I pulled out a knife from the green glow that appeared next to my hand, and then switched it to a handgun, then a Nerf gun. The look on both heroes faces was another image I wish I had a camera for. I then pointed it at Assault and fired.
"Copycat, please refrain from shooting Assault, even if he might deserve it." Miss Militia said as she rubbed her temples. "And I never noticed you copying my powers."
"Well, unlike popular belief, I don't actually need to kiss someone to copy their powers. Though it does help."
"Really?" Both Assault and Miss Militia replied at the same time,
"Yeah! It helps me kiss hot capes!" Assault just started laughing again and Militia responded.
"Please be a little more serious."
"A guy can't even have a little fun around here anymore. What has this world turned into?" I sighed exaggeratedly. "But really, I just need to touch someone, or be within a few inches of them for a few seconds. It's just a close range striker effect."
Assault actually turned serious for a moment. "Wait. You didn't get near enough to me then to copy my powers before you so gladly jumped off that building."
For once, I turned off the jokester and got serious. "You are correct. I wasn't using your powers. That's really the reason I called in, to be honest. We've got some things to discuss."
"Okay… what's going on then, kid?"
"You see, I was using Shadow Stalker's powers." They both looked at each other, I was unsure of what passed between them. "I didn't run into her in costume. I'm actually familiar with her civilian identity."
They both tensed up and turned on me. "You better start explaining." Miss Militia stated.
"Oh, all worried about her now, aren't you?" I said with some disgust in my voice. They looked surprised. "Haven't cared about checking up on her before this, right?"
Miss Militia turned her weapon into a taser again and Assault looked ready to jump me. "What did you do to her?"
"I did nothing to her. We just go to the same school. She's perfectly fine, really. More than fine, I would say. She's probably pretty happy with her status right about now."
"What do you mean?"
"Wow, I mean I sort of expected this. It's one of the reasons I tried to take the tension away earlier. So that you would know I wasn't just some jaded bad guy and sweep me under the rug. You guys are just clueless. No wonder the city is in shambles. Just pathetic really."
They looked angry now, and I suspected getting out of here would be much harder, but I didn't really care. I knew that coming in.
"You shouldn't insult us like that. We do everything we can to save this city on a daily basis, and a hormonal teenager like yourself doesn't have the qualifications to call us pathetic." Miss Militia responded icily.
"I think otherwise. You see, I go to school with Shadow Stalker. On a daily basis. I get to experience just how "Heroic" she is on a daily basis. I've also done some research. She's on probation right? For some shit she did as a vigilante."
"That is not publicized, but yes, she's on probation. How did you know?"
"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Really, I'm pretty sure the average citizen knows more secrets about the PRT than the PRT. I think that Shadow Stalker was known to be excessively violent as a vigilante, am I right?"
"She may have used more force than necessary, but she did her job well."
"Well, have you ever tried to ask yourself if she isn't violent in her civilian life as well?"
"What are you implying?"
"You see, I'm fairly new to the area. I just started school at Winslow after winter break, and you know what happens the first day I get there?"
They obviously didn't, and I already knew that, but I'm one for theatrics. "I was walking down the hallway when I noticed a large crowd gathering around a certain locker. Everyone was laughing. There had to have been a few dozen students just watching. I didn't know what was going on, so when I got there, I asked. Turns out a few students thought it was hilarious to shove a poor girl into that locker and close it. And then leave her there. While they laughed. I went to try to open the locker and let them out, and guess who shows up. Yep. Miss 'Hero'. Sohpia Hess."
"As I went to check on the girl in there, she shoves me aside and asks what the hell am I doing. I respond by saying that I'm going to let that girl out. She then shoves me against the locker and tells me in no uncertain terms, to let it be and fuck off. Of course, I took exception to that. I think if there wasn't anyone else around she might have even tried to kill me judging by the look in her eyes."
"I tell here where to stick it and she realizes she can't just try and pummel me right then and there, though I seriously doubt she could. She's just a weak coward at heart. Not to mention I have 50 pounds on her and I don't care how good of a fighter she is, with or without her ability, I would have laid her out right then and there."
They finally speak up once again. "You shouldn't threaten a member of the Wards."
"Oh, is she really going to receive protection as a hero? She's less of a hero than anyone I've ever known. Hell, I think Kaiser has more character than that bitch. Anyway, I finally get the girl out after a few minutes. She goes to the hospital. You want to know why? Someone had filled the locker with some disgusting shit. Used femininte products. All of it. And it had been there for a long time, probably sometime early during the winter break. Yep. A whole bunch of gross stuff was placed inside a locked locker. I asked the girl later, when she got back to school, and she had only had that locker since right before break. Isn't it odd that a highschool student could break into the school, and place a bag of bloody tissues into a locked locker? Must take some real talent, or a convenient power."
I let that hang in the air. Assault and Miss Militia both were silent. "We will look into these accusations, I can assure you. If it can be proven that--"
I just laughed. Loudly. "Proof? Proof?! I really doubt there will be too much proof. I'm sure you'll find some that will let you know what was going on, but it won't be good enough for any convictions. And even if you did, what would happen? Really? Would she be punished?"
"From my perspective, I've seen assault, theft, attempted murder, unlawful imprisonment, use of a power against a civilian while comitting a crime, torture, harrassment, stalking, etc etc. You think of it, and I'm sure she's done it to this poor girl. I've asked around. I've talked with her. However, none of those things will go punished. Or am I wrong?"
There was silence. "We will collect all the evidence and facts, and the system will handle it according to the law." Miss Militia finally said.
"So, basically, everything will be swept under the rug, no one will find out the PRT was hosting a psychopathic ward who tortured an innocent girl in her free time, and things will go back to normal?"
"Haha. Just stop pretending. I'm sure you've already realized the fears you had about Shadow Stalker were real, and now you are trying to rationalize how things got this bad. And how to prevent this from blowing up. Pfft. I wish I had gotten to see real heroes on my trip today."
Assault almost started talking, then stopped.
"Just take me to whatever holding cell you have ready and start your coverup. I'll be waiting for my interrogation."
A few minutes later they were alone.
Assault and herself had just finished walking Copycat to the holding cell, just like he had foreseen, and they were walking away in silence together.
Assault piped up first, "Well that wasn't how I saw this day going down. First we think we have a tinker, then it turns out to be a power copying trump. Now he says that Shadow Stalker has been committing some serious offenses in her civilian identity. No way this ends up good."
"You're right. This isn't good. At all. We need to look into this immediately. If anything he says is true, then we have a PR nightmare on our hands, not to mention some serious questioning of one particular ward." She responded.