Perhaps the universe has a slightly twisted sense of humor. It has to be for having Maddy tutor Steve. What a fustercluck! Closing the library door, the girl quickly moved to rest her back against the wall. She smoothed her white t-shirt out and then played with the hem. "Today is the day the universe said screw you, Madison Newby. All those times you helped sweet grandmas cross the road, assisted your aunt at the coffee shop, and fed stray animals mean nothing because you're tutoring Steve Harrington. Well, I'm not going to do it, universe. I can't," she stated in a loudish whisper.
With a chuckle, Jen told her friend, "You have to admit it's a little funny. I know you may not want to hear it, but irony is fate's most common figure of speech."
Giving Jen a curious look, Katie asked, "Where'd you hear that from; because there's no way you came up with it on your own."
Jen smiled brightly and remarked, "Reader's Digest when I was at Mrs. McCorkle's the other day. I liked it and filed it away to use on a report. I just never thought it would come in handy so soon."
Those words made Maddy huff out a breath of irritation. "My life is now an old people's quote. That's just depressing. But seriously, there's no way I can tutor him. I just can't."
That's when Katie reminded her, "Note to self, you can't control other people. But you can control yourself and your response to them. Just keep being you, Maddy, with as much integrity, love, and devotion as possible, including tutoring jerks. What Steve did was wrong and mean, but that was seventh grade. Sure the scars are still there, and we're basically unpopular for it, but it's time to be the bigger person. Who knows, maybe some good will come of this? So stop saying you can't do it and just do it."
Maddy gave Kate a look that said oh, really? "You got that from Nike," she noted.
Both Jen and Katie said at the same time, "Duh."
Taking a deep breath, Madison prepared herself mentally. Looking at her friends, she reckoned, "I suppose I can do this tutoring thing. But if he mocks me, I swear I'll mess up his perfect hair."
Just before Maddy opened the library doors for real, Jen added, "Call us tonight and tell us how it went." Both of her friends waved bye. It's like they were sending her to her death, and maybe they were.
After a brief nod of consent, the skeptical sandy-blonde entered the big room. Then took another deep calming breath. As the girl walked, holding onto part of the tote bag, she inspected Steve Harrington from afar. His left leg bounces repetitively, and his head turns to either side as if looking for something, but the biggest tell is the way he keeps tapping a pencil on a notebook. He's just as nervous as she is, which is good. She can use that as motivation. The closer she got to the table, the more her heart flounced.
The minute she reached it, she let out a long breath. Methodically Maddy did not make eye contact with the guy and sat the tutor bag in the empty chair next to the one she'll sit in. Still, without looking at him, she sat down and began taking things out of the tutor bag, arranging them on the table to her liking. And Madison was correct in her assumption. Steve was for sure nervous. It was the kind of nervousness a person gets from the type of girl who made everybody else look bad. Anytime she glances his way, he can't help but feel guilty, even if he isn't guilty of anything.
Steve hates that. He hates that feeling even though he should be used to it by now because of Nancy. However, Madison is on a whole other level, and for reasons he can't explain, she renders him powerless and unmovable. It's difficult for him to talk to her, he gets all tongue-tied, and his words come out wrong.
But this silence is a slow form of torture, of that he's certain. It's the kind of silence that tends to loosen tongues. So, he decided to break it by saying, "Somehow, I knew you'd be my tutor. Good, because I need someone who's not-"
She interrupted him by saying, "Like you?" An amused expression was on her angelic face.
With a slight smile, Steve agreed, "Yeah. Someone who's not a bonehead, and you're definitely not that."
Maddy stared at him with a look in her eyes he couldn't really define. It wasn't until she said, "And how do I seem, Steve Harrington? You think you know me, but you don't,"
that he began to loosen a little.
He chuckled. "Are you sure about that, Madison Newby? I've had plenty of time to know you. We've shared classes since kindergarten until your super brain kicked in and left me in the dust. You sit at lunch table ten in the back of the cafeteria. It's not the total loser table, but it's still in the reject region. Although why you and your two friends sit there is beyond me."
Steve could tell she wanted to say something, but he didn't let her. Instead, he continued telling this girl things about herself that he didn't realize he knew. Once it started, the words kept coming out of his mouth. It's weird how that happens.
"You love pens, pink girly clicky pens especially. You bite the end if you're thinking over an answer or click the end of it if you're nervous. Sometimes you look at your feet when you walk and would rather be invisible than have people notice you for anything. Which is why you let others take credit for work you've done."
His words made Maddy pause. These are things it takes years for a person to recognize and understand about individuals. They're things only her two best friends know. It made her wonder about Steve Harrington and who exactly he is. But he wasn't finished talking and went on to say, "And you used to wear glasses until I ran into you and broke them. I'm kind of glad I did because you also liked to hide behind them. You take tiny bites of your food and like to nibble around the outside if you're eating a sandwich. It's like something a cute mouse would do."
Madison's eyes grew large with surprise. How this guy knows anything about her is beyond belief. Honestly, he's just as shocked. But it wasn't until she admitted, "You seriously don't understand why Katie, Jen, and I sit at table ten?" that he realized he'd hurt her somehow. And in a box marked middle school memories, in his mind, he recalled how. Truthfully, he knew exactly what he had done, choosing to ignore it for years. It wasn't until that moment that Steve felt like a giant piece of crap.
He knew an apology was in order if he wanted to get anywhere with her. "Alright, here's the thing, I was a jerk. It was an inconsiderate, dumb thing to do. In my defense, it was middle school, and middle school boys suck." His eyes saw disappointment was written across her face, which made him feel even worse. So he added some recent truth, "I cared too much about popularity than I did about people. But you, Madison Newby, don't care what people think of you. That's good. Don't lose that."
In truth, that's one of the things he's often admired about her- her ability to withstand the pressures of school and people. She's shy and nervous-natured, and that's sweet. Totally the opposite of him, who's never met a stranger. He knew he'd made progress when she lifted her eyes from the table and met his. She wore that shy smile of hers. "Thank you, Steve. But who says I don't care about people's opinions? I guess I hide it better than most," Maddy told him.
His heart fluttered at her words, mainly her thanks. It's only ever done that with Nancy, and he quickly blamed it on the burrito he ate at lunch. Leaning back in the chair and putting his hands behind his head, he asked, "So are you going to help me kick calculus and physics butt or what?"
She gave him a different look. This one said shut up, Steve and began passing him books and a contract. Maddy stated, "We're not kicking anyone's butt. Now, look over that, and if you agree with it, sign it."
Steve took the contract in hand and browsed it. Looking up, he caught her hazel eyes with his own hazel ones. "That's a lot of extra study time you've written in," he noted.
Maddy shook her head and asserted, "This is not recess or playtime with Playdough, Steve. It's tutoring, and it's hard work if you want to have a passing grade. If you want to play basketball, you'll study."
Unphased, he uttered, "Damn. You mean we're not going to play with Playdough? I guess I need a new tutor." He pretended to get up, but she caught his arm. That sent his pulse racing. Sitting back down, he joked, "I suppose you'll do. Although, Playdough is fun. I used to love that stuff, but I don't recommend eating it. So, don't do that."
They both laughed and got to work studying chapter one in physics. A new tentative partnership was forming between the two of them. It was nice. And while something was slowly beginning with them, it was ending with Nancy. She just wasn't into him like she used to be, and he was unsure if that was a good or bad thing. So, Steve spent the rest of September and early October tutoring, playing basketball, and thinking about his relationship.
During a particular tutor session on electricity and magnetism, something his new friend said stuck out to him. Maddy began going over physics and magnetism by saying, "It's the capacity to induce attractive and repulsive phenomena in other entities."
She must have noticed him zoning out because she asked, "Are you awake over there? Is everything alright because you're much too quiet? That's super strange because you always have something to say, even if I don't want to hear it."
Steve peered at her and admitted, "I'm here, but I got to thinking about what you said. You know about attractive and repulsive crap. If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else?" She nodded, so he went ahead. "My relationship with Nancy is practically nonexistent. I'm pretty sure I repulse her. We can be sitting like you, and I are, and I usually do all the talking. She's distracted and not into having conversations with me. Plus, when we kiss, it doesn't spark like it used to do. It started with some stuff last year and has only worsened since then."
Maddy knew the girl was into Jonathan more than Steve, but she didn't say that. Instead, she asked, "And how do you feel about that?"
How does he feel about Nancy? That's the whole point. Like college, he's undecided. Or he is totally decided, just not wanting to admit the truth because it's scary to start from scratch. He's confident Madison picked up on that because she told him, "Regardless, endings aren't always a bad thing. It leaves room for something new to begin. And some love stories aren't meant to be the forever kind of love. Some are short, but that doesn't make them any less valid. You learn and grow from it because if you're not growing, then what's the point."
Steve never thought of it like that. It makes perfect sense. "You're a genius, Maddy. Thank you," he mentioned.
That shy smile of hers returned, and a slight blush appeared. Tutoring is absolutely one of Steve's favorite times of the day. Oddly, that used to be reserved for basketball, but his sport loses out with that new shithead, Billy Hargrove. That guy gets on his last nerve.
Madison could tell Steve was about to reach his boiling point. She's noticed that for a while now. Tutoring hasn't been the complete waste of time she thought it would be. Instead, she's learned much more about Mr. Popularity than she ever thought possible. Who knew that Steve was actually a decent guy trapped behind that massive hair and big ego?
So one brisk October day, when he invited her to the game after school, she remarked, "That's completely predictable. Are you trying to seduce me because even if she's uncommunicative, you have a girlfriend?"
He brushed her comment off and replied, "No. I'm not trying to seduce you. I thought it would be nice for you to come to cheer me on. I need all the support I can get with that big, dummy Hargrove." Then he wondered, "Why? Are you seducible? Wait. Don't answer that. In fact, forget I asked altogether."
Maddy laughed at his awkwardness but showed up to support him along with Katie and Jen. The girls sat on the bleachers behind the home team. As she looked over the crowd, Maddy noticed Nancy wasn't there. She also saw Steve get fouled a lot by the new guy, which is strange, considering they're supposed to be teammates.
Even Katie mentioned, "What a grade-A jerk."
Jen agreed but added, "A jerk, but a hot jerk. We can appreciate that about him if nothing else." Her head turned to the side to get a better view of his butt.
Madison refused to agree to that because, honestly, the new guy wasn't her type. Instead, her eyes landed on Steve, who tried to score but got fouled again by Hargrove. That's when she got mad and yelled out, "That's completely wrong, you new idiot!" All eyes close by turned to her, and Maddy shrank into her brown leather boots. But when Hargrove made a kissy face at her, she wanted to vomit. No, thank you for that.
It's true. Madison's not the greatest with put-downs like Katie or Jen, but at least she got her point across. However, her friends teased her about it, and at the next tutoring session, so did Steve. However, he had the decency to be nice about it.
"Thank you for your defense. Although next time maybe yell something like butthead, asshole, dick, dipshit-"
She cut him off by saying, "I could never curse in public. It's vulgar."
Steve full-on laughed, making her face scrunch up in annoyance. This girl is like Nancy, but not. Similar but different, and maybe he has a type after all - studious, intelligent, attractive, shy girls. But he told her, "That's one of the things I like about you, Maddy. You're too sweet for your own good."
Then he asked if she was going to Tina's Halloween party. Maddy explained, "There are a hundred other things I'd rather do on Halloween night than get sheet-faced. Besides, my dad will be out of the house, so it's up to me to pass out candy. I can't let the children down."
Her answer disappointed Steve, which he's felt a lot of lately. But this is a different type of disappointment. Not the kind he gets with his parents that makes him want to punch something. Neither is it the kind he feels from Nancy where he's come to expect it. No. This disappointment is like finding something you lost and then losing it again. It makes you feel crummy inside.
So to cover it up, he admitted, "I agree. The children are our future. You have to teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them the beauty they possess inside."
Madison stopped checking his answers and lifted her head. The expression on her face was priceless. "I'm sorry, but did you really just quote Whitney Houston lyrics?" Then she began laughing.
With a smile, Steve explained, "Look, Maddy. Everybody's searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. And obviously, that's you on Halloween night with the children."
She shook her sandy-blonde head and told him, "You are such a dork. Of all the songs to quote lyrics from you had to choose The Greatest Love of All. But if you must know, I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'll live as I believe."
Still smiling, Steve's eyes pierced her own. He agreed with her, "At least you'll have your dignity."
The two laughed at their silliness, and he remarked, "It's good to hear you laugh. You should do it more often instead of being tense from all that studying."
Their eyes locked, hazel on hazel, and they shared secret smiles. As they sat quietly, something was brewing around them. They can feel it. All the weeks of studying and talking seemed to combine its electric like that stuff in physics she's had him review. His heart is pumping like crazy, and it's not from indigestion. But it's more than physics; it's chemistry. It's both.
And just like that, the moment was over because Nancy entered and sat down. Oddly it should feel fine. It should feel great because she's there. But it just feels weird, like she's interrupting. It's funny how their relationship started happy, happy, happy, with love mixed into it. Now, it's doubt, arguments, pain, and a butt load of guilt that won't quit. That sucks. To be honest, it adds stress to his already stressful life. Really, he's only prolonging the inevitable.
So why is he doing that? Why is he holding on to something on life support? Maybe it's because he's afraid to face the chemistry with Maddy. Or maybe because it would be another failure in a long line of failures. A total screw-up, as his father calls him. But seriously, something has to give. And one thing that does give is the butterflies he gets from Madison. He may need to take that as a sign, but not today. Today he's watching Madison pack up the tutoring things, say bye, and walk away. Then there's Nancy reminding him about the dinner with Barb's parents. And that's how he knows this disappointment is one of his own making.