Notes:

And this completes this series, which began on the late, great Carrie Fisher's birthday, and concludes on the anniversary of her death. Comments and feedback very much appreciated!

XXX

Sometime After Return of The Jedi

"We were so fuckin' awful to each other in public after Ord Mantell. Such a mystery that we ended up back together, hey Princess?"

"It was a mystery….from a certain point of view," Leia said, smile playing at the sides of her lips.

The two, who had weathered so much, looked at each other and doubled over in laughter.

Tears streaming down Leia's face, she gasped to catch her breath.

"Remember 'scruffy looking nerf-herder?' Man, how'd you come up with that one?"

"I was still mad at you for going after Luke without telling anyone."

"Poor Luke, Carlist, and Mon were so broken up about our break up. Mon kept calling me. She yelled at me! Yelling Mon is…I mean not scary as Vader, but holy shit! Scarier'n you, even!" Leia had started nodding her head in agreement, then scowled at him.

"Carlist, for the first time in his life, yelled at a member of the royal family of Alderaan. And then he felt so bad he got on his knees and begged my forgiveness. I went to my room and cried, I felt so horrible."

"But it worked out pretty well, right? I got better, they plugged the hole in my lung and I didn't die. You ended up on the Falcon with me, which we mostly spent naked for 6 weeks. Only a little bit of torture from your Dad, a minor loss of limb for Luke, bit of freezing on my part, but we got through it all."

"Yeah, it turned out pretty good. All said and done." Leia leaned in to kiss him affectionately.

"So, was that the best long con you've ever pulled off?" She asked with a sly smile on her face.

"Fuck yeah. To this day, Chewie is the only one who knows we faked the breakup of our fake relationship to be in a secret real relationship."

"I'm still surprised Janray forgave us for ending the fake relationship mission due to the insane bounties on our heads. But then she suddenly had all this amazing footage ready to go when we got married and they wanted to use our marriage and honeymoon as propaganda. Was it Lando that leaked her the carbonite freezing footage?"

"Nah, he denies it anyway. I'm so fucking sick of hearing 'I love you' 'I know.' It was our thing, and it's been hijacked by all those morons on social media. Uggg."

Leia had not quite got around to confessing to Han that she watched their kiss and that "I love you/ I know" part of their ordeal on repeat when he was away. She had edited out Han being frozen so she wouldn't get triggered. She had been unable to verbalize those three words up until then. She had tried so many times and literally she would choke as some sort of trauma trigger. From Ord Mantell until that moment in Cloud City, Han would have to say, "You love me," and she would reply, "I know."

"I don't mind so much. It was a pretty iconic bit of dialogue and you sounded like such a scoundrel, but at least we know the real story."

Han's eyes danced with mischievous amusement.

"What I could never figure was why you were violently shoving me and shoulder checkin' me on the Falcon before we knew the hyperspace motivator was shot?" Han playfully nudged her with his shoulder.

"Mostly it was stress and adrenaline. You know I don't like it when you try to handle me, so that was part of it, you hustling me out of the command center in front of my crew. I was also feeling sad that after we had spent a month meticulously planning our secret mission to get you out of Jabba's debt, fucking Vader had to find us and then I wasn't sure when or if I'd see you again. And then you had to get me off Hoth on the Falcon, which messed that plan up."

"That was such a kick-ass plan. Almost as good as our fake breakup plan. But then maybe I'd never end up married to the Hutt-Slayer, so there you go." He smiled at her, wincing simultaneously at the horror that was his rescue on Tattoine and her humiliation at the hands of Jabba.

"It was a great plan! And then we tried to pivot in Cloud City, counting on them bugging our rooms with my petulant girlfriend comment about you being as good as gone. Like you'd hit me or quit me. Too bad Dear Daddy Vader had other plans for us. Fucker." Han snorted out a laugh at that. Honestly, he was just happy Leia could find humor in any of this now.

"Sweetheart, I'm glad you can laugh about all this dark shit now. I'm proud of you." He nuzzled her cheek.

"I once heard this actress turned writer say something like, '"If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.' So, you know, I'm trying to find the funny in the ugly.

They both fell silent as they snuggled closer together. Minds drifting back in time and space.

"Wait, I remember why I was so mad at you on the Falcon!" She playfully whacked him on the shoulder.

Han paused a moment to think back. It was a bit of a workout for his memory, given everything that transpired during that time.

"Was it because I traded my brand new replacement hyperspace motivator away to that bounty hunter on Ord Mantell that we would end up needing when we escaped Hoth? Because I blamed myself for that one!"

Leia chuckled at the ridiculous circumstance that stranded them for six mostly blissful weeks on the flight to Bespin.

"No. You said, and I quote, 'I'll show you not knowing everything there is to know about women. I bet you can't go four hours without kissing me, Your Highnessness.'"

"And I was right, wasn't I? Did you even last three hours?"

"I did, barely! And you cheated! When I fell into your lap in the cockpit, you were not even a little decent and you did not try to hide it. And then, you had the gall to touch side-boob when you hoisted me up. You know how I feel about the Pilot's Chair. So after that, I had to give myself a little pep-talk on resilience and when you came into the circuity bay, I shoved you off because we were at the 3 hour, 58 minute mark."

"Do you always have to win?"

"Yes"

"Is that why you kept randomly bringing funny bits of prior conversations up? To stall for time?"

"I'm afraid I can't reveal my secrets, Love."

"And then you ran away, and I thought you were still mad at me."

"I thought you were gonna meet me in our cabin so we could get away from Threepio. Eventually I wondered to the cockpit hoping to find you, and there were the mynocks."

"Tell me what you said to me before you kissed me the second time."

"Ok, Hotshot," Leia whispered in that seductive low alto that drove Han mad with lust.

Leia leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Han's neck to recreate that very sexy kiss.

XXX

Hoth – Seven Days After Ord Mantell

Han leaned on Leia and Chewie as he hobbled up the ramp of the Falcon, prepared to ride out the rest of his doctor-ordered recuperation in his own bunk. Leia had been avoiding eye contact since the night before, when she had told him goodnight on day six of her bedside vigil.

They clearly were both conflicted. Han's near death experience, the news that the bounties on them were so high had been a huge shock to both of them. It made their feelings and next steps feel urgent.

Han had briefly wrestled with the idea of getting as far away from Leia and the Alliance as possible to reduce the targets on their backs, but honestly, would the Empire be much less committed to finding them? Vader wanted Luke, besides.

He was actually pretty impressed with himself for not leaving already. The Han who had not yet admitted he was in love with Leia would have been the hell gone upon discharge. That Han would have run half-cocked right to Jabba with no plan to escape with his life as an idiot romantic grand gesture. This Han had no interest in leaving Leia or dying. Old Han would have rejected Leia before she could reject him, but that wouldn't do either.

Han and Leia had an awkward silence as she settled him into his bunk. He was positive she loved him back, but with Leia, he knew her need to focus on the rebellion and not get hurt again might make her cut her losses now. He'd thought a lot, last night, about what she had ever told him that made what they had real. She had been so careful not to saying anything that committed her. If she really wanted to cut his heart out, she could deny it ever meant a thing to her and he'd have little recourse.

"Leia, come sit down for a minute. We should talk." He patted the space next to him.

"I want to end the fake relationship mission. It's too dangerous – I almost got you killed," She blurted out, turning deathly pail.

"Ok, we can do that. The Bounty Hunter on Ord Mantell changed my mind about how good an idea it was to carry on with the fake relationship."

Leia briefly looked crestfallen, before returning her face to neutral.

"I'll let Mon and Carlist know tomorrow. Listen, Han…" Leia paused, not knowing how to continue. She looked down, fighting so many emotions - and not know what to say next, got up to leave.

"Was it just a mission for you?" She asked, standing next to his bed.

Han knew this was the moment when Leia could destroy him. Knew she might be conflicted enough to do it. Every bit of learning and life lesson was urging him to take first blood. Somehow, she had disarmed all the armor he had so carefully built up around his heart after a lifetime of disappointments and betrayals. But for once in his life, Han didn't shoot first.

"Nah Princess, I love you."

Leia's lips trembled but she smiled. "So where do we go from here?"

"What do you say we take this – are we talking about feelings and relationships yet? What d'ya say we take this relationship underground. Only Chewie knows. We leak that it was a fake relationship for propaganda purposes. Might hurt the Alliance short-term but it'll lower the profile of us as targets."

"I could be the Ice Bitch everyone thinks I am and pretend it was all fake. That you were imagining things."

"We could fight like old times in the hallways, real nasty verbal battles."

"Stay up all night making love in secret." Leia had sat back down again.

"I like the sound of that." He cupped the back of her head and kissed her tenderly, breathing her in and feeling like he had pushed his luck this time. Almost lost her.

"Leia, we also need to do something about Jabba's bounty on me. It puts you and the Alliance in danger and will limit my ability to run missions and protect you."

"Han, if you try to tell me you plan on waltzing in there with no plan, and think Jabba is going to let you live, I'll just kill you myself."

"Whoa, hey Your Worship, c'mon. I've grown up a little in the past few months. That's not what I'm sayin'. Let's plan a covert mission where I can get out of the slimy bastard's debt and walk away. We'll plan it together, a real badass op."

"Ok, that sounds like a good plan."

"Did you just listen to me, Princess?" Han winked at her.

"I always listen, Han. I just sometimes choose to disregard. I'm listening now. I've spent the last six days, and basically the entire time since Pamarthe really, going back and forth on what to do about you. I have been a conflicted mess, right up until about 2 minutes ago. I was honestly expecting a bit more angst, maybe some shouting and storming off…" She looked in his eyes and smiled.

He smiled lovingly back. "Maybe we've both grown up a little. And you love me," he added teasingly. He had no idea how he should deserve to think it, but he had a good feeling that this would all eventually work out.

"I know," Leia breathed, as she rested her head on his chest, feeling overwhelmingly grateful that they had both finally taken a chance on each other, finally used their words.

FIN

End Notes:

Ok, so you might be wondering...wtf? I just dumped all the angst from ESB on it's head with my little AU retcon and turned it into a comedy. And it's true, I did! I just wasn't buying that these two, at this point in their relationship in this story would be that awful to each other. So I came up with an alternate explanation. Anyway, hope you like it!