Damien walked through the town of south park. He was in the rich part of town. He never liked rich people, but Pip and Pocket were okay. He knocked at Pip's door and a woman opened it. "What do you want?" she asked aggressively. "I'm here to see Phillip Mrs. Joe Gargery," Damien said while trying to be respectful. He knew Pip's sister was short-tempered and would kick him out if he ever said anything even slightly disrespectful. "Okay, he's in his room," she moved out of his way and gestured for Damien to go inside. As he walked into Phillip's room, the house smelled of tea and freshly cut plywood. Phillip's room wasn't nice like the rest of the house. It was clearly an afterthought hidden in the back of the house, only with his dresser and his mattress laying on the floor with only a pillow and a thin blanket, as well as a tall cage for his pet rats. "Oh, hello Damien" Pip smiled and got off his bed, he offered his hand for Damien to shake. Damien took it, the stange, inhuman cold made him wince "hello Phillip," Damien always called him Phillip because he said others called him Pip because they hated him, and he didn't hate Phillip. "What are you doing here?" Pip smiled. "I need you to join my cult," Damien said casually. "Excuse me?" Phillip asked, confused. "Yes, I'm trying to gather a group of people who like me," Damien explained.
Phillip looked at him "okay, what do you do in the cult?" Phillip asked with hesitation. "We do stuff the other kids do, like friend stuff," Damien said. "Oh, alright, why are you calling it a cult though?" Pip asked. "I'm the antichrist, I don't have friends," Damien said like it was something everybody knew. "Oh, alright," Pip paused " so what do you want to do?" Pip asked. "We need more people for the cult," Damien put his hands behind his back. "Come Phillip, we must go," he left the room and Pip followed him. Pip's sister ignored them as they walked outside the house. Damien immediately spotted two kids talking on the doorstep of a house. A boy with curly blond hair and another boy with greasy brown hair smoking a cigarette. Damien walked toward them. They both looked at him. "Hello sirs, do you need something?" the blond boy asked. Pip glared at the brunette next to him. "I need you two to join my cult," the blond boy gave him a confused and slightly concerned look. "Who even are you?" the brunette asked. Pip gave him an almost disgusted look after hearing his voice. "I'm Damien, the antichrist," the brunette smirked, "the antichrist? Prove it," he spoke with an accent. Damien held up his hand and a small flame appeared in it. The brunette's eyes widen "okay, I'll join you, god's a sack of horse shit anyways," the boy took a long drag on the cigarette, blowing smoke into Pip's face. "Dirty french man," Pip said under his breath, wincing at the familiar smell of tobacco. "I am ze mole," the boy introduced him. The blond looked up at him "I'm Gregory of Yardale," the boy looked at Pip, "what are you doing with the antichrist Pip?" the boy asked.
Pip smiled, "hello Gregory, and ze mole,". Ze mole rested his back on the step behind him. He looked at Pip "what are you even doing here I thought you died?" Ze Mole flicks ashes onto Pip's suit just to bother him. He quickly brushed it off. "Come on Phillip, Gregory, Mole, we need more people in the cult, do any of you know anyone who would join?" Damien asked before walking away and the other boy's followed him. "We can see if Mr. Pocket and Ms. Havisham want to join," Pip said, still glaring at Ze Mole. "Also, stop fighting, we can't have a cult where people hate each other," Damien demanded.
Estella didn't live too far from Gregory so the walk was short. Damien knocked on the door. He's never been to Estella's house because she always told them to avoid it. Luckily Estella was the one to open the door. "Hello Damien, Phillip, who are these guys?" she asked, "that's Gregory and Ze Mole," he pointed towards them. "Oh, okay, so what are you doing?" she asked again. "I need more people to join my cult, do you want to join?" Estella looked at him "alright, I guess I don't have anything better to do," she said, sounding bored Damien smiled, "Yes! Now we just need your friend Pocket," Damien cheered, grabbing her hand and dragging her.
The group walked to Pocket's house and saw him in the yard. "Oh hello, Mr. Pirrup!" Pocket ran to him and hugged him. "What are all of you doing here?" he asked. He held a hand out to Estella and she shook it. "I need more people to join my cult," Damien said quickly. "Join a cult with the spawn of satan, of course, I would," he said excitedly, shaking Damien's hand. "Now we just need Mark," Damien and his group followed him.
Pocket looked over at Ze Mole and Gregory. "Hello sirs!" he took Ze Mole and Gregory's hands and shook them both quickly at the same time. "My name's Herbert Pocket, but just call me Pocket," he introduced himself. Ze Mole opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Gregory. "I'm Gregory of Yardale and this is Ze Mole," he said pointing to the brunette. Pocket smiled "well it's nice to meet you Gregory, Mole," Damien looked over at the group behind him, and he stood still, "what do we do now?" he asked. Estella glared at him "did you seriously get all of us together without knowing what to do?!" she scowled in anger.
"N-no- I know what to do, we're gonna go to," he paused "we're going to my stepdad's house, I stay with Chris on Sundays," he said awkwardly. Ze Mole looked at him, "well where the fuck do you live?" he asked. "The 7th layer of hell," he held out his hands and the group stood in a circle, hands locked together. Damien chants something and they disappear into a flash of fire.
They open their eyes and are surrounded by brimstone and fire. "Don't worry guys, you all fit right in," Damien stood proudly. Ze Mole kneeled and pressed his cigarette against the burning stone beneath him, it lit. the group walked to a house.
Despite its surroundings, the house looked relatively normal, nice even. They stepped onto the porch and Damien knocks on the door a relatively normal-looking man looked down at the kids, and he smiled. "Hello Damie, are these your little friends?" he asked, his voice was kind and Gregory couldn't help but wonder what this guy was doing in hell. Ze Mole knew god just screwed this guy over, an innocent man doomed to damnation because god was a bitch. "Hello, Chris" Damien glared at him and walked inside, sitting on the couch. His friends sit next to him. "Why don't you call me dad Damie?" he asked. Damien rolled his eyes, "can we not talk about this now?" he crossed his arms and practically curls up on the couch. Chris smiled, "Okay, I just got done with some cookies so I'll get you kids some," he said before walking to the kitchen. Estella looked away, "this is just sad, and this couch smells like piss," she said sounding bored, her leg bouncing from anxiety.
Shris came back and asked Damien to help him clear off the coffee table so he could sit down a tray of cookies. All of the kids took one except Pip and Estella. Estella didn't really like sweets and Pip never eats. "So Damie, how are you doing," he asked. "Don't call me Damie pussy," Damien cursed. Chris looked at him. "Oh, I'm sorry Damien," he paused anxiously "y'know, you should really watch your language little guy," Chris grabbed Ze Mole's cigarette and put it out with his hand. "No smoking inside," he said calmly "plus you're too little to be smoking," Ze Mole glared at him. "Damien, your stepdad is a bitch," he whispered and Damien nodded in agreement. "Well, I have some work to do so I'll leave you alone with your friends," he said before leaving the room.
"He seems nice," Estella said sarcastically while picking at her nails. "Well, I'l be with dad tomorro, but you can't stay on saturdays, Saddam doesn't like people in his house," Damien explained, "well, my sister lets me have friends over, but only if we stay in my room and she can't hear us," Pip said calmly. "No Pip, nobody wants to sit on your dirty mattress and stare at a rat," Estella said without even looking at him. "Come on Estella, don't be rude," Pocket said. "I'm sorry but you guys are some of the most annoying people I've ever met, why am I even here?" Gregory brushed through his hair in annoyance "and this couch does smell like piss!".
Damien grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV onto some sort of sitcom Chris was watching earlier about a hotel. Nobody knew what to do so they just sat there and watched it for e few minutes. The show actually wasn't too bad. Chris walked into the room, "okay Damien your dad's gonna be picking you up soon so you need to get your stuff, say bye to your friends," he explained and turned the TV off, "and you're too young for this," he said and Damien went to his room, "okay guys you need to leave, see you tomorrow," and with a snap of his fingers they disappear into a flash of fire.
They all hit the hard pavement and start on their walk home, not ready to explain how they literally went to hell and back to watch a shitty demon show on a couch that smells like piss.