Chapter 6:
With the town leader drawing closer to the village and Shikamaru's condition unimproved, Naruto and Ino just hand to go with their original plan and hope for the best. Naruto would have to take the test in Shikamaru's place. If he came across a question he didn't have the answer to, Ino would have to help him out using her jutsu.
"You sure we can't just have you go inside the leader and give me really easy questions?"
Ino shook her head. "We went over that, remember? He'll know we cheated and redo the test or retaliate because he didn't ask the question. I did. We'll just have to take the test his way and hope for the best."
Shikamaru gnawed on the edge of the low table, running his tongue over the smooth edge.
"Get that out of your mouth, Shikamaru."
He pulled his lips away, a thin trail of saliva stretching to the table's edge. Ino shivered in disgust. She screamed when Shikamaru wiped it off on her clothes.
Naruto grabbed her arms to keep her from beating Shikamaru over the head with the table, which she now held high over her head. "He's not himself. You know that."
"Maybe if I beat him hard enough, I'll knock some sense back into his head!"
"Calm down. You know he didn't mean it."
Ino set the table down and sulked. "It's not easy having Shikamaru like this, you know. Those guys better not be lying."
Shikamaru laid on the floor, resting his feet on the table now that it was back on the ground. He kept making obnoxious noises to entertain himself.
He leaned his head back to look at the yard outside the veranda upside-down. He rolled onto his stomach and crawled over to look outside. It all looked so interesting.
"I'll be the one to take the test," said Naruto. "You'll be nearby to tell me answers I don't know."
"Yup," Ino confirmed.
"Ok. Then who'll watch Shikamaru since he can't be left on his own?"
"A clone would be a good idea."
"If it pops?"
Ino shrugged. "I would use my jutsu on Shikamaru but I don't know how the drug will affect me if I go inside him. Plus, I can't send you answers while using the Mind-Transfer Jutsu at the same time."
Naruto looked around. "Where did Shikamaru go?"
They both dashed outside to search the yard. They spotted Shikamaru running around with his arms out to either side like wings, making sputtering noises with his mouth. They both ordered him back inside but he chose to flee the yard instead.
"Get back here!" Ino shouted. "Please, Shikamaru!"
"Pfft!" Shikamaru flew down the street, having a wonderful time. He didn't have a care in the world.
People stopped to stare at him as he ran by. He stopped briefly to ride a plastic lawn ornament which bent under his weight. He took off again only to stop to ogle his reflection in a window. He kissed his reflection's lips several times before running his tongue over the glass, leaving a trail of saliva which he then rubbed his cheek against, laughing goofily.
"Stop that!" Naruto shouted and tried to grab him.
Shikamaru moved out of the way and took Naruto on a race around a tree. They circled numerous times before Shikamaru stopped suddenly on his hands and knees, tripping Naruto who flipped over his back and landed on the ground.
On all fours, Shikamaru waved his rear end at Naruto tauntingly. "Nay-nay!"
Shikamaru galloped on his hands and feet away from them then resumed an up-right position to run elsewhere. Ino called for Shikamaru to stop several times but he wouldn't listen. She and Naruto finally tackled him to the ground and they tried to carry him off with onlookers staring the whole time.
Holding Shikamaru's arms, Ino called to Naruto over Shikamaru's incoherent shouting. "We can't take him back to the house, can we?"
Wrestling with Shikamaru's legs, Naruto said, "The village doctor, maybe?"
"Whoo! Whoo!" Shikamaru shouted playfully, bucking his hips up and down to make it more difficult for them to hold on to him. "Yip-yip-yip!"
"Shikamaru, please calm down!" Ino begged him.
"Put the pickle in the fish! Gnaw-gnaw- washoo!"
"Is he getting worse or what?" Naruto asked.
Shikamaru kept bouncing, almost getting one of his legs free. "Nee-ne-nee-nee! Ha-ha-wazzah!"
"Be… quiet!"
"Uh, shinobi?" came a voice. "I realize this probably isn't the best time, but…"
"What?!" Naruto and Ino shouted, looking away from Shikamaru to the village leader.
The man recoiled slightly from their tone and meekly pointed in the other direction. "The headman's party has arrived."
The two looked in the direction the man was pointing, forgetting momentarily about the writhing Shikamaru in their grasp.
"They're here already? How long have we been chasing him?"
"They must have gotten here fast. We couldn't have been chasing Shikamaru that long."
"Wazzah!" Shikamaru pulled his leg free and kicked Naruto in the chest.
"Ow!" Naruto got Shikamaru's leg back under control, making Shikamaru straddle his hips. His left arm held Shikamaru's right leg and Naruto's right arm subdued his left, pressing Shikamaru's knees into his hips. "Quit moving around!"
Shikamaru kicked wildly, his heels kicking Naruto's butt and thighs over and over while he thrashed around. "It's a feeding frenzy! Raugh!" He twisted his torso this way and that. "Ooh! Ooh! Want some butter cheese with that pickle? Someone took a bite out of the moon and it's happy so it smiles!"
"We don't have time for this insanity!" Naruto looked desperately at Ino. "We have to ditch him someplace and deal with the leader guy. And I think Shikamaru's brain is broken in more ways than one."
"I really thought he was getting better but…" Ino shook her head. "Now's not the time for that. We have to finish the mission." She looked at the leader. "Where's the nearest shed?"
They opened a gardening shed filled with empty pots and bags of soil. After making sure there were no dangerous tools laying around, they threw Shikamaru inside and shut the door. Shikamaru wobbled into a sitting position, looking at his new surroundings with a distant expression. He found an empty pot and put it on his head like a hat.
"Ok, let's get this done. Naruto, get into position and I'll be close by."
"Got it."
Shikamaru held his hand up, seeing the sun shine through the gaps in the wooden shed in irregular rectangles. He moved his hand back and forth slowly, observing the stripes of golden light. This entertained him for a while, but now he wanted to leave. He pushed on the door of the shed but it wouldn't move. He ran his hand over the door but found no knob. This only opened from the outside. He wedged his fingers under the door and rocked it in and out, seeing which way the door would open. Outward, it seemed. It barely moved when he pulled it towards himself.
Shikamaru gave the door a hazy look. He sat with his back to it and held up his hand, looking at the sun beams again. Rectangle, rectangle, square, rectangle. Something was blocking the light on the door between planks of wood. Shikamaru turned back around and looked at where the square beam of light shined through. Peeking between the gaps of wood, he saw some kind of obstruction, possibly a latch, lying horizontally across the board.
He tried to move it with his finger but he couldn't squeeze it through and it wasn't long enough. Shikamaru looked at the pots sitting around the shed and picked up one and smashed it against another, breaking them. He picked up a long shard from the pot's broken base and worked it between the planks of wood, just under the latch. He moved the shard up and the latch flipped up and the door swung open.
He pushed the door open wide and staggered out into sunlight. People all seemed to be heading in the same direction, so he played follow the leader and went where everyone else was going.
Everyone was gathered in the public street where there was a slight incline. Standing atop this incline was the town leader alongside several guards and attendants. The village leader approached to welcome the well-dressed man to their village. The two spoke for a time then the town leader took a step to the side to look out over the assembled crowd.
"We have quite the gathering, don't we?" said the town leader.
The village leader looked at all the worried faces, some holding children and others clutching canes. A lot was at stake today. All those lives pushed the shoulders of the leader downward so he stood hunched above them all while the town leader stood tall and proud above even him.
He looked at his watch. "It seems to be that time. I take it you have appointed someone to take my test? Unless… you would care to…"
"Uh, no. No, I have appointed someone to represent. It's just… There was an incident earlier that…"
The town leader scoffed dismissively. "I don't want your excuses. I don't care what happened or whose fault it was. If something happened to impair the representative, be it injury or otherwise, I don't care. A deadline is a deadline and I gave you a deal. Something happening to the individual is of no consequence and you will simply have to find a replacement or have them take it anyway. But the test is going to happen now whether you are ready or not. Present them or it's forfeit."
The village leader gulped. "Very well, sir." He looked around. "I did find someone. You said it was alright if it wasn't a member of our village, correct?"
"That is well within the rules. Present your choice to me and I will administer the test." The town leader looked out over the crowd. "Who will take my test for the sake of the village?"
Naruto stepped forward, taking a deep breath.
The town leader looked directly at him. "Are you the one?"
Naruto hesitated. He wished Shikamaru had taken his spot. He didn't know what he was doing, but neither did Shikamaru at this point. He had to do this.
Taking another deep breath, Naruto opened his mouth to respond.
"I'll do it," Shikamaru called out waving his hand in the air.
Naruto turned paled when he saw Shikamaru make his way over to the town leader. "Oh, please, no."
"The village has appointed you the official test-taker, then?" the well-dressed man said in an official tone.
Shikamaru cartwheeled the last few steps and stood in front of the town leader. "Yo."
"Very well," he told Shikamaru. "Shall we get started, then?"
He held out his hand for Shikamaru to shake. Shikamaru hooked his thumb around the man's and kept his fingers straight, hoisting the man's hand a little higher to make the shadow they cast more perceptible. "Ready to take flight," Shikamaru said, indicating the bird-shaped shadow cast by their hands on the ground. He then gave the man's hand an official squeeze and pulled away.
The town leader cleared his throat. "There will be three questions in total. You must answer all three of them to pass. Are you ready for your first question?"
Shikamaru spun on his heels once and saluted the man. "Okey-dokey."
Naruto and Ino both hid their faces in their hands. Things weren't looking well at all.
"First question." The town leader pointed over Shikamaru's left shoulder. "Obverse that forest. If every last tree were to be cut into kindling, how many bundles would it make?"
Shikamaru put his hand to his brow, observing the vast forest to his left. He clicked his tongue and faced the town leader. "One."
Naruto audibly smacked himself in the forehead.
"If you have something big enough to bind it," Shikamaru clarified.
The town leader raised his brow at Shikamaru's answer. "Very good."
Ino peeked between her fingers. Had Shikamaru answered that one correctly?
"Here is your second question," the leader went on. "One of my men can throw a ball half an acre at over 90 miles per hour. Should he choose to aim at you, how long will it take to reach you?"
Shikamaru cocked his head and shrugged. "Depends where you're standing," he answered.
The town leader gave a nod of approval.
Naruto and Ino exchanged baffled looked. This was going better than expected, which was what was so confusing. Both couldn't help but wonder if this was a trick.
"This is your final question," said the town leader. He gestured to the area around them. "How much is this village worth?"
This must have been a math question, both Naruto and Ino feared. Or a finance question. Shikamaru knew the village was poor in the beginning which was why they needed aid. After all their history, the value of this village must have increased. The debt brought the actual amount into question. There was so much else to consider as well, such a buildings, businesses, tools and supplies they had been given. If Shikamaru didn't give an exact answer, he might get it wrong.
If Shikamaru was in his right mind, he might have been able to answer this or seen a possible trick to it. All Shikamaru could do now was guess and hope he was right.
Shikamaru smiled with confidence. "One bag of coins."
Both Naruto and Ino collapsed on the ground.
The town leader seemed stunned by his answer. "How do you figure that?"
"Because that's what we were given to save it."
The town leader stared at Shikamaru for a long time. Then, gradually, he began to laugh. A deep hearty laugh.
His laughter brought everyone's attention to him, wondering what his laughter meant. Was he amused? Was it in spite of them? His laughter seemed jolly in nature but none of them could be sure what brought on such amusement.
"Well done," the town leader said as his laughter subsided. "I leave the village in peace. Consider your debt paid in full."
"Huh?!" Even the villagers joined Naruto and Ino in their disbelief.
Chuckling, the town leader patted the village leader on the shoulder. "You selected quite the test-taker. I'm impressed."
The village leader, shocked by the event, couldn't register just what this meant. "So… Uh, the village is saved? The contract with you…?"
An attendant stood beside the town leader with a box and opened it. Inside was a piece of paper which the leader took out and tore in two, handing both halves to the village leader.
"That clear enough for you? You're free to do as you wish." The town leader motioned to his people. "I want everyone from our land rounded up so we may go home. I'd really like to return home to rest. All this travel wears you out."
Ino's mouth hung open even after the town leader retreated further down the road to gather his men. "I can't believe it. Shikamaru did it."
"But how?" Naruto asked. "His brain is mush. Isn't it?"
Shikamaru balanced a stick on his upper lip and tapped Ino on the shoulder to get her attention. "I got a mustache." When the stick fell, he picked it up and put it in his mouth like a dog with a bone.
"Yeah, it's still mush." Naruto sighed heavily. "When will this thing wear off already?"