Chapter. 7

The 4th unforgivable

(Memory #1)

Hermione's notes: What is a soul?

Is it the essence of one's mind?

Is it the embodiment of one's heart?

Does a soul continue to exist even after our bodies have failed us? Or perhaps could a soul perish, and the body continue on without it?

I think perhaps i unraveled the mysteries of the soul at some time in my life. It's there somewhere in my memories, isn't it Ron?

Your eyes haven't changed. They look the same from 3 years ago. I'm afraid perhaps that i know why that is finally.

It's why you occlude. You're pushing the happy memories down, you don't know how to deal with them. Do you?

Even you can't shove them down forever, though. The patronus you summon tells me as much. Somewhere in you, is still happiness or the memory of it at least.

It's also why you can't feel pain.

You don't have a soul, not anymore.

.

.

.

Hermione has been fed, and clothed. The clothes in question were Malfoy's from school. It's his childish attempt to annoy her. An emerald green Slytherin hoodie, that falls to her mid thigh, and feels like a dress. The sleeves are to long but it's more conservative than the shirt she had before and she prefers to have as much of her covered as possible. She rolls the sleeves of it up so she can set to work on the potion.

"I'll ask Fleur to bring you some pants."

"Hm." She can't bring herself to thank her captor, even though she is grateful.

Hermione pretends not to watch him cast his patronus. She wonders if perhaps Malfoy had achieved whatever it was Ron had. When she sees his conjuring however she is disappointed, it's nothing like Ron's. Malfoy's looks about what she can manage. It's formless, and does not move as fluidly as the corporeal little animals tend to. This patronus has been tainted, Malfoy's soul has been tainted by darkness.

Hermione gathers the ingredients from her work station, and measures some of them out. The supply is good, a wide range of basic ingredients and a fair amount of rarer finds. It's better than the kit the Order provided her. She can't manage to find the unicorn blood, she's opening drawers and compartments. She finds a cauldron, and a drawer full of little silver thimbles. Sifting through every crevice when her hand slips across the board of one of the drawers she feels it give a little. She presses it down again, testing it. A false bottom?

Hermione peers over at Malfoy who seems to be immersed in his copy of the daily prophet.

Hermione pries the board up.

"Malfoy-" Her voice is caught in her throat at the sight before her.

She doesn't recognize the mangled cup, or the broken tiara. But they lie next to an object she most certainly does recognize. A locket. The locket. A horcrux, the golden trio destroyed in the forest of dean years ago.

"These aren't-" Her hands shake and she pulls the tiara up to inspect it further.

"What did you think we've been doing all these years, Granger?" Weirdly enough it sounds like the question isn't for her, somehow. Perhaps, it is for the Hermione before Ron robbed her of her memories.

"How? I, we never-" She doesn't even know what to say.

"Nagini is dead, as well." Malfoy folds up his paper to give her his full attention.

"That means there's only 1 left."

"Potter." A grim look takes his face.

"You know?" Ron really had no interest in the Order secrets in her head. If Malfoy knows than so does he.

Together the golden trio sought the horcruxes for a time, during what should have been their 7th year at Hogwarts. Ron knew about the horcruxes, but Hermione had only ever told one other person about Harry being the final horcrux. Commander Mcgonagall is dead now, though. So how had Ron figured it out? Did Voldemort know?

"Yes, i've known about Potter for sometime."

Ron kept looking for the horcruxes, even after they lost the battle at Hogwarts.

When the Order lost control of the school, they'd lost access to it, plus the ministry in a single day. The Death eaters that held the castle prevented them from searching it, the same with the ministry. Unfortunately most public places were no longer accessible to them. They searched other places of course for as long as they could, but then France happened. Then Ron deserted. Finding the horcruxes had been put on the back burner. The culmination of it all had been a terrible start to the Order's war effort.

"Destroying the horcruxes, were those more orders from this mysterious person Ron made his promise to?"

"Yes. Can i ask you something?"

"I suppose so. You're answering questions for me after all."

"Where did you think you were running to, before? Where were you planning to go after killing Fleur?"

"Base camp is nearby, i heard cannons."

Malfoy doesn't deny her assumption.

"They're all dead Granger. If you set foot there you'd just be killed to."

"Well i guess I can't try to go anywhere now, but you said Harry wasn't found. He could still be all-right. When i ran i thought i could find him somehow. I had hope for a moment."

"Granger. Knowing what you do. Well i think we both realize Potter doesn't have a future, his won't be a happy ending."

She cringes.

"Don't say that, i've been looking for a solution. I'll find a way to take the horcrux out of him, i just need more time." Her voice is emphatic.

Malfoy looks at her like she's the most pitiful thing in the world.

"You don't- Have you and Ron been given orders to kill Harry?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"How did you find them?" She drops the tiara back into the pile of the other dark objects. It's time to move away from the subject of Harry.

Hermione begins to set back to her potion brewing. She finds the Unicorn blood hiding behind some Veritaserum.

"When Ron left the Order he found me. Filled me in, on- I have to admit, I'm not privy to everything that's been planned i'm just told the things i need to know."

He searches her to make sure she's following along while she works. Then he goes on.

"He only had the locket it was already destroyed. But he told me some theories of where the others might be. Voldemort thought the Order was destroying them."

"Wait is that why the summit was called?" Hermione understands now. Voldemort thought they were gaining on him.

"I think the Dark lord was scared. Until he lost Nagini i don't think he thought there was even a possibility of losing the war. I think the summit was his way of trying to bluff his way into a win."

How sneaky, of him.

Hermione has finished with the contraceptive potion. It's pink and sparkly. She pulls an empty vial and dredges the contents of her cauldron into it.

"Here." Hermione tosses the vial over to Malfoy, and holds her empty hand out expectantly. She is eager to get ahold of her memories.

He tosses her the bottle of her memories. She heads to the pensieve. She uncorks the bottle, and lets them drift down into the basin in a single, steady stream. She peers back at Malfoy, who oddly enough seems to have an encouraging look for her. When she dips her face into the liquid, it's like she's fallen into the snow. It's cold and bracing. She feels herself sliding down, further and further until-

July 1997

Whoosh!

Hermione turns spinning in a complete circle. It's Hogwarts. She's in the library. In the restricted section, she thinks. When she looks down at herself her body has taken on a ghostly glow. She's not surprised by that, she's walked in other peoples memories before, but somehow walking in her own forgotten memories is disorienting.

Curly brown hair bounces into her line of vision. Her younger self. No uniform or tights, but there is a dewey eyed innocent look about her. She follows the younger Hermione as she pulls several books from the shelves, there was a parchment she was referencing in her hand. Hermione frowned when she spotted the date written on a scrap of parchment at the table her past self was working at.

Dumbledore had only just died. Killed by Bellatrix lestrange on the Astronomy tower.

The school term had ended for the year, what had her passed self been doing at the school? Pulling books from the restricted section, no less.

This was what Hermione had always found to be annoying with using a pensieve to view memories. A pensieve only showed the events that occurred in one's memories, it was completely objective. Hermione desperately wants to hear her younger selves thoughts. What was she doing? Why was this memory important enough for Ron to have taken it from her?

It's like watching a movie without any context.

It is embarrassing to see her curls from this perspective she thinks. Seeing herself from behind, she could see why everyone teases her.

There are giggles from somewhere close-by, and the younger Hermione rolls her eyes.

When the list of books has been pulled, they are stacked up into one pile, and she follows herself when she walks away from the the restricted section. This part of the library was always dusty, and young Hermione sneezes dropping her stack of books down. They spill into an aisle of potion books.

The laughter dies down some, at the sound of the books smacking to the ground. She's watching herself pick them back up, wondering idly who it is that is laughing. Then the sound of footsteps is coming around the corner of the aisle.

"Ron-" The older Hermione can hear the wistfulness in her voice. A red dress shirt hugs his lean frame perfectly, 2 buttons at the top are undone. He looked so young. So kind. This Ron emitted the warmth of a million suns. She reaches an hand out to touch his cheek but his body moves right through her, her hand dissipates into airy blue wisps.

"Here. Let me help." Then he is bending down to her younger self's level. They exchange grins when their hands graze against each other on accident.

Seeing him like this once more. It feels good. This is the boy she swore she'd love forever. The boy she had been madly in love with for as long as she'd known what love was. Red, freckles, sapphire blue eyes those attributes made both of her selves weak at the knees.

Hermione smiles at the still young Gryffindors, then she remembers and her smile fades away.

If only she could warn herself of the terrors yet to come, and that the greatest of them all is right in front of her.

"Thanks." Young Hermione's cheeks turn crimson, staring up at him like he hung the moon, and back then she really thought he had.

Ron gathered the pile of books looking intent on carrying them all himself, he only needed one arm. This Ron was chivalrous. His other hand to Hermione's surprise, finds it's way to the small of young Hermione's back guiding her down the aisle.

Strange.

She shook it off, it really wasn't a big deal when she thought about it. Ron was still her best friend in this memory. She however can't shake off what happens next.

As they get closer to the circulation desk of the library Hermione spots a table of students. 4 students. These particular individuals were all Slytherins. Pureblood heirs. Theodore Nott. Both Greengrass sisters, Daphne, and Astoria. At their helm was Draco MOTHERFUCKING Malfoy.

What in merlin's beard was going on here?!

Hermione has stopped cold. Waiting for something. A fight to break out perhaps? Those 4 here with her and Ron in the library, right after Dumbledore's death? She didn't like this one bit.

Ron let go of the younger Hermione and he plops down the stack of books in front of the group of Slytherins.

The table is full of quills, parchment, open books and a couple wands laid out in front of their owners. It seems so casual, the group of them seem entirely relaxed, familiar with one another in a way Hermione cannot comprehend.

"What are we looking for today?" Theodore Nott asks no one in particular.

"Mcgonagall said anything we think might be useful, for the Order. Defensive spells, potions whatever." Hermione only had 1 other memory of Daphne Greengrass- Malfoy that she knew of, and it was from when she slipped a toe tag around her corpse.

The Order?

"You know, joining the Order- well somehow i guess I didn't expect it would involve this much reading. I figured i'd be more useful than this." Theodore Nott sighs and leans back in his chair, looking at Ron like he expected some response.

Young Hermione interjects. "This is useful. Who knows what we might find in the restricted section."

"Hmm." Nott tells her clearly still not impressed. "It makes me feel rather small to be sticking my nose in a book, rather than fighting with the older Order members. I saw Lupin after the last meeting, he told me about a raid they did on a Death eater-"

"Wait. Wait." Malfoy's lip quirks up into a mischievous grin as he closes the book he was rifling through. "Small, you say?"

"Oh do shut up, Draco." Nott drawls back.

"Ugh. Do you boys have to bring wand sizes into EVERY conversation we have. You'll scare off the Gryffindors." Daphne said in a tone that could rival Hermione's own when she feels reproachful.

"I resent that Daph," Ron laces his hands behind his head to support it, and sits across from Malfoy. "Give us some credit. Not all Gryffindors are as innocent as you make them out to be."

"I suppose you might be right." Daphne's eyes look Ron up and down in an amused manner. "Some of you though," she turns to give Hermione's younger self a wink, "are entirely as innocent as i make them out to be."

Hermione watches her other self for a reaction. Hermione knows she had always been rather touchy about the topic of sex. As Daphne turns her head away, young Hermione catches Ron's eye. He grins at her conspiratorially, like there's some unspoken secret between them. It's so quick, like it hadn't happened, only it had...

"Don't worry St. Granger, lucky for you i am an expert on how to lose one's innocence. Ask me anything- in fact i'd be willing to teach you a thing or-"

Younger Hermione drew herself back from the table, blushing at the things Nott was saying to her.

Ron looks like he was enjoying Nott's attempt at making her uncomfortable. If someone had told her last week that once upon a time Theodore Nott flirted with her in the Hogwarts library, she would have suggested they get themselves evaluated by a mind healer. Ron had that look that Hermione knew meant he was trying to keep from laughing out loud.

"Going to teach her what the word 'small' means will you?" Malfoy asks eyebrows raising.

Ron unlaces his hands behind his head, and bites down on the back of one. He is struggling to keep himself quiet.

Nott rolls his eyes. "No, you already taught Daphne what that word meant, she can pass it along to Granger."

Ron barks out laughing, then the whole table is cracking up right along with him. Hermione stares at the display in wonder. The Gryffindors and the Slytherins... getting along.

"Draco. Doesn't know what that word means." Daphne says loud enough to get everyone's attention. Draco smirks her way, looking rather pleased to hear Daphne praise him. Daphne and Draco share a look, it's one that says a million things at once. Devotion. Loyalty. Unconditional love.

The laughter fades out.

"Ewww! None of that now." Ron chides the love drunk Slytherins. "Got anymore chocolate frogs?" Ron peers at the blonde boy hopefully.

Malfoy pulls over a large bowl among the dozens of books spread out between them all. It was full of snacks. Sweets mostly.

"Here, Ron. Your luck never seems to run out, this is the last one."

Ron's catches it in the air, and he has a lazy grin on his face. Like hanging around the Slytherins is a normal everyday occurrence.

Ron eats the frog in a single bite, some of the chocolate melts around his lips as the excess slips out of his mouth. Malfoy seems disgusted.

"What exactly is it you see in him, and Potter again?" Malfoy turns to young Hermione who smiles at him, and shakes her head.

"Okay. We're getting distracted people, back to your books." Hermione's younger self says, deciding to end their little rapport prematurely, before she has to respond.

Everyone groans, and someone mutters 'Worse than old Mcgonagall herself.'

...

Hermione slips back into the real world.

"We weren't actually friends back then, were we?!" Her voice sounds like it's been dragged over rocks.

The current Malfoy looks at her from over the top of his paper.

"Are we still friends-then? You were a member of the Order." She's staring at Malfoy in awe. He's utterly confusing. One moment she thinks they are on the same side. Then they aren't and now as it turns out he was a bloody Order member, before the war. How many times had he changed sides? What had Mcgongall known about all of this?

"Friends. Not quite sure i would call us that then, or now. What memory did you see?"

"You and the Slytherins in the library. With Ron and me. You helped us. With research for the Order. So did Theodore, Daphne, and Astoria apparently." Hermione shivers.

"Ah. Yes." Malfoy answers, giving her nothing else.

"That's it?"

"What else should i say?"

"An explanation, would be great. You claim we aren't friends and we weren't then- but the 6 of us looked awfully chummy, Malfoy." Malfoy didn't need to lie to her, he knew she would remember it all eventually, but something was off about him. She got the feeling he wanted to avoid telling her whatever it was he had on his mind.

"Look. You and i, our relationship it's always been complicated."

"You don't say."

He gives her a withering look. "I think at one point maybe, and that's a BIG BIG maybe, we could have been friends."

"What ever stopped us from becoming official friends then? We could be friends now, we're allied now." Until Malfoy turned on her again which seemed to be his MO.

"Well, Granger. Let's see. You killed my best friend in the entire world. Nearly killed my other friend. All of that perhaps i could have forgiven, in time but then you left my wives body to rot. Friend. Is not something i'd ever call you, not if i lived 1000 years." His voice is ice.

"I killed Theodore?"

"If memory serves he was your very first, kill Granger. Now sod off back into the pensieve. I'm not talking to you anymore."

Hermione starts to piece together the reason Draco always seemed so hot and cold when they exchanged information, when she thought he was a spy for the Order. He had very conflicting thoughts of her. On one hand he had once sat at a table with her laughing like friends do. On the other hand it seemed Malfoy hated the very ground she walked on. She couldn't say she blamed him.

Hermione dips her nose back into the memory water. The cooling sensation emanates from her toes to her head.

She's falls right back where she stopped before.

Everyone is diligently working through their own pile of books. Circling things, and to her annoyance ripping pages out entirely.

Young Hermione had settled into a seat next to Astoria Greengrass.

She's just opened a rather old looking book, and only read the first sentence when someone grabs her hand.

"Jesus, Hermione, your cuticles are wrecked!" It's Astoria. Her voice is a whisper but it doesn't matter everyone can hear what she said.

Hermione pulls her hand back indignantly. "It's my nerves. I can't help it. I usually heal them, i just forgot to this morning."

"There are healthier alternatives to handling anxiety, you know skin picking is a form of self harm, right?"

"I'll be sure to address it with my therapist, thanks." Young Hermione was still as sarcastic as the older version.

Astoria frowns at her. "You just need an alternative is all."

"I'm fine."

"You know, one of the perks of being a legilimens," Astoria threw her long black hair over her shoulder. "is that i always know when someone's lying."

Astoria Greengrass a Legilimens at their age? Hermione recalled what Malfoy had told her about Daphne being a muggleborn. Did that mean Astoria was adopted as well or was she actually a Greengrass by blood?

She's turning it over and around in her head, something is gnawing at her. Like she already knew what it was but there was just something missing that she needed to connect it. A missing puzzle piece.

It's so subtle. Grown Hermione nearly misses it. Ron's eyes dart up for a fraction of a second locking with Astoria's.

The legilimens Hermione suspected Ron to have picked up Occlusion on account of. Could it have been Astoria Greengrass?

Things Ron had plainly told her since becoming his captive came back to her.

'I made a promise to someone. I intend to come through.'

'It's a nasty little habit i picked up from an old friend a couple years back, even though she's long gone now I can't seem to stop.'

Hermione began to chew on her lip absentmindedly. As it set in. As the missing piece of this puzzle fell. If- but-

Oh.

Oh.

Oh...

Hermione jumps to a conclusion. Ron had fallen in love with Astoria Greengrass. He'd made her a promise that he had spent 3 years of his life ensuring would come to fruition. To bring down Voldemort. If Astoria is dead now though, gone like Ron said how was she still giving orders? Hermione fought the sudden urge to pick at her cuticles.

She is still on the fence but she falls off it when she sees Astoria reach into her bag and pull out a box of cigarettes. The woman who smokes. It's her, it has to be Hermione thinks.

Grown hermione notes that her young self never stood a chance. Astoria was the kind of beauty that demanded to be seen. She was edgy, and dark but it worked for her. Young Hermione couldn't compare to a girl like Astoria Greengrass. A beautiful goddess who smoked, and mastered legilimency before ever graduating Hogwarts. At that age Hermione had only her books, and her intellect. She was a poor duelist, and infuriatingly naive. It wasn't any wonder Ron never paid her any mind, not with Astoria around.

"You should give this a shot, Hermione." Astoria tells her holding a lit cigarette out to her. "Could be your alternative to picking your flesh off."

Young Hermione actually starts to reach out but a water spell shoots onto Astoria's hand splashing Hermione as well.

"Ron! Watch it geez."

"You shouldn't be smoking in here. It's the library." Ron looks annoyed.

"You sound like Granger." Malfoy tells Ron.

"It's a nasty habit, Astoria should keep it to herself." Ron defended not looking at Astoria or Hermione as they start to sop up the mess that had been made of their papers.

As young Hermione's papers are moved and dried with her wand adult Hermione started to read them. Some of it looks familiar and some she can't really recall or make heads or tails of.

One particular spell jumps out at her. She didn't know what it was, so why did it make her blood run cold when she read it? She tries to move in closer to see it better but things are stacked on top of it before she can.

That spell. It was dark magic.

'Did you know-' The dewey eyed school girl in her head starts to ask. Her voice is sweet like honey. She stalks closer to the front of her mind and Hermione wants to tell her to buzz off so she can think properly. But when she really gets a good look at her the school uniform is gone, and she's wearing a dress of black silk. She seems different, very different. Menacing somehow. It's a complete contrast to the other times she had interacted with her inner self. 'there are actually 4 unforgivable curses.'

Author's note/ Don't ask me why but this chapter was inspired by Werewolves of london it's on spotify. Guys trust me this is Ron/ Hermione. When the big reveal happens you'll get it. If you notice Hermione literally says she jumped to a conclusion. That means it's her guess, not necessarily what is fact. A golden girl is allowed to be oblivious once or twice. Also can i say that i am impressed some of you have already called it, i thought i was doing a fairly decent job of misleading and leaving things ambiguous. For anybody who wants a hint, pay close attention to Hermione's inner self, not just in this chapter but from the beginning and going forward. Ahhh okay that's all i can say or i'll risk spoiling it and i really don't want to do that! I hope you all enjoyed Hermione's first glimpse into her past. More to come! Let me know your theories in the comments.