Cedric and Evangeline silently agreed to spend most of the evening with the children. The kids delighted in this, but perhaps no one more than Evangeline. She wasn't particularly eager to be alone with Cedric after their discussions overnight. Alas, the children's bedtime inevitably came around.

"They've really missed us, haven't they?" Cedric said as they walked down the stairs from the nursery.

"I didn't realize how much we've been neglecting them."

"Everything's happened so fast."

Touching her stomach, she agreed. "Incredibly."

"Now…" he hummed, taking hold of her arms once they were well down the hall. "I believe I mentioned something about spending some time together…"

With a nervous laugh, she said, "It's all right. Perhaps we should take our time tonight… there's no need to go straight to bed." She lowered her voice. "It's all we do now. Why don't we go for a walk first?"

"At this hour?"

She shrugged. "Why not? Just around the garden."

"I know the weather has been turning warmer but it's not quite spring yet, my darling."

"Then how about a snack? It feels like it's been ages since supper."

"I feel like you're trying to avoid the bedroom," he said a bit sadly, "but I'll indulge you."

Pressing her lips together with a guilty look in her eye, she let go of his hand and started walking in front of him and led them down to the kitchen.

. . .

"Ah, I'd wondered if you were coming by," cook said as Cedric and Evangeline came into the kitchen. "Would'a figured. This is the one time I've made your meal ahead of time."

Evangeline's eyes widened in delight when she saw a sandwich sitting on the table. She truly was hungry.

Cedric chuckled, the way she went straight for the food reminding him so much of Sebastian. Then looking at Mrs. Blatherwick, said, "I appreciate you keeping this secret for us. Evangeline told me you knew right away."

"Female intuition," she winked.

"I'm glad she has you to look out for her. Heaven knows I haven't been adequate."

Evangeline tensed, hoping she could chew her way through wherever this conversation was leading.

"Lighten up on yourself, Mr. Brown. Just be 'ere for her."

She felt Cedric's eyes on her but refused to meet them.

"Well," he said, beginning to pace around the table. "Of course I give you full permission to see to her every need. Don't worry about the food budget. I'm glad she's eating. Her strength must be kept up."

"Of course, Mr. Brown."

"I didn't think about the budget…" Evangeline said guiltily. "I haven't been too much of a burden, have I?"

"Of course not, dear. Don't you fret."

"Neither you fret," Mrs. Blatherwick said to Cedric. "I've planned the meals accordingly. There's plenty to go around. I suspect it will even out when her stomach starts to turn."

"Hopefully for her sake it won't come to that. Agatha went through a dreadful time of it."

"Can we please not speak of getting ill when I'm eating?"

"Sorry, pet," cook said. "But I do remember."

"This has been one blessing at least."

Evangeline's eyes fell. Surely he didn't mean this the way she took it, but given the strain of it all, it's where her mind naturally went.

Cedric, ever vigilant to her as of late, quickly tried to correct his wording. "No, that's not what I meant. I meant in the sense of your well-being. It's not that the baby isn't—"

She held up her hand, not wanting to make a spectacle. "I know, Cedric." She glanced over at Mrs. Blatherwick, seeing she'd busied herself with dishwashing. She almost rather she'd said something than pretend not to notice.

He carried on anyway. "I mean it as a good thing. I do see you're better off than Agatha was with Aggie and even Chrissie. I'm glad of it. I feel better about it."

"Let's not talk about this now," she said softly.

"Don't mind me," Mrs. Blatherwick said with the clatter of a pot.

Straightening up, he cleared his throat. "Perhaps I'll let you eat while I write a letter. I didn't get to it with the children."

Evangeline nodded, feeling the twinge of embarrassment.

"Meet me in the study when you're through," he said. Gone was the look of suggestion in his eyes from before they'd come to the kitchen. Now he was much more somber.

She sat still as he climbed the stairs. Once he heard the door slam, she let her composure slip, putting her head down on the table.

"I really don't think he meant it the way you took it," Mrs. Blatherwick said as she came around and placed her hands on Evangeline's shoulders.

Evangeline tilted her head to the side, hoping her sleeve would absorb the tears that were falling. "I'm still quite tired."

"Seems to me it's more of an emotional exhaustion."

She nodded. "Things have been better between us, but I'm starting to wonder how much pretending has gone into it by both of us."

"Life's not meant to be easy. Nothing is perfect."

"Our wedding was," she sniffed.

"Most girls don't get that much. You also know that there was the work of enchantment involved there. Nanny McPhee, whoever she was, is gone. Thus brings us back to reality."

Sitting up, Evangeline said, "I don't mean to sound ungrateful. What Nanny McPhee gave us all was an incredible gift. I'd do anything to be able to thank her. I know Cedric is doing his best. I'm trying to do my best, too."

"That's all anyone can do."

"Do you think Cedric is cross with me?"

"I'm sure not. Probably stewing as much as you are."

Pinching her fingers nervously, she said with her eyes fixed on her plate, "He's already suspicious of me. I was trying to put off retiring for the night."

Mrs. Blatherwick raised an eyebrow. "Take it you mean more than sleep."

Evangeline's non-answer served as a response.

"There's nothing wrong with not bein' in the mood," Mrs. Blatherwick said, moving to sit in her chair. "Especially with child."

"I made him tell me about Agatha last night. I wish I hadn't. Well, I didn't make him, but I think he felt pressured into it once I'd said it."

"Blinking 'ell. I was joking with ya, not trying to cause a riff."

"No, he was lovely about it. It's me with the problem. I don't feel comfortable."

"What did he do? Give you every detail?"

"Of course not!" Evangeline snapped. "He didn't give any details. I'm not going to share the conversation. I'd just rather have a quiet evening without any long talks or such."

"That's all you need to tell him."

She shook her head. "How I've handled it we'll wind up sitting together all tense-like."

"Or he'll keep to himself in his study like he always does when he mopes and you'll get the bed to yourself. Even happy couples need time apart now and again. With all the time you two've spent I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner."

Reaching for the final bite of her sandwich and popping it in her mouth, Evangeline said after a moment, "I thought it was complicated before we were married. I rather miss the pining right now."

"There's no pleasing young people, is there?" Mrs. Blatherwick jested.

Evangeline stood and smoothed her skirt. "Maybe I'll get this marriage thing right someday."

. . .

Evangeline knocked lightly on the office door. For it to be closed meant that Cedric was more upset than she counted on. She waited a few seconds for a response but heard nothing. She knocked harder the second time, and then the third. The door would be open if he'd gone upstairs. Either he'd fallen asleep in his chair or he'd shut her out. Hoping for the former, she let herself inside.

He wasn't asleep, nor was there demanding she leave. She didn't even see him at first until she walked further into the room. Soon, she spotted him on the floor, kneeling and leaning against Agatha's chair, his fist pressed against his mouth.

"Cedric!" she said in a panic, rushing to kneel beside him.

He looked angered by her presence but was unable to verbalize it. Tears fell from his eyes, his breathing ragged.

"What's happened?" she asked, offering her hand.

He refused it. "I don't know… I don't know."

She'd seen him upset before but never like this, at least not since the night after Agatha was buried. Even then the air felt different. Perhaps because it had been anticipated.

"I'm going to get you some water."

"No," he choked. "No, I don't want… I don't want anyone to know."

"But Cedric—"

"Stay!" he begged, grasping at her arm.

"I'll stay," she said quickly as she touched his cheek. "I'll stay right here."

This made him cry harder adding further confusion for Evangeline, however, she assumed by the way he squeezed her hand that he wasn't completely resenting her being next to him.

She said nothing more. Her focus needed to be on keeping herself calm and saving any and all questions for later. All she did was stay near to him, stroking hand or his arm and drying his tears from time to time. The latter was of little use, though, for Cedric wept relentlessly. Every now and then she cast a glance at the door in fear that the children would be able to hear him from upstairs or Mrs. Blatherwick or Cynthia from their quarters.

It took a while, but he eventually was able to settle himself. He was drenched in tears and sweat by now, a button torn from his shirt from yanking the collar open for air. His head was now resting back against the seat of his late wife's chair, his eyes cast up at the ceiling.

"Cedric," Evangeline whispered, placing her hand on his chest.

"… What must you think of me?" he asked, his voice barely audible it was so strained.

"I think how very concerned I am about you and how we ought to get you upstairs to bed."

"I don't think I can stand just yet."

She nodded, scooting closer to him so she could wrap both her arms around him.

Cedric leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulder. He stayed still for a while before he spoke again.

"It was a bad day at work," he said when he did.

"To merit this?"

"… I had to work on a mother and child."

She let out a breath, feeling a twinge in her stomach. "Oh, Cedric… I'm so sorry."

"A fairly young mother, too."

"I don't know how I'm supposed to reply."

"All I could see was her… Agatha, I mean. Agatha and Aggie. Then I started seeing you and our baby. The four of you morphing together in a distressing vision." His breath caught and his eyes shut fiercely as his hold on Evangeline tightened.

"Shh…" she soothed, though couldn't stop her voice from shaking this time. "It was all in your head. I'm right here and Aggie is upstairs. We can go see her if you'd like."

He shook his head. "They don't need this burden."

"I just don't understand… you seemed fine when you came home."

"I distracted myself with the children. Then I misspoke in the kitchen…"

"Forget that. It doesn't matter."

"It does, but we'll deal with it another time."

"What can I do for you now?"

"I really don't know."

"Then we'll just sit here until you can climb the stairs."

Cedric nodded, then let his head fall to her lap. He was tired, but even more than a lack of strength, he needed to be as close to the baby as possible.

Unable to keep her tears at bay any longer, Evangeline let them fall silently as she leaned down to press a kiss on his cheek all the while begging God to free him of his demons.

. . .

It was after midnight by the time Cedric was able to drag himself upstairs. Even then he had to lean on Evangeline for support. She insisted he bathe, not caring about waking anyone with the fuss of bringing up warmed water. He didn't argue much despite his exhaustion. He agreed he needed to get whatever scent of the mortuary lingered on him.

Naturally, Mrs. Blatherwick had been the one to hear the commotion in her kitchen, never mind the kids up the hall from the washroom. She came in poised for a fight but dropped her rolling pin as soon as she saw Evangeline.

"What the devil are you doing down here, making a stew?"

"Just heating some water," Evangeline replied, turning back to the pot.

"That much?"

"For a bath."

The dryness of her voice made panic surge through the cook as she rushed to her side. "Please say it's not the baby. You ought not be doing this yourself."

Evangeline shook her head. "It's not for me. It's for Cedric."

"At this hour?"

Her voice cracking, Evangeline replied, "It's been a rough night."

"Why don't you go on then. I can bring the water up for ya."

She shook her head. "He'd be devastated to know I've said this much. I need to do it myself."

"That serious?"

She nodded.

"He isn't hurt, is he?" Mrs. Blatherwick needed to ask.

"No," Evangeline answered. "He'll be all right after a rest."

"Well, let me at least make him a spot of tea. We can say it's from you."

"Thank you," she said with a light sniff. She was still in fight mode. She couldn't crumble yet.

. . .

"I'm sorry I'm keeping you up," Cedric said as Evangeline filled the tub with the final pot of water.

"You don't need to be."

"It's just that you need sleep. I can't be the reason…"

Smoothing his hair, she said gently, "I was in bed until noon time. I'll be all right."

Standing, she picked up one of the cups and saucers off of the tray Mrs. Blatherwick had secretly prepared and brought it over to her husband. "Take at least one sip of this."

"I don't want it."

"Drink it anyway."

Not in a position to refuse her, he obliged, not admitting that the hot water felt good over his throat.

"Thank you," he said as she took it away.

She nodded. "I'm going to get changed, but please call me if you need."

"I will."

"Can I get you anything else?"

He shook his head lightly as he sank lower into the water.

. . .

When finished with most of her nightly routine, Evangeline returned to the washroom to brush her teeth and check on Cedric. She wasn't surprised to see him sound asleep, his head tipped against the edge of the tub.

She didn't wake him right away. She carried on with her teeth thinking it might make him stir. When she was done and he'd hardly budged, she knelt down beside the tub and lightly touched his shoulder.

"Cedric, love, you've got to finish washing up."

"Hmm," he muttered, his eyes flickering for only a brief moment.

"Come now," she said, picking up the bar of soap, rolling up her sleeves, and then dunking it in the water. "The sooner you bathe the sooner the sooner you can get into bed."

When he only half-heartedly responded, she took it upon herself to run the soap bar over his skin. He opened his eyes eventually, watching her with such admiration.

Once he was clean and rinsed, she helped him out of the tub and into a towel and his robe following.

"Feeling any better?" Evangeline asked as she closed the door to her bedroom.

"Slightly," he answered, going straight to his side of the bed.

"That's something."

"I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"You don't need to be," she said, coming around to take the damp towel from him. "Do you need help with your nightshirt?"

"I've got it," he said, trading his robe for the other.

After hanging the towel and robe over the dressing screen, Evangeline climbed into bed herself. "I want you to stay home tomorrow."

"I can't," he said. "We need the money."

"I need you more than we need the money. You can't carry on this way. You need a rest. You've needed one for quite some time."

"What I need and what's feasible are two different matters."

"What good are you at work after a night like this? It's two o'clock in the morning."

Looking in the direction of the clock though he couldn't read it in the dark despite the moonlight coming through the window, he said, "Is it really?"

"Yes."

Setting his head back on the pillow, he exhaled. "I want this night to end."

"Shut your eyes and soon it will. You're staying home tomorrow — today — and that's final."

"Evangel—"

"This is not negotiable. I need you home. I refuse to sit here all day worrying about you." Her lip trembled.

"I've never demanded a thing in our marriage. I'm insisting on this."

"All right," he said, taking her hand and kissing it. "All right, I'll stay."

The tension in her shoulders eased as she softly kissed his lips. "Try and sleep now."

"Can I see the baby first?"

"Aggie?"

"Ours," he clarified.

With a slight smile, she said, "You know as well as I do there's nothing to see yet."

"Please?"

Of course she appeased him, the request so simple though she didn't see how it would help him any. Tora had confirmed as much earlier when she'd asked to feel the baby.

Sitting up, she pushed back the covers and then pulled off her nightgown. Then taking Cedric's hand and bringing it to the lower part of her belly, she said, "I wish you could feel it the way I can. It's a subtle sensation, but it's there. I have to be thinking about it."

"I'm happy simply knowing he or she is there."

"Are you really?"

"I promise you I am. If I could just forget about everything else…" He stopped, feeling himself welling up.

"Don't think of it any more tonight. Get some sleep."

He nodded with a sniff. "Can you stay like that?"

"You are in no mood—"

"That's not why… The baby," he said with embarrassment.

Kissing his forehead, Evangeline then turned onto her side facing away from him, keeping his hand pressed to her belly all the while.

They lay in silence, though neither fell asleep. Evangeline only knew Cedric was awake due to the way his fingers traced her stomach. This wasn't keeping her up, though. Now that she was still and Cedric was calm, the night replayed over and over in her mind: The look of anguish on his face. The fear. The humiliation. The way he was holding onto Agatha's chair when she found him. How heavy his head felt in her lap. The vision he described. The possibility of it all. The realization of the depth of his torment. How much help he needed getting up the stairs. The worry of what would happen if the children saw him in such a distraught state. What his reaction to that might have been. Him falling asleep in the tub, too weak to even wash. The worry of what would happen when he returned to work. It gnawed at everything inside of her. The only thing keeping her grounded was feeling him against her back, his breathing gentle and his fingers on her skin. Still, tears fell from her eyes now and then, but thankfully she'd managed to keep her breathing fairly even.

At least, she thought she was being discreet.

"Are you crying?"

Running the back of her hand over her eyes as she turned over, she replied, "Of course I've been crying."

With a sigh, he kissed her shoulder.

"I love you," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "I hate seeing you suffer this way."

"I'm not much fond of it myself. I didn't think I was capable of such a collapse."

"You mustn't let everything build up. It only takes one thing to set it loose."

"I don't realize that I'm holding things in. It snuck up on me."

"I feel I'm partly to blame. I've been making you push your feelings aside for my sake. I haven't let you feel as afraid as you are. That's why you're up in the middle of the night."

"That was last night."

"It's more than last night."

"… how do you know?"

"I'm a light sleeper," she admitted.

"Oh…"

"I know you need time alone. I felt responsible for it last night. That's why I got up."

"And then I somehow made you afraid to come to bed with me tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"It was evident you didn't want to come in here after we put the children to bed. You suggested a walk and then decided on a snack."

"Oh… I'd forgotten."

"I know you were feeling bashful after what we talked about but did it really upset you so much?"

Shaking her head, she said, "That all seems so trivial now. I'm not upset by it anymore."

"I'm glad tonight was good for something at least."

"I think once we're through it, it will have been good for several."

"I feel so ashamed. I'm supposed to be strong. If anyone else had seen me I don't know what would have become of me."

"You're having a difficult time. You don't have to hold it together all the time… only perhaps you need to let it out in smaller bursts to spare yourself the turmoil."

"That's a problem for another day," he said.

"We'll spend the day together, us and the children. Perhaps go to the shore. You could use a change of scenery. I sure could use some sea air."

"I'd like that."

"Good," she smiled gently.

His hand touched her belly again, running the palm of his hand back and forth. "Will you be able to manage the walk?"

"I'm maybe two months along," she laughed. "I think I'll be fine."

"Two months already?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but around so."

"Soon enough we'll be telling the other children… officially."

"Tora wanted to feel the baby today, too."

"Did she?"

"And Lily's claimed this one as her own."

"She told you?" he asked in surprise.

"No, it's all according to Tora, but it does sound like four out of the seven are aware."

"Perhaps we should tell them now. If something happens, we'll still have to say as much to the eldest."

"We could tell them later today," she suggested. "Maybe not having to keep the secret, as it were, it will take some of the pressure off of you."

"Maybe…"

"I don't want to make any public announcement, though. Mrs. Blatherwick already knows, so we should tell Cynthia, but for everyone outside of the house I'm not ready to face."

"I agree."

"It won't be too hard on you?" she asked with concern.

"It helps that four of them have had time to think about it. I might as well get it over with while I'm already feeling low. The little ones are easier. They don't seem as capable of focusing on the negative."

"It's settled then. We'll tell them."

He nodded but didn't smile.

"Will you try and sleep again?" she begged.

"You weren't sleeping either."

"This isn't about me."

"I don't want this to be about me anymore."

Evangeline curled up against Cedric's side and her arm draped over his chest. "Then focus on me."

He watched her as she drifted off to sleep, this woman that had done so much for him in the past year and a half. He never should have let her see him in such a terrible state. He'd caused her so much distress as it was without her needing to know the depths of his emotions.

And yet, there was a part of him that felt a sense of relief. She knew and he hadn't driven her away. Quite the opposite. She knew just how to comfort him and take care of him. She did so without judgment. She wasn't pretending nothing had happened. She knew what he needed. He was eternally grateful. She'd looked so mature as she was tending to him, that innocent look usually in her eye all but vanished. Now as she slept in his arms he was remembering how young she truly was.

She was no stranger to grief and hardship. He knew that much despite how little she offered of her past. He wondered if that was why she'd only expressed concern at the sight of him on the ground. What had she gone through that had prepared her to handle one of the darkest episodes of his life?

This wasn't the most pleasant thought, however, he welcomed it given the alternatives. He kept his focus on her as she said – here and now as much as he could, and eventually, he was so overcome with exhaustion that at last he fell asleep.