Chapter 2

Hermione continued walking down the streets near Queen Elizabeth's park with a happy Hailey waving her tail. They arrived safe and sound to her office. A two floor white modern building full of small plants in beautiful white and gold flower pots distributed all over the place. Hermione sat waiting for her while she finished with another patient. She stared at the old painting hanging on the wall. It was a painting of an ocean. But this ocean wasn't calm or quiet, it was wild and raging with fury while moving uncontrollably as it was fighting the gusts of wind. It was competing to try to drown each other. Who will win? She asked herself. Dark blue, navy, black, looking as if the very bottom of the sea was exploding from the inside, spitting out all its venom and darkness. It was at war. One could only distinguish this scene thanks to the full moon, giving sparkling silver highlights to the wave crests. Boiling seafoam, moved furiously. Once she asked Anna why she had such a gloomy panting in her living room:

"Ana I can't understand why you chose that painting. It looks odd. This office seems so calm and relaxing. This painting is clearly a force of nature on its own. Aren't we all patients trying to look for peace?"

"Art is such an important device to unlock emotions. When I look at it, it helps me to connect with deeper emotions even the ones that can be upsetting. What does it make you feel when you look at it, Hermione" - Ana asked.

"I feel angry, trapped and impatient. I would like to see how it is underwater. Is it calm? Is it better? " - She asked while looking at the ceiling comfortably laid on the sofa. - "Feels like waiting for something but also searching desperately for it, doesn't it make sense?"

"Waiting. What are you waiting for?" - She said.

"I'm waiting for this feeling to end. I don't want to live anymore".

That has been one of her first therapy sessions. She remembered the first time she saw Ana. A tall woman in her forties with blond hair, a pink blouse and a white skirt. She looked like a candy. Smiling broadly, she welcomed her and slowly gained her trust. After Rita Bettle's adventure, she couldn't trust people easily but she had barely slept for six months at that time. She could take a calculated risk. She had waited and waited for Anna while she was with a patient. For an unknown reason, coming half an hour earlier - 'just in case' - seemed like a great option at that time but she'd learnt her lesson so far. She stared at that unnerving picture and when Anna called her name she was on the verge of throwing up.

"Hi Hermione, how are you feeling today? " - Anna said after waving goodbye to her previous patient. Today she was wearing a sunflower dress with beautiful golden brown sandals.

"I'm great, Anna. What about you?" - Hermione replied.

"I'm doing ok. I'm glad that Hailey came to visit us today" - She patted Hailey and she probably knew that today was going to be one of those sessions. Mentally exhausting. Overachieving. Excruciating session. Once in the office, she laid on the sofa with Hailey getting comfortable on the floor.

"I saw Malfoy while I was coming here" - Hermione said cryptically. Silence. No comments. Ok, this is how it is going to be today, she thought. "He seemed to like Hayley… I feel so guilty. He was nothing but nice with me. We keep meeting out of the blue and I always end up pushing away what I really want to say. I can bring myself to tell him the truth. I know it is not a big deal and we were recovering from war but I was so despicable to him…. " She stopped herself as a powerful warm memory returned to her head…

She spent twenty-four hours under Voldemort's roof in Malfoy Manor. The only moment she wasn't tortured she was sent to the dungeons. Malfoy was sent to look for her. He brought her warm food and even a blanket. But she was too bloody to wash herself, so he carefully took her rags away and bathed her. He did it avoiding looking with his crimson cheeks the whole process. She didn't even complain as she knew that privacy was a luxury. He quietly washed the dirt upon her arms, knees and legs. Hermione shivered in pain when he touched the 'mudblood' scar.

'I tried to find Murtlap essence but I haven't been able to leave the manor since forever.' He added. 'When you escape, you have to take Luna with you. She's been kind enough to be there for me. I'd have helped if I could Granger. Tell her that. She saved me, I didn't even deserve that'. He said as he combed her wet hair.

Half-exhausted, Half-defeated. Hermione listened to this speech out of this world. Naked in that dark cold bathroom with Draco Malfoy combing her hair. This has to be the most unpredictable outcome of the war so far.

' Everyone deserves to be saved, Malfoy' - she answered, locking her eyes on his.

'I'm so sorry, I wish I could do more for you. I have an idea, please hang on in there. When she tortures me, I think in one of my happiest moments and it helps me to go through it' - He said gasping for air, nervous. Afraid that somebody might hear him.

'I imagine that it was when your father bought your first broom, or maybe when they took you to a Quidditch match' - Hermione inquired cheekily offering him a half smile.

'My happiest memory is the last time I enjoyed a quiet afternoon with my family in the gardens. It was near sunset and we were discussing my grades. I bet you missed worrying over your grades - Hermione nodded sadly - as much as I do. You beat all scores in second year again and I was so furious. I couldn't stop talking about that mud… muggle-born witch who kept beating me in everything…. my mum laughed at me when my father asked if I was going to keep talking about you as an excuse for not excelling in work. That moment seemed so far away, sometimes I think it is another life I've created in my head. Another world. I'm sorry Hermione. I wish I knew better. I was such a spoiled brat. I just want my parents to live. I'm so worried about my mum… I… '

Malfoy was rambling and talking about his fears and regrets; she needed silence. She did something she didn't expect to do. She kissed him. Softly, tenderly. Malfoy was so shocked that it took him some time to return the kiss. That kiss was so warm, so needy. He gently brushed his lips and tongue on her. It felt like a warm nice cup of tea on a cold day. It was so nice. They broke the kiss suddenly fearing the sound of footsteps close to the door. He quickly helped her to put on some robes. They didn't utter a word. The next morning, Hermione and his friends escaped.

'Hermione, are you alright? ' - Anna asked. She came back. 2008. She 's here. She's safe. She's alone…

'Yes, Ana. I was thinking… you know…', she answered, paused and continued: 'Life has been so unpredictable so far. I don't seem to find motivation in what I'm doing. I can't recall the last day I felt excited about working at the office. I can think of Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age, member of the Golden Trio, smart, young, curious and bookworm. I know I'm the same girl I was. It's the same body. The same mind. She seemed like an old personality I had. She's so far away from what I am now. I know I need a change but I don't know where to start. I had all those wonderful plans. I tried so hard to change society for the better but everything is so slow. I know I need to keep trying slowly but surely. In the meantime, every other aspect of my life is non-existent. If it weren't for Hayley and Krecher I'd completely forget to eat and I'd starve myself to death'.

Avoiding talking about Malfoy was easy, she thought. She's been playing that for years now. She was grateful that Anna wasn't addressing the elephant in the room. She'd rather dealt with what she considered was depression; but Anna was kind enough to explain to her that she should trust that if she had reached such a diagnosis, she would tell her on the spot. 'Hermione Granger, annoying know it all who seems to know everything' she thought'. The next twenty-five minutes Hermione talked about her fears and doubts.

'Let's do something Hermione, for next session I'd like you to do a journaling exercise. I'd like you to write the 5 things you'd really like to do in your life, 5 things you'd like to include in your routine and 5 things you'd like to take out completely. We'll discuss it when it's finished.

'Are you kidding me? ' she thought'. 'I came here for you to tell me those answers… of course, it can't ever be that easy'.

'Maybe after that we can start on digging more on other subjects' - Anna said.

'I'll do my best, Anna. See you next week!' - Hermione said defeatedly.

'Bye Hermione, bye Hayley' - Anna waved goodbye after petting the sunny dog.

Walking slowly towards the apparition point, Hermione couldn't help but think of blond, soft hair and warm lips. After all those years, the memories were so strong. She wished everything had been easier…