Coach's whistle blew. I danced around in the pocket pretending to look for a receiver. The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back with the wind knocked out of me and a 275 pound linebacker on top of me.

"What the fuck, Johnson?" I groaned as I finally caught my breath. "I'm not even wearing my fucking gear!"

I was angry now. So was Coach, judging by the number of times he blew his whistle and dropped F-bombs as he stalked over to us. Johnson scrambled off me, blustering as Coach read him the riot act. As he should. I could've been seriously injured.

"YOU DON'T SACK THE GODDAMN QUARTERBACK DURING PRACTICE WHEN HE'S NOT WEARING HIS GEAR!" Coach screamed at Johnson.

Johnson looked at me with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry, man. I-I don't know what came over me."

"This is the goddamn NFL, son," said Coach, marginally less angry. "You're a rookie and he's my star QB. Fuck up like that again and you'll be watching from the sidelines. I don't care how good you are."

At least Coach had my back, which hurt like a motherfucker after that tackle. Honestly, what was that kid thinking?

"You okay, Lightwood?" Coach asked, lowering his voice so no one else could hear him.

"Yeah," I said begrudgingly. "I'm gonna need that hot tub after practice, though."

Coach gave me a brief grin. "I'll keep the rookie out of it for you."

I laughed at that, which made my ribs hurt. Damn that kid could tackle. I truly hoped he kept his nose clean so he can play. We need someone like that on the field.

I turned to pick up my helmet, then remembered I wasn't wearing it because this was a no contact practice. As I grumbled to myself about the rookie's stupid mistake, someone caught my eye on the sideline. There was a stranger on our field and he was wearing a practice jersey.

It took entirely too long for me to remember we had signed a new tight end, and he was starting today. Glad he got to watch me brush the grass off my shorts. I hoped my balls weren't hanging out when I was flat on the ground.

Magnus Bane. One of the best tight ends in the game. I knew of him, of course. I had watched him shred my defense for years, and had to move the line of scrimmage up the field in a hurry to make up for touchdowns he had scored for my opponents. He was really good and I was thrilled he was now part of my team, giving me another target on the field.

What I didn't know was how fucking gorgeous he was. On the field he was always wearing his helmet, and pictures did not do him justice. At all. My cock perked up at the sight of his tall frame, his broad shoulders, his dark honey skin. And then...he smiled.

I had to look away. My team was not about to find out my secret because there was a new, very hot, kid in town.

Coach had other plans. "Al," he called. Coach gave everyone a nickname. Al was both an abbreviation of my first name and my initials, so it stuck. It was also significantly better than his first attempt: Woody. If they only knew...

I jogged over to Coach and Magnus Bane. Bane sized me up as I approached. We were nearly the same height, but those penetrating, deep amber eyes made me somehow feel smaller. His expression was unreadable, so I had no idea what, if any, conclusions he'd drawn about me.

I tried to be cool. I'm the goddamn franchise quarterback. This is my team, damnit!

So, why did I feel... What? What did I feel?

This was new territory for me. I'm the quarterback persona everyone expects. Some would say arrogant, but I call it confident. I'm good. I know I'm good. My college team dominated every team we played on our way to back-to-back championships under my leadership. I will win the Superbowl. Soon. I just need the right pieces around me. I hoped Bane was the missing piece.

I will not let his... hotness... get in my head.

"Alec Lightwood," Coach said, "this is Magnus Bane. You two are going to be good friends."

I knew what he meant by that. As the quarterback, I had to trust my receivers to know the play, run the right route, and consistently catch the ball when I throw it to them. I knew Bane was good, and he presumably knew I was good, but we needed to get to know each other, to build a relationship, to learn to trust each other. Championship teams had those kinds of relationships.

I somehow had to keep my growing attraction to him in check or this experiment may not work. Oy.

I greeted Bane. He seemed... I don't know... somehow friendly and standoffish at the same time. I wondered if he was intimidated joining the team.

Maybe he was acting weird because I was staring at him. Fortunately, Coach saved me. "Why don't you two do some pitch and catch while I figure out what to do with the rest of the team." He gave us encouraging nods and I could tell how excited he was about acquiring Bane. "Might make that damn rookie run some laps for tackling you," he added with an eye roll.

That made Bane and me laugh, effectively breaking the ice between us. I was still holding the ball and jerked my head in the direction of the field. "Come on."

We trotted onto the field. He was about ten yards downfield from me. I threw him the ball and he caught it easily. He threw it back. His throw was decent. Not the tight spiral mine had, but he wasn't the quarterback, so it didn't have to be.

We tossed the ball a few more times, getting a feel for each other. I decided to test him a little. I nodded to my right, then threw the ball that direction, leading him, testing his speed a little.

He caught the ball easily. Repeatedly. Anywhere I threw it. Short throws, long balls, sideline passes. Whatever I threw at him, he gobbled up. I quit letting him know where I planned to throw it, sometimes faking in a different direction, and he still caught every single pass!

I was beginning to get as excited as Coach was.

Bane and I jogged over to the doorway of the practice facility. Indoors, the defense was working on strength and tackling maneuvers. Outdoors on the sideline, the offense was working on sprints. Johnson the Idiot Rookie was running laps.

Coach pulled me aside. "Well? What do you think?"

"I've already made a list of plays I think would work well for him," I said, hungrily.

Coach laughed and clapped his big hand on my back. "That's what I wanted to hear!"

After practice, we hit the showers in the locker room. August heat in California was no joke. Add two hours of running and throwing and tackling, and we were sweaty messes, even without our gear. Most of us chose to shower before getting in our cars.

I spotted Bane at his locker. He was wearing a towel low on his bare hips. I could see the V of his lower abdomen and again my cock took notice.

The rest of the team was in various stages of undress, but Bane was the one my dick noticed. I inwardly rolled my eyes at myself.

"Hey," I said, leaning against the lockers with my towel hiding my semi. "Great practice. I think you might be just the piece of the puzzle we've been missing."

Bane closed his locker and flashed that stunning grin at me. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! I think we'll make the Superbowl this year."

Bane gave me a look. I didn't know him well enough to interpret his looks yet, but I had seen that one many times by many people. He thought I was just another cocky quarterback.

"I'm serious," I said, grabbing his arm as he turned away. A shock of energy shot through me. I wondered if he felt it, too. He had to notice my stutter as I regained composure.

He raised an eyebrow at me, his amber eyes penetrating me. I took it as a challenge. I never back down from a challenge.

I was in control again. "You don't know my team yet, but we are good. We have a highly rated offense and strong defensive. We needed a few key players, so we added you, that rookie lineman, and a few others. Oh, and-" I paused as Coop caught my peripheral vision. I motioned him over and slung my arm over his shoulders.

"I'd like you to meet Cooper Monroe. He is the best damn kicker in the league."

Coop looked up at me with adoration. Everything I said was true, though. Coop had the best record in the league for points after touchdown kicks and field goals. He was nearly automatic. He also held the record for longest field goal. He had a petite frame, but his leg was phenomenal.

Bane's eyes toggled between Coop and me. I got the impression he was always observing and scoping out the situation, but was a man of few words.

"Hi, Coop," Bane said, extending a hand to shake. Coop didn't miss a beat.

"Welcome to the team," said Coop. "It'll be nice to have you scoring points for us instead of against us for a change." We all laughed at that.

"Listen, man," I said, "I like to get a jump on the day with a good workout. I'll be here at the gym at 6am if you want to join." I glanced at Coop, who was giving me the big puppy dog eyes and added, "We will be here at 6." Coop's grin was blinding.

"Yeah, sure," said Bane. "I'll be there."

"Excellent."

A new tradition was born that day, and for the next few weeks, Coop, Bane, and I met at the facility to work out every morning. Sometimes other team members joined us. Sometimes it was just us. A lot of the guys hated morning workouts and lamented we wouldn't choose a later time.

One night after practice, I invited Bane out for drinks. Coach kept pushing me to get to know him better, so I didn't invite anyone else. I caught Coop's eye as I got in my car. I think he overheard the invitation.

We went to a bar and found a low table. The bar was an old, infamous hot spot, but the decor had been recently updated to look cleaner. I'd been there before, a few times with Coop and some of the other guys. It was an interesting place to people-watch. The bar was popular with tourists because of it's history.

We ordered beers from the server and then decided chips and dip were a good idea if we didn't want to get drunk on an empty stomach. This place had the best chili cheese dip anyway.

"How are you liking California so far?" I asked Bane as I popped a chip in my mouth, then washed it down with a swig of beer.

He eyed me as I did so, then shrugged. "Haven't seen much yet. The field. The practice facility. My apartment."

"Apartment?" I asked incredulously. It was hard to fathom a multi-millionaire living in an apartment.

He shrugged. "Not sure where I want to live yet," he said simply.

"Fair enough." I ate some more chips and dip while I contemplated Magnus Bane living in an apartment. "So, where is this apartment of yours?"

I thought it had to be in a gated community in the ritzy side of town. Imagine my surprise when he said he lived downtown. No gates. No security. Nothing.

"Is it safe? Do you feel safe there?" I asked in astonishment.

He shrugged again. "I don't need anything fancy."

I thought about my mansion on the hill. My housekeeper. My personal chef. My pool. My home gym that really meant I had no need for the facility gym we worked out at every morning. My garage and my cars.

I couldn't imagine living in a little apartment.

"Where are you from?" I asked. I could easily find his bio on the internet, but, you know, we were having a conversation.

The server came by with another round of beers. "Brooklyn," he answered.

"No shit? I'm from Manhattan. Small world."

He didn't respond. He had a mouthful of chips and dip.

"Don't look now," I said, "I think we have some fans."

I nodded in the direction of two twenty-something ladies who were staring at us and talking rapidly to each other. Before I knew what was happening, they were sitting at our table, eating our chips, and ordering another round of drinks for all of us.

At the end of the night, Bane took them both home.

Three weeks after Bane joined the team, we had our first scrimmage. It was in Wisconsin, so we hopped on the team plane and got hotel rooms for a couple nights.

Coach pulled me aside as key cards were handed out. "I had them put you with Bane," he said without preamble.

I had expected as much. Coach was very big on Bane and me getting to know each other. I caught the look of disappointment in Coop's face when he found out. He had been my roommate on away trips since the team drafted him two years ago. I gave him an apologetic look, but it wasn't my fault and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

The first night in the hotel, Bane and I played cards. Rummy and War and then Black Jack. We were both competitive and it was a lot of fun. I'd say we were pretty even in wins by the end of the night.

I, however, was nervous. My attraction to him had not waned. Even watching him drive off with both women that night at the bar hadn't deterred my cock's interest. Now, I was sleeping in the same room with him, wearing minimal clothing to sleep. I wasn't sure I could hide my desires, but since he was straight, I didn't really want him to find out I thought he was hot.

He went to take a shower before going to bed. I tried so hard to fall asleep before he returned, but my mind kept thinking about his naked body, water streaming down him, soapy. My cock was entirely too hard to allow me to sleep.

Bane emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam with a towel slung low on his hips. His eyes met mine, then dropped to my crotch where an obvious woody resided. His eyes met mine again, surveying, making a decision.

He dropped his towel.

My eyes took the bait. His body was stunning. His warm skin, slightly reddened by the heat of the shower, glowed, the firm muscles underneath rippled.

And his cock was hard.

My gaze shot up to his. "You took those girls home."

He shrugged. "I'm a freewheeling bisexual."

I stood as he rounded the bed. As soon as he was within reach, I grabbed him and kissed him hard. I let my fingers trail over his pecs, over the ridges of his six-pack abs, down the length of his cock.

I stroked him. He stroked me. I liked it, but after weeks of being turned on by him with no relief other than masturbation, I wanted to fuck him.

I always kept condoms and lube in my bag. When he saw what I had reached for, he bent over the side of the bed and wiggled his ass at me. That was all the invitation I needed.

I played with his ass for a few minutes, preparing him. When I entered him, he felt so good I had to think of random shit to keep from coming. As it was, we were both fairly quick that night, making a spectacular mess on my bed.

I ended up sharing his bed because of that.

Coop watched us like a hawk the next day at practice. He didn't say anything, but I'm sure he noticed something was different.

That night, I fucked Bane again.

Another new tradition began. Bane and I became roommates for away games and fucked like rabbits each time. However, there was a lot of time between road games. We only played one game each week, and some of those were at home. I knew I was too horny for that to be enough.

I caught up with him in the parking lot one day. He had just unlocked his sports car and I slipped into the passenger seat. He startled at first, then looked at me incredulous. "What the hell are you doing?" he said with a laugh.

"Inviting you over."

"What? To your house?"

"Yep. Come over and work out with me. You'll love my home gym."

He stared at me, trying to figure out what exactly I was inviting him over to do. There had to be a mischievous twinkle in my eyes. Had to, I could feel it.

After a few moments, he threw caution to the wind. "Fuck it. Why not?"

"Great. I'll text you the address," I said with my hand on the door handle.

"Wait," he said, "now?"

I just grinned at him and got out of the car. I texted him my address as I walked to my car, a true smile breaking across my face.

Coop was blocking access to my car. "You two are getting close." he said. Was there accusation in his voice or was that my imagination?

"That was Coach's goal," I replied, gently guiding him away from my car door and climbing into the driver's seat.

"Coach will be happy then," he said. I simply nodded. "Are we working out in the morning?"

"Can't." At the look on his face, I added, "Sorry."

"Me, too." He looked away, clearly disappointed. Then he was gone, and I was speeding up the mountain road to my house.

My personal chef had left a roast and vegetables in the crock pot with a note on the counter. The whole house smelled amazing. I peeked under the lid, mouth watering.

The note said I needed to wait another hour. The sun was getting low in the sky. The south facing wall of my house was a two story wall of reflective glass leading out to the patio and pool overlooking the valley and city below. I stripped off my clothes and jumped into the refreshing water naked.

The sun had nearly set when I heard the alarm chime and saw the headlights reflect off the garage. I called out and a moment later, I saw Bane come through the exterior door to the pool.

He took in the scene. The gorgeous view, with the unmatched beauty of sunset as the sky turned pink and yellow and orange. Not to mention my nudity.

"You didn't mention swimming," he said. "I didn't bring a suit."

"Your birthday suit works fine," I replied.

He stripped down and joined me in the water as the sky turned even more brilliant. "I can't believe this is your life," he said as he swam over to me.

"Me neither," I said with a laugh.

"You live in a mansion, in the hills overlooking the city, with a pool, and a fucking gate at the end of your driveway." He stared in disbelief. "Is that a..."

"Hot tub? Yeah. Wanna try it out?"

"Maybe later." He still looked stunned.

"What was your house like?" I knew quarterbacks made significantly more than most other players on the teams, especially when you include our salary from endorsements. I had no idea what Bane earned.

"Not this," he said and chuckled. He put his arms around my neck and kissed me, effectively ending my questions.

He pressed his body against mine, our cocks rapidly filling. I wrapped my large hand around both and stroked, the silky water adding to the feeling. I wanted him so badly.

We climbed out of the pool. He breathed heavily and said, "In my bag."

I rolled his condom into my cock and slathered it with his lube as I walked back to him. He had his hands on the railing of the fence around the pool. I briefly noticed my normally spectacular view now enhanced by his waiting body and the dimming sky as I entered him.

The sky was dark when we finished. His mess was in the rocky border around the patio. No one would ever know, not even my housekeeper.

We toweled off, got dressed, and followed our noses into the kitchen. The pot roast was done now and we had definitely worked up an appetite.

I invited the team over the Wednesday before our first regular season game. I started this tradition last year. I purchased the house at the end of my rookie season after a year of hunting for exactly what I wanted. A pool party and barbecue seemed like the perfect way to start the season. The guys agreed.

My amazing chef manned the grill. He also had the smoker going, with sticky wings, ribs, and brisket in there. It was amazing how much food fifty large men could eat.

I was thankful my pool was big enough to accommodate so many people. Between those swimming, those in the hot tub, the ones eating, drinking, or just lounging on the chairs, I had enough space for everyone.

"Dude, your place is amazing!" said the rookie, Johnson, that tried to kill me first day of practice. My assessment of him that day appeared to be correct so far. He was fast, physical, and fearless. I couldn't wait to see him play in a real game.

I chatted with him for a minute while I scanned the crowd, taking inventory. Looked like everyone showed up and seemed to be enjoying themselves. I didn't see Coop, but he was shorter than most of the guys and easy to lose in a crowd. I'd seen him earlier.

Bane caught my eye. He was talking to a couple guys. Something about his gestures made me think they were discussing football. I smiled.

The party was enjoyable. I had learned a lot since the first year of hosting. That year, I didn't have a place for towels. Now I had an outdoor cabinet that was always full of towels. I didn't have a personal chef then, so I ordered a bunch of food delivered, but forgot to hire servers. Now, I had a chef, a bartender, and several servers. I got to just sit back and enjoy the time with my team.

At one point, I did a cannonball off the diving board. That started a series of increasingly more daring stunts, until I was concerned someone would get hurt and miss the first game. Fortunately, before that happened, one of the guys slipped a little on the diving board and everyone took the danger a little more seriously without any injuries or my having to be a party-pooper.

The party eventually wound down and the guys scattered. The ones who had been drinking claimed beds, couches, and pool furniture for the night or summoned ubers and were waiting at the end of the driveway for their rides. The sober ones left. I was grateful nothing got broken and most of the mess was corralled in the trash cans. My housekeeper would appreciate that in the morning, too.

"Hey," I said as Coop and Bane approached. "What are you guys doing for the night?"

Bane shrugged. Coop said, "All the beds and couches are taken. I guess I'll call for a ride."

"You're both welcome to stay," I said, knowing they'd both been drinking. "My bed is plenty big enough for all three of us."

Coop and Bane exchanged glances then shrugged and said they'd stay. I wish I could've felt more excited about having the two hottest guys on the team sharing my bed, but with so many others scattered around the house, it would be purely platonic.

Damn.

The first regular season game was a success. Having Magnus Bane on the team opened up the field and spread out the opponent's defense so much more than I expected. Some of the other new guys contributed significant minutes as well. I liked the look of this team.

After the game, I texted Bane from my hot tub on my patio. Come over?

He replied swiftly with yes.

Thirty minutes later, I was halfway through a bottle of champagne, feeling much more relaxed and less sore thanks to the hot tub. I heard the alarm sound and moments later, there was a tall, handsome man climbing into the hot tub with me.

He leaned over and kissed me. Then, he accepted the glass of champagne I poured him and we toasted to our first win as teammates.

He leaned back, elbows draped across the edge of the hot tub, and said, "What a game!"

"You were awesome... Magnus," I said.

"Magnus? What happened to Bane?" he replied, locking eyes with me.

I finished my glass. "Thought I'd try it on for size."

"And how does it fit?"

"Snug," I said, and pulled him into my lap. He was maybe an inch taller than me, and easily thirty pounds heavier, but the water made the task easier. I cupped his cheeks in my hands and kissed him.

His hands were all over my body, and mine on his. The kiss was rough and passionate, and I wanted more.

"Come on," I said, tugging his hand as I climbed out of the hot tub.

"But I just got in!" Magnus whined. "You know how many times I got tackled today. I'm sore, too, you know."

I smirked at him. "And I'm gonna make you more sore. Come on."

I shoved him onto a lounge chair. He seemed surprised I had a condom and lube at the ready. I guess he didn't see it beside the champagne bottle when he got in the hot tub.

I adjusted the chair so he could lean back. He pulled up his knees, exposing his hole. I explored it with my fingers, then my cock.

There was something special about sex after a win. It felt different, better. He felt better. He was harder than I'd ever seen him, fluid leaking from his cock. He moaned when I touched it, panting, knowing we were both getting close.

And then he erupted. The sight of his body tightening, his cock throbbing, his white come splattering his chest, sent me over the edge, too.

When you are already high from the game and the drink, sex takes you so high there's not enough oxygen. I felt light-headed, dizzy. I fell forward, gasping for breath, clinging to Magnus as if my life depended in it. I think maybe it did.

I grabbed a towel and cleaned us up, then we climbed back into the hot tub. "See, you can still soak. I just wanted to help you relax first."

"That was..."

"I know. There's nothing like sex after a win," I replied. We clinked glasses to that.

We started a new tradition that night. After each game, Magnus and I had sex, drank champagne, and soaked in the hot tub. Sometimes we even had food.

Those nights were a lot more fun when the team won. Fortunately for us, we started the season with a nice win steak, winning our first four games and becoming the team to beat in our division.

And then, things got weird.

One morning, the gate alarm sounded. My phone showed me who was there. I let him in.

"Coop, what are you doing here?" I said casually, trying not to squirm.

He seemed agitated as he pushed past me into the living room. He saw two coffee cups on the table. He squared up and said, "I knew it."

"Knew what?" I played dumb.

"Bane's here, isn't he?" Coop demanded.

Magnus chose that moment to emerge from the kitchen. I caught his look of surprise.

"He's here to work out," I said offhandedly.

Coop narrowed his eyes. "That's what you used to say about me," he hissed. "He made you coffee."

"And breakfast," Magnus said unhelpfully as he sat two plates on the coffee table.

"I can explain," I said defensively. I wasn't used to playing defense. None of us were.

"You don't have to," Coop said. His eyes suddenly appeared too damp. "I know what this means. I kept trying to figure out why you weren't inviting me over this season. I suspected it was him. Now I know." He stomped to the door.

"Coop, wait!" I called, catching up to him. "What is going on? I didn't realize you were upset about not coming over."

Wrong thing to say.

Coop glared at me. "Of course you didn't realize. You'd only been fucking me the last two seasons. You made me fall in love with you, then moved on to the new guy. Good luck, Bane!" he called over my shoulder to where Magnus was standing, watching the scene unfold.

But I was stuck on one word. "Love? What's love got to do with anything? It's just sex."

Coop stared at me like I was an idiot. "Just sex? You didn't know I love you?"

"Guys can't love other guys," I said.

"Uh, what? Yes they can! That's what being gay is all about! Guys loving other guys." Coop said. He looked incredulous.

"I'm not gay," I said hastily.

"Then why the hell are you fucking guys?" Coop demanded.

"Because I'm sexually attracted to guys. I'm not gay, though," I insisted.

"What the hell are you talking about? That's some next level stereotypical homophobic bullshit!"

"I don't even know what that means!"

Coop scoffed. "Fuck you, Al. See you at practice."

Then, he was gone. I returned to the living room, confused as fuck about what just happened. Magnus wasn't there, the breakfast he made going cold on the plates.

I heard sounds coming from the bedroom. Magnus had grabbed a bag from the closet and was unceremoniously dumping things into it. His practice uniforms, a couple of suits he wore when we went somewhere nice, his cleats, sandals, and running shoes.

"That's my bag," I said as he moved to the dresser.

"I'll return it at practice," he said quietly.

He scooped his socks, underwear, and swim trunks from their respective drawers and put them in the bag.

"What are you doing?" I asked. My brain was stuck on the fight with Coop, and it took a minute to realize Magnus was putting all his belongings in a bag. Why?

"What's it look like? I'm taking my stuff and leaving." He said this as if it should be obvious. It wasn't.

"But, why?"

I followed him into the bathroom. He grabbed his shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, then tossed his loofah in the trash can.

"Because," he said as he pushed his various skin and hair care products into the bag, "men can't love other men."

As he emptied his drawer of dental care products and other random items, I realized just how much of my life he had shared the last few months. He had several drawers of personal items at my house, clothes in my closet, shoes on my floor. I had thought it made sense for him to leave stuff here because he spent a lot of time here and he wouldn't have to bring a bag. I hadn't realized how that might look.

Magnus was back in the living room, searching for other items he might have there. "What are you saying, Magnus? Do you...?"

"Love you?" he said, halting his search and squaring up with me. "Yes, Al, I love you."

He knew I didn't like that nickname. He had never used it before. I was surprised how much it hurt to hear him use it now, like that. Like a weapon.

He went to the kitchen to have a look around. He grabbed a coffee cup and a few other items from there.

"Wait, can we talk about this?" I said when I had swallowed enough of my surprise to speak again.

"There's nothing to say. You said you can't love men. Well, news flash, I'm a man!"

He stalked over to the door and I followed.

"I... don't know what to say," I said, completely confused.

"I don't care what you have to say. I just want to know how you feel," he said. Felt like a challenge, honestly.

"I feel... confused!"

"About me, Alec. How do you feel about me?"

"I... don't know..."

"I said I love you. How do you feel about me?" he said again.

"I don't know! Men can't love other men. I don't even know what love feels like!"

His face fell. "I suggest you try Google. See you at practice, Al." He closed the door behind him.

I had no idea what had just happened.

I showed up to practice with my head still in a jumble. I was confused as to what happened, why they were so upset with me, why this felt so much like a breakup.

I had tried to search on Google like Magnus suggested, but I wasn't sure what to search for. All I knew was I had been taught my whole life what men can't love men. Men may sometimes have sex with men, and that needed to be kept hidden, but it didn't mean they couldn't marry a woman and have kids one day. That was my path. That's what I knew.

Now I had two men that I cared about, as friends, who were both saying they loved me. Who were both angry with me and apparently not speaking to me. I noticed this last part as I walked into the locker room.

Bane and Coop were huddled together whispering. They glanced at me when I walked in, but then looked away without even acknowledging me. That hurt even more.

Practice was abysmal. I couldn't concentrate well enough to throw the ball properly. I didn't connect with anyone the entire practice.

"What's going on?" Coach demanded after he sent everyone else to the locker room.

"I don't know. I... just couldn't concentrate. I... I'm sorry."

"Just be ready for the game," he said, patted my back and sent me on my way.

I went into the locker room, caught the looks of my teammates, grabbed my personal items from my locker and left. I couldn't bear to shower with them. The concern in their eyes told me I would have questions to answer, and I didn't have any answers. I didn't even have a cover story.

I made eye contact with Bane and Coop as I was leaving. I'm not even sure what their expressions meant.

I drove slower than usual on the way home. I didn't trust my reflexes, my decision making. I didn't trust myself.

I can't ever recall not trusting myself.

I got in the hot tub when I got home, knowing it would relax me and take the edge off. I picked up the phone to text Magnus, then remembered he wasn't speaking to me.

All I had were my thoughts. I had no idea what to think.

We lost the game on Sunday, to no one's surprise. I couldn't force myself to throw to Bane. Then, my favorite wide receiver sprained his ankle in the first quarter and couldn't play. Didn't really matter since I couldn't hit anyone anyway. Every pass was overthrown or nowhere near the intended target. After my third interception, Coach confronted me.

"Why the hell didn't you throw to Bane?" he demanded, his face ruddy with anger.

I slung my helmet to the ground, flopped onto the bench and crossed my arms like a bratty kid. "He wasn't open," I grumbled.

"The hell he wasn't! That play was designed for him and instead of doing your job, you changed the play. He had nobody near him!"

"I guess I just... I didn't see him." It was a lie. I knew the playbook. It was my job to know the playbook. I just couldn't look Magnus's direction.

"Fine. I guess we'll just run the fucking ball until you get your eyes checked." He punched his clipboard. I knew I was fucking up but I couldn't seem to get my shit together.

For the rest of the game, we tried to execute running plays instead of passes. The problem was, when your offense becomes one dimensional, the defense quickly learns how to stop you. Our running backs are good, but they can't do it all by themselves. They were able to get us into field goal range so Coop could get us some points on the board, but that was about all we scored that game.

I was thankful it was a home game so I didn't have to fly back with the team. I just grabbed my stuff from my locker and left.

This was becoming a new tradition, one I did not like.

We lost the next game, too. I kept trying to get my head on straight, but nothing was right anymore. I hurt more than I ever knew I could. I couldn't stop thinking about what Magnus and Coop had said.

Seeing them was so hard. Not seeing them was even worse. Sometimes. Sometimes it was worse seeing them, like when they turned their backs to me and wouldn't talk to me.

Midweek after the second loss, I went to the bathroom in the middle of practice. I just needed a moment and that seemed a good place for some privacy.

I was wrong. As I splashed water on my face, hoping against hope it would clear my head, Bane entered the room. I froze. I didn't know what to say to him.

Turns out, he didn't need me to say anything.

"Get your head out of your ass, Lightwood." He approached me but stayed out of reach.

"I...I don't know what you want from me." I was pissed I sounded so weak. That was not me. What had they done to me?

"We didn't do anything to you," he said, and for a moment I thought he read my mind, but no, I'd just spoken the words instead of thinking them. "You did this to yourself. Your thinking is flawed, Alec. You have to fix it."

"I don't know how! I don't understand any of this."

"Let me be more specific then. Google toxic masculinity. It may have your picture next to it. Then Google what it means to be a gay man. Google the LGBTQ community."

"Why?"

"Because, like it or not, you're part of it! You don't live like we've been living since I got here and call yourself straight. Are you even attracted to women? Have you ever dated a woman?"

"No, I haven't! Okay?"

"Have you ever been in love?" he said more softly. I couldn't look at him. "Have you, Alec?"

He was close now. My fingers longed to touch him. I could smell his scent. I looked him in the eye. "I don't even know what love feels like," I said, echoing the last time he'd asked me that.

His hand on the nape of my neck pulled me to him as he said, "Yes, you do," and kissed me.

All my senses ignited. I felt so many emotions, I didn't know how to sort them out or even name them. I just knew this felt good.

The bathroom door opened and we hastily broke apart. Thankfully, it was Coop. He eyed us, and said, "Coach wanted me to check on you." I could hear the sadness in his voice.

We returned to practice without another word.

Toxic masculinity. I had never heard that phrase before. What I found on the internet alarmed me. Magnus had said the term applied to me. That wasn't the person I wanted to be.

I followed the links into the LGBTQ community. Toxic masculinity came up over and over in my search. So did the word love. I saw images of happy same-sex couples getting married, having or adopting children.

My mind was blown. How had this whole world existed without my knowing anything about it? It hadn't taken long to learn so much once I knew what phrases to search. How had I been so ignorant?

I knew how. My father. He was the definition of toxic masculinity. His picture definitely belonged there. His influence had ensured I "didn't turn out gay."

Being involved in a sport that has traditionally been full of toxic masculinity and homophobia didn't help either. Even now, as a grown man and professional athlete, I didn't want my teammates knowing I'd been fucking Magnus and Coop. I didn't know how they would react.

I continued down the rabbit hole looking for something that helped me sort my feelings. I was overwhelmed. I read all I could but the conclusion I came to was one I was afraid of. In its simplest form, I had to examine my own feelings. No one could do this for me or explain this to me. This was all on me, and I was terrified.

For the first time in my life, I spent the next few days thinking about feelings instead of football. I should've been doing that since the moment Magnus and Coop left my house, but I hadn't. I had replayed the events, trying to make sense of what happened, but I had never looked at my own feelings.

Fuck, man, that's some painful shit.

There were a few undeniable truths. One was that I missed Magnus. I missed Coop, too, but that had been much more casual for me. I had never given Coop his own code to get through my gate, like I had Magnus. Coop had stayed the night, but he hadn't left personal items at my place. The two were not the same to me, and I felt awful about hurting Coop.

The second truth was I felt something strong for Magnus that day he confronted me in the bathroom. Sorting through those emotions was difficult, but necessary. There was no denying their presence, but I wasn't sure how to label them. I knew I wanted to feel it again though.

Was that what love felt like? A deep desire to be close to someone physically, mentally, and emotionally. A remorse for hurting them. A need to take away their pain. Was that love? I didn't know how to be sure.

We lost a third straight game. Coach benched me halfway through the second quarter and put in my backup. For the first time ever, I didn't care. What was going on with me emotionally was more important than my career.

After the game, Coach told me not to come to practice until I'd figured out what was fucked up in my head. I apologized for not being available and left.

When I got home, I did some more soul-searching in the hot tub with a glass of bourbon. My whole body hurt and it wasn't from the game since I barely played. I knew I had to figure this out before I destroyed my career and whatever was left of my relationship with Magnus.

Relationship? Had I actually just thought of whatever Magnus and I had as a relationship? Oh, fuck!

My ears were throbbing like a drum beat. My hands were shaking. My eyes were out of focus. The words relationship and love were chasing themselves around my brain.

Perhaps that's why I didn't notice Magnus's arrival until he was standing in front of the hot tub saying my name.

Suddenly, everything came into sharp focus. "Magnus?"

"Alec, what's going on? You look terrible."

"I...I was just... What are you doing here?"

He smiled wearily. "I texted you and you didn't respond. I was worried about you. Justifiably by the looks of things."

"Yeah." I picked up my phone to confirm he had texted me. I had been so lost in my own head I didn't even notice.

"Can I get in?" he asked. "It is our post-game tradition."

"But... you haven't been here in weeks."

"I know. I'm sorry. I know that's what sent you into this spiral, but I was hurt. I needed some time away from you to clear my head, and I needed you to see the truth."

"The truth," I repeated dully.

He moved closer to me in the hot tub. I didn't notice he had gotten in until that moment. He took my hand. "Did you learn anything?" he asked hopefully.

"Ha. Well, when you got here, I was having a panic attack because I realized we were in a relationship."

"You just now realized..."

"I'm a dumb jock, okay?" I said defensively.

He dropped my hand. "No, you aren't." I looked at him sharply. "You're not dumb," he insisted. "Did you learn anything else?"

"Yeah. For starters, that picture next to toxic masculinity wasn't me. It was my dad. For twenty-five years, I've had to listen to his sexism and homophobia. He was my coach as a kid. The things he would say and do to me when I did something wrong..." I shuddered at the memories.

"I'm sorry, Alec."

I smiled briefly at him. "I want to break that tradition. I don't want to be like him. I don't want to be toxic or hypermasculine."

"You don't have to be."

"I, um..." I gulped. "I think I'm gay."

"Really?" Magnus perked up. "I thought you would say bi. I mean, after all your talk about finding a woman and settling down one day."

I shook my head. "I've never really been interested in women. I've only ever been attracted to guys. I heard somewhere that it was natural for guys to experiment with other guys, that it didn't mean you were gay, that you could still grow up to have a wife and kids."

"I mean, I guess you could. I'm not sure that is authentic."

"No, that was my dad talking. 'Don't be a homo' he would say. Sometimes worse things than that. I took the lessons I could, I guess. But, I've never really wanted to be with a woman."

"I'm proud of you, Alec," he said. "You, uh, figured things out a lot faster than I expected."

"I stopped listening to my dad and started listening to myself. I think I've always known these things deep inside, I just couldn't get past him." I sighed heavily. "I still haven't figured out how I feel about you. I was working on that when you arrived."

"And it caused a panic attack."

I nodded, looking at my hands. He took them, and I looked at him instead.

"What do you feel... in here?" He placed his hand over my heart. "And here?" He moved one to my abdomen. "And here?" He gently tapped his finger against my temple.

"I feel like I want to kiss you. I feel like I want you in the hot tub with me every night. And in my bed. And making breakfast with me in morning. I want you here with me. I want to talk, and laugh, and have sex with you. I want you."

"I want you, too," he said and kissed me. "I want all that with you. And so much more."

"How? How do we make it work without the team finding out?"

"I don't know," he said. "I've never been in a relationship with my quarterback before. But we'll figure it out. One step at a time."

"I have to fix things with Coop," I said sadly. "I miss him. He never meant to me what you do, but he was a friend and I want that friendship back."

"Talk to him," Magnus encouraged. "He misses you, too."

"Okay, I will. But get over here," I said, pulling him to me. "I want to kiss you some more."

We kissed and fooled around. When we were done and back in the hot tub, entangled in each other's arms, I whispered, "I think maybe I'm falling in love with you, Magnus Bane."

"I think maybe I'm falling in love with you, too, Alec Lightwood."

I smiled and kissed his neck. I was truly happy for the first time in my life.

We won the rest of our games that season, including the Superbowl. The Lightwood-Bane quarterback-tight end duo became a fan favorite. We had a relationship built on trust and respect, on and off the field. It was magical.

I explained things to Coop and we were able to rekindle our friendship. He is supportive of Magnus and me. He's dating someone and seems very happy.

The team still doesn't know about my relationship with Magnus. We've talked about telling them but neither of us are ready for that step.

Magnus and I are definitely deeply in love.

The end.