A/N: bkdk pride week day 5 - out | blue

Originally posted June 6th, 2021

It was a simple bowl of ramen.

Well, maybe not simple. Izuku had been living on his own for nearly four years now and barely cooked for himself, so he wasn't sure exactly what went into making a ramen broth this sumptuous. All he knew is that Kacchan had been cooking it before Izuku had gotten there and had kept cooking it for a good fifteen minutes after. Already, that was more than five times the amount of time it had ever taken Izuku to make ramen.

It was the best meal Izuku had eaten all week, but it wasn't just the food. It was being invited to Kacchan's apartment for just the third time since their patrols and serendipitously lined up so many months ago. Even during the peak of their friendship third year, the only times he'd managed to breach the boundary that had been made in prepubescence around the Bakugou household was when Mitsuki had invited Izuku and his mother. It had been wonderful and heartbreaking, and Izuku had been thrilled and cried a little in the bathroom.

Today, he was trying desperately not to cry fat, salty tears into Kacchan's perfectly seasoned broth.

It was just fucking ramen and Deku was acting like he hadn't eaten in weeks.

He probably might as well not have, for all Katsuki could guess that he'd eaten all week. Probably rotated meals from the convenience store and maybe some prepared dishes that auntie had brought him, if Katsuki knew Midoriya Inko.

He'd fried some pork to go on top of their helpings, despite the fact that the panko would get soggy from the broth before too long. Not that Deku was giving it a fighting chance of reaching that point.

Katsudon was Deku's favorite meal—everyone knew that. But that would have been overkill, so Katsuki simply suggested the meal with the fried pork, to make sure that Deku liked it. It wasn't like this was a date or anything, so he wasn't about to go the extra mile for the nerd.

It wasn't that Izuku was sad! No, no, he was happy. A little too happy, if his tear ducts had anything to say about it. And, okay, maybe he was a little overwhelmed.

Izuku would be lying if he said he hadn't missed Kacchan. He'd also be lying if he said that missing Kacchan hadn't given him a very frenzied internal monologue for the last three years.

There were no two ways around it—Izuku was a workaholic. He chose work and being number one over everything and everyone else. His mother would answer his scattered phone calls with, "Izuku! I was worried!"

But at least she got phone calls. All Might too. But his friends, Uraraka, Iida, Todoroki…

Kacchan.

But if Izuku wasn't maintaining his friendships, did that mean he was a bad friend? A bad person? Did that, in turn, mean he was a bad hero? Human interaction was a vital part of mental health, so was he running himself ragged and not realizing? Would it impair his ability to relate interpersonally with victims?

Oops, that was the inner monologue.

Katsuki had lost Deku somewhere between the his last bite of pork—still crispy, thank you very much, if Deku's gnashing was anything to go by—and the single piece of green onion the dork had been chewing for the last minute.

He wasn't muttering, but he might as well have been. Those annoyingly bright, shiny eyes were pointed at one of the corners of Katsuki's ceiling, thin eyebrows furrowed so they disappeared behind creases in places, and motor mouth chewing excruciatingly slowly.

It was not normal for the two of them to be together and Deku's attention to be anywhere but on Katsuki. It was what had annoyed him as a brat and what he'd come to rely on as he'd gotten older. And the shitnerd not listening to him while he was talking was just unacceptable.

"Hey. Nerd."

Izuku blinked. Kacchan's face was flush across his cheeks and up to his ears, probably from the deep red of his broth versus the gentle yellow of Izuku's own. His tone was also loud enough for Izuku to know that this wasn't the first time Kacchan had tried to get his attention.

"Oh, sorry, Kacchan!" Izuku said, Kacchan's glaring eyes bringing him right back to reality. "What were you saying?"

Kacchan's jaw was clenched, like he was debating telling Izuku to fucking forget it, but Izuku wouldn't stand for that. He would beg and nag and wasn't above groveling to get every crumb of dialogue from Kacchan that he could. And Kacchan must have known that, because he bit a piece of meat and chewed it aggressively before starting again.

He'd have to say this shit again if he ever wanted a moment of peace in his life. Although the part of him that was hesitant to repeat himself figured that he might not have a moment of peace again either way.

Still, he pushed forward.

"I thought that maybe your nerd self would have thoughts about what it would mean if someone in the top ten came out."

Katsuki hid the redness of his face in his food. Deku might have slurped his nearly gone, but Katsuki knew that it was better for digestion to eat food at a respectable pace. So there were still plenty of noodles for him to suddenly be super interested in while Deku gaped at him.

Goddamn him, why had he asked that?

…Why had he asked that?

Izuku's heart was suddenly beating wildly. When he and Kacchan had reunited not even a year ago, Izuku had been worried that there would be a stiltedness in their interactions. They'd seen each other essentially every day for fifteen years and then slipped into three of near radio silence. Izuku had nothing to relate that to and had been deeply concerned that he'd have to start from scratch again with Kacchan.

That hadn't been the case. They'd quickly started training together again—how Deku had gone three years without someone to fully train One For All with he had no idea—and that had led to meals together afterwards or grabbing some boba if their shifts ended together. They talked about work and strategy and, never missed an opportunity to gibe each other over who would make number one first.

This was not what they talked about.

"Oh, I, uh, are yo—is someone gay?"

"No," Katsuki said quickly, food tongued into one cheek. "I don't know. It's fucking hypothetical, dipshit."

It wasn't a lie, technically. He wasn't gay because, frankly, he didn't know what he was. Twenty-two years old and he didn't know something that tweens were posting in their goddamn Instagram bios.

Because he wasn't attracted to men. He was attracted to…man.

"Oh!" Izuku intoned, begging his face not to blush. Unlike Kacchan, he didn't have any spicy food to blame it on. "Oh, that's actually an interesting question."

"'Course it is. I'm an interesting person," Kacchan mumbled.

"Well, it would be a really big deal," Izuku commented, his brain already swimming with the possibilities. "It would depend on how it was handled. Is it a scandal or do they come out willingly? Are they in a relationship? And it would definitely depend on who it was. Is it a surprising revelation? Is this person seen as a good role model? Gosh, so many factors…"

Most of the pros who had been in the top ten for any substantial period of time had dealt with internet murmurings—or screaming, depending—about their sexuality from Best Jeanist to Endeavor. But no one remotely close to the top ten had ever confirmed anything, and Japanese media was too conservative to ask point blank, with heroes more so than any other celebrity.

Izuku continued. "It would be a PR nightmare regardless."

"But I'm also sure it would be a good thing in the long run. Probably even in the not-so-long run."

Deku seemed very sure of the whole lot of nothing he was flapping his gums about. Not that Katsuki should have expected anything else out of Deku. A fucking million answers for one stupid question. Classic Deku.

He was blinking at Katsuki, clearly waiting to see if he was going to weigh in. When he didn't, Deku kept on talking.

"It's complicated to say with it being so hypothetical. I wish it weren't, though. It should be easy and good for everyone. It would be very heroic."

Katsuki narrowed his eyes.

"So it would be villainous not to?"

"What? No!" Izuku waved his hands wildly in front of his face, feeling suspiciously like he'd just misstepped. Like Kacchan had turned one of his explosions into a landmine—wait, could his quirk actually do that?—that he'd walked into. "No one ever has to come out, Kacchan!"

"Would you?" Kacchan asked, seemingly doing everything he could to turn Izuku's face red as a beet on this particular evening. "Hypothetically."

He was a coward, alright? All this time, and there were still moments where he couldn't look Deku in the eye. He was willing to show a lot more vulnerable sides in front of the nerd than he'd been capable of at fifteen, but some things needed a little bit of assurance first.

Besides, he wasn't pulling it out of the guy. Deku was right. No one had to come out, and if Deku had anything to come out about, he didn't have to do it here and now. The hypothetical aspect of the question was doing double duty, protecting them both in that way.

But still, Deku had never, not once, lied to Katsuki. He'd been ignorant to that fact as a kid, but now it was a core tenant in his life. From time to time, there were things that Izuku couldn't tell Katsuki. This might be one of those things.

But he would not lie.

Izuku liked women.

He'd liked Uraraka, even dated her for three months twice over at U.A. They'd been pulled apart by, first, the awkwardness of it all and then by time. And, realistically, Izuku's workaholicism that had manifested long before graduation.

Women were beautiful and confusing and captivating and strong and frightening and they made Izuku panic in that way that wasn't all bad.

Men were men.

But…Kacchan was Kacchan. And Izuku had never quite let that go.

"I think…if I were in a confident relationship with a man, I'd come out."

Fuck Deku and the whole lot of nothing he was serving Katsuki today.

Three qualifiers aside in that sentence, it told Katsuki absolutely nothing about Izuku's preferences.

Well, fuck.

"If you were with me, would that be a confident relationship?"

Izuku's mind stopped working.

Shitnerd's brain short circuited. Katsuki should have expected that.

Katsuki pressed onto his knees—god, they were numb from sitting cross legged for so long—and snapped his fingers in front of Deku's slack face.

"Hey. Nerd. Hypothetically."

Dating Kacchan. Dating Kacchan hypothetically. Hypothetically dating Kacchan. Kacchan and him dating. Hypothetically.

It was not normal for Kacchan to ask hypotheticals about things that would never exist.

"I would come out if I was with Kacchan," Deku said, his voice quiet.

Katsuki's heart was pounding. He'd been dealing with this shit for months, but this was the first time that he thought maybe Deku could hear it. Usually they were outside in the city ruckus or working out, hearts pounding anyway for the sensible fucking biological reasons. But it was louder than ever and the apartment was silent.

Gods, couldn't villains have decided to attack his neighborhood tonight?

The minutes passed in silence. Izuku had been in the city for so long that he rarely noticed the sounds of cars and trains anymore. To him, silence usually included the sounds of honking horns and crosswalks beeping for pedestrians to pass.

But this was dead quiet.

Not usually something that happened when either Izuku or Kacchan were around.

"Kacchan, what is this about?"

"I wouldn't know how to do it," Katsuki admitted, because this part of the equation didn't seem like a strange thing not to know. "I wouldn't say that I'm gay, but if I was with you, then it would have to be something like that, right?"

The public was full of idiots after all. It's not like he could say I'm aromantic with a boyfriend. That would make the gatekeeping liberals absolutely shit themselves and the traditionalists rip him from the rankings like they'd been dying to do since the first time he managed to get an uncensored "fuck" on national news.

"You wouldn't have to say anything that isn't true, Kacchan," Deku said, his voice so soft and gentle that Katsuki wanted to rip his nails through it. "All you'd have to say is this is my person, and I love him."

Okay.

"Okay," Kacchan said, in a response that Izuku couldn't quite connect to the words that he'd just said.

"Okay?"

Kacchan nodded. "You're my person, and I love you."

Some idiots online had tried to say that the reason Katsuki had such a hair-trigger temper was because the nitroglycerin-like substance his quirk produced lowered his blood pressure, and so he had to be angry all the time to keep from passing out every day.

If that were true, then the way his heart was racing right now would be his normal.

Shit was not normal.

If Izuku hadn't been half expecting this five minutes earlier—but never in his wildest dreams for a second before that—he might have passed away right there. Even with Kacchan's CPR training, nothing would have brought Izuku back to life.

But that five minutes was saving him, and Izuku could actually think. Or rather, he could hear the echoes of I love you, I love you, I love you again and again in what he hoped was a processing method that meant he would never forget this moment.

"So, three months?"

Katsuki deadpanned. "What?"

If he didn't love this nerd, he'd have already strangled him.

"If we start dating today, I think I'd be ready to come out in three months," Deku clarified, looking like he was doing math on his fingers to double check the logistics.

Three months. That was the same amount of time Deku had dated Round Face—both times—and how long it had taken most of the shitty U.A. relationships he'd seen to implode. Fuck that, he'd beat the fuck out of that.

"I think that's how long it would take to be sure we don't kill each other," Deku continued, his smile teasing and annoying.

"If you don't stop saying if and I think," Katsuki growled, "It won't take three months."

Izuku was suddenly acutely aware of all the time they'd wasted already. All evening, the past few months, their whole lives.

Maybe not that last one. Maybe.

"You're my person too," Izuku said, the certainty ringing out like bells. "And I've always loved you."

Always?

Katsuki wasn't sure about that. Not for himself at least. But, in this moment, he felt pretty damn sure about the other direction.

Not always. But forever.

Katsuki pushed onto his knees again, confidence belying his relief as he rose over their bowls and leaned forward.

"That's all you had to say, nerd."